No Bond with Dog?

Discussion in 'Dogs - General Dog Chat' started by FG167, May 15, 2013.

  1. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

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    Yes, this.
     
  2. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    I don't know, I figure if your dog isn't working out you rehome it. What creates a bond? The happiness? So if you're unhappy with the dog rehome it. It's probably more fair for the dog to find someone who wants it around.
     
  3. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    I'm very "meh" about it.

    As long as the dog being rehomed isn't being hurt in any way (including emotionally - some dogs just would NOT do well being rehomed) and it is being rehomed responsibly (going to a responsible home), I really don't care what you do with your dog.

    Would I be able to rehome a dog simply because we didn't bond? I don't know. Gracie and Cooper are being rehomed, but it is for more reasons than that they just don't "fit". And they will only be going to someone who is family/close friend.
     
  4. Whitewave

    Whitewave New Member

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    Depends on the situation.

    If the dog gets along with my other dogs and causes me no major problems, I would probably keep it unless a more suitable home came along.

    If I didn't like the dog or it totally disrupted my pack even if I did like the dog, would rehome.

    I've done both. Ripley was an Amstaff I adopted when my Dobe was dying. She was sweet and never caused me any issues, I would have kept her forever if needed, but my roommate ask to take her when she left and I said yes. If she called me today and said I can't keep Ripley, I would take her back no questions asked, but we never had a strong bond, but she just went along with whatever we were doing and never caused an issue.

    JD- I loved him, but he was a PITA. He disrupted my life daily. He had to be kept separated from the other dogs. He destroyed things, he had more energy than I could deal with. He was an escaped artist and I ended up having to chain him as that was the only way I could contain him. He tore crates apart, went thru windows, jumped 6ft fences. It was to the point since he also disrupted all my neighbors lives as well, I was going to have to euthanize him. But one of my coworkers stepped up and offered him the perfect home. He has acreage on a farm, got to go hog hunting which he did before my Brother dumped him on me, got to help round up the cattle, load them on/off the truck, had dozens of critters to pester from chickens to cows, swimming pool, acreage to run on, neighbors that didn't mind him in their yard and lots of people to give him attention. A better home for him and years later, he is still doing fabulous.
     
  5. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    To be brutally honest, I don't agree with it. At all. When I take in an animal, I take it in for life, and the only reason they would be leaving would be either if they are a foster or if I was physically unable to take care of the pet any longer.

    Renegade and I are just recently starting to bond, within the last 6 months. He's been here 3 years. Rehoming was never an option, and never crossed my mind. When I took him, I promised to be there beside him until he's no longer alive.

    Sure, pets can adapt... But they shouldn't be forced to.




    But, I just have strong views on the subject.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2013
  6. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    This basically.
    I don't feel like adopting/buying an animal is an eternal commitment of "you will be with me until you die" I DO think it's a commitment of "you will be taken care of, you will be loved, you will have a home, you will be safe" sometimes things just don't work out.

    I think dogs should have homes that want them, not just care for them.

    Of course on one hand I've always thought ditching a dog who didn't perform a certain way or act the way you wanted them to was a bit..harsh.. but in reality, what would be the point of a dog living in a home with a person who isn't happy with it? where the dog is a constant disappointment, where both parties are frustrated or trying to make something work that just..isn't a right fit.
    I do not like the attitude of shame of "YOU MADE YOUR BED WELL YOU LIE IN IT!" I feel it's detrimental to both parties involved. Unhappy dog, unhappy person.. but hey, they don't have to deal with internet judgements about "giving up" or "ditching the dog" so hey, what else matters right? IMO
    If a home can be found that loves the dog for who he/she is, and where the dog will be happier.. I feel like,why not?

    All relationships take work and of course I don't mean to jump ship if every dog isn't a heart dog right away. But if you try and try and it just isn't a right fit and you get frustrated and the dog isn't what you want and your idea of fun isn't their idea of fun than I feel like sometimes rehoming to the right home isn't "giving up", it's being strong enough to let go and let them be happier somewhere else.

    I get flak for this all the time but I've re-homed 2 dogs and feel 0 regrets. I know for a solid fact that those dogs are happier now than they were with me as an owner so at the end of the day... peanut gallery be damned.

    It's an incredibly personal decision. There is no formula, no amount of time, no "well you can if the dog is x, y, z and you are x,y,z", it's persona, there are million of factors and I think as long as the dog ends up in a loving responsible home... I have no qualms.
     
  7. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    This.

    Personally, I just really like dogs in general. I have an "ideal" in mind of doggness, but truth be told, I'm not that picky about the details of a dog's personality. I tend to easily appreciate individuals for who they are, there are very few true deal beakers for me as far as a dogs personality is concerned.
     
  8. BentleysMom

    BentleysMom New Member

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    I have a dog that I'm not bonded to (Rusty). He is just a general PITA and for the life of me (and I have tried HARD) I can not get attached to him. I like him just fine. But he's just not the dog for me.

    He is actually my other dogs (Bentley) litter mate. The difference is we have had Bentley since he was a puppy. Rusty was originally my cousins dog and came to live with us when he was 1 year old. The only reason I even agreed to take him was because he was my dogs brother and I thought it would be good for them both.

    He came to us un-trained, intact and VERY fearful of everyone and everything. Obviously my cousin (actually mostly her kids) mis-treated him (which is another reason I agreed to take him).

    He is however, VERY attached to me, and my husband is bonded to him. And him and my other dog are bonded to each other to a degree. So he's not going anywhere. But if it wasn't for my husbands attachment to him, I *think* I would have found him a more suitable home by now.
     
  9. Toller_08

    Toller_08 Active Member

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    Also, I didn't add in my earlier post, but sometimes I think it also just depends on the dog and what exactly is going on. I can live with a dog I'm not very connected to and do so happily, but I guess IME it's a little dog dependent/personality dependent.

    I live with a dog currently that took me a really long time to bond with, and I still don't have a big connection with her. But I worked on it and this is a dog I wouldn't dream of rehoming. While I may not feel the same toward her as I do my other dogs, I still love her very much and can't imagine her elsewhere ever. And she is very attached to somebody else in my family, so between that and everything I do for and with her, we're all plenty happy.

    Honestly, rehoming is one of the most difficult things a person can do, and when I made the decision to do so, it wasn't without heartache and a lot of thought. I don't think I could ever do it again, but I don't regret it for a second. In Spring's case, I felt that was what was best and I'm glad I did it. It took a huge load of stress off of me, and she's one hundred times happier for it. My decision to rehome her, as I said, was based on more than just a lack of a connection, so that's why there was stress involved, but it was still part of my decision.

    Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, dogs and people just clash. And for me, if I really, truly didn't feel much of anything toward a dog and just lived life frustrated and trying to hide my frustration from the dog, rehoming is the best solution.

    I'm not the type of person who believes that absolutely every dog you bring home in a lifetime needs to stay forever. That's a lot of dogs someone could potentially have in a lifetime, and I think it's hard to imagine that every one of those dogs will fit. Most of them probably will, but there might be one or two that doesn't. My goal and my plan when I get a dog is to keep it forever, but sometimes things just don't work for a plethora of reasons. I bring a dog home with the intention to love it and care for it and provide everything it needs and made **** sure that dog has the best life I can possibly provide... if I feel that something is missing and that neither the dog nor I am living the best life we can with eachother, then rehoming might be a better option. It's very situation dependent. Obviously rehoming isn't something anybody really wants to do and it is very hard. And my Spring experience really showed me that I am not the type of person to take a dog on a whim without knowing a lot about it and that finding a good dog (and breeder) match for me is very important. I'm really not that picky when it comes to dogs and I can live with a lot of different personality types, but as she showed me, there are apparently some I don't do well with.

    I don't bring every dog into my life and expect to feel about it as I do Journey or Dance. I'm ok with that and it would be weird to have dog after dog be as awesome for me as those two are. But if I'm really truly not happy with a dog and I know somebody else will be, then I feel like I'm doing both that dog and I a favour.


    It's not always black and white. It isn't as simple as "oh, I don't get along the best with this dog so I'm going to get rid of it". Not even close.


    Or, I could have just finished reading Fran's post, because as usual, she basically already said what I was thinking and wanted to say.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2013
  10. Southpaw

    Southpaw orange iguanas.

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    *Did not read thread*

    I don't have a bond with Lucy. At all. When I go "dog places," it used to just be me and Juno - these days it's me, Juno, & Happy. But very rarely do I even think to include Lucy on these outings. I say extra long Hellos to Juno & Happy when I come home from work, but Lucy just gets a couple quick pats.

    Granted, the feeling is somewhat mutual, Lucy is attached to my mom so it's not like she actually cares that I don't fawn over her. It's not like I live by myself and I'm the only person Lucy has.

    That being said, if I WERE Lucy's sole owner - if my mom or no one else were in the picture - to me it is not a big deal. Obviously I would treat her more equally in that situation. It doesn't bug me that Lucy is not my soul mate. I feel like I can honestly say I would never ever ever rehome a dog just because we didn't "bond." There'd have to be some very extenuating circumstances for me to do that.

    I don't really think I can say I have a bond with Happy either, really, and going into the situation I didn't expect that I would. To me that's fine. She's a sweet dog and I like her. I'm happy enough with that.
     
  11. AgilityPup

    AgilityPup Agility freak!

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    I actually just recently went through this. I never mentioned it here, because I am still very sad to have him gone and miss him like crazy, but shortly before Christmas, I rehomed my boy Crash.

    I had a bond with Crash, of sorts. But I was and am much more bonded to my girls. I enjoyed Crash and we would cuddle and hang out, but he wasn't really anyone's dog. He was stressed in our house because of how many dogs we have, and craved more attention then he could get in our house. We originally took him in as a foster and I think it was his bond to Psyche that made us keep him longer. She hadn't really played that much with another dog since I lost Bella, but they played.

    We never actively sought out a home for him. Never. But when dad's coworker mentioned they'd lost their two BCs and were missing having a dog, they came and met Crash and he loved them right away. His wife and Crash took to each other immediately.

    So do I think it's right? Yes. If you are rehoming the dog to a home that is clearly a better fit, Crash for example is an only dog now, has someone with him 24/7 and is spoiled rotten, walked everyday and such, then yes, it's not only okay, but FAIR to the dog. Crash is much happier now with his new owners. I know this.

    Would I rehome a dog that I haven't really put effort into bonding with? No. Simi and I went through a stage at about 8 months old where she had NO desire to work with me and we just had no bond at all.. did I rehome her? Nope. Because I knew it was my fault.

    Each situation is, of course, different. So this is something that I feel should be handled on a case by case situation.
     
  12. Tahla9999

    Tahla9999 Active Member

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    Same here. In the past I was not picky at all nor did I cared about the breed. I love all dogs so why not? Well, reality hit, I had a dog who I had very little bond with. Not that I didn't try, oh man, did I try. But we just didn't click( he had other, very serious issues, too). But my past dog showed little to no affection at all, preferred to sleep and do his own thing, and had little to no play drive at all. I was always envious when I saw dog owners playing with their dogs and I wish I had that bond. I feel the most connected with dogs who I can play and do activities with, and when I don't have that, part of that connection is gone. I am now VERY picky. I research breeds like crazy to find the right fit for me. I am definitely not the person who will take any dog home now.
     
  13. thehoundgirl

    thehoundgirl Active Member

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    I don't have a bond with Rudy. We just have never clicked. Plus, he is more of my parent's dog. I wouldn't rehome him of all things.. he was abused before my parents brought him home so he has some sensitivity issues.

    It would honestly break his heart to be rehomed from the only home he has ever known. With that said, I wouldn't rehome him. He might not be happiest with me since we don't share a bond, but I couldn't do that to him. If anything I can't take him, my brother will if anything were to happen to my parents.

    Unless I was fostering, no I would never rehome a dog that I chose; neither would my family. I didn't choose Rudy and my parents really didn't have a choice.. it was they either took him or he would go to the shelter. And I think he would be passed from home to home if someone else took him. He's not mine and even though we don't have a bond.. I truly love him with all my heart.
     
  14. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    I'm very much "as long as the dog has a safe happy home to go to" re homing doesn't bother me. Dogs can tell when you're disappointed with them, why make anyone unhappy? That being said, I give all my dogs (what I think is) a fair shake. I bought Rage and wasn't sure I even liked her, but had wanted a pup out of that cross for over 2 years. So I said "dog, you have a year to show marked improvement." I adore Rage, and we have a bond that she (like a typical Plott...) doesn't care to have with anyone else.
     
  15. Red Chrome

    Red Chrome New Member

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    Prefacing my post with this.......I am extremely picky and set myself up for the best possible outcomes. I stick to breeds that I know a ton about, line wise and breed wise. I do my homework on the dogs and progeny produced, siblings etc.Once in a great while, my heart over rides my brain and I end up with a money pit from a BYB...enter LoLa.
    However, even the money pits have good work ethic, poor health but good work ethic and good drive.

    I personally will not own another dog that can not compete in sports. I do not have the time for just a pet dog here. If a new dog doesn't work out, then they will need to be returned to the breeder or sold. I do my research and put the effort in before the dog comes so if it doesn't work out despite good training and drive building, then it doesn't work out. I will not feel bad and I will not allow myself to be made to feel guilty for it. At the end of the day, the best choice needs to be made for the dog.

    *One of the reasons I never sold Judge is because of the intense bond him and I have. I doubted it for a long time but we are bonded and despite the fact he would have been happier in a home with more experience and being worked more often, him and I are bonded closely. So, it would never have been fair to sell him cause it was never in his total best interest.
     
  16. TahlzK

    TahlzK New Member

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    I absolutely loved Frans post, sums up exactly what I was thinking!

    I would re-home a dog if I didn't have a bond with him/her, if I'm going to be unhappy and hating having the dog around, I'm sure the do will pick up on that, why make us both miserable? Sometimes it is best to re-home a dog though I do feel bad for dogs that are constantly in and out of people's homes as soon as the dog is a problem/doesn't suit a need but again, the dog would be better off in a better home.

    I see no problem with re-homing a dog if a dog doesn't suit your needs. I have done this once before though.

    I do have a bond with Sunny, my Lab x but it isn't that strong of a bond. I enjoy his company, he gets his food/exercise/attention but I do feel he deserves more at times. Honestly, if I hadn't had him for so long and I didn't feel bad because of my family, I probably would find him a better suited home but he's here to stay. I truly hope the next dog I get though, I bond with well because I don't want another bond like I have with Sunny. I adore him though and I love having him around, he's a amazing dog.

    I'm actually afraid to get another dog. While my brother pup was here, I thought I'd be head over heels with him but I was so glad when he left.. I don't understand why I didn't bond with a dog breed, a puppy, I have wanted for so long! I hope I feel a automatic connection with the next dog that comes in to my life.

    The one dog I truly have a strong bond with is Serenity. I cannot explain how I feel about her, she is my world, I adore her so so much and I couldn't ask for a better dog. She has issues though and I hope they never get in the way of her living a full life. My worry is, will I be able to bond with my next dog as I have her? I don't even know what I want in my next dog, I'm hoping the right one just comes along. I just hope my next dog won't come along for a long while and I can enjoy her. I do hope my next dog will be a tad friendlier since it sucks I can't do my things with her due to her fear issues but she's worth keeping, despite me wishing I could have a tad more.
     
  17. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    Bonds take work. They derive from happiness of accomplishments. Sometimes you need to reevaluate what you're aiming for and you'll find them. Often those hardships create the strongest bond, sometimes those hardships are too hard to overcome and resentment sets in. If a dog is not matching your goals and you've given it your best shot then rehoming is a normal step.

    I am thankful, most days, I stuck it out with Backup. I had to learn to appreciate the tiniest goals, I had to learn to love him for what he was and I had to learn to truly work with him and not against him which is a constant battle. This is bond making and unfortunately this can take a lot of time.

    Some people want a sport/work dog first and if the companionship part comes then its a bonus. I take no issue with that choice, I do sometimes worry some people give up too soon though.

    I felt committed to Backup long before I felt bonded, and before that I couldn't stand him most of the time and thought about selling him, a lot.
     
  18. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    Haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to add my situation. Honestly I was getting frustrated there for a while because I didn't feel like Joey and I were really bonding.

    Taking a tracking class with him and lure coursing practice with him has really taken us leaps and bounds and I'm finally starting to have that bond with him that I really wanted. I think just getting out and about and doing stuff with him (without the other two around) and finding stuff he really enjoys doing (tracking and coursing) really is what is helping our relationship.

    Eta: another issue I had that I feel was halting us bonding was that I constantly caught myself comparing him to Cricket instead of loving him for who he is. He is loud. He is obnoxious. He is all over the place, but now that I've begun to see him more for who is is I've found myself starting to enjoy those qualities about him that drove me nuts before.
     
  19. Cardiparty

    Cardiparty New Member

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    I don't have a problem with people rehoming dogs for any reason, as long as they're responsible about it.

    IMHO- if someone doesn't think they provide the home the dog needs and the dog is unhappy, I see no reason to prolong that.

    There's only one dog that I couldn't establish a bond with that I've encountered and we were just a bad fit. She belonged to a roomie I had and she was over the top soft and very sensitive and she was not a fast learner. She never really trusted me and I got frustrated with her neediness and other bad habits.

    Had she belonged to me, I would have definitely rehomed her. It wouldn't have been fair to either of us.

    Cardigans are a good fit for me and I have no desire to ever have another breed of dog.
     
  20. Emily

    Emily Rollin' with my bitches

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    Yes, this. Well not about Backup for me, lol, but totally.

    I am really not against responsible rehoming at all, but I do caution people that bonds can sometimes take work. It's nice and feels magical when they don't, but a bond that's hard fought and hard won is just as valuable as the dog that's "love at first sight."

    It took a long time for Keeva and I to bond. As a puppy she was smart and driven and eager to learn, but really had no interest in me beyond what I could provide for her in food and toys. She actively resisted any kind of snuggling and never sought out petting. It wasn't fear; she was just so busy and independent that I annoyed her. As she's matured she's gotten much more handler-oriented and physically affectionate (lol she just came and curled up against my leg, like, "Are you telling lies on the internet about me again?"), better focused, etc.

    It wasn't easy, but she is so worth it. Accepting the dog for who they are helps a ton, as Adrianne said, and learning to work with them instead of against them as well.

    I really have nothing against rehoming when done in a conscientious manner, but I do urge people to really put some effort and time into their bond with the dog before doing so. People might be surprised what can change.
     

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