Need A New Game Plan

[StillandSilent]

Grimm blew his adoption and will be coming back to me on Monday. He stayed with my coworker for 2 weeks, never bonded to her even a little, slunk around like she was beating him day after day, and has started to pull his own fur out. Obviously, this is not the right placement for him.
When he was at my house, he was easy going, housebroken, and very sweet. He was shy with strangers, but would approach them and be friendly if he was not crowded. He was never aggressive.
At her house, he kept having accidents, despite being taken out regularly. I think he was afraid to be vulnerable and poop in front of her, and was then holding it until he exploded. He would hide from strangers, and was even afraid of her and her boyfriend.
How do I help him? Considering that he is now mutilating himself with the fur pulling, should we consider short term medication?
Another coworker has expressed interest in him (yes, even after hearing all of this). Would it be better for Grimm to go straight to her, or to come back to me for a period, and then go to her? I don't want him to rebond to me and feel like he's been kidnapped again, but I don't want to give her a completely traumatized animal either.
The only bright point right now is that he is still not showing aggresssion.
When Grimm is with me, he is friendly, outgoing and very sweet. He came very close to getting his CGC a month or so ago, which is why his behavior suprises me like it does. Apparently I am his safe person, and he's great when we're together, but falls apart completely when we are seperated.
I don't have him back yet, but what should I do? Adopting him myself is not an option, I just can not afford two dogs and the kittten. Sending him back to the shelter is not an option either. If I felt like there was a foster home taht could do more for him then I can, I would let him go, but there isn't. Scary as it sounds, I'm the best they have for a dog like him.
Anyone?

 

[Maura]

Sometimes people are too nice. A dog needs to know where he fits in. Could your friend keep the dog but try a different method? If he goes to the other person, the dog should be limited in his territory. Limit him to the living and hallway for instance. Inside, I would suggest just sitting in a chair and pretending to ignore him. Don't instigate petting or play, just let him sniff around, find his crate, water, leave him be. Also, use NILIF, which will help him to know where he stands and that what he is doing is correct. No treats without earning them. In fact, I would have him sit at the front door before bringing him in when they bring him home, then praise and give treat. Keep asking for a sit here and there, praise and give treat. Keep him off of the furniture and beds because this can cause problems with an insecure dog. If he goes of his own accord to the door for potty, praise and give treat. No major fussing with the dog, just a gentle praise and a little treat. They can probably use his kibble for the treats. He goes into crate, praise and treats, and so on. I would suggest letting him be and not pressuring him by picking him up, following him around, or anything. Sit and pretend to ignore him.

 

[OutlineACDs]

I think you should take him back and get straight to working with the new adopter. House him for two weeks (longer if needed) while you do regular training with the new owner. Have them meet you a few times a week to walk with Grimm, work on any tricks he knows and learn how you have trained him. Do a couple of long side-by side walks where you and the new owner trade the leash back and forth and give Grimm treats. Have Grimm practice hopping into her car and getting treats, then back out etc. Anything to make this seem like its just fun and training, it will make tasks easier when he moves in permanently.

If you haven't yet, I'd start mat work with him. Buy him a mat and work with getting a relaxed down on the mat. Let him have treats/toys on the mat and transition the mat work to the new owner's home. When you send Grimm with her permanently, send his mat too. Teach the new owner some fun games she can play with him using the mat, or not.

I wouldn't suggest taking him for an extended period and trying to get him back to normal before rehoming. I'd try the above and see if you can get him a quick turnaround and some bonding time with the new owner.