I don't like surprises and since so many of you have expressed love for Mary I thought i should let you know. Monday at 1 pm the mobile vet is going to come and send my baby girl over the bridge. SHe is strong and healthy, vibrant and other than her arthritis she is fit as can be. THat i think is making this even harder for me. THe mole is back on her eyelid and it is scratching the surface of her eye. Drops are no longer helping keep the infection at bay. I tried gel last time and it made no difference. IT came up fast and I prayed it was allergies again that reddened her eye but even I can see the mole touching it now. SHe keeps her inner eyelid slightly raised to protect her eye and it is taking the brunt of abrasion. When I saw it I made myself come in and make the call. My friend set the arrangements up with Dr. Napper. A very highly recommended mobile vet. I have heard he is the best and all the dogs love him. I want nothing less for her. I do not want her afraid, i do not want to say goodbye in a place that scares her to no end. THe last two surgeries on this damnable mole mean that she will fight like the devil going into the room. I will not have any of that for her. I have taken her to the fields or the woods every day since last spring when it wasn't pouring rain. SHe has discovered new things thanks to Pepper and made new friends like Jean and Higgs. SHe has shown me that there is no quit in her and even tho her feet are swollen up like paddles and her hocks twice their size, she galloped across fields and joined in all the fun she could. Always with a wagging tail, and a never failing aura of good will. I have tried to give her the best life i could, starting with the day i helped open her little sack and saw her take her first tiny breath. SHe has never been yelled at or known seperation or fear of anything we couldn't face together. SHe is my partner, the other mom, she is my best friend, she is my anchor of hope and has sustained a permanent lesson for us all of the things that really matter. My son is coming, she slept with him all his childhood. Took him to the bus stop. Was a part of his gang when he was a teenager. Had a whole secret life there I was completely unaware of in the basement. SHe loved teenagers and they loved her. My mother is coming. GG is her gramma and has watched her all these years when i had to leave so Mary never had to be afraid. I will give Hyia and Mary one last walk in the woods Monday morning so they can say goodbye. Hyia has never known a time when Mary wasn't a part of her life. Mary always seeing her off to school each morning. I promised her when she was born that i would never let her suffer. Out of selfishness I don't want to do this. SHe does hurt, her arthritis hurts but she showed me she was still enjoying life so I let it be. THe eye is a different matter. No amount of begging and crying on the phone is going to get anyone to do anything about it this time. I begged last time, but that was 2 years ago. I was told no time after time but i was right, she still had lots of good living to do and we have done that. I am going to give her a special bath and pick up some whip cream...after all I don't want heaven to think I didn't take good care of her and whip cream is her favorite and she hasn't had it for years and years due to her touchy pancreas. I hope in heaven she can eat all she wants of the goodies she deserves. I managed to go one whole day without crying yesterday but that seems to be all over with now. She doesn't like to see me cry but i can't help it anymore. Hyia won't be told until Monday morning. SHe is happy and singing away this morning. No point is spoiling that. She knows something's wrong but i told her not to worry now. I would tell her what she needed to know when she needs to know it. She accepted that without question. Good girl. So wish my Mother Mary a happy journey please. The angels better take as good of care as I did. May Bronki be there...that's all I ask is that Bronki meet her half way across the bridge and take her to her new home.