How did you get through the toughest periods of your lives?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Exactly what the title says. I could use some inspiration and strength right about now - let's share how we coped/are coping with tough stuff in life.

    I've just been trying to keep my calm, maneuver ahead with care, plan realistically and productively, and trying to keep destructive thoughts/urges of giving up at bay.

    So far....I'm still alive lol
     
  2. Lyzelle

    Lyzelle New Member

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    Zander.

    I'm going through a tough time as well, and even though I belittle my self worth often, and tell myself he would probably be okay with anyone else, I still don't want to leave him and put him in anything less than what I think is an ideal situation.

    My brother, too. He's going through a tough period as well, living with my mom and dealing with her just as much as I have in the past. I don't want to set the example that it's okay to just self-destruct, give up, and let everyone else win. I want to keep the image of strength and courage, just for him, so he can get out too, and knowing that it is better on the outside.

    And sometimes, the depression isn't always bad. I accept the bad times so that the good times look even better. I take the numbness and use it productively, getting everything I can done as soon as possible so that when I need a moment to just break down and cry, I can. The habitual act of living is comforting, just because it's a habit, and I don't have to think about it as much while I'm actually doing it. I can just get things done, truck along, and then be proud and happy that I've been able to produce something from it when I get to the end. Instead of the clouds breaking into a storm when I realize how crappy my situation still is, I've moved things along and can see the good that I've done at the end of the tunnel.

    Major hugs, Stephy. And if you ever need anything, feel free to PM me.
     
  3. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    My mom, Arnold, and Denis have each pulled me through.

    A support group is essential, truly. Living for others when you can't live for yourself is a saving grace.
     
  4. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    My dogs.

    And sheer refusal to let Them beat me.
     
  5. Brattina88

    Brattina88 Active Member

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    Maddie. Honestly... she has been here through several life stages for me, the thick and thin, ups and downs, she has been my rock and I don't know what I'd do without her.
    This past year when things got really rough I had another friend help me out a lot, too. But I don't trust many people (many people prove themselves to not be trustworthy) and I am surprised at this myself, but I am very blessed to have her in my life.
     
  6. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Since I am going through a tough time now after what happened Wednesday and now I am living with my mom (you can probably get 5 pages of threads I have made about her), I will give you my advice, so to speak.

    Right now, looking for a job so I can get a car so I can find a better job that I will LOVE so I can find a place to live BY MYSELF. I enjoy living my family, don't get me wrong. But where I live now has my mom, step dad, almost 20 year old sister, 6 year old niece, & 4 year old nephew. It is really crowded and I never have "me" time. If I could I'd move back with my dad, but he is 43 and needs his space and time to be him, and I get that. Times are hard for him so I don't want to add to it.
    I would LOVE to work with horses again, so once I get a car I will be able to move somewhere closer to a horse farm since the one that's nearest to me is about 30 miles away.

    Focusing on a job, a car, and a place of my own is what is keeping me going. Knowing that I have an amazing family (regardless of how crazy and ridiculous it can be sometimes) and beyond wonderful friends (most on here), is also helping.
    As much as I would love a dog again, I can't have one right now. I need to focus on me, I think that has a lot to do with my past dog experiences. Once *I* get settled and my sh!t together, then I can consider it, CONSIDER it.

    Focus on you. Focus on getting your life together. Focus on your happiness and well being. Because at the end of the day, regardless of how amazing your family & friends might be, no one can help you but you. No one can make you happy but you. You are young and pretty and this is YOUR time.

    I have also found that talking to people helps. I have a lot of people I can talk to about bullsh!t but only about 4 I can actually talk to about real everyday things. Annie, Breeze, Renee and Heather (only one not on here). Find people who will comfort you, listen to you, help you out if need be, and who will be your shoulder to cry on or give you a hug when you've had a bad day or keep you laughing when you are having the time of your life.
     
  7. ihartgonzo

    ihartgonzo and Fozzie B!

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    I can't believe what you're going through right now Stephy! All I can say is take it day by day, just get through today, stay as positive as you can and don't dwell on the negative.

    I don't know... :( I'm going through a really difficult time too. I just think about the future and everything I want to do/I'm going to do like it's a fact and it's GOING to happen. My dogs help me a lot. I'm sorry you're going through this without Katalin, but I'm so happy she's in great hands and she will be back with you soon.
     
  8. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    Just drawing support from a lot of places.

    Lots of prayer
    Good friends
    Listening to uplifting music I love
    Writing
    Art
    Reading

    Just surviving one day at a time.

    The list is different for everyone. It's a horrible time, but at the same time it's sacred in a way. These are just about the only times in our lives where everything else is stripped away and we truly discover what it is that nourishes our souls. That's the sort of thing that will feed you for the rest of your life, good times and bad.

    (((hugs)))
     
  9. mollygirl1975

    mollygirl1975 New Member

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    I know I mostly lurk here, but I felt the need to respond to this thread. First of all I want to say that I am so sorry there are many that seem to be going through a very difficult time. I have been there and it sucks. I have been hospitalized twice for depression things have been so bad. The one thing that has helped me tremendously in the past is finding a supportive and understanding counselor. I know finding a counselor that is the right fit can be difficult, but once you find one it is well worth it. I've learned a lot of coping skills from my counselor, as well as from the therapists that helped me while in the hospital. Ever since I found a really good counselor and actually used coping strategies that I was taught, things got better and better slowly but surely. I have been off of my medication for almost two years now, and I have never felt this happy in my entire life (I have had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life since the age of 7, so feeling this happy is a miracle to me).

    Another thing that was very helpful for me was the support of my family and friends. I know sometimes when we are feeling bad we just want to isolate ourselves and not let family and friends help us, but that is the time when you need them the most. If someone asks if there is anything they can do to help, be honest with them and tell them what you need. It is ok to ask for help. It certainly doesn't mean you are weak. I personally believe it takes a lot of strength to ask for help and to actually accept help. If you let those that love you the most help you and you accept that help, you would be surprised how much better you will feel.

    Also one of my dogs help me during times when issues from my past like to creep up from time to time to remind me how bad things used to be just to bring me down. My pittie seems to have this intuition when I am not feeling like myself and feeling a little down. Depending on how bad I am feeling will determine what she does, and she seems to know the perfect thing to do to help me. If I am just a little down, she always seems to know the perfect derpy thing to do to get me laughing so hard at her that it lifts my mood. If I am feeling really down, she will come cuddle with me where ever I am and get as close to me as she can short of practically being on top of me. If later I get up and move to another room, she will follow me around until I get settled again, and then she is right next to me as close as she can. She is also like that with everyone else in the family too if they are feeling down. I don't know what I would do without my pittie.

    Another thing that helps me is controlled breathing. I will sit in a quiet room with the lights off, and will do some deep breathing. I will inhale for three seconds and exhale for five seconds. This breathing exercise is wonderful not only to just relax, but if you have anxiety attacks, they help you calm down so the anxiety attack goes away.

    I also like listening to music. I don't always listen to upbeat happy music. Sometimes I will listen to ambient type music that will help me to relax so all of the built up tension will go away.

    Last but not least, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up over things that you might not necessarily be able to control. Sometimes even just acknowledging that you are feeling a certain way and giving yourself permission to feel the way that you do can really help. I know in the past when I felt bad, it was like I was fighting with myself because I kept thinking that I shouldn't feel the way that I do. Once I learned that is more beneficial to acknowledge my feelings and allow myself to feel them instead of fight them, then those bad feelings went away. Those feelings are there for a reason, and the more you fight them or ignore them, the more they will intensify. To me bad feelings are your body's way of telling you that something is wrong and that something needs to change. If you ignore the message, then the bad feelings scream louder until you listen and do something about it.

    I know when you are feeling down doing even the smallest thing can be difficult. I encourage everyone to push through it no matter how difficult things are, because it is well worth it. I never ever thought I could be as happy as I am today. I am so glad that with the help of my counselor, and the therapists from the hospital that I learned a lot of coping skills to help me learn to push through the difficult things in life and that with the love and support of my family and friends, they were there to help me when I needed them the most.

    Take care everyone and I sincerely hope that things start looking up for you all soon.
     
  10. smkie

    smkie pointer/labrador/terrier Staff Member

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    So far I am still alive...that's how I got through the toughest parts. ANd honestly I don't know why I am because I shoudln't be. I did my royal best and so did some others to see that the opposite was true but each day somehow the sun still came up and I still found myself putting one foot in front of the other. The outcome tho, has been very surprising. I have a lot of physical damage to show a rough road hard lived, but I also have a lot of love, and expanded skills, and family that have grown and succeeded from my hard earned efforts and their hard work. ANd now I have grands that delight me and show such promise that I hope I can give every scrap of good I have left in me so they can not make the mistakes I made and hopefully will not make near as many themselves. I thought my world was over at 16 and 20, what I didn't know was how it hadn't even really begun. I have learned to have faith. I don't know about God or religion, or anything like that, but I am a strong believer in love. I know how much I love my dogs and doing my level best to keep our world as it is for even one more day is as much as I can focus on at one time. One foot on front of the other, I am still alive has pretty much been it for me for 40 yrs. Just keep trying is all you can do and know there are a lot of good surprises around the next bend in the road but if you don't keep going, you won't find out what they are.

    I am really sorry for your troubles and that you have found yourself in such a difficult place. IT won't be forever. YOu will get stronger and when things happen in the future you will look back and see that you survived this one, and know that you will survive troubles in the future with more strength because of it. Not that it's happening is a good thing, it never is, but when you reach down inside yourself and find you actually are a survivor it can come as a surprise and that is not a bad thing at all. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))

    forgot to add...part of it too was I wasn't going to let them win. Not the two that wanted to destroy my spirit and my life. That had a little bit to do with it too. ;)
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2012
  11. ~Dixie's_Mom~

    ~Dixie's_Mom~ ♥Chloe & Violet♥

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    This. My sister is who I live for, and together we're pretty d@mn unstoppable. :) I used to think I hated life, that the bad outweighed the good, and that things were so much worse than they were. But having my sister (and my family) made me realize that I was truly blessed all along and just because things are taken away from us doesn't mean we have nothing left. As long as I have my sister, I have everything I need.

    God. He's the one who gave me all these things. He has a right to take what he pleases, and I pray that he will let me keep my sister with me throughout my entire life. I truly don't know what I'd do without her. I know God would guide me through it. However, I still pray that I will never know what that is like.

    Having a dream, or a goal. Have something to look forward to. Something to work for. For me, its music. My sister and I want to be singers someday, and it gives us a focus. Something to turn to when things are hard. I think people need that.
     
  12. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    Honestly I think I sat in bed for like two weeks and cried until my mom came to get me. The dogs kept me getting up, though... and eventually the kids I worked with. They made me laugh, and it slowly got easier. When I was more stable mentally, everything else kind of fell into place.
     
  13. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Everyone has so much good advice and ideas. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. One thing I always said to myself was, "It won't always be like this." That, somehow struck me. Nothing stays the same and there are always ups and downs. You'll get past this. Take care of yourself. Think positive thoughts as much as you can. Fill up your brain space with good thoughts, things to do...new hobbies, chores...just keep busy. Crowd out those negative thoughts that make you sad. Move forward as best you can. I have had some rough times too throughout my life...some really despairing and traumatic events. And I came through the other side. And am basically a happy person, but am sure there will be more hard times ahead. It's part of life. You have to have some rough times and challenges along with the good times that will be part of your life. (((hugs)))
     
  14. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Milo,
    my foster dogs,
    faith in something bigger - it doesn't have to be "God"...destiny, fate, humanity, science, whatever you believe in.
    plans for the future - near or far off
    the people I've met along the way
     
  15. Moth

    Moth Mild and Slightly Nutty

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    My dogs are a big one...they cheer me and the will always need me to be there for them.

    My friends...their support has always been what helps me pull through.

    Also like Renee mentioned a refusal to just let life beat me:)
     
  16. NicoleLJ

    NicoleLJ PSD Partner

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    My kids and the step kids are what keep me trudging on even times get super tough and others wonder how I do it. They give me the strength to keep on fighting, one by showing them all that even though we have all been through hell and back and in some way are still there, we can still keep going and have a good life as long as those we love are there. And 2 because they give me something to keep fighting for. No one deserves what any of us have been through and I will keep on going to try and help stop it and help them all have a wonderful life as much as I can.
     
  17. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    I know this sounds cheesy but these guys:

    [​IMG]
    iz by Summer_Papillon, on Flickr

    I impulse bought a puppy. Probably not a good choice but she really was a catalyst for good things to happen. She kept me needing to get up and out and active. Kept my mind busy and kept me company. And Summer kept us both sane. As I said back then, it is very hard to be sad when you have a Mia around. She's so infectiously happy.

    Family. I lived far away but had a cousin that moved near me and he was a rock for me at the time. I don't know if he really realizes it, but I hope he knows how much I appreciate him.

    Keeping one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. Small Goals like doing something positive/new this week. Changing something you're not happy with this week. And then longer goals like graduating and moving. The small goals helped the most. I can look back and see a lot more change than I was aware of.
     

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