jokes,pics, and freaky stuff

Discussion in 'Dog Jokes and Cartoons' started by Sheba, Jul 25, 2005.

  1. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    Be free to post anything in the title!

    Talking Dog
    A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."

    The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."

    Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."

    "Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"

    "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
     
  2. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    Dog Property Laws

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    1. If I like it, it's mine.

    2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

    3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

    4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

    5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

    6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

    7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

    8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

    9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

    10. If its broken, it's yours.
     
  3. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    lol...here is a joke:

    How to Keep an Idiot Busy:
    Scroll down










































    How to keep an Idiot busy:
    Scroll Up
     
  4. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    LOL!I know there is not a picture there because I'm not an idiot!
    That is funny, because someone could just be sitting staring at that and nothing would happen!
     
  5. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    Here's a few:

    Top 10 Blonde Inventions

    1. The water-proof towel
    2. Solar powered flashlight
    3. Submarine screen door
    4. A book on how to read
    5. Inflatable dart board
    6. A dictionary index
    7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
    8. Powdered water
    9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
    10. Water-proof tea bag

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Fun Things to Do in an Elevator:
    1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up all of you just shut UP!
    3. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
    4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
    6. Shave.
    7. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
    8. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
    9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    11. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
    12. Floss your teeth.
    13. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
    14. Do Tai Chi exercises.
    15. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
    16. Meow occassionally.
    17. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
    18. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
    19. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
    20. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
    21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of "THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
    22. Leave a box between the doors.
    23. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
     
  6. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    Or is it just scrolling up and down?Both ways are funny!
     
  7. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    LOL!Those are funny too, keyodie!
     
  8. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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  9. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    Bob and Billy were two fish. They were both swimming peacefully, with the sun streaming through the water...

    Suddenly, they bumped into something.

    "Dam!"
     
  10. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    Lol!!!
     
  11. scob89

    scob89 DILLIGAF?

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  12. Sprout

    Sprout Brussels Griffon

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    haha!! lol, I actually scrolled up and down like, 10 times before I got it, lol
    I suppose I could be labeled an idiot xD
     
  13. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    hehe at least you didn't do it for like, one whole minute.

    [​IMG]
     
  14. Sheba

    Sheba I W A L R

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    LOL!
    Top 10 Blonde Inventions

    1. The water-proof towel
    2. Solar powered flashlight
    3. Submarine screen door
    4. A book on how to read
    5. Inflatable dart board
    6. A dictionary index
    7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
    8. Powdered water
    9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
    10. Water-proof tea bag
     
  15. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    lol that's the one I put at the beginning with the Fun things to do on an elevator
     
  16. nicco

    nicco Wolfpack

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    guys....don't want to upset you...or anything..but we do have a "jokes forum*....you can put there not only dog or animal jokes..it's just an idea...:D
     
  17. nicco

    nicco Wolfpack

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    I take that back guys!
    And that being said...I'M OUTTA HERE!GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP!!!
     
  18. Dakotah_2009

    Dakotah_2009 OOO YEA SHHHAKE IT!!

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    On the one Scob89 posted earlier I liked #2,4,and 8!!!
    I scrolled up and down for a few minutes be4 I actually got it! Man I feel stupid!!!
     
  19. keyodie

    keyodie Keyozilla

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    lol, those are some cool pics scob.

    I guess no one liked my fish one... *acts disappointed* Not! Its stupid...lol.
     
  20. poeluvr

    poeluvr New Member

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    doberluv said she liked it..i did too
     

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