I have a dilemma

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by SpringerLover, Jan 19, 2013.

  1. SpringerLover

    SpringerLover Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    fiver
    Location:
    B-ville
    Home Page:
    My best friend in high school is at a very different point in her life than I am so we've kind of drifted apart and just talk occasionally. She's been texting me off and on for the last two years about her cat. He absolutely does not like her two children and despite moving into a house where he has a (finished) basement all to himself to retreat to, a huge litterbox that is scooped at least daily, and one-on-one time with both owners... he still poops outside the litterbox.

    In theory, I could take him once I move as a "foster" but realistically... I don't know that he's a cat I could even place with anyone. He's really a 2 person cat and has never warmed up to anyone but his two owners. He barely tolerates my presence (or that of anyone). My friend is heartbroken over this and her husband is becoming increasingly upset about the whole situation (he is at the point of wanting the cat euthanized).

    I really don't know what to do. Do I volunteer to take him after I move (and potentially have issues with my own "problem-child-cat")? Do I tell her that I'll take him to the vet to be euthanized? (He can't be an outside cat, he's been declawed in the front so sending him to that "mythical farm" isn't an option.)

    I'm really, really sad for her. I don't think they'd ever do meds and I know they won't see a veterinary behaviorist. If I took him, I'd likely ask to have him put on meds to make the transition at least a little easier... but I still feel like that's a really poor choice on my part.

    I definitely need advice.
     
  2. Pandemonium

    Pandemonium Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Occupation:
    I am owned by 3
    Location:
    Alderslea Ontario Canada
    Has she tried two different cat boxes? Some cats are insistant on having 2, one for each job (our two cats have 3 boxes, but generally only use the 2), and try unscented litter too. Moving the box to a completely different area, away from his food may help, as well as having the boxes out of eyesight of people watching. Maybe he's shy LOL.

    I don't know that fostering/rehoming is really going to be the answer sorry to say. Hope it all works out for the dude.
     
  3. stardogs

    stardogs Behavior Nerd

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2009
    Messages:
    4,925
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 1 cat
    Location:
    NC
    Home Page:
    If the cat has to have meds just to live with you then I think it might well be more humane to euth if it comes to that. Different types of boxes, more boxes, different litter, all might help, though. Have they tried Feliway?

    If they do euth, they should go with him to the vets' - he doesn't need the added stress of handling by strangers at the end of his life.
     
  4. MicksMom

    MicksMom Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2007
    Messages:
    3,978
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    1 furry
    Location:
    Warren Co, NJ
    I'm not trying to sound harsh here, but honestly, I don't see it as a dilemma on your part- he's not going to fit into your household for various reasons. Don't feel bad for not being able to take him in/foster him. You have to think of your household first. If they choose to have him pts, and you're OK with taking him, that's what I would suggest. But, whatever you do, don't feel guilty that he doesn't fit into your household.
     
  5. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    4,168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    2
    Location:
    Gillett/Flower Mound TX
    If my OH told me to euth one me my animals I don't know if our relationship could continue after that or if it did I dot know if it would be the same.
     
  6. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2006
    Messages:
    10,233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Olympia, WA
    Has she tried one of those feliway pheremone plug in things? I've never used one personally, but they're supposedly extremely calming and work well. I think they cost around $30 or so. That's about the cost of a euth, so it might be worth a try to see if it helps.
     
  7. Grab

    Grab Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2005
    Messages:
    3,374
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    36
    My coworker was having an issue with her cats in regards to litterbox issues, she's had great luck with the Feliway diffusers.

    I wouldn't feel bad about not being able to take in the cat, though.
     
  8. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    4,168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    2
    Location:
    Gillett/Flower Mound TX
    You mentioned that the cat also had issues with kids, what kind? Just curious.
     
  9. SpringerLover

    SpringerLover Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    fiver
    Location:
    B-ville
    Home Page:
    He avoids the children at all costs. He has never shown anything that would be concerning or dangerous.
     
  10. Southpaw

    Southpaw orange iguanas.

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2005
    Messages:
    7,788
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    7
    Location:
    Minnesota
    This just started when the kids came into the picture?

    I would try the Feliway if it's behavioral, and everything medical is okay. I know my cat poops outside the box when his poo starts getting a bit on the "too firm" side... so are you sure it's just rooted in stress?
     
  11. misfitz

    misfitz Ruddy Buttinski

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2009
    Messages:
    457
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    one dog and one cat
    Location:
    LaLa Land
    Home Page:
    Could they build him an outdoor enclosure? With indoor access or some kind of shelter of course. That way he could be safe outside tho declawed.
     
  12. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I second the idea of adding a second box. It can be right next to the first one. There are definitely pee boxes and poop boxes at my house, I don't know why they care but far be it from me to try to fathom what goes on in the mind of a cat sometimes. I also think the Feliway diffuser is a good idea.

    Having said that... if you want a cat and certainly if you want this cat, then by all means take him in. But don't take him purely out of guilt... BTDT and it isn't the same kind of relationship as one that doesn't start under duress IME.


    ETA: Also, regarding outdoors/declawed... if his alternative is to be euthanized then being an indoor/outdoor cat without claws is not ideal but maybe not the end of the world. Nothing ideal about the situation as it stands, anyway.
     
  13. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    4,168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    2
    Location:
    Gillett/Flower Mound TX
    I have also read that declawed cats can have behavioral probs from the procedure is that true? Because "declawing" is really amputation of the 3rd phalanx of the cats food.
     
  14. SpringerLover

    SpringerLover Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    fiver
    Location:
    B-ville
    Home Page:
    I will definitely recommend getting another litterbox for him. Until we/I/they make a decision, he's going to take up residence in the spare bathroom in the basement because that floor is easier to clean than the carpet.

    This did all start almost as soon as they brought the first baby home (two years ago now). He had never peed or pooped outside the litterbox before. It's very intermittent but she said it happens at least twice a week now.
     
  15. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    27,771
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    IN
    I absolutely agree with trying 2 litter boxes first....worked for more than one person I know.

    And I also agree STRONGLY with the above from stardogs. Not only is it wrong for the cat, it's very wrong of your friend. IMO that = dumping in a kill shelter and walking off so you don't have to witness :(
     
  16. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

    Joined:
    May 11, 2010
    Messages:
    7,061
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    2 dogs (and 3 half dogs and a half cat)
    Location:
    Mississippi
    My mom was in a very similar situation with her cat, Pheobe.

    Pheobe liked my mom. She did not like anyone else. She had attacked my siblings on numerous occasions and drawn major blood (and that was with no front claws). She was declawed, but even if she hadn't been, she would not have been a good canidate for an outdoor cat. She was much too flighty, and she hated other cats. She also hated dogs. She tolerated Chloe, but that was it.

    She and Apollo got along fairly well. But when the outdoor cats came in to being, she became extremely stressed out. She would constantly try to attack them through the windows, even when they were just sitting there.

    On top of it all, she hard recurrent UTIs that caused her to urinate all over the house. When she was on medication she was fine, but as soon as she stopped the meds she would start peeing everywhere again. It may have been stones, but mom couldn't afford to have them surgically removed if that was the case. It got to the point where trying to give her the pills twice a day was stressing her out beyond belief. The last few months of her life she essentially lived under my mom's bed.

    Mom decided to euthanize, and I can't fault her for it. Yes, all of Pheobe's issues were "treatable"...but not feasible. I think mom did the best thing she could have done in the situation: she stopped Pheobe from being in discomfort and anxiety.
     

Share This Page