He cheated on me.

[Red Chrome]

I'm pretty sure you posted about how he was texting another girl BEFORE you found out you were pregnant. Not that it matters because, uh, he LEFT YOU. You're acting like you're in high school and it's getting really old. You're an adult and you're going to be a parent. You need to get your **** together and get some serious help. It really looks like you don't care at all about the baby unless you can use it as a chain to shackle Josh to you. And that's really sad, for both you and the kid.

This x3! Get over it already. You should be worried about finding a job and supporting your unborn baby and then supporting your baby and yourself.

I think it is good your parents put a time limit on you staying there, it will FORCE you to do something. Seriosuly, get out there, get a job and get on your feet so that the taxpayers of your state don't have to support this baby.

 

[Torch]

This.
I have stayed out of these threads thus far, because every time I think to type a post I fear I'm being too harsh but frankly you need to hear it again and again until it sinks in

you are having a BABY, raising a child. A living, breathing, thinking, future of our world CHILD. A child who you are ALREADY neglecting by not taking care of yourself and stressing over stuff that doesn't matter.

Who cares about this guy? Who cares about the girl? He left you, he said he didn't love you, he didn't call you from jail, he has CONSISTENTLY pushed you away.. I'm SHOCKED you are surprised by all this but more than that, I am shocked that THIS is what you are worrying about. It's like you care more about this stupid high school DRAMA with this guy over the baby you are growing inside of you!

You had your time to wallow. He has moved on, so should you.. if not for you than for the sake of your child.
Not eating is unacceptable and completely and totally selfish. This baby is INNOCENT in all this and depending on you. Everyone hates breakups, everyone gets sad and wants to wallow and cry... but your body and what you do to it is not just about you anymore! You need to GET IT TOGETHER AND GET HELP.

You are raising a child. You need to find a way to support yourself, a place to live, a plan, a job, a schedule, supplies.. You have MUCH bigger fish to fry than your stupid boyfriend and his garbage!

You are going be feeding, caring, loving, changing, and soothing this baby largely on your own. Being a single parent is a huge undertaking and you need to be ready.. START PREPARING. Make a list, start checking off things you need to do. STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITY!

You need to grow up and start being a parent.. that means putting that baby's well being ABOVE your own.
and frankly if you can't get it together and BE READY for this child and get over this.. I think you need to think LONG AND HARD about if you are even ready to be a parent.

Preach.

 

[SevenSins]

This.
I have stayed out of these threads thus far, because every time I think to type a post I fear I'm being too harsh but frankly you need to hear it again and again until it sinks in

you are having a BABY, raising a child. A living, breathing, thinking, future of our world CHILD. A child who you are ALREADY neglecting by not taking care of yourself and stressing over stuff that doesn't matter.

Who cares about this guy? Who cares about the girl? He left you, he said he didn't love you, he didn't call you from jail, he has CONSISTENTLY pushed you away.. I'm SHOCKED you are surprised by all this but more than that, I am shocked that THIS is what you are worrying about. It's like you care more about this stupid high school DRAMA with this guy over the baby you are growing inside of you!

You had your time to wallow. He has moved on, so should you.. if not for you than for the sake of your child.
Not eating is unacceptable and completely and totally selfish. This baby is INNOCENT in all this and depending on you. Everyone hates breakups, everyone gets sad and wants to wallow and cry... but your body and what you do to it is not just about you anymore! You need to GET IT TOGETHER AND GET HELP.

You are raising a child. You need to find a way to support yourself, a place to live, a plan, a job, a schedule, supplies.. You have MUCH bigger fish to fry than your stupid boyfriend and his garbage!

You are going be feeding, caring, loving, changing, and soothing this baby largely on your own. Being a single parent is a huge undertaking and you need to be ready.. START PREPARING. Make a list, start checking off things you need to do. STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITY!

You need to grow up and start being a parent.. that means putting that baby's well being ABOVE your own.
and frankly if you can't get it together and BE READY for this child and get over this.. I think you need to think LONG AND HARD about if you are even ready to be a parent.

Best post in this thread, IMO. :hail:

 

[Barbara!]

Barbara, what would be the ideal outcome for you? If you could wave a magic wand and make everything "good", what would "good" look like?

Him to leave her and take me back. Him to change and love me like he used to, before all of this. So we could be a happy family together.



I do care about the child, which is why I am drinking nasty pedialite and such... I've tried eating. When I get into a panic, it all comes right back up. It's also why I am moving home... I could scrape everything I have together and figure out a way to stay down here and chase Josh... But I am going home to be with family because I know they will help me with this.

[A little back story in the panic.. At 11 years old I was diagnosed with very severe anxiety problems related to my Asperger's syndrome. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder and manic depression.]

There's no way I can just stop being in pain. Idk what to do about it. I SO wish that I could just be over it. I SO wish that I didn't love him anymore. Sometimes I'm laying in bed and I convince myself he sucks and I am better than him and blah blah... Then the panic comes back and I can't breathe again and all I want is his arms around me. I loved him with EVERYTHING for three years. That only-in-movies kind of love. I don't know how to make that stop... Also, he was texting a girl (not this girl) behind my back before I was pregnant. But she wasn't anything more than a friend, and ... I don't know. Whoever said that, you are right on that point. Maybe I did ignore the signs.

I want the pain to stop so bad. I just can't grasp the fact that only two months ago he was going bed with me at night and kissing me... And now he won't even say he loves me anymore. He is with another girl. And she is skinny, with blue eyes, and... Crushes me. I want so bad to move on. How do I do that? I think it will get better once I am at home with my parents... Now all I am is alone, in this house I used to live in with him... And nothing else to pay attention to.

 

[MilliesMom]

Now all I am is alone, in this house I used to live in with him... And nothing else to pay attention to.

Seriously.

Get up. Go eat something. If you throw it up, eat again. You are soon to be a mother, it's not about you anymore.

Think of your child.

 

[Grab]

I won't go so far as to say that you are not cut out to be a parent. I don't know you personally. What I can say is that if you are not willing to drag yourself out of the pitying state, get a job so that you can support the infant that will be in your care in a few months, start making a point to take in proper nutrition, and get help so that you can cope with the lemons that life likes to throw your way, please ask yourself honestly about whether you're ready to be a parent. If the answer is yes, it's time to start taking positive steps so that your child can have a positive light.

I will say that I've yet to see you refer to your unborn child as "my child" or "my baby".It's always "I'm pregnant with his child". Which I find a bit disheartening.

 

[Danefied]

I love Fran's post too, but...

If it were as simple as following sound advice and just being reasonable, doesn't anyone think Barbara would have done it by now?

Barbara has to *want* help. You can lead a horse to water 'n all that...
In the end, Barbara has to want to make meaningful changes in her life and none of us can force that on her. It's her journey to make in whatever path or timeframe she chooses.

Does it suck that there is now an innocent child dragged in to all of this in addition to the dogs? Oh yeah. But if addicts won't give up drugs for the sake of their child, what makes you think Barbara is going to give up victimhood just because she's pregnant?

 

[Grab]

.. And nothing else to pay attention to.

You have the child you should be focusing on first and foremost. Which should have been your focus when Josh was in the picture as well.

Also, Pedialyte does not equal nutrition.

There are too many things in this post to quote and I just don't have that much energy.

 

[Red Chrome]

I just can't refrain anymore. Me thinks someone likes attention, good,bad or ugly. GET on with it. Many people have been through breakups. Many people have been divorced. I gave an example of a friend who struggles....but she gets her ass up and goes to work to support her kids. She doesn't let the dumb crap that went on between her and her husband affect her life.

I seriously feel like this is off an episode of 16&Pregnant. Getting pregnant to make the relationship better and the guy stay....and that's what your posts show you did.

GROW UP! Take care of your animals and get over it. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 1/2 years, I also was never dumb enough to get pregnant in that volatile situation, I went back to him once cause I loved him...till I caught him in MY bed with MY friend. Yeah....sure he loved me too. I don't go around acting the victim all the time, it's daunting. Just grow up and get over it.

Life isn't easy but it is a lot easier now than it will be once the baby gets here.

 

[Dizzy]

I have to agree with dane. If it was so easy to change I'd be out of a job.......

People aren't all resilient. It's frustrating as hell when you're on the outside of the box looking in.... Barbara is a young girl who thinks she's in love.....

I've seen guys do worse and women stay with them. I still think going to a women's centre, if there is one, is a good idea. Not a shelter, or a refuge. There's charities which just support women in need, get companionship and advice. Here anyway....

 

[Danefied]

www.nami.org

The first step towards getting out of a hole is to stop digging it.

 

[Renee750il]

I'm not trying to take the blame off of him and onto the girl... He should have walked away, and he chose not to. That's what fires me up... He chose not to walk away from her, and chose to just jump straight into a new relationship.

You have absolutely no way of knowing that they haven't been seeing each other in some context for some time now. Nothing other than what he's told you.

Now THERE'S a reliable source.

Not that it even matters how long . . . it is what it is.

Get your sh1t together and get moved out and on.

Or don't. But don't use a child to try to hang onto contact with him in hopes of getting him back. That's beyond wrong.

Besides, with all the criminal charges he's looking at, it's unlikely he'll be sleeping with New Chick for that long anyway. He may even find that he's the New Chick.

 

[Red Chrome]

You have absolutely no way of knowing that they haven't been seeing each other in some context for some time now. Nothing other than what he's told you.

Now THERE'S a reliable source.

Not that it even matters how long . . . it is what it is.

Get your sh1t together and get moved out and on.

Or don't. But don't use a child to try to hang onto contact with him in hopes of getting him back. That's beyond wrong.

Besides, with all the criminal charges he's looking at, it's unlikely he'll be sleeping with New Chick for that long anyway. He may even find that he's the New Chick.

Great post....but the bolded part...Thanks for making me squirt Orange Juice out my nose!

 

[Danefied]

Also:
http://www.womenshelters.org

And Renee, you owe me a keyboard cleaning!

 

[Greenmagick]

I was in a relationship when I was younger (17-19) that is similar to yours. Same name of the guy too

Its very easy when you are on the outside to see the signs, to get upset, to get frustrated. Its NOT easy when you are living it. If your Josh is like mine was, he was a master manipulator and pathological liar. Someone would tell me "Oh, he told me he is trying to break up with you"...I would confront him and get "I did think that, I was so confused. But I have realized I really love you blah blah blah." Hell, right before we broke up he was asking me to move out of state with him, we were researching apartments, schools, etc. I was sending out applications even. Then I didnt hear from him for a couple days (as was consistent to his pattern) and when I finally did get a hold of him, yep, a girl answered (NOW know that was part of his pattern too).

He was (well, is I am sure) bi polar and has a whole host of other issues. Living with the ups and downs, it gets really hard to see whats real. I feel for you, I do. Your whole world has turned upside down, you lost someone you thought to be your life, etc.

HOWEVER, I can promise, once you get some space and clarity you will realize how f'ed up the whole situation was. You will emerge stronger and better for rising above the drama.

Also, because you are pregnant, yep, you got to suck it up buttercup. Its ok to be hurt, its not something you can control and its normal. BUT you do have to figure out like now healthy ways to cope.

 

[MilliesMom]

Besides, with all the criminal charges he's looking at, it's unlikely he'll be sleeping with New Chick for that long anyway. He may even find that he's the New Chick.

Oh no you didn't!

:rofl1:

Karma

 

[sassafras]

Honestly? I don't know. I didn't GET pregnant for that reason.., but when he brought up the whole not loving me thing.. I figured it would motivate him to try. And I still think it would have....if he hadn't met this girl.

If he hadn't met this girl, he would have met some other girl. I'm sorry, that's just the way some guys are.

It hurts and it sucks and it's not easy, but if everyone else who has ever had their heart broken (that is, almost everyone) has gotten through it, there's no reason you can't get through it. But you have to start by letting go of this fantasy version of Josh in your head who was somehow magically and unwittingly led astray by bosses and other girls through no fault of his own.

Let the fantasy go and start living your real life, right now, with your baby.

 

[Grab]

If your Josh is like mine was, he was a master manipulator and pathological liar. Someone would tell me "Oh, he told me he is trying to break up with you"...I would confront him and get "I did think that, I was so confused.

But, going by what she's posted here, he flat out said he didn't love her and could not figure out how to end the relationship. He didn't even call her while he was in jail. I'd be curious as to whether he called the new girl while he was there. The point being..he didn't lie about it. She chose to ignore what he was telling her in pretty clear terms.

 

[Greenmagick]

But, going by what she's posted here, he flat out said he didn't love her and could not figure out how to end the relationship. He didn't even call her while he was in jail. I'd be curious as to whether he called the new girl while he was there. The point being..he didn't lie about it. She chose to ignore what he was telling her in pretty clear terms.

EH, I also saw where he said he wanted things to work and was trying to figure out how etc.

Point being, she is hurting...thats ok. BUt you have to deal with it, find healthy ways to cope, and move on

 

[Gypsydals]

You are surprised at this?? He is a thief, a liar, a fugitive and the Lord above only knows what else. And you are STILL surprised that he was cheating on you?
It is time to buck up and grow up. YOU have a child on the way. At the rate you are going YOUR child is going to get taken away from you and with you being deemed an unfit parent. Its time to start making smart and good choices for you and your child.
I am not trying to be mean. But OMG, it is time to grow up and face the music. Reality is, your life is no longer about YOU, your world is no longer about what you want. Its about that child growing inside of you.