How would you feel in this situation?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Paige, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    My boyfriend is a major loner. He is very quiet and doesn't talk much when we go out. I keep gently encouraging him to go out and make friends. We've only lived in the Kelowna area for four months but I have a network of friends already. I don't see them too often but I am very out going and friendly. I've brought him along on a few outings but he never talks which makes people think he's kind of weird and it can make social situations a bit uncomfortable.

    Well, he told me he thinks one of my friends is cute. He then added her on facebook and asked her to hangout. They both told me. I don't feel threatened by her at all I just cannot for the life of me understand WHY he wants to hangout with her as he has not talked to her directly in person. The only thing they have in common is they both smoke pot (I don't). I know no funny business will happen... but I'm kind of irritated he won't go make his OWN friends as dumb as that sounds. Him and I spend so much time together and I feel like that my friends are the rare time I can just talk unedited about whatever and not have him around (we are together 99% time of our spare time). It'd be different if they had a gay old time together but I know she has just said yes to be nice.

    I love spending time with him. Most of my time... but the rare time I want to go out it's nice to have people that are just my friends. This is really bothering me and I think I'm being a bit irrational in it.

    TLDR my boyfriend asked one of my friends to hangout who he hasn't spoken to directly at all and it's annoying me because we spend so much time together that I wish he would network for friends with other people. Not my existing friends.
     
  2. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I think you are totally justified and would feel the same way. Regardless of "funny business" it's nice to have friends that are just YOURS and who you can just BE WITH and talk to freely about your boyfriend (good and bad things) and not feel like you have to share them or censor your thoughts because they know him as well.

    It would also really bug me that they didn't even kick it off. It's not like they were fast friends and wanted to hang out.. especially for somebody who isn't that social, why would he pick one of YOUR friends to go out on a limb and ask to hang out? Just smells fishy to me.. WHY THIS GIRL? lol that's what I would wanna know.

    Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have friends who like your boyfriend and do group stuff together. but I don't think it's wrong of you to think he should make his OWN friends and kind of get off yours lol

    Does he have any hobbies? interest? Meet up groups are fun. If he is in school encourage him to join a club or if he works, encourage him to hang out with his co-workers/talk to them more.

    In my group, the rule is you don't hang out with my boyfriend without me unless you are...

    A. Helping him pick out my engagement ring
    B. Helping him plan my surprise birthday party
    C. Doing something else that directly involves me
    D. Yelling at him for something he did to me
    or
    E. Killing him for something he did to me

    Haha but ya, I would feel the same way. Perhaps even A LOT less level headed than you are!

    I am not a jealous person by any means.. but ya, I would probably be weary..
     
  3. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    I dunno. Cute girl willing to get stoned with him is all I am coming up with. She also has her son that day. I was invited by her to come too, then later he said he guessed I could come too... but the tone was there for me to pick up a hint that he'd rather me not. I dunno it just all screams odd to me.
     
  4. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    Honestly... I'm feeling red flags... Especially with his, "I guess you could come" remark. I definitely sense something fishy.
     
  5. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

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    Yeah, that seems really odd.

    I'm the first one to admit that I'm ALL FOR male-female friendships. However, cute girl to get stoned with just seems... wrong. Out of all the things he could say about her and he comes up with "she's cute."

    Red flags are going up for sure.
     
  6. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    Well, in my newfound "I hate men they are pigs" frame of mind, I'd beat him until I felt better.

    You, on the other hand, seem much more rational than I. So perhaps explain to him why the situation seems crappy to you.
     
  7. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    something seems off to me too.... I suppose time will tell if it's anything to be concerned about.
     
  8. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    If something seems off to you then something probably is. I see a big red flag that he might have more interest in this girl than to just smoke pot with her. He seems like he wants to get to know her a little more. Hopefully, I'm just wrong!

    Do they text back and forth? May I ask how long you have been dating him?
     
  9. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    Nope we don't have cell phones. We've been together a year. I know him well enough to know he isn't going to sleep with her and I trust her too. If it happens though I'd be 100% shocked. I just think it's more than what he's letting on. I do think he has a crush on her though. Which is fine I just wish he'd tell me his reason behind it so I stop overthinking.

    I dont want to shut down his attempt at making a friend.
     
  10. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    I agree, he needs to tell you so you can either move on or work on your relationship.
     
  11. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    No sh1t.
     
  12. Bahamutt99

    Bahamutt99 Dafuq?

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    I am a fairly trusting person by nature, but this makes my spidey senses tingle... I would be watchful were I you.
     
  13. Zoom

    Zoom Twin 2.0

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    Pretty much exactly this.
     
  14. RD

    RD Are you dead yet?

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    I wouldn't really feel comfortable with it. Picking ONE person he's never interacted with before to hang out with, alone, and his only thing to say about her is she's cute? Ergh.

    You're being really rational, Paige. I'd be more than a little irked. "I guess you could come" is kind of a rude thing to say to your girlfriend, lol, especially when the person you want to hang out with alone is one of said girlfriend's friends.
     
  15. GipsyQueen

    GipsyQueen Active Member

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    I too am pretty trusting (heck my boyfriend is one of those guys who has a bunch of female friends.) and this seems like a huge red flag to me.
     
  16. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    You're stuck in the "i must not appear irrational and jealous" camp, however there are times you can question.

    It's a tricky one. I trust my boyfriend, but he hasn't selected one of my "cute" friends to spend alone time with.... That would weird me out. A lot.
     
  17. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    I'm pretty trusting, too, but that just doesn't sit right with me. In cases like this, when you're usually pretty rational, and your gut screams at you, go with your gut.

    Also, he might not know that it's her day to have her child, but I think getting high around kids is just not ok. I have nothing against pot, but I guess there's a time and a place? And it's certainly not around kids.
     
  18. Barb04

    Barb04 Love my pets Staff Member

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    Maybe you're trying to be rational because you don't want to break up with him, but in my opinion, this is not a good idea. I would tell him that after thinking about what he wants to do, you are not comfortable with it. See what he says. I would be very suspicious. Just because you think he & she won't do anything, doesn't mean it won't happen & you may not know about it. My husband would say men don't think with their heads (brains)!
     
  19. cloudcandy

    cloudcandy Cloudcandy

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    EHH EHHHH EHHHHHHHH!!
    No way!Big red alarms...why would he even give the reason "she's cute" as a excuse to hang out with her...wtf!?
    Nope,I would have just said "Wtf?Get your own friends,leave mine alone",saying that...any female friend I have would think it weird if my BF just added them on Facebook and asked to hang out.They would most likely let me know and be like ..."uh...."
    Anyway you sound very calm and rational (well done),so just say to him

    "You know what,I'm not completely comfortable with this situation.Why would you tell me you think she's cute?That made me feel uncomfortable!I think it's great that maybe you made a connection with someone and you think you could be friends.If that's the case then go ahead,and hang out with them but can you honestly tell me that's all it is?You also made me feel a bit down when you said "I guess you can come",is there a reason you don't want me there?She is my friend too.
    "
     
  20. Samantha's pet

    Samantha's pet New Member

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    Can't you just say, "Why on Earth would you want to hang out with her without me? You don't even really know her."

    That just seems totally weird. Why wouldn't he want you to go? Wouldn't he feel more comfortable with a buffer there since they may have nothing to talk about considering they don't know each other?
     

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