Need some opinions here..on neighbors..

[Debi]

OK...so I live in a very rural area...not too many neighbors. The few I have, I've liked....til recently. I have one neighbor that (the husband) insists on coming over here........griping about EVERYONE....almost daily. He doesn't stop there....he goes on and on and on and on about where he works...........seems his world is filled with a$$holes. Geez. So, after 4 years.........I become unglued...I can't stand him anymore. I vent...big time.....to his wife. HE reads the email. OK...those of you who know me know I tend to vent my mind. So, I sent this horrid email about him to the wife (and she is a really good friend)...he reads it. (duh, how dumb am I.....my hubby wouldn't dream of reading my email..but I've learned something here). She is still my friend.........but obviously he is now consumed with some hatred for me. I then apologized...big time...I just want neighborly friendship here. I told her how sorry I was that I hurt his feelings..etc. But...really....why do I have to be the person he vents to?? Why do I have to be someone that amuses someone's husband???? I put up with him when others wouldn't dream of listening...I was his best friend....he just crossed a line. Sooooooooooo much griping, b**ching about everyone...I can't help it...I lost it. So, there's a part of me that is totally thrilled that I never have to see him again.........then there is the part of me that feels so bad.......I didn't want to hurt his feelings....I guess I was trying to get him to stop..or listen to himself...or some stupid thing. So, I ask you......what would you have done in this situation. Here's a guy...comes over CONSTANTLY (and it's a hike to my house)...procedes to complain.....B**CH about EVERYONE...all the time...even his wife (my friend) What would you do..how would you have handled it??? I just wanted his wife to keep him home....I didn't want him around here anymore. OK...I'm trying NOT to be bummed on a Friday....my sweet Dave and I LOVE Fridays..........LOL Opinions????? How can there be a problem with someone that doesn't even live close to me??? Let me tell you.......I don't trust him for a second. I've got some nasty bad vibes about him. hmmmm.....ok, I'll stop.

 

[Renee750il]

Sounds like he needed to be gone. Griping to you about his wife was WAY out of line - sounds like a man looking for trouble to me. Better to be friends with the wife! I'd be amazed if she wasn't relieved by your e-mail.

Listen to yourself . . . nasty bad vibes? You probably attacked the problem in the only possible way to avoid setting yourself up in a worse situation. This way he can't very easily go to his wife with some cockamamy story about you suddenly turning on him, or worse yet, turning on him after "he rejected you flirting with him" or some other ridiculous bushwa.

Enjoy your Friday! Have a walk with Addie and a cuddle with the Ham-ster - and a toddy or two with Dave!

 

[Debi]

Here's how I put it .................





GOODBYE GOOBER!



His wife is in some kind of lala land...she didn't seem to get that I was saying 'keep your da*n husband home' I was not put on this earth to listen to that man. Amazing.......I can be as harsh as I can be...and she still just doesn't get it. I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED BY HER GOOBER ANYMORE! Hands over face......rubbing face...flitting thru hair.......going to play with the dogs! LOL can't cope

 

[Renee750il]

I get the feeling he was hoping for more than a listen at some point . . . She must be in the Land of LaLa if she wasn't concerned about her husband wanting to "visit the neighbor" so often!

 

[Debi]

Tells you what a GOOBER he really is...she wasn't worried at all. Between you and me......if my hubby was always going off to the neighbors....he'd be swinging from a tree by the you-know-whats. I feel better...I just needed to vent. I wanted to stay on the 'neighborly' basis......when there are so few folks around, you'd like to think you can count on them if you need them (only in an extreme emergency) I liked thinking we were all friends, even if we didn't see each other much at all. But, I just couldn't stand it anymore...and I don't care. I feel much better having given him the boot. AND, I feel better having vented all this. Now...Calgon has graciously decided to take me away from all this. So, I'm off to soak........a luxury I give myself on a Friday afternoon....cause I did mention Friday's were special. thanks for listening to me rant. needed that!

 

[Renee750il]

Anytime, Debi, anytime at all . . .

 

[bogolove]

Debi - I am with you on this. You had every right to vent. It does sound liek he was snooping around for other reasons than to vent to me too, good thing you nipped that in the bud. Plus, he has no right to go to another woman to talk about his wife. If I were her and found out about that he would be kicked to the curb. I know you feel bad about hurting his feelings, but better that than for you to be a prisoner in your own home. It is hard to hide from a neighbor, you know?

 

[ChiliBeans]

I think you did the only thing you could do in such a situation. It is hard to just tell a person to "Go away" and sometimes the indirect approach is best. He definitely sounds like trouble to me, and at least you still have the wife as your friend. She could have easily became sour at you had she not heard from you about the matter but instead learned some other way that her husband was complaining about HER to another female neighbor. Sometimes people need to have their feelings hurt to bring them to their senses about their own behavior. It's not like he was talking nice about others to you!

 

[tl_ashmore]

Good for you!!! Maybe he got his feelings hurt, but maybe after a while, he will actually think about what he had been doing and realize that he was being a pain.

 

[Debi]

Well...I went for a longggggg soak in the tubbie...now I am lounging with my pups. Forgot all about the neighbor (from hell) and am very relaxed. Again..I am really sorry he got his feelings hurt, but glad I spoke up. The wife emailed me....and is fine (Hellloooooo lalalalalalala land) so that friendship is Ok. The husband..........may I never see, or hear, from him again....and I will be smiling.

I feel better......THANKS everyone....loved the support! Have a great weekend!! You all are the best.

 

[smkie]

You could always tell him "here's a quarter, call someone who cares!" Can't pick our neighbors can we...wish a few of you were mine...

 

[Saje]

Wouldn't that be great! I'd love to have a neighbourhood of educated, dog-lovers.

 

[smkie]

I owned a house that burned three years ago...it was on the meanest street alive. My next door neighbor came over the day I moved in and said oh....your divorced, with children? and didn't speak to me again, just walked away with her nose in the air. My son would wave to her (he was just a little guy) when he saw her and she would only glare at him. They hated dogs. EVen though I gardened, and my yard looked great, I picked up every morning anything that the dogs left, they would call me in if they saw my dog elmiinate. The pound guy came out and said he saw no problem there, but they called me in over and over again. I never got a ticket, but it was annoying all the same. Finally the nastly little man came over and told me that I had sex with my dogs...I laughed at him and said is that the best you can do? If you want to insult somebody at least be creative...like how many years did you have to frown for those wrinkles to pool in your neck like that. I ended up painting a characture and nailing it to the tree. The only good thing that came from the fire is I got to move to a street where I was given respect and told I was a good neighbor and that my dogs were so well behaved. They even thought my son was a good boy and I was lucky to have him. Being next door to nasty man was one of the reasons I had to make sure my dogs never barked or gave them any reason to find fault. It didn't matter that the dogs on the other side barked constantly.....Sorry u got problems next door to you..working that painting out let me vent all my hostility and gave me some good irony to handle the situation. Takes an awful lot to rile me but that did it. I told him one more word out of him and I would file a sexual harrasment suit, as well as illegal dumping (they threw their limbs in my yard>....and so on...I never heard from them again, in fact he looked at the ground when I came out. No more phone calls to the pound either. They should live in a neighborhood that has an association so they can dictate how everyone should live. I have since had to move from my good street to an indifferent one. I miss my neighbors from next door and across the street.

 

[Renee750il]

SMkie - what a wonderfully nasty way to deal with someone like that! I can just imagine his reaction to seeing a caricature of himself posted on a tree! Did you by any chance post another one at leg-hiking height for your dogs?

The man who lived next door to my parents' house (and one away from mine, as I bought the house next to them) has or had a cocaine problem. Also a problem with standing in the front yard at 3:00 a.m. brandishing a pistol and threatening every man in the neighborhood for "looking at" his wife. Go figure. He also liked to egg the side of my parents' house (he'd tried to buy it, but the owner didn't like him and wouldn't sell to him) and throw firecrackers and bottle rockets at our dogs in our FENCED backyard.

He had two white German Shepherds that he let run loose after dark - in the old section of town - NOT in the country - and he was always telling people how mean they were. They weren't actually mean, so much as he'd just turned them into bullies. I had Bear out walking one night and they had no desire whatsoever to so much as bark at him, but if anyone had a small dog they would harrass them miserably. He still keeps a pair of white Shepherds over there, even though he lives at a farm up in the mountains most of the time, since his wife still lives there. He was expounding to a new neighbor across the street that they'd better watch themselves because he had the biggest, meanest dogs in the neighborhood. I just happened to have Buffy (the First Fila) with me at my house that day, so when I heard him shouting at that poor woman I put her leash on her and we went for a walk . . . As we passed, Buffy (I miss her SOOO much - such an intuitive and lovely creature she was) silently turned her head just a bit to look him in the eye and raised her lips to show him that mouth full of crocodile teeth. She never missed a step of her walk; it was all over in a second, but he went back in the house VERY quickly! Evidently no one's had any more problems with him. I make sure I have Shiva and/or Kharma over there on a very regular basis. And Bimmer's quite a deterrent as well. He just looks . . . well, he just looks. Even though he's such a sweetheart.

 

[smkie]

What a GIRL!!!! She said it all didn't she? Triple bonus points for her!!!! I am glad they are there for your parents! What a horrible neighbor. How bout a neighbor association that says dogs are great, and includes a large dog park complete with lake? A doggy sitter service, and great sidewalks? Now I am really dreaming

 

[Renee750il]

I've already given my parents notice that they will either be taking a pup from Shiva's first litter or Kharma's, depending on what kind of qualities the sires have and timing. I won't have to worry about their personal safety then.