No Bond with Dog?

Discussion in 'Dogs - General Dog Chat' started by FG167, May 15, 2013.

  1. Julee

    Julee UNSTOPPABLE

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    I've had Shadow for nearing 11 years, and I can't say we've ever formed an actual bond like I have with my other dogs. That doesn't mean I don't love her and I haven't tried my damndest to work on it. We just don't click.

    That doesn't mean I don't do anything with her. She still goes on hikes, gets training times, gets to go to dog friendly places with me, etc. When I move out, she will remain here, partially due to her age, though mostly because she is bonded with my mother.

    I'll be sad when she passes, but I'm not going to be completely heartbroken as I would be with any other dog I own or co-own.

    Had I gotten her as a puppy or young adult now, I think we could have worked on it. She's the dog I grew up with, but she's never been "my dog" and that's just how it is.
     
  2. SaraB

    SaraB New Member

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    I think bonds take work. I have never just automatically formed a bond with a dog but it's developed over time once we started working as a team. I was scared when I first got Zuma that she wasn't bonding to me but then I realized that I hadn't really done any team building activities with her yet. I was teaching her things, sure. But that isn't really working as a team. Our bond really formed once we began to get in sync on the agility course or when I was able to fully trust her off-leash on hikes. It's the same with Zinga, sure I adored her as a puppy, but that bond is still in it's infancy even now. As we spend more time developing our team work, the bond will follow.

    I'm not a believer that bonds just happen and giving up on a dog before putting in work to develop it isn't a valid reason for me.
     
  3. HayleyMarie

    HayleyMarie Like a bat outa' hell

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    Mitsu and I did not have a crazy bond, she was more Tyler's dog. Those two where meant to be. And in all honesty I would not have kept her if she did not have a heart problem.

    But even though I did not have a crazy bond with that dog, I learned so much from her. Even in those short 6 months. And I think partly the bonding issue was with me because I had Teagan, who is my girl. And it was easy for me to stay partly unconnected.

    And in saying that just because a dog in not bonded to me does not mean it wont bond to Tyler or someone else in my family. Now if I was into sports and the dog was not just a family pet and it was just not working out, then yes maybe I would consider re-homing, but a family pet. No.
     
  4. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

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    If I got a dog for me as my personal dog and we didn't bond, I'd be crushed. I spent about two years looking for a dog I knew would be easy to bond with, and I spend hours a day with my dog, so if we didn't bond, I'd be very hurt. I'm not sure what I would do.

    On the other hand, I've lived with a couple dogs I had no real bond with. I have basically no bond with Zobby. I like him okay, and he likes me fine, but we're not besties. I don't 'get' him and he thinks I'm pointless. I would never demand that Donny get rid of his dog because we weren't bonded; he's not really bonded to Elsie.

    My parents have a dog, Sheila, that's no one's dog, really. She was Patriot's dog, and he died last summer. She's twelve, though, and she gets along with everyone just fine, but she isn't tight with any particular person. Sure, she might have been better off if, when she was one or two we'd realized she wasn't ever going to be bonded to any of us and sent her somewhere where she'd be an only dog, but I think she's been happy in her life; she gets played with and talked to, petted and brushed, fed and bathed, and I don't think she realizes there's a lack, if that makes sense.

    So a family dog, I wouldn't get rid of, unless there were a reason. A personal dog... I'm not sure. I'm a one-dog-at-a-time person, so it's very important that I have a close bond with my dog. On the other hand, I only have one dog, so as long as I choose a dog that fits me (high energy, smart, focused, driven, all that) the bond will come.
     
  5. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

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    This.

    Also, Sheila sounds similar to my dads JRT mix, Lilly. She's a huge part of our family and our lives and we all love her, but I wouldn't necessarily say she has 'her' person. She's closest to my dad, I would say, but he doesn't really consider her 'his' dog per say. She's definitely more of a family dog.

    She's happy to run around outside in the yard in the summer all day when all the kiddos are off school and in/out of the pool. She spends ALL day out there in the summer, just loves it. Whenever I am over there, she gives me tons of kisses, and gets super excited to see me. She'll gladly go on a walk with me, or for a car ride, if I ask her to. Sometimes I give her a bath, sometimes my step-mom does, sometimes I feed her, sometimes my dad does, etc.

    Whereas, Buddy, their dachshund mix, is TOTALLY my step-mom's dog. Yes he is always happy to see me, etc, but he very much wants to be by 'his' mom at all times. She's the only one allowed to give him baths, groom him, or do anything to him like that. He's always very concerned when she's not home and waits for her, etc. And Jackson is very clearly my dog as well.

    If something were to ever come up with either of those two where they needed to live with me, I would take them. They're not my kind of dogs but I do love them. And they're pretty easy and low maintenance, it wouldn't really throw a rift into Jackson and I's routine in any way.
     
  6. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    If you say so
     
  7. ruffiangirl

    ruffiangirl New Member

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    You have never had a Shiba then. Shibas are very hard dogs to bond with, and they tend to bind strongly with one person, my bitch, Ruffian, bonded with me, Tonka on the other hand bonded with her. I spent loads of time alone with him while I was showing him, Ruffian stayed home for that, and obedience and handling classes and training, still he bonded with her. He in his 15 years never ever ever bonded with a person, ever.
     
  8. MericoX

    MericoX Roos, Poos, & a Wog!

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    Stryder and I don't have as strong a bond as I do with the other three (the same could've been said for Tsuki). He and I don't mesh well on a training level, everything takes three times as long as everyone else and most of the time it's just a chore to do anything with them. That being said, I love him with all my heart and we're both content with him being mostly a "house pet". I did take him to a fun run late last year which he did really well in, so we'll probably do some more thing year, though I'm not holding my breath over it.
     
  9. meepitsmeagan

    meepitsmeagan Meagan & The Cattle Dog Crew

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    I bonded to Harlow (even though she's a little sh**) instantly. No work at all. Harlow likes me, but she is definitely Josh's girl.

    Rider, on the other hand. Yikes. It took a lot. I was working with him regularly, and up until about two? months ago we were still talking about returning him to the rescue. He just has so many weird quirks and he's such a different dog from what we wanted.. and now he's just my little dude and I couldn't see myself without him. It was literally like flipping a switch. One night, I'm crying because we were going to ship him back to WY, three days later, I'm in love. It was weird.

    Josh is TOO bonded to the foster right now. I'm trying really hard to talk sense into him and he's just googly eyes over Lucy. And she is definitely loving him too. It's a problem.
     
  10. Julee

    Julee UNSTOPPABLE

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    Keeeeep herrrrr.....
     
  11. meepitsmeagan

    meepitsmeagan Meagan & The Cattle Dog Crew

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    Lol. She will never do what he wants to do. I don't see her EVER becoming a duck dog. Plus, I do not see him getting into dog sports, which I think she would just excel at.

    I will not take her to be my next sport prospect. She's not quite hard enough for what I'm looking for, and is too BC-ish in her herding. Even though I put off my puppy for a few years, it is still my intention to go the breeder route with the breeder I chose.

    That said, I may not be able to talk him out of it. Time will tell.
     
  12. Shakou

    Shakou New Member

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    This was kind of the case with Ma'ii for a little while. Although we've had him for a year and 1/2 now, it wasn't until just a few months ago that we actually started bonding. I've always loved him, don't get me wrong. But there was no real...connection, I guess you could say for lack of a better term. A lot of this was because he made doing things together very difficult. He can be a VERY, very obnoxious dog, and makes even the simplest things like sitting down and cuddling nearly impossible, lol.

    I eventually acknowledged there was a lack of bonding with him and I, and decided he deserved more effort then that. I began taking him out on one on one outings and hikes. Through this, we got to know each other better, and we began to bond. He's a VERY, very smart, and very sensitive dog that just needed someone who was willing to take the time to really get to know him well - something that I admittedly had never done. A lot of it was also a matter of I kept comparing him to Charlotte, who is a dog I bonded to right away from the start, and was subconsciously expecting him to be similar to her. Which is unrealistic and very unfair.

    If I had put in the effort to bond with him, and still nothing happened, I don't think I'd have ever given up on him. I'd have kept pushing and kept trying, until the day he died. The only exception to this would have been if someone came along that I knew well who clicked with him better and who could have offered him a better life.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2013
  13. xpaeanx

    xpaeanx Active Member

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    On the flip side of this, as a non-puppy lover.... I like when people have a well adjusted dog they are re-homing because they have no bond with him/her... That is exactly the type of dogs I usually look for.

    These days I will probably always go through breeders, so it would be one they kept back that didn't work out or a puppy buyer return... But even a personal rehomes are nice. There have been a few that switched hands within my classes at the training facility I use, they were word of mouth personal rehomes but all worked out and the new owners and dogs were both SO much happier bc they had a bond.

    Absolutely no way someone should just drop a dog at a shelter or give them to the first person to walk by.... But if they weren't done at all.... Well I'd be a very sad person.
     
  14. noodlerubyallie

    noodlerubyallie Sprayin' the spiders

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    I currently own 6 dogs; 4 of them live with me. I'd say I have a bond with all of them, but it's a different type of bond per dog, if that makes sense.

    The relationship I have with Ruby and Rocket is deepest out of all 6. I can rely on both of them; they are the ones I greet when I come home; they are the ones I show, train, and do everything with. I try not to think of the day I lose either of them, because it'll break my heart when they each pass. I love them even when they are being complete a-holes, and I appreciate their individuality enough to realize their limitations and when they don't enjoy something. I've learned a TON about dogs and myself as a person from both of them.

    The bond I have with Allie and Noodle is different. I love them both and their quirks; they've both taught me things that without the experience of bonding with them and living with them I would make a mistake in selecting a new puppy.

    Kaylee and Poison don't live with me, but the time I've spent with each of them through travel, training, and showing has bonded us.

    Kind of hard to grasp through my ramble, but I've been incredibly lucky that all of the dogs we've rescued/purchased are still with us and live pretty harmoniously. I couldn't imagine coming home and not having Allie bark like an idiot, Ruby growling at me and hiding behind the door, Rocket bouncing and licking my nose, and Noodle jumping against my legs.

    Generally speaking - and this is my opinion - I feel like a bond takes effort and time, and when it doesn't come easy, most people jump ship. I don't feel like a lack of a bond is ever a dog's fault; a dog is going to be the dog they are going to be, based on their genetics and life experiences. You, as the human, made the choice to bring that dog into your life. You mold their experiences. I would hope the choice was made with as much thought and research as possible.

    That being said, I've read through the thread, and not once did I disagree with what has been shared by anyone else. Life happens; genetics can be a lottery; breed traits can be more visible in some puppies than others.
     

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