Hypothetical question about living at home

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by CaliTerp07, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    Heard this on the radio today. I had an immediate reaction, but wondering what everyone else thought.

    Married couple in their mid-20's lives in her parents' basement. They pay (below market) rent in order to save money. After filing their taxes, they get a fairly hefty refund. Couple wants to go on vacation to Disneyworld (a hefty trip from DC). Parents say, "No way, you save that money, the whole reason you are living with us to to be able to save. If you can afford to go on vacation, you can afford to live on your own."

    Whose side are you on?
     
  2. release the hounds

    release the hounds Active Member

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    kids. Families live together under the same roof all over the world. Generations of them. If a parent wants the kids and has no problem with them paying rent to live there, then they don't get **** for input on how they spend their money. they can always terminate their tenancy and they both can go their separate ways.
     
  3. Airn

    Airn New Member

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    Hmm... I think it really depends on the situation. Do they have dinner with the parents? Do the parents do their laundry? Really, how dependent on the parents are they?

    I don't think the parents should tell them what to do, though. If they want to take a trip, they should. I would probably up their rent or stop doing things for them.

    That's a problem you have when you live with your parents as an adult. Yes, you're an adult but you aren't the (only) one supporting yourself.

    So, I guess I'm on the parent's side. There are plenty of things/vacations you can go do without spending an insane amount to go to Disney. (And unless they have children, I don't see why it has to be Disney? I know, adults go to Disney too but it is still mainly for children. Or people who can afford it.)
     
  4. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Meh, not enough info on the situation really to say....

    Depends on whether the parents really want them there or not.... If they want them out, then they're not going to be pleased are they?

    If they enjoy having them there, then what's the rush....?
     
  5. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    Eh, I can see both sides, but I think that especially if they are paying rent they should be able to do what they want with their own tax refund. I wasn't married at the time, but I lived with my parents until I was in my early 20's and they didn't care what I spent my money on, as long as I'd earned it.

    I also question whether you can really afford to live on your own just because you got a big tax return in a city like DC-the cost if living is shocking there.
     
  6. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    While I think everyone deserves to take a break now and then, I agree with the parents. Disney is pricey (worth it, totally get what you pay for but pricey) and if they are trying to SAVE money then a staycation or a short local get away would probably be a better option. I can see how the parents would feel like their generosity was being abused.

    I know someone that owes money to family members and had the gall to ask for more money so he could go on vacation. If you have to borrow money for a vacation that's a sign that maybe you shouldn't be taking one.

    I will add that my opinion is based on my assumption that them living there was not nessecarily ideal and the parents were just letting them live there to help them out not that it was nessecarily a mutual "let's all live together" situation. That there is the expectation that they will eventually move out when they have the money to put a downpayment on a house (which a tax refund could really help with)
     
  7. release the hounds

    release the hounds Active Member

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    I certainly agree with the parents and their position, BUT everyone is adult now. If you're going to cut their rent, they can spend their money how they want. If you feel they're taking advantage of you, they would no longer be my tenants. Welcome to the real world. If I wanted to maintain parental control, they'd pay full rent and I'd put a few hundred into a savings account for them :) and when they wanted to move out, I'd make a down payment on a house with it.
     
  8. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    My knee jerk reaction was that if you're old enough to get married, you should be old enough to support yourself financially and make wise financial decisions. If you aren't there yet, you should be doing everything possible to get there.

    If everyone under that roof is completely happy with the situation, great, do whatever--but it's obvious parents aren't happy (or they wouldn't be trying to get kiddos to save more so they can one day move out). The daughter on the phone reeked of entitlement ("It's MY money, I can do whatever I want with it!") I would agree with her only if she paid full market rent so that she is a full tenant. Anything else and she's taking advantage of mom and dad's generosity. The bargain was cheap living ---> save to pay down debts/loans/etc faster so you can be self sufficient.

    I would feel so insanely guilty living in my parents' home (or worse, my in-laws') at this point in my life. I'd be paying as much as I could afford towards rent and taking every opportunity to advance my career and improve our financial situation.
     
  9. Airn

    Airn New Member

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    I'm in this situation right now. The BF and I are moving out of my dad's house (he doesn't live in it) into our own apartment because we want to be responsible and have our OWN place.

    Sure, it's nice that we don't have to pay rent (or anything) but I don't like it. He has some rules and I don't like them. And because it is HIS house and he is PAYING for it, I don't feel like I should disobey him.

    I want another dog and he wants no more animals in this house AT ALL. So, I am getting my own place. (This is NOT the main reason, just an example.) (He also is on the verge of being a hoarder and has SO MUCH STUFF in his house. And he comes over unannounced... just lots of annoying habits.)

    That's part of living with your parents (or family/friends) you don't get to make all the decisions. Sure, it might suck, but if you don't like it, move. (Apart from venting and living with other people woes.)
     
  10. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    The kids' side...provided they're adults (I'll say over 21), not 18 or 19 year old "adults" who are still acting as dependents upon their parent's.

    Lots of adult children live at home. They either pay rent, or they don't. It's not a parent's obligation or responsibility to financial assist (be it through money, or low-cost rent, etc) their ADULT children. They're doing this because they WANT to and are able to.

    If they way their children handle their finances bother them, it's time to either get over it, kick the kids out, or charge a reasonable rent.
     
  11. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Actually, that is incorrect. Some cultures, it IS considered a parents responsibility to financially assist until the child is on their feet.
     
  12. frostfell

    frostfell Kung Pow Fish

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    It IS her money, and she CAN do whatever she wants with it. Thats not entitlement, thats plain truth. Shes is perfectly entitled to her own godsrotted money. She worked for it. Its hers. Period. You may not agree with how its spent, but thats the beauty of being a grown person in a free world. She doesnt need YOUR approval.
     
  13. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    The sign of maturity! Wanting responsibilities!

    I am extremely grateful to know that if **** hit the fan, our parents (both sides) would have a bedroom waiting for us if we needed it. I also know that I would do as much as possible to make it a very temporary situation.
     
  14. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    It's still not a legal responsibility in America, and for the average American practicing the majority of common religions here, it's not the case.

    I assume that any religion who states it's an obligation of the parents to support their children until marriage or financial security, there's also a strong obligation for the children to respect and obey their parent's wishes until then.

    The OP also mentioned the parents are assisting the children so the children can save money, which to me, implies the children ARE able to afford to live on their own, it's just not financially in the best interest in the long run. It's much a different case if the children simply can not afford to move out whatsoever.
     
  15. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    But she only has that money because her parents are gifting them hundreds of dollars a month in cheap rent. There was no gratefulness apparent for the immense favor her parents are giving them.

    Really, I guess parents need to raise the rent or kick them out. Ideally children would decide on their own that it is not mature to spend it on disney when you can't afford rent, but that is not happening.
     
  16. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Nope, she doesn't need OUR approval but she may regret playing the "it's mine and I can do whatever I want with it" if the parents decide to pull the same card and say "it's our house and we can do whatever we want with it". Honestly, it is entitlement to show no respect for those trying to help you get on your feet, NOT to help you take a nice vacation. If you tell someone you will only be living there temoprarily while saving your money to get your own place I would think it would be nice if you SAVED the money instead of taking an expensive vacation.

    You live in someone else's house you either deal with their rules or you get out. Being an adult does not mean you get to just do whatever you want whenever you want without consequence.

    She can choose to spend that money and take the vacation but I'll bet she'll be right ticked if she finds herself out of a cushy low rent home. Being an adult means also acting like one and blowing your money on a vacation when you are trying to save for a home is NOT acting like an adult. Act like a child and be treated like one.

    YES the parents can choose to just up the rent but it seems they took a low ball rent so that the kids can save more money while still contributing on good faith.

    this is all assumption of course lol
     
  17. Locke

    Locke Active Member

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    I'm kind of in a similar situation. Living with my boyfriend under my parents roof while saving our money to buy our own place (we'll be out by the end of July).
    I would feel guilty going on an expensive vacation in my situation, even though my parents LOVE having us at home (they're so weird, I can't stand it any longer!). They're doing us a HUGE favour, the least I could do is treat THEM to a vacation.
     
  18. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Cali, not all parents or families look at it as a "burden" or parental responsibility or obligation to allow their adult children to live with them. Some parents LOVE having their adult children living with them, and would prefer to keep it that way as long as possible. It's not at all uncommon for extended families to co-habitate, by choice, and not out of need or obligation.

    Of course, living with other adult family members is going to come with some disagreements and disapproval of each other's decisions. At that point, the families who OWN the home and pay for the home need to weigh the pros and cons of living with others who are not paying rent, or paying a reduced rent.

    Unless it's stipulated that the money the children save from their reduced rent go to a very specific purpose each month (savings for down payment on a house, medical bills, etc.), it's none of the parent's business what they do with it. No more than handing someone a 50$ bill on their birthday and then complaining when they spend it on dinner and a movie instead of groceries or a utility bill.
     
  19. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    This is what I was trying to say with my post. it just smacks of ungrateful brattiness to be like "It's MINE" when you are shmoozing off of what is someone else's
     
  20. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    Not quite sure what you're quoting. Did I use the word burden somewhere?

    I have never met a family that was thrilled their adult children lived at home. My mother in law comes close--in her ideal situation her kids buy the houses next door to her a la everybody loves raymond!--but even then she wishes financial independence on her children. I don't doubt that some parents enjoy it more than others though.

    All that being said, from the OP the parents were upset that the kids weren't saving--which makes me think that they want the children moving towards being self sufficient and out of the house.

    If the parents truly love having them there and the kids really want to be there and everyone is thrilled living together, then split the mortgage/rent 50/50 among the couples in the house (or charge full market rent for the basement, if that is more logical). Then no one is doing anyone else any favors or gifts, and money can be spent any way everyone wants to.
     

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