Husband's ex-wife is REALLY P-ing me off!!!!

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by juliefurry, Jul 15, 2005.

  1. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    Ok, we had my stepsons over 4th of July weekend and we are suppose to drop them off on Sunday's with her. Well ME AND HER had made the agreement that if the boys came down on Monday (instead of Friday) and stayed all week until Sunday that she would pick them up after the fireworks were over (we went to Chicago to see the fireworks at the marina). Well Sunday she calls up and says "oh we're not picking them up after the fireworks you have to drop them off!" So we have a HUGE two hour arguement with her and I get SO mad. Well she backs off and says she'll pick them up sometime BEFORE the fireworks, and we leave it at that. Well, we get the the marina, have a couple drinks, and then she calls and says she NOT picking the boys up and that we have to drop them off NOW (and she lives an hour and a half away). So there's ANOTHER hour long arguement in front of people that my dad works with and then we decide to drive them home and then come back for the fireworks. So we drive them back (there's another half hour arguement at the door) and then we pay ANOTHER $18 to park (plus the original $16 we paid when we first got to the marina). Well we called her later that week and told her we wouldn't be taking them this week because it's my birthday Monday and my parents had paid for us to go to Wisconsin Dells for the week ( and she said fine but she needed extra money besides the $600 we pay to her every month anyways!) So we sent her a check (which she QUICKLY cashed) for an extra $100. Well I get a call from her JERK OFF boyfriend today saying she was on her way to drop the boys off tonight (thursday) and I said "no, they can't come, we have plans and won't be home until next Sunday!" Well evidently they took the child support money that we had given them plus the EXTRA $100 and had booked themselves a nice vacation somewhere to be gone ALL THIS WEEK, and just decided not to say anything. So I called my husband up at work, balling my eyes out because now we can't go on vacation. He called her and she replied "It's your weekend with the boys so YOU'RE taking them!" Just to fill you all in I haven't had a vacation in three years, and this was going to be a makeup honeymoon. So she drops them off at our doorstep like twenty minutes after I get this call from her STUPID boyfriend. IT'S NO FAIR!!! I know I might be a little hard to follow but I'm SO MAD right now. She was given notice that we wouldn't be here and she did all this stuff on purpose. Now we have to cancel our trip, and stay home. The worst thing is my husband took his last week of vacation this week coming up and now he HAS to take it so we can't reschedule his vacation or the trip :( . And the oldest boy has just been a complete JERK ever since he got down here! I mean I do LOVE these boys but I was SO excited about getting a vacation and I have NEVER been to Wisconsin Dells so I was SO EXCITED! I may sound a little ignorant but I'm not mad at the boys I'm mad at my husband's ex-wife! She has ruined EVERY special thing that we have done, or wanted to do, since I met my husband. She ruined my baby shower, she ruined our daughter's first birthday, she's ruined every birthday I've had since I met Mark, and Mark's too. And it's all because she is jealous and still thinks she can control Mark's every moves and she still thinks she can push him around! Sorry I couldn't help myself I'm just SO MAD now. I was SO looking forward to just going away for a week and not having to deal with anything and just relaxing!
     
  2. Love4Pits

    Love4Pits Playful Husky Pup

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    I am so sorry this has happened to you. She does sounds jealouse and bitter. She knows your better for your husband then she was and i bet that bothers her. ((hugs)) your way and once again im sorry you can't have your vacation.

    Question why could'nt your husbands ex find someone else to look after the boys? Gradnparents or friends of the family? Just sounds so inconsiderate.
     
  3. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    his ex doesn't care about the boys one bit! All she cares about is money, she'd let us keep the boys if she could still get the child support (and we thought about offering to keep paying her the support and letting us keep the boys but we couldn't afford it). She doesn't act like a parent at all for these kids, just uses them to get money. I do treat him better than her (seeing as I didn't sleep with all but one of his friends) and I think she's getting mad that he is listening to me and telling her off (it took me like a year and a half to get him to start doing that). We're gonna try to ask her parents to watch them but they'll probably be too busy. Grr...thanks for the support!
     
  4. BigDog2191

    BigDog2191 Big German Shepherd

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    Whoah... I understand completely. She sounds extremely stubborn and unreasonable--cold-hearted person.

    And it does sound like you need a vacation, I do too, and I MAY be getting one later on this month.

    I wish I had some good advice but all I can say is I hope things get better and I guess a (hug).
     
  5. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    Thanks! We've had SO many problems that I was SO looking forward to this vacation. Hmm...maybe I'll just have some drinks tonight instead. Oh well, well hubby's home and he's laying the smack down on the oldest boy for being such a jerk tonight. So he wants me to sit out there and discuss this stuff with him. (it's past one o'clock, this kids 12 and he REFUSES to go to sleep because "i'm not his mother and I can't tell him what to do! He can do whatever he wants because his mother says he doesn't have to listen to me."). She tells these boys that they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their mother, and that they don't have to do anything I say. Although I think it's just this boy though. Because my husband isn't his biological father and now he's starting to tell him "you're not my dad, I don't have to listen to you!" When my husband is the only father this kid has ever known (my husband has been taking care of him since he was 7 months old). These kids. I mean I love these kids but it's his ex-wife that I can't stand. I mean with all the problems that I'm having now with Shelby, and the cats, we have to add this to it as well.
     
  6. blue

    blue Jerk.

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    Can you and your husband take the boys even if you still have to pay support? If so next time they are dropped off, call the police and claim them as abandoned by their mom. After that you and your husband will have to fight fight fight.

    I had a better response but that was 2 power outages ago, sorry.
     
  7. blue

    blue Jerk.

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    Im going to be in WI in August, do I need to talk to her boyfriend?
     
  8. blue

    blue Jerk.

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    As a son raised by mom and the stepdad maybe while Im in Wisconsin I talk to the boys and the raw deal they are getting.
     
  9. Saje

    Saje Island dweller

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    Awww Julie. Shitty. I feel for you. Really. I can't make it better so I'll just send (((hugs)))
     
  10. Debi

    Debi Moderator

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    I'm sad for you. I'm REALLY sad for the boys...imagine what it must feel like to realize you aren't wanted either place. I don't mean that against you...I fully agree with you on this..the ex is a real piece of work. The kids should come first...guess she just doesn't get that. They are just little boys stuck in the middle...breaks my heart.
     
  11. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Okay, Julie, you are definitely getting the S#*! end of the stick on this one.

    It sounds like your husband needs to think a bit and buck up. First - (and I know it's too late, but maybe in the future) that extra money shouldn't have been sent until AFTER your vacation - if at all! From now on, abide by the letter of the agreement. Your husband needs to go back to his lawyer and see about getting this crap straightened out - and part of that is creating a record of what happens with the Court so you've got some leverage later on when you need it.

    If she won't come pick the boys up, they stay - and if she doesn't bother to come get them for a week, the child support for that week (or whatever the time period is) gets put into a separate account under the boys' name. Your husband needs to petition the Court to do that. He also needs to see about petitioning the Court to make her accountable for how at least part of that money is spent. That's hard to do, but if he will start creating that record of the problems it's a possibility.

    Another thing - and this will PO the ex off mightily :D Get the Court to order family counseling because of the behaviour of the boys. And SHE has to go to at least part of the sessions . . .

    AND - remember, you have every right to tape record conversations that are made on your telephone in your house without telling the other party you are recording them . . .

    Ask your husband if he wants the boys to grow up and think the kind of abuse and manipulation their mother is dishing out to him is normal and end up married to someone like that. It's up to him - right now - to show them a better way to have a relationship and how to be a man.
     
  12. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    It's not that their not wanted here, we love having them here. It's just we made arrangements as soon as we found out that my parent's had made the trip for us and she arranged her little "outing" on the same weekend purposely. She asked her parents to watch her and her boyfriend's kid (which they hopefully will be getting back to us in the hour on if they will take the boys or not). I wish we could keep them and not have to pay child support, but we've tried already and it won't work. Usually she will not let both of them stay with us either, it's always the oldest boy that she will so happily let stay (because he causes the most of the problems). She knows she needs one of the boys to keep getting the support. As for talking to the boys Blue, MANY have tried. We've tried, her parent's have tried, my husband's sister has tried, the POLICE have tried, the boy's mother and her boyfriend have tried and they just keep getting worse. The oldest boy stold a car from the neighbors a few weeks back (he's only 12) and the worse part is the neighbors didn't file a report because the kid is confused. I thought it would have been best for them to file a report. The kids both need the help of a therapist and unfortunetely their mother doesn't care enough to get it for them. We tried to figure out a way but we don't have them enough and with my work schedule and my husband's we can't take them extra days when we have them. We just don't know what to do to help them anymore, they need so much help and we can't give them what they need. The only thing we can do is just listen to them and talk to them and give them support and love and it seems like they are just pushing that away. Well except for the youngest boy he LOVES it with us. He woke me up at six o'clock today and wanted to play CandyLand with him. Now normally I would be mad but when you see him giving you that look he gives you can't help but play a few games.
     
  13. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Go back to your husband's lawyer, Julie, and start the wheels turning to get the Court to order counseling . . . And be sure to tell the attorney about the car theft. You're right about it being better if it had been reported - it would get some wheels turning to that end.
     
  14. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    That's a good idea. We'll have to get in touch with his lawyers agian. We record EVERY message that we get from them because like 95% of them are threatening in some way. We also record every weekend things that happen. She'll refuse to drive them to our house and she'll just drop them off at Mark's sisters and tell Mark's sister that we had already agreed that I'd pick them up there, she won't answer her phone or come to the door, even if you know she's home until she wants money (so we may have to boys for a week or so at a time) and then she wants the boys back NOW. I have called off so many days of work because she won't take the boys back, and I've also brought them into work probably just as many. Luckily my boss is being cool about it (I mean who else is she going to get to run the store during the day while she sits upstairs and plays on the computer). I mean we've tried to explain what his mother and her boyfriend are doing isn't good. The few times the oldest boy has gone to counseling the therapists have called us and told us that any normal mother would have taken herself and her kids and gotten out of that relationship a long time ago. I'm just mad at her, I don't blame the boys, I know it's not their fault.
     
  15. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

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    That sucks for the kids !
     
  16. Debi

    Debi Moderator

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    at 12, that poor kid knows the situation only too well. His mom 'dumps' him...off on you...which ruins your vacation. You could act nice about it, but he KNOWS it sucks. That's a really sad burden for a kid. It amazes me........then people wonder what happened to this child??? I know it so very hard for you, but think about it deeply..it's harder for them. In my world, parents take their children on vacation with them. I bet he wishes that were his world, too. He also constantly feels the tension between families......he feels to blame so he acts out. It takes a special heart to just wrap your arms around him and make him feel wanted somewhere. If you think I'm a goof about dogs.......obviously I bleed for sad children. Hang in there...it takes a special person to be a stepmom to begin with.....I bet that person is you. You lost a vacation, but that doesn't mean you can't have a happy week together. :)
     
  17. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    well we are already trying to do stuff with them. I mean I'm not gonna ruin my hubby's whole week off just sitting around and being mad. Plus I like when we do stuff with them and then they go back and rub it in his mother's face that we did something. We usually take them to our friend's property a little ways from here and take them fishing and four wheeling (it's free and it's fun for them). Plus the oldest boy likes to take the dogs for a walk so I like going just me and him. He's really taken to Shelby (and her to him) and I think she sort of knows that he's sad and mad so they sort of need each other right now. I mean we know what happened to the oldest boy. I mean video games are partly to blame most of the bad things that this boy does is related to video games (he steals games, he lies and cheats so he can play games) if this boy isn't playing video games he's a wreck. He shakes and sweats and he can't sleep good, he paces around and he's just constantly moving his hands like he's holding a controller. We've taken video games away at both houses so now he's going cold turkey and it's really bad right now.
     
  18. smkie

    smkie pointer/labrador/terrier Staff Member

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    as my son says..take the higher road..even if you are sick of doing so..it doens't matter..make the best of the situation and try to consider your husband lucky to have more time with his child.
     
  19. juliefurry

    juliefurry Rusty but Trusty

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    yeah that's what we're doing. I mean yeah our vacation's ruined but we can't change that. Atleast I won't have to worry about the dog's and everybody for the whole week now. My parents weren't able to get their money back but they were able to reschedule the trip. We're going to try to go in six months when my husband can more vacation time (once they've finished like 70% of the work year they can use their vacation for next year). I mean if we had the money to pay for all the extra's that went along with bringing the boys we would have taken them but we just couldn't pay for it, especially after having to give their mom an extra $100. It breaks my heart because they were both such sweet boys, they still are, when me and my husband first met and now they're so mixed up.
     
  20. Debi

    Debi Moderator

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    aw, smkie...that is sweet. :)
     

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