How long til you "know" a dog isn't working out?
- Thread starter Dogdragoness
- Start date
This was my response to a similar thread on the other forum.
I really do agree that a commitment is a commitment. I think sometimes it is in the dog's best interest to rehome if it is truly just not working out but I also think you can give up too soon. And you can also be the problem that is preventing the bond from happening- I know I was the problem when it came to Trey. In the end I made a commitment to that dog though and it's up to me to fulfill it. That's really the bottom line.
I really do agree that a commitment is a commitment. I think sometimes it is in the dog's best interest to rehome if it is truly just not working out but I also think you can give up too soon. And you can also be the problem that is preventing the bond from happening- I know I was the problem when it came to Trey. In the end I made a commitment to that dog though and it's up to me to fulfill it. That's really the bottom line.
I had a similar problem bonding with Luna when I first got her. And I think it was because like you I wanted Cinnamon II and well Luna isn't lol and like you say totally not her fault. I even had times when I wondered if she was the right dog for me, if I really was ready for another dog so quickly because it just wasn't working out those first few days/weeks. But once I got past those problems with training and lots of playing time . Realized that Luna was never going to be Cinnamon and that I love her for who she is that I really started bonding with her. Now we're inseparable 
. I'm glad that I hung in there too because I would have lost a great dog had I given up. One thing I know for sure now is that NO ONE is taking her a way from me and if they try there's going to be hell to pay.
. I'm glad that I hung in there too because I would have lost a great dog had I given up. One thing I know for sure now is that NO ONE is taking her a way from me and if they try there's going to be hell to pay.
I was relieved to read that a good few folks also thought what I thought about Josefina when I first got her ... I was looking for izze 2 & as a result I didn't get along with Josefina for over a year. Training was a chore.
BUT it made me Re examine myself & how I worked with my dogs, it was clear that the CM esque methods that worked so well with Izze were not going to work with Josefina ... So I read up about different methods & started using a very "soft" version of NILF because even with her I cannot use very adversity methods either but she is more "resilient" then buddy. That's not a comparison ... It's just an observation.
BUT it made me Re examine myself & how I worked with my dogs, it was clear that the CM esque methods that worked so well with Izze were not going to work with Josefina ... So I read up about different methods & started using a very "soft" version of NILF because even with her I cannot use very adversity methods either but she is more "resilient" then buddy. That's not a comparison ... It's just an observation.
I think bonding can take time. Most of my dogs it was pretty instant, but Courtney took forever, she had so much baggage. It took around 8 +months before that bond clicked. Sierra came to us over 3 yrs ago and that bond never clicked for me, but she is a part of the family. She loves my kids and is a great girl!
This.
None of my dogs are my "dream" dogs. There are things I don't like about them, daily frustrations. It's different because I know I love them etc and there is never any question about that. But still, they don't fit my "ideal" but ultimately they are mine. And I would not give up a dog for reasons like this, unless it meant I was not giving them what they need, or as was pointed out earlier - all hell breaking loose.
Otherwise I'd be cycling through dogs until I found the perfect match?
None of my dogs are my "dream" dogs. There are things I don't like about them, daily frustrations. It's different because I know I love them etc and there is never any question about that. But still, they don't fit my "ideal" but ultimately they are mine. And I would not give up a dog for reasons like this, unless it meant I was not giving them what they need, or as was pointed out earlier - all hell breaking loose.
Otherwise I'd be cycling through dogs until I found the perfect match?
I think I've been very lucky. It take me a really really long time to become devoted to anything, or anyone, but I know I love Fred, and dealing with his vet stuff recently has only solidified that!
It's not like Bodhi, who I know inside out, and can talk to in plain English and she seems to understand.... Who's my silent shadow and buddy, knows me, been there, done that and seen the highs and lows.
But he's definitely slotting in well
It's not like Bodhi, who I know inside out, and can talk to in plain English and she seems to understand.... Who's my silent shadow and buddy, knows me, been there, done that and seen the highs and lows.
But he's definitely slotting in well
Of the five, I have a stronger bond with Kiba (1st), Lincoln (4th) and Charlie (5th). Their personalities are what I really like in dogs. That doesn't mean I love Stryder (2nd) or Tsuki (3rd) any less.
Stryder and I don't really mesh well, he's either on or off, a most of the time a loud jerk-face, and Tsuki is too small for my taste and little more reserved/shy. Though over the years every now and then I have a fleeting thought of rehoming them to "better fit" homes, I love them with all my heart and couldn't be without them. So for them, we do other stuff that doesn't frustrate one another.
Stryder and I don't really mesh well, he's either on or off, a most of the time a loud jerk-face, and Tsuki is too small for my taste and little more reserved/shy. Though over the years every now and then I have a fleeting thought of rehoming them to "better fit" homes, I love them with all my heart and couldn't be without them. So for them, we do other stuff that doesn't frustrate one another.
As I was saying in the other thread, it took me ages with Abby. We went through a very difficult patch with me trying to come to terms with her reactivity and certain challenging behaviours.
Having said that, there was never any doubt in my mind that she was my girl. Her home was always going to be here with me. Our relationship did blossom between 18 months and 2 years. I cannot explain how special and gratifying it was to get to that point.
There's lots of things I love about this dog and lots of things I don't. She is not anything like Grace, who is so very easy to love (and she is far from perfect). I knew though from day one that I wasn't getting another Grace. In fact I didn't want another Grace. I wanted another dog to share my life with and that's the exciting thing about relationships with others. They are all so very different.
I'm only going by what my experiences are, but even though I struggled and it was difficult, I shed a lot of tears and went through a lot of stress... I never thought about rehoming Abby. The idea of losing her was extremely upsetting. I would've no sooner rehomed Abby than Grace and I was (and still am) head over heels in love with Grace.
So there was a bond there for sure. It wasn't anything like it is now, but it was there.
So maybe you should let yourself consider rehoming. The humane transfer of animals is no problem to me, as long as they go to homes that are better suited to the current home. Of course it's not easy, but it's not the end of the world.
Having said that, there was never any doubt in my mind that she was my girl. Her home was always going to be here with me. Our relationship did blossom between 18 months and 2 years. I cannot explain how special and gratifying it was to get to that point.
There's lots of things I love about this dog and lots of things I don't. She is not anything like Grace, who is so very easy to love (and she is far from perfect). I knew though from day one that I wasn't getting another Grace. In fact I didn't want another Grace. I wanted another dog to share my life with and that's the exciting thing about relationships with others. They are all so very different.
I'm only going by what my experiences are, but even though I struggled and it was difficult, I shed a lot of tears and went through a lot of stress... I never thought about rehoming Abby. The idea of losing her was extremely upsetting. I would've no sooner rehomed Abby than Grace and I was (and still am) head over heels in love with Grace.
So there was a bond there for sure. It wasn't anything like it is now, but it was there.
So maybe you should let yourself consider rehoming. The humane transfer of animals is no problem to me, as long as they go to homes that are better suited to the current home. Of course it's not easy, but it's not the end of the world.
This is me with Pepper too. I might be able to find her a "better fit" home but, um, no, she's mine LOL.
But yeah, I have had to adjust how I do things with Pepper. I'm strongly considering stopping agility training with her because it's just not going well for her. I know the expectation was that she was going to be an agility dog but... I don't know.
The other day I was like "Pepper, what kind of sport can we play that doesn't involve other dogs, or other people?" And I stared at her and she stared at me, and I said "...being cute." That is Pepper's sport. Being cute. Snuggling is her job. She's good at it.
But yeah, I have had to adjust how I do things with Pepper. I'm strongly considering stopping agility training with her because it's just not going well for her. I know the expectation was that she was going to be an agility dog but... I don't know.
The other day I was like "Pepper, what kind of sport can we play that doesn't involve other dogs, or other people?" And I stared at her and she stared at me, and I said "...being cute." That is Pepper's sport. Being cute. Snuggling is her job. She's good at it.
Funny enough I was tempted to make a sort of similar thread not too long ago in regards to Joey.
I LOVE him dearly don't get me wrong and I'm not rehoming him... but the bonding part has been a little source of frustration and I honestly think a lot of it is because Cricket sort of holds that high standard for me when it comes to dogs and I catch myself comparing him to her way too much which is not fair to him at all.
With Bamm we bonded almost instantly it seems. After only having him for a week people said we looked like he had been in my life forever since he glued himself to me so quickly.
Cricket did take a little time, but not much and I feel more closely bonded to her than any of of my other dogs. She was my perfect match (even though she isn't perfect and has her own minor issues). Seriously... words can not even explain just how appreciative I am that she ended up in RD's life and that RD trusted me enough to take care of her for the rest of her life.
With Joey... I adore him and adore his quirkiness even though Josh gets annoyed with that about him. We have our moments where he doesn't care to be near me or do anything with me and that frustrates me a little, but then he'll have his moments where he is upset if he isn't near me. Training with him is SO unbelievably frustrating because he lacks the focus I'm used to. He is completely a different type of dog than I'm used to, but I feel I need to give us more time and that as long as I start to really truly see him for who he is and stop comparing him to Cricket, then we have a real shot at starting to bond more.
I LOVE him dearly don't get me wrong and I'm not rehoming him... but the bonding part has been a little source of frustration and I honestly think a lot of it is because Cricket sort of holds that high standard for me when it comes to dogs and I catch myself comparing him to her way too much which is not fair to him at all.
With Bamm we bonded almost instantly it seems. After only having him for a week people said we looked like he had been in my life forever since he glued himself to me so quickly.
Cricket did take a little time, but not much and I feel more closely bonded to her than any of of my other dogs. She was my perfect match (even though she isn't perfect and has her own minor issues). Seriously... words can not even explain just how appreciative I am that she ended up in RD's life and that RD trusted me enough to take care of her for the rest of her life.
With Joey... I adore him and adore his quirkiness even though Josh gets annoyed with that about him. We have our moments where he doesn't care to be near me or do anything with me and that frustrates me a little, but then he'll have his moments where he is upset if he isn't near me. Training with him is SO unbelievably frustrating because he lacks the focus I'm used to. He is completely a different type of dog than I'm used to, but I feel I need to give us more time and that as long as I start to really truly see him for who he is and stop comparing him to Cricket, then we have a real shot at starting to bond more.