Is this normal? *Long*

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Dakotah, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    I feel a bit depressed. I know why I am, but it just doesn't makes sense to me as to why I am feeling like this.

    Some back story:
    I haven't taken my BC pill since Jan 14th cause I misjudged the refills I had left. Tj and I have had sex twice since then. He's been wearing condoms, I know for sure one time that he pulled out, the other time I am not so sure about. (He wore condoms both times.)

    Anyways, I took a pregnancy test Friday night and it came back negative, so I've heard they are more accurate when you first pee in the morning so I took one Saturday morning, also came back negative.
    Since then I have been depressed.
    I had myself so worked up about being pregnant then I felt like my whole world crashed.

    I know I am young. I know TJ is young. I know we haven't been together long (almost 8 months). So please don't bash me about that.

    Tj and I talked about us having kids. As of right now, we want to be in a more stable home. After our lease is up here in May we plan to move into a larger place anyways. And honestly... that is one of our reasons as to why we don't need kids right now, we need a more stable home.

    Even though we are young, he actually started saving for us to have kids as soon as we moved in together. Which, to me, seems to be the responsible thing because we never know what will happen.

    I just don't like I feel like this.

    Is it normal to feel this way after getting worked up about being pregnant then you found you aren't and just get upset?

    Obviously this is towards you ladies.

    Cookies if you read all of this.
     
  2. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    I don't know what "normal" is. I do know that going on/off birth control can throw your hormones (and consequently emotions) out of whack pretty significantly.

    It sounds like you've gotten caught up in thinking about the joys of having a family and lifetime with someone you love. Not being pregnant doesn't mean you aren't going to get those things though--and how much better will it be when you've got roots put down somewhere and have stable jobs and the ability to enjoy a child without worrying about the cost of pre school or braces or finding a place to live?

    You were just talking about wanting to move to a new state and go back to school and work towards good jobs and such--all of which would be 10x more difficult with a young child.
     
  3. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Well this is the first time I have been off my birth control since I was 15, I think I skipped a pill once or twice since I been on it, but it was just one pill and I didn't have them in my purse and I unexpectedly stayed with someone for a night.

    And due to some things, we won't be moving out of state. Which sucks, but its for the best.

    You have great points. I know now is not an ideal time to have kids.
    I just didn't know I would feel this way.
     
  4. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    I think it's entirely normal. Like Cali said, going on/off BC can throw your hormones out of whack significantly. Also, I think it's nomal to go from "oh sh!t" to dreaming up the perfect little family during a pregnancy "scare", especially if you want kids down the road.

    Obviously, you can be great parents if you're unprepared. I will nowhere say that only kids from stable, financially well set up, homes are the happiest.... But when you're so young and still in a relatively fresh relationship.... Kids make a lot of things a lot harder. I would suggest you find a path for yourself first, with a job and school and such. Not because you couldn't be good parents, but for you!
     
  5. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    I think it's normal for lots of women, especially with the hormones bouncing around. It's instinct to want to have a baby besides thinking consciously how cute they are and how much you want them. So, there's always the logic fighting the heart strings. And disappointment when you, underneath, kind of hoped for pregnancy. But you're right. It would be better to wait until things are more settled and you're really ready. Plus, if you just went off b.c....it's not good to get pregnant. I think you need to be clear of that stuff for 2 or 3 months and then it's safe to get pregnant. You're young and in time you will have the opportunity to have babies. And I bet you'll be glad that you didn't have one while you were not prepared really.
     
  6. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    The other day Mike and I were sitting on the couch and just out of the blue he said, "You know, I was thinking about it the other day, and I really don't want to be changing diapers anytime in the next few years." First thing my heart did was drop down to my stomach. And then I cursed at it and told it that it was being stupid.

    I really have no desire to have kids until Mike is out of school and then out of the service. I especially don't want kids right now. We're not living together (yet), we're not financially stable, we're both still students, I am NOT ready to have a child of my own...and yet I still had a momentary heart drop when he said that, even though I agree with him 110% because I, too, don't want to be changing diapers anytime in the next few years.

    So yes, I'd say it is perfectly normal.
     
  7. Bahamutt99

    Bahamutt99 Dafuq?

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    ^This. Is what I was going to say. I was an emotional basketcase for a long time due to 3 reasons: divorce, losing weight and getting off birth control. I learned along the way that there is sooo much stuff that we put into our bodies that can alter our moods, the pill being one of them.
     
  8. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Sounds right to me, Dak.

    I NEVER wanted to be pregnant and fought for years to get a tubal (why is it that docs just will not believe you aren't going to change your mind?) and when I finally got it and quit taking birth control there was this awful, irrational period of time that was thankfully short where some sort of evil biologically programmed script put me in a terrible funk.
     
  9. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    I can't speak from my OWN experiences because I don't want kids, but I have had a strange amount of women have pregnancy scares at stuff around me, LOL. So I do think it's normal, even taking the hormones out of the equation.
    I have known some people who have had that "OMG, I'm late" panic... and even though they want the test to say negative, when it ACTUALLY says negative, they feel heartbroken. Particularly when you're in a relationship with somebody that you've already talked about having kids with and stuff, when you know you WANT to have kids with that person, it's easy to have your heart want the test to say positive even if your brain says "golly, now would really not be the best time to have a kid." Like kind of what blackrose described... and sometimes it just hurts to say stuff out loud or see it in black and white (or blue on a pee stick) even if you KNOW it's not the best time. because your heart wants strange things sometimes, LOL.

    It sounds like you even admitted to yourself you would like it to be positive. I think some people don't even admit to themselves that they secretly want it to be positive so they are even more like "I don't know why I'm so depressed it was negative, haha... yeah..." So that makes it harder.

    But yeah, I would say it's pretty normal to feel like that. It may or may not have to do with not being on the pill but I'm sure that doesn't exactly help either.
     
  10. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thanks yall.

    Yall make good points.
    I know NOW is not a good time to have kids, but good Lord it sucks feeling like this.

    I do want to go back to school before I have a kid, but sh!t happens. I won't be mad or upset if I have a kid before I go to school.

    One of my best friends has 5 kids, she will be 27 this year and she is in school and has honor roll and is taking a double major. I give her props for that.
     
  11. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    I know it might come off as me not thanking yall for being here and talking some sense into me, but I do appreciate it.
    If I haven't started my period by the end of this week, which I am suppose to, I am going to the doctor next week just to make sure I am okay.

    But seriously, my boobs hurt. Bad.
    My nipples are huge and so sensitive and this cramping makes me want to shoot myself.
    Sorry if that is TMI.
     
  12. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    I went off of all BC for a short time and my periods were AWFUL. Horrific mood swings, bad cramps, very heavy bleeding, etc. I think that the hormone changes going off the pill are just hard on a body.
     
  13. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Very true.
    At least, if that is all it is with me, I want to die right now.
     
  14. stardogs

    stardogs Behavior Nerd

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    Dak, I had a pregnancy scare a while back and as much as I knew we couldn't handle a kid at the time (or even now really lol), I did have the same sort of reaction as you did when we confirmed that I wasn't pregnant. I think it's completely normal to have an emotional reaction even if your logical brain tells you you should be happy about a negative result. ;)
     
  15. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thank you!

    Part of me still thinks I might be, but I guess all things are possible at this point lol I told TJ is my boobs did not stop hurting I was going to cut them off LOL

    I am somewhat happy it came back negative, even though I wanted it to be positive in a way. But I will not be truly convinced until I start my period. I'm stubborn like that :p
     
  16. Locke

    Locke Active Member

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    I had a similar thing happen a few years ago. What helped me snap back to reality was writing out how I could figure a baby into my current life. I was in school full-time so the baby would have to be in daycare, I wasn't working so I would have to rely on my boyfriend for money, and I lived with my parents...
    The fact was that I had no time, no space, and no money for a baby, and babies are money machines! I want to give my future babies the very best I can give them, and at that point in my life, even now, I could not/cannot provide for that baby.
     
  17. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    I test every month because I am paranoid after having Briggs.... but my heart sinks every time I see a negative because underneath knowing it's the wrong time I do want another child. If I could throw logic to the wind I would but it's not right for right now. Still, sucks a bit even if on a purely emotional level.

    Emotions don't always make sense. *hugs*
     
  18. Samantha's pet

    Samantha's pet New Member

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    This is why I have Chloe. lol. I got accidentally pregnant. We were freaking out, it was horrible timing but we came to terms with the idea and then I miscarried. So we got married two months later and got pregnant a month after that. As much as I love my child in retrospect it was a terrible idea and we had been together for about 2 years. Lucky for me everything eventually worked out great and my life couldn't be better now but it almost destroyed our relationship because we just weren't ready. I wasn't ready. I panicked when she was about 5 mos old, felt suffocated, felt like I just woke up one day and suddenly had this life as a wife and mother and I wasn't sure I even wanted it. I had an affair, we almost divorced and that would have been awful for Chloe. It wasn't fair to her for us to hurry in to that stage of life.

    Again, LUCKILY it all worked out and now we are happier than ever and things are wonderful but we owed it to her to take our time with that. Also I think I will always wish i had had more time with just my husband AND that I had finished college first. I am really struggling to get through online school while being a SAHM and I don't even know what my marriage is outside of Chloe. I mean, we have our alone time but we still talk about her a lot. It will be interesting to see who we are and how we are together when she is an adult and out of the house. At least we will still be young then, lol.
     
  19. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    A lot of people go through that despite being in the perfect place though. But I hear you on that! I was dumped, left to be pre gnant and raise my son alone and I didn't even want a kid. It was tough. I love my life but I do not relate to anyone my own age. Even the other mothers as I literally base my entire life around my son. All the other 20 year old moms I know party and have a life outside of their kids. Not me.

    Again, none of that is bad. But, kids do tie you down. I say to everyone life goes on with or without kids and it's what you make it BUT it is a lot easier to go experience what the world has to offer first, then settle down with kids as you have to take a lot more into consideration when children are involved.
     
  20. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    I did. My ex (now my boyfriend again... *ducks from rocks*) had broken up with me, and I was so desperate & pathetic that I felt like that was my last ace in the hole. I sprained my wrist (thanks, Rage) and had to go to urgent care - obviously they wanted to do x-rays, asked if there was a chance that I was pregnant, I said yes, and they gave me a test... they told me it was negative and I cried. It was stupid, I didn't REALLY want to be pregnant, but it was just an overwhelming sense of loss for the evening.
     

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