He cheated on me.

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Barbara!, Jan 1, 2013.

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  1. MicksMom

    MicksMom Active Member

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    On the subject of visitation- given his history, if I were you, I'd go for supervised visitations. With someone "official" being the superviser.
     
  2. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    As far as I know it's state law, but all 50 states required an acknowledgement of paternity signed by both parents and two witnesses to be submitted with the birth certificate for an unmarried couple.
     
  3. noludoru

    noludoru Bored Now.

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    :hail:

    Exactly. I'm glad you're saying this - it's a good start. There may be the opportunity to cheat, but it doesn't mean you need to take it.

    :hail:

    Make sure he pays for it. Put his NAME on that birth certificate. If he's professing to you that he wants to do the right thing and provide for the baby, this is your way of making sure he doesn't get to change his mind.
     
  4. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I agree with Eddie and ReleaseTheHounds. Get the papers for support filed right away and an agreement for visitation on record before the baby comes.

    also, don't make any rash decisions on who can and cannot see the baby in this emotional state you are in. You mentioned that you don't want his parents to see the baby or that they make you sick or something (I'm sorry... I've not finished my first coffee so I can't remember exactly) because they knew about the other girl but up to that point you said his parents were wonderful and a nice source of support for you guys. don't completely rip them out of the baby's life just yet just because you are mad at them. if you know deep down that they are responsible people and they will love this grandchild, don't do anything rash and burn that bridge. The more people in this babes life that really love him/her and are committed to his/her care... all the better.

    No matter what you are always going to be connected to him so figuring out a way to protect your heart and not fall for him again while maintaining a civil relationship for the baby is going to be key for everyone involved.
     
  5. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    This is a sad, unfortunate situation indeed :(
     
  6. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    I'm here, and I'm listening. I plan on all of that. Should be at my parents by tonight. I just... It hurts. I gave him everything for three years and he is already in a relationship with someone new. All I can hear is him saying "I love her..." ... Crushes me into tears every single time. How could he move into a new relationship so fast? After three years with me....HOW?!

    I love him so much and all I want is his arms around me...his voice telling me he loves me. Why can't I make the go away? Will it ever go away? Will he ever want me back? How can he be with someone else.... I just don't understand. I'm pregnant with his child.

    I've never had a deeper desire to stop existing.
     
  7. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    Why would you want him back? A clearly immature person who apparently just spills out lie after lie. And a criminal at that? Having a child does not suddenly make a person mature. In fact, one could argue that lacking protection willy nilly is a rather clear example of immaturity, particularly in a person who has emotionally detached from their partner.

    I'm sure this other person will not stick with someone they're in a new relationship with once he starts having court dates and probably jail time. I hope that, if he calls you when he finds himself alone, that you remember the type of person he actually is.
     
  8. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    Right now, if he were to want me back, I would say yes. Because my heart still loves him and I wouldn't be strong enough to turn him away. Maybe, in a few months... Maybe I will be stronger. And if he wants me back, I may be able to say no. But right now all I see is bleak and pain and I just... I'm in such a dark place.

    I haven't eaten in 4 days but I am still making sure to take my prenatal vitamins and I may get some pediasure shakes or something to drink and keep my nutrients up. I just can't sit and eat a meal. Anybody know of anything like that that is good tasting and nutritious?

    Also guys, I know I don't seem normal. I have a lot of mental issues that make my reactions to things very...not normal. When he was talking about not loving me, I would throw myself to the floor and scream and hyperventilate... Because I feel like I'm dying. When I found out about that girl... I was initially strong..then I went into a fit and couldn't breathe and fainted in my bed because I couldn't stop screaming.
     
  9. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    I feel like coming over there and shaking you!!

    Stop wallowing in self pity, pull your bootstraps up and get out the house. You think you're miserable now? A few months of grief over a lost relationship is a far better prospect than years and years of mediocre unfulfilling and harmful relationship.

    If this was your baby, and their relationship, what advice would you give them? Would you be happy for your unborn child to be in a damaging relationship? Because it will be if you're with him.

    You need to seek out someone to help you through this. I could give you lots of help and advice if you were local, but your not, so I'm not being as tactful as I usually would, because its frustrating the bejesus out of me!!!!

    Sort it out woman!

    Are there any charities that support women locally? Women's centres are usually amazing places to meet people to share stories and get help.
     
  10. Samantha's pet

    Samantha's pet New Member

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    I think it sucks that your parents are trying to set a time limit right away. You didn't do this on purpose or see this coming. Josh threw all this at you! You are pregnant with their grandchild and in a really bad situation financially at the moment. I don't know why they can't be more understanding. You don't need the pressure of a time limit at this moment. Why is he doing that? As long as you are making an effort to get a job, then when you do as long as you are contributing financially and helping out I don't see what his problem is. That really sucks.
     
  11. Danefied

    Danefied New Member

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    Did you think being pregnant would help you "keep" Josh?
     
  12. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    ok--so right here, this screams to ME that you need to seek counseling--someone to help you with emotional coping strategies, as well as figuring out some real life strategies. I can't say this enough--you are responsible for your child--you MUST figure this out to care for this baby, while it is still inside of you--what you do now has an impact on that child's development in utero. If you need help finding a therapist, doctor, etc--can your parents help out? If not, I know there are some very knowledgeable people on chaz who might be able to direct you to some hotlines, etc. YOU NEED HELP NOW! And I don't mean rambling on chaz kind of help. Sorry if I sound insensitive--I feel as if you are either playing games here, or you need assistance to move in a positive direction.
     
  13. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    Honestly? I don't know. I didn't GET pregnant for that reason.., but when he brought up the whole not loving me thing.. I figured it would motivate him to try. And I still think it would have....if he hadn't met this girl.
     
  14. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    Children are never a fix to a broken relationship. In fact, if you don't have a solid relationship in the first place, having children can actually drive you apart. Nothing like consistent lack of sleep and low finances to make every issue seem way larger than it is.

    It is convenient to blame his meeting this other girl, but the relationship was fractured beforehand. Which he tried to tell you, you just did not choose to listen.

    This does not mean he is not a douche...because he most certainly is.


    ETA: As stated above, definitely seek counseling. It's fine and dandy to say 'this is how I react, I know it's not normal' when it's just you. But currently, your body is not simply your own. Not eating is not acceptable when you are supposed to be providing nutrients to your child. Vitamins are not enough. It's vital that you get a professional's assistance on how to better cope with things...when you have an infant, going on not eating strikes and throwing yourself around/fainting whenever someone tells you something you don't like, will not be something that is acceptable.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2013
  15. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    He didn't say anything to me about not being in love with me anymore until two weeks after we found out I was pregnant... AFTER he met this new girl.

    I'm not trying to take the blame off of him and onto the girl... He should have walked away, and he chose not to. That's what fires me up... He chose not to walk away from her, and chose to just jump straight into a new relationship.
     
  16. Taqroy

    Taqroy Active Member

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    I'm pretty sure you posted about how he was texting another girl BEFORE you found out you were pregnant. Not that it matters because, uh, he LEFT YOU. You're acting like you're in high school and it's getting really old. You're an adult and you're going to be a parent. You need to get your **** together and get some serious help. It really looks like you don't care at all about the baby unless you can use it as a chain to shackle Josh to you. And that's really sad, for both you and the kid.
     
  17. Danefied

    Danefied New Member

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    Barbara, what would be the ideal outcome for you? If you could wave a magic wand and make everything "good", what would "good" look like?
     
  18. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    This.
    I have stayed out of these threads thus far, because every time I think to type a post I fear I'm being too harsh but frankly you need to hear it again and again until it sinks in

    you are having a BABY, raising a child. A living, breathing, thinking, future of our world CHILD. A child who you are ALREADY neglecting by not taking care of yourself and stressing over stuff that doesn't matter.

    Who cares about this guy? Who cares about the girl? He left you, he said he didn't love you, he didn't call you from jail, he has CONSISTENTLY pushed you away.. I'm SHOCKED you are surprised by all this but more than that, I am shocked that THIS is what you are worrying about. It's like you care more about this stupid high school DRAMA with this guy over the baby you are growing inside of you!

    You had your time to wallow. He has moved on, so should you.. if not for you than for the sake of your child.
    Not eating is unacceptable and completely and totally selfish. This baby is INNOCENT in all this and depending on you. Everyone hates breakups, everyone gets sad and wants to wallow and cry... but your body and what you do to it is not just about you anymore! You need to GET IT TOGETHER AND GET HELP.

    You are raising a child. You need to find a way to support yourself, a place to live, a plan, a job, a schedule, supplies.. You have MUCH bigger fish to fry than your stupid boyfriend and his garbage!

    You are going be feeding, caring, loving, changing, and soothing this baby largely on your own. Being a single parent is a huge undertaking and you need to be ready.. START PREPARING. Make a list, start checking off things you need to do. STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITY!

    You need to grow up and start being a parent.. that means putting that baby's well being ABOVE your own.
    and frankly if you can't get it together and BE READY for this child and get over this.. I think you need to think LONG AND HARD about if you are even ready to be a parent.
     
  19. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    If you read this when Tag posted, and again with Fran reposted.........PLEASE....read it AGAIN.
     
  20. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    I know this is going to sound really harsh & insensitive... but I am starting to doubt that she can do the parent thing, of course there is nothing she can do about it now. But I just worry about the Welfare of this child & if her mental health is well enough to handle a child which is not going to be easy (& you thought your problems with Baloo were bad :/).

    Also I have also seen you say a few times that Josh "decided" to have unprotected sex & what not ... Uh sorry but no ... You BOTH decided to have unprotected sex TOGETHER! You could've insisted on a condom (tho heinsight is always 20/20).
     
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