I think I've made my decision

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Dakotah, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    Yall know about my thread from the other day.

    TJ and I have talked about it so much we are blue, and not to get into a whole big mess of emotions I will keep this short and sweet.

    I need to be happy. He wants me to be happy, even if that means moving back to my dad's. He doesn't want to move away from his family and I completely and totally respect that. I would never want him to do that. But I don't want to be happy moving back to dad's and him be miserable, we both know and realize this. I love TJ, he treats me so good, but with everything else going on and what my HEART is telling me, I can't deny it.

    Problem is...
    I don't know HOW to do it. That part is stumping me.
    It will crush TJ and I both. I will be hurt and sad for a while but I'd rather be that way for a little while then be that way for God knows how long.

    Any ideas/advice? I am crying typing this because I realize what I need to do and its killing me, but I am so glad TJ respects me enough to want me to be happy no matter what.
     
  2. RD

    RD Are you dead yet?

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    Messages:
    15,572
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    2 dogs
    Location:
    Ohio
    Dak, I'm in a similar situation right now.

    My boyfriend and all of his family is in Ohio, my family is in Mexico, and it's hard to have two places to live that are kind of far away.

    Would it be possible for you two to kind of hop from place to place? You and TJ go stay with your dad sometimes, and near his parents sometimes too? Would your family or his family be willing to let you guys stay with them? I know it wouldnt be ideal, but at least you'd each get to spend time with the family you love.
     
  3. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    No that isn't possible. Its a 4 hour difference between here and my dad's. I wish it was but its not :(

    It sucks. So bad.

    I actually had someone tell me I was being selfish and I needed to be unhappy to please TJ. Because THAT is a way to live.
     
  4. joce

    joce Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2005
    Messages:
    4,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    6
    Location:
    Ohio
    Four hours is not that far. Once your financially stable thats a weekend trip. To your dads or your bfs. It will work out. (((hugs))).
     
  5. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    Thank you.

    I am not trying to get all religious but I am leaving it in God's hands and I am letting Him guide me right now and my heart is telling me to do this.
     
  6. Grab

    Grab Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2005
    Messages:
    3,374
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    36
    My husband and I are from the same hometown and we live across country from our families. We're close with our families, but job situations make it better for us to live here than there. As others have said, 4 hours is not a long distance. It is not even half a day's drive..we've driven that far for some decent shopping.
     
  7. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2008
    Messages:
    12,547
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Boston
    The way I see it.. not doing what makes you happy in the name of a relationship leads to one thing and one thing only..resentment.
    resentment is also known as the ******* child of fighting, hate, bitterness and all other killers of relationships.

    it is also the father of these GLORIOUS relationship-about-to-crumble lines..
    "If it weren't for you.. I would be x, y, z"
    " I did x, y, z for you!" (usually followed by "SO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME!")
    " I can't believe I did x, y, z for you!"
    " I wish I would've done x, y ,z instead of staying with you"
    " I gave up x, y, z for you!" (also usually followed by an ultimatum)

    If people are meant to be together.. it will work out one way or another.

    He can treat you like the queen of England but at the end of the day if you aren't happy and you want to be somewhere else or you want to try something else.. then you should.
    because there is NOTHING worse than waiting until it's too late (marriage. jobs. roots. kids. responsibilities.) and looking back and regretting not doing something you wanted to.

    You go to your dads, you stay for a while. You love it? Great. You don't?.. do something else. Move back in with TJ. Go to college in another state. Go to europe.

    you'll regret the things you didn't do A LOT more than the ones you did, 99% of the time.

    So go ahead and chase happiness.. I mean, life is too short to be miserable, especially at our age. If your not happy, wtf is the point?

    Don't get me wrong, I do believe that happy people carry happiness with them a lot of the time. but I do know that regardless of the people around you, sometimes you just need to be happy with yourself and your surroundings before you can TRULY be happy with someone.
    that does not make you selfish. it makes you honest.

    Will he be hurt? Probably. There is no way to make break-ups not painful.. you can make them less by doing them as early as possible, as clearly as possible and by being honest.

    Remember he would probably be A LOT more hurt if you drag this out and down the line, even deeper in the relationship just snap into a fit of I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I HATE IT HERE!! and the resentment grows so deep you hate HIM? (trust me..I've seen it happen..)

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  8. blue

    blue Jerk.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Messages:
    10,119
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    wasilla alaska
    Is it out of line to ask the gender of this "someone"?

    Either way I would like to punch said person in the face.
     
  9. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    You have said this better than ANYONE I have talked to (2 of my best friends and my dad). I could hug you right now, seriously.

    You should be a therapist or a counselor or just a talk show host lol
     
  10. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    It was a female. And I like your hidden white text.
     
  11. blue

    blue Jerk.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Messages:
    10,119
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    wasilla alaska
    I figured as much. Some women are way to eager to demean themselves to please a man.

    TJ sounds like a stand up guy wanting you to be happy regardless of the outcome.

    I am not above hitting a woman.
     
  12. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    He is a great guy.

    And neither am I. I will knock a bitch out.
     
  13. blue

    blue Jerk.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Messages:
    10,119
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    wasilla alaska
    Made me LOL
     
  14. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    :D lol
     
  15. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2005
    Messages:
    17,761
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Not enough.
    Location:
    Wales
    Agree - 4 hours is nothing.

    My boyfriend lives 2 hours away and that's super duper easy (I've even driven to work from his before now). Another 2 hours on top of that would make it a planned trip, rather than a commute, but certainly not out of the question.

    Leave the house at 5pm, arrive somewhere else 9pm - still time to unload and have food and chit chat before bed :D
     
  16. stardogs

    stardogs Behavior Nerd

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2009
    Messages:
    4,925
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 1 cat
    Location:
    NC
    Home Page:
    Dak, this might sound harsh, but it strikes me that you're really limiting yourself in general by focusing so much on being super close to family. Right now it appears that you have 3 options: move home, stay where you are but where you hate being, or move halfway between, but what about the option of working through *why* you feel that you can't be further than x from your family and whether there is a way to grow that will allow you to be happy wherever you end up?

    You're in a major transition stage of life - there are tons of emotions related to the transition of being on your own if you haven't been before and a major one ime is working through homesickness and how your relationship with your family changes once you're "an adult". If you don't do that now, you're constraining yourself to always living within x distance of your family, and that's ok for some, but down the road it may make things much more difficult.

    I moved 500 miles away from my family for a job after college. I had lived 100 miles away all throughout college so the transition wasn't cold turkey, but I still cried when my parents pulled out of my driveway that first time and I felt sooooo alone. I had some things you don't right now (a life consuming job, a dog, a car), so that did make it much easier to stay busy and not dwell, but there were def moments I wished I wasn't 11 hours away from "home". Now though, I *love* being on my own with my husband, even 11 hours doesn't seem too long of a drive (less than a day! yay! lol), and I think my relationship with my mom has improved immensely because of the extra boundaries/space the distance creates. For me, it's given me much more confidence in myself to work *through* the discomfort instead of thinking it was black and white: either be with family and happy or be away from family and unhappy.

    Only you know what's best for you, but please do consider if you have more grey area than you think! (and none of this is really related to your relationship with TJ btw, it's related to your relationship with *yourself*)
     
  17. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    28,563
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Lancaster, PA
    Home Page:
    Dak... this sound totally unrelated but have you gone to a doctor at all about this? Talked to anyone? maybe it's chemical, emotional or hormonal. I'm NOT trying to be mean or anything but just reading your posts over the last couple of weeks it seems your emotions are all over the map. one week you were ready to have a baby with TJ and now this week you are ready to move away and leave the relationship all together. I just wonder if this is YOU or if this is something else going on with your body. I'd say it's worth looking in to if you can. To go from one extreme to the other in such a short amount of time makes me think there is something else going on with you than just being homesick (depression, hormones out of whack, etc)

    Just an idea. if it's something you can "fix" maybe you can have your cake and eat it too so to speak lol
     
  18. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    7,998
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    1
    Location:
    GA
    Home Page:
    Tanya - I sent you a facebook message cause for some reason Chaz would not let me one for about 2 hours.
     
  19. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    Are you able to just pick up and go? Or do you have a job where your at etc..?
     

Share This Page