Crushed actually. I haven't mentioned anything on Chaz, because I didn't want to curse things, but there is a litter of puppies on the ground, and I was second in line for a male. There's one who looks perfect (of course, they are only 2 weeks old, so that should be taken with a grain of salt). I've been preparing for this for a while now, and I haven't been able to wait. My mother was diagnosed with cancer this week. She will need surgery and chemo starting in the next few weeks. After much thought, I decided that bringing a puppy in right now, knowing that my help might be needed and it will be a high stress time, is not a good thing. I've had to call the breeder and tell them that I was backing out for my little one. She was very kind about it, and thought I was doing the right thing, but it still hurts. Three years I've waited for this puppy, and it was almost in my grasp. I haven't been able to say anything to anyone else, because I know it will sound very selfish to nondog people that I'm so upset about this puppy that I've never even seen, when there are millions of dogs in the world and Mom is facing something much worse. Am I being selfish? I would certainly never blame my mother for this, it's just terrible timing and circumstances. I've been wanting my whippet for so long, though, and I actually saw pictures and felt like one of them was coming to me.