I'm feeling really .... bummed

[JacksonsMom]

... and unmotivated.

Basically the only thing holding me back from an associates degree is math.

I had to take two non-credits to even get into college algebra. I did elementary algebra in the spring and am now taking intermediate this summer, another noncredit (both are all done on the computer, though I go to a physical class, it's done thru mymathlab). I just don't understand it. Someone can sit there and explain it to me and I can go "ohhh" and have it make sense while they're telling me. But put a test in front of me and just -blank-

I actually did get through the first class last semester, barely. I was stressed beyond the max the entire semester, and always behind. I was defnitely super proud of myself and happy when I passed with a 70% (which is the minimum). And I've already started the same path in this course... I probably should have taken test 1 yesterday, but definitely have to be ready by tomorrow (and should be ready for test 2 probably as well). But the thing is... I have no clue what I'm doing... NONE, and the only reason I got thru the work all up to my test was because I used a calculator.

But besides that, refunds are done, and the class was $400. If I'm planning on getting my associates, I HAVE to do this irregardless, so I feel like I should just get through it... then I have to take college algebra in the FALL and if I can barely get through these, I have NO clue how I'll even make it through that. I'm seriously ready to drop out of college because of math and it's pissing me off. Not to mention, I'm just still going for a "business" degree and really have no idea what I WANT to do anyways. Ideally, I'd like to run my brother's non-profit foundation and make a salary off of it. I made decent money being a pet sitter, and that's something I could totally see myself doing (and making it professional and actually starting a business), or working in a pet related field somehow. These are things that I won't *need* a degree.

On top of that, I'm honestly just really DOWN. June 22nd marks the 6th anniversary that my brother has been gone. He would be 12 years old this year on July 6th and to be honest, I'm really depressed around this time of year. I think that's a huge reason for my lack of motivation, but I've been trying to act extra happy and just put it in the back of my brain, but it's definitely *there* in the back of my mind. Nobody would know I'm "depressed" - heck, I don't know if I'd really even call it depressed per say because I love my life, and I have no major complaints or anything, and am a general happy person. I guess I'm just a bit sad and miss my lil' bro.

Anndddd, that's another thing: I was JUST getting very into my brother's foundation and getting it back up and running and working my butt off on it and it's just impossible while doing math. The last week and a half, I've found I haven't done anything I've wanted to do with it. So then THAT makes me feel bad. When I'm in math, it's going to take up practically my whole freaking life, because it takes me that long to get through it and learn it. That's what happened to me last semester and was the only reason I passed.

giuegbueiue. Sorry, I'm not a complainer, and don't like to, but had to kind of just.... vent. I'm ready to drop out of the math class, get a decent job this summer, and be able to commit the rest of my time to the foundation.

 

[nikkiluvsu15]

You can do it! Does your college have tutors around? I know that you said you can sit there and do it in class, but once there is a test in front of you it all goes blank. But who knows? Maybe that'll help you, if you haven't tried that already.

I don't know how you do it because I really hate using MyMathLab. I don't think I could do a whole course on there, it would drive me insane! Especially how sometimes you have the "right" answer, but since you typed it in a different way you get counted off for it Ugh!

You only have a couple more classes to go, you can do it! However, if you really aren't trying or focused chances are you are just going to dread it and you'll be so aggravated.

 

[Locke]

I had a similar conversation with my cousin tonight. She has one more year of school left to get her degree, but she's already stressing about her courses this fall, and she generally finds school a chore. She's currently doing an internship in her industry that could lead to a job in the fall, and she really would much rather just start working full time and finish her degree part time. I told her to just go for a job because school will ALWAYS be there and quite frankly, experience in her industry will take her WAY farther than a degree ever will.

Sometimes you just need to follow what you FEEL is right. Just because you had a path set with an end goal, doesn't mean the end goal is always relevant to the current stage in your life. If you feel your life would have more meaning and you would be happier dedicating your time to the foundation, then go for it. You're passionate about it and it's a cause that will save others' lives.

You can always go back to school and finish those darned math courses when the time is right, it just seems like the timing right now is all wrong and your brain and heart want to do other things. At least for me, I find I do a lot better in school when I actually give a crap about what I'm learning. When I can list 10 million reasons why I don't want to do the work/can't focus on the work/have trouble understanding the work, I think it's a sign that this either isn't for me, or I'm not ready to learn it yet.

Follow your heart.