My Puppy Harasses My Boyfriend

[KaseyCaye]

Hey everyone - new to the site but it looks like you guys can offer some good advice for us who are experiencing their first puppy. Adam and I got Diesel three weeks ago (he's now 11 weeks old) and we are carefully navigating our way through the puppy-ness. We just moved and I haven't found a job yet so I have been home with Diesel all day while Adam goes to work - seemed like a good idea and the best time to possibly get a puppy (when I would be home to take care of it all day). Anyway, my problem is that Diesel is under the impression that Adam is his playmate. By that I mean that at night (Diesel sleeps in our bed) Diesel thinks it's the perfect time to harass Adam by jumping on him, biting at his hands and feet and licking his ears and face. Diesel has never bothered me and I was completely unaware of the behavior until Adam woke me up at 2 am to ask for help because he didn't know what to do to make him stop. As you can imagine this is very frustrating for the both of us, for Adam because he's the one getting attacked and I'm the one being left alone, and for me because it is causing Adam to lose sleep and therefore causing a lot of tension in the house. Last night Adam left our bed and went and slept in the guest room it got so bad.

Before anyone suggests crate training I want to let you know that we have been trying to crate train him but he will not (and I mean absolutely will not) stop barking all night or all day. So that is a battle in and of itself.

So if anyone has any advice that would be great! Thanks!

 

[RedyreRottweilers]

Boy howdy, if he is winning with you on crate training at 11 weeks, you have a hard road ahead of you.

I would stand firm on that, even if you have to get earplugs!

And here is something to try to help your pup have a more positive association to the crate.

How to Teach a Dog Crate Games | eHow.com

Crate Games

 

[lizzybeth727]

I had a friend who was in a similar situation with her dog. The dog was very attached to my friend, and they would go to bed together. Her husband would come home later at night (he worked evenings), and the dog would growl and nip at the husband if he tried to get in bed with them. I was shocked to find out that the DOG was still allowed to sleep in the bed, and the HUSBAND had to sleep every night on the couch. If it were me sleeping on the couch, I guarantee you I'd be doing everything I could do to convince my SO that the dog needs to sleep OUT of the bed.

So that's what I suggest to you. Find some way to get the puppy out of the bed, NOW. If you need to keep working on crate training, fine, but put him in a puppy-proofed room (like a bathroom), or tether him somewhere in your room so that he cannot get onto the bed.

There are a lot of trainers who will tell you that dogs should not sleep on your bed, for one reason or another. I am not one of those trainers - my dog sleeps in my bed, most of my trainer-friends' dogs sleep in their beds. But it can cause problems, and if you choose to let your dog sleep in your bed you have to be prepared to deal with those problems. If you or someone else who has ownership rights to the bed feels unsafe sleeping with the dog, that IS a problem and HAS to be dealt with, ASAP.

Of course Red had good advice. I'd also suggest googling "NILIF" (Nothing in Life is Free), and start implimenting those principles into your lifestyle with your puppy. This includes not letting the puppy get onto the bed until you cue him to come up or pick him up yourself, as well as making sure that he gets off when you want him to get off.

Also, now is a GREAT time to start Puppy training classes! Puppy classes are not only good for teaching the puppy some basic obedience, but it's a great way to do some of the necessary socialization that puppies must have. It's also a good opportunity to get together with several other families who have puppies and are going through the same issues you are; many puppy classes turn into informal Support Groups!

Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes!!

 

[KaseyCaye]

thanks for the responses you guys! I knew I would get some help here.

I guess I used to strong of language before, I don't think Diesel is "attacking" Adam in a dominant/angry sort of way, I think he is just trying to play with him. He is attacking him with love so to speak But I absolutely agree that something needs to be done NOW.

Adam travels for work and one night he was gone I tried the ear plugs scenario and ended up sleeping in the guest room myself (Diesel is a very persistent dog with iron lungs it seems). Thanks for the link to the website, he still gets crated at least once a day, during the day when I leave to run errands so I'm hoping that he is getting more and more used to the idea of being in there.

I can't wait to get him in puppy classes! My vet told me that I should wait until he's fully vaccinated so that means in about a month he is going to be signed up. In the mean time I'm trying training on my own, he's already got sit, down, go to bed, inside, outside, and cookie down pat, he's working on drop it, and my next challenge is to teach "off." The dogs I had growing up did not sleep in crates at night, instead they would sleep on the bed unless my parents told them to get off - that's what I want for Diesel. When Adam is home I'd like him to be able to sleep in his bed on the floor and when Adam is gone (sometimes for months at a time) I would like him to be able to sleep in the bed with me. Am I expecting too much out of an 11 week old to be able to grasp that concept?

 

[Zoom]

I would go back to crate training. Yes, you're going to lose sleep and more now than you would have if you had stuck to your guns and just waited him out. Now he knows that if he screams, he gets let out. Sometime it's helped by having the crate right next to the bed so the dog doesn't feel like he's being ostracized at bedtime. If you do a quick search on members here, you'll find that even some of our most experienced members have done the "crate screaming" battle...it's just part of the puppy territory it seems.

I would also teach Diesel to wait until he's invited up on the bed before he can get on to it. I've done this with my Aussie and it's wonderful. It started as a way to make sure I was able to get comfortable before the dogs hopped in, because it never worked the other way around! Now, when we're over at my SO's, he knows he has a nice comfy dog bed to sleep on and can only get on the bed in the morning for some waking-up cuddles. When its' just me, he sleeps in bed all night long, though he still asks for permission.

 

[Criosphynx]

is he big enough to jump up on the bed by himself?

I'd put a dog bed on the floor and insert puppy.

Chili did this for about a week. We just pulled our covers over our heads and ignored it 100% I mean no moving, eye contact etc etc. So he soon learned it didn't get our attention and when he settled down he got it back.

Keep working on the crate too

 

[Maxy24]

If Diesel is inappropriate in bed (nipping, jumping etc.) he should get put on the floor (can he jump onto the bed himself?) and stay down there for about 1 minute. Make sure he doesn't wander out of the room though, keep the door shut, you wouldn't want him to have an accident where you can't see him.

After the minute is past tell him to come up and pick him up onto the bed. He needs to understand that the bed is for sleeping, not for playing and when he tries to play it just won't work, he gets removed. So for this reason, at least while he is still learning, don't ever play games on the bed even in the day time, keep that for the floor so he gets a very clear understanding of the bed being a sleeping place.

Also take him for a good long walk and be home about 30 minutes before bed so he can drink, calm down and cool off before it's time to sleep. Keep him calm after his walk, it should be winding down time.Take him out for a quick potty run in the yard RIGHT before bed. Before the walk you might throw in a training session as training wears them out too (mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise!!). These things will hopefully help him to sleep through the night.

It is possible he still needs to go potty in the middle of the night so if he wakes you or you find an accident in the morning set an alarm the next night for an EARLY morning (like 3ish or whatever you half way point through the night is) potty break to hold him over.

Keep working on the crate training for sure but also implement the training. Even if you are sitting on the bed watching TV with the dog and he starts mouthing put him on the ground for a minute.

 

[KaseyCaye]

Since we don't have a bed frame our mattress is on the floor on top of the box springs so yes he has figured out how to jump up onto the bed. It was nice when he first got here because he couldn't figure it out so we had to pick him up and put him on the bed (we also knew that he didn't get down at night because he obviously wouldn't be able to get back up)

I'm happy because I feel like I've been implementing all of your advice! We use a baby gate at night (that way our cat can still get in and out but Diesel is stuck inside), we never play with him when he's in bed - I totally agree Maxy that he should know that the bed is for sleeping, not playing - and I absolutely love your advice Criosphynx, get a dog bed and insert dog haha! That's what I said to Adam today, maybe we should get a dog bed and that way he won't freak out about being in the crate but he will still have a bed of his own.

I talked to Adam today about your suggestions and he said he thought that maybe it could be happening because all that Adam really does is play with the puppy - meaning that I feed him, take him out, clean up after him, etc etc (all the mundane everyday stuff) and train him. When Adam comes home the puppy wants to play so Adam plays with him and then does his honey-do-list so perhaps all Diesel sees him as is a playmate - anyone agree?

P.S. You guys are the best! I'm so glad I came here for advice!

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

Just as a side note:

I know you weren't particularly keen on crate training but I am going to encourage you to stick with it. I barely ever have to crate my dogs but it has come in handy so many times! For starters, it makes housetraining so much more bearable. We never crated my first dog and house training was a nightmare, whereas the second one was crated and it was an absolute breeze. If you ever want to do any sort of dog sports (flyball, agility, etc.) it is extremely handy to be able to dump your dog in a crate while you are busy tending to other things. If you are thinking about having kids, a crate could be a valuable tool for when you can't supervise. On top of that, when you take your dog to the vet and he has to stay in a kennel, there is a good chance that if he is used to being crated it will be much less stressful for him.

There are so many more benefits to crate training... Too many to name. I would highly advise you to stick with it and don't give up, as I think down the road you may find yourself wishing you had!

And yes, Chaz is a great website, hope you stick around. Good luck with your new puppy

 

[mjb]

I agree that putting the crate right by your bed might be helpful. We did that, and ours only whimpered a few times the first couple of nights. I could put my hand down where he could sniff it and know we were close.

One of my puppies took several weeks to get used to sleeping alone. I tried a crate, and he cried ALL night. I tried gating him in a room. He cried ALL night long. About 3 weeks of crying most of the night, and we were at our wit's end, a friend of ours who happens to be a veterinarian suggested the crate but a much smaller size than we had been using. We did that, and he slept through the night without crying and without waking us to take him out the first night!!

I have never been sure if the size of the crate had anything at all to do with it or if he was destined to quit crying ONE of these nights, and it just happened to be the night we changed crate sizes.

 

[KaseyCaye]

The crate is in our bedroom right now (much to the chagrin of Adam), the first night when he wouldn't stop crying I moved the crate to the furthest most point in the house and Adam eventually moved it back because someone told us that if the dog could see us he wouldn't freak out so much. Boy were they mistaken! It's like you're saying mjb he just cries allllllllllllllll night! It's not the occasional whimpers it's howling and barking and whining that makes it sound like he is being murdered. It's horrible.

Adam thinks it is too late now to crate train him since he's been sleeping in our bed every night. (I would like to say for the record that Adam was the one that took him out of the crate the first night, I was very willing to let him cry, I was forewarned about the crying). Even when we leave him in the crate during the day he cries so that the whole neighborhood can hear him, it's very irritating. Do you think that it is too late now?

 

[Zoom]

Yes, having Adam take an active role in his training will help a lot as well. Look up NILIF and start with that, with both of you taking an equal role. That should help as well.

 

[KaseyCaye]

Wow Zoom! I just finished reading an article about NILIF and what a great concept! I already make Diesel sit before getting food or being let out or back in but what a great point about not letting him initiate affection or play, I can see how that would make him the one in charge instead of me. What a great tip, thank you so much!

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

It is never too late to crate train! Stick to your guns, and tell your boyfriend to suck it up .

Kidding, kidding... But seriously, do try and continue with the crate for sure.

 

[puppydog]

It is never too late to train anything in any dog.

 

[antipunt1]

NILIF and what a great concept!

I agree entirely :banana:

 

[grab01]

Do you cover his crate? I've not had to do it with any of the others, but with Grimm, we cover his cage with a blanket (we call it birdcaging...because he's covered like a little canary) because if he can see us, he whines. Covered, he settles into his bed and sleeps.

 

[CharlieDog]

I would also encourage you to crate train. Adam is mistaken in saying that Diesel can't be crated because he's already been allowed to sleep on the bed.

When he cries or whines or barks or howls, you must must MUST ignore that completely. Act like he doesn't exist! Otherwise you're teaching him that crying = attention, and the one thing puppies want more than anything is attention. Even negative attention is attention. It will probably take a couple of weeks before he stops crying.

Its call extinguishing a behavior. Because the behavior was rewarded, its going to be much more difficult to get rid of it, and right before it goes away completely, its going to be at its worst.

My brother has a boxer pup, about 2 months older than Diesel, and she cried every time and all night when she was in the crate. For weeks. Because she had learned if she cried long enough or loud enough she would get let out of the crate and allowed in the bed.

Eventually they listen to me, and stopped letting her out. It did take another few weeks before she learned to be quiet, and now she can be crated all night without a peep. They made the crate fun, and they made the crate a safe place, and she came to associate it with good things, not just "jail" and now she is happy to sleep there and will go to her bed willingly.

 

[KaseyCaye]

I've been trying to work on the crate with Diesel. It's hard for two reasons - first he cries ALLLLLLL night, not just occasionally, I mean this is the most determined dog evvvvver. He does however stop when I walk into the room (I've been trying to put him in there and leave the room for a few minutes than come back) he gets quiet and calm-ish. The other reason is that neither of us can sleep with him barking and carrying on, especially Adam who has to work everyday. Neither of us really care if he sleeps in the crate at night, it's mostly just a during the day sort of deal when I have to leave or take a shower. Then he gets put in the crate and I don't let him out until I'm ready to let him out. I don't know, the whole thing is just really frustrating ya know? There is just no way that I can leave him in the crate all night and deal with the barking, not because it breaks my heart, but because it is literally impossible to sleep when he is in there.

The first night I did cover the crate and it did nothing. I'm beginning to think that nothing will work - maybe I should call Caesar

 

[lizzybeth727]

During the day when you put him in the crate, does he bark and such constantly too? And do you sometimes walk into the room, even if he's barking?