I guess this is more of a rant? I never went to school for various reasons, and have decided I want to go back. Zoology is all I've ever wanted to do, because it would open the right doors for me and give me some flexibility in case certain things don't work out. I've been brushing up on my biology via Khan Academy and the MIT open course work options, which is GREAT. Seriously, if you ever need help with a subject like science or math, check out Khan Academy. HOWEVER, today, learning about oxidation and reduction in cells, I realized I really don't know what I'm doing. He began talking about 'things you probably learned in chemistry' and that's where I put my pen down and just lost it. I never took chemistry, because I opted for marine biology instead. Chemistry was ONLY offered in my school with a pre-req in Bio, and at the time I only had time to focus on one thing. So I took the thing I thought, at the time, would make the most sense, which was marine bio (I was under the impression that I wanted to go into marine biology, and changed my mind after taking this class). I feel like I'm in way over my head. I'm only 22, but it feels like time is zooming by me and not letting me catch up. I know that's not the reality, but my perception is severely distorted by those around me who are more successful or already finished with their schooling. Then there's this daunting amount of work, which is infinitely easier to handle because this is something I WANT to do, as opposed to something I HAVE to do, but is still such a vast amount of information that I often make myself sick thinking about it. I have a list of textbooks I'm going to ask for as presents for the appropriate holidays (amazon used sellers have some great prices, just a few bucks, I could probably get a quarter of the list of books for about $25 including work books without markings). My reasoning for this is that even if I don't need these particular books, I WANT them. Even if they can be rented, why would I WANT to give them back afterwards, instead of keeping them? Someone tried to tell me it's easier to rent, but as a bibliophile, I cannot allow such a thing. Just needed to get some things off my chest, I think. This on top of immigration, wanting desperately to move, and general stress of life, is really wearing me down. I have an insane amount of stress for someone that doesn't even have a job at the moment. And all I can think is how much worse this is going to get. I have no idea how to stay motivated and on track in the face of my pessimism. An entire cake to you, if you read that.