How many times since I met you have I just sat and wondered.......did I do the right thing? How many times did I see you in pain and think of your brothers and sisters, and of all the puppies who are brought into this world in the same condition as you were. Or worse. How many times did I cry, or toss and turn all night, or wring my hands.....waiting for you to get better? How many times did you lick my face? Or jump on my clean clothes with your muddy paws? Or bring me your ball? Or wiggle your wet nose up under my hand? How many times did I awaken to find you staring into my face, just waiting for me to wake up and rub your belly or scratch your ears? How many times did you just sit by me, chin on my knee, staring up at me with your big brown eyes, waiting for just one word or just one pat, which would make your body quiver with happiness? I canâ€™t help but think back to the crazy puppy that ate my shoes, my carpet and my leather chair. Oh, how angry I was. And the day that you ran headlong into the fence, running from a little pekingnese! You were such a funny little guy. But you grew so fast! Your silly ears pointing this way and that, and finally standing up and you looked so proud. Youâ€™d come to my office and sleep under my desk. But then you got too big to fit, so youâ€™d lie in my doorway. And the first time you caught a frisbee! Your tail wagged so hard your whole body bounced and you ran to me and I could hear you saying, â€œI did good, mommy, didnâ€™t I?â€ and I laughed and laughed. In no time at all you were far too big to lie in my lap. But you did it anyway, stretching your body across my legs and stretching your neck as far as you could so as to reach my shoulder and lay your head. And I let you. I let all 90 pounds of you. You took up most of the queen size bed, nosing me out of your way so you could get comfortable, or just lying half on top of me. Oh, you werenâ€™t a bit happy when we threatened to make you sleep on the floor. So you quickly learned to curl up in a ball, or stretch out long on my side, squishing me between you and Rob. And how you loved your girls! Running and chasing them for hours around the shed, down through the yard, around the tree, and back again. No matter how tired you got, when one of them yelled your name and ran, you were right behind them, bouncing, tail going crazy. You would have fought to the death to protect them, and you almost did. I glance at the calendar and it stuns me to see that we have only been together for two short years. Your soul has been part of mine for my whole life, just waiting for you to be born and come to me. And you did - just when I needed you. Your courage and your love have changed me and made me stronger. Your life had purpose, and together we did what we needed to do to help just a few of the others like you. 67 of them, Charlie. We saved 67 of them. Your life, your pain, your story.......it saved 67 other animals. And now I see what has happened to you......I see this thing that changed who you are.....made you into something that youâ€™re not.....and frightened this big strong dog so badly........ ........and I can only find one way to make it stop. So one last time you nudged that wet nose up under my hand. And I rubbed your belly. And I drowned in the love in your eyes, as they closed. And now there is no more pain, my sweet boy, and you never have to be frightened again. You were my best friend. You were my hero. My heart is shattered. And I will never be the same.