Finding a guy when you don't really go 'out'

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by JacksonsMom, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    If the hot border collie guy here ever breaks up with his gf, you three are drawing straws and I'll introduce the winner :p

    I met hubby in college -- we were both part of a volunteer group though that's not how things actually started...I wouldn't have been able to pick him out of crowd. But we had a mutual friend as a result of that and ended up meeting that way. I was very, very happy as a single but he asked me out and lured me in with tickets to a musical I wanted to see :p

    But there have been guys I've met post-college that I would date if I weren't happily married lol. Mostly through getting involved in hobbies...my aquariums, dog sports, hiking, etc., mutual connections through those things. My only real advice is be the person you want to be and embrace the life you want to live and you're likely to meet someone special or at least make some amazing new friends. Anyone you meet while forcing yourself to do stuff you don't like just to meet someone is far less likely to be a good match, IMO.
     
  2. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    Volunteer somewhere! Then the people you meet will have good hearts and shared interest :)
     
  3. Brattina88

    Brattina88 Active Member

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    Oh man is this thread made for me or what? No advice here... But I feel your pain ;) haha
    I don't drink,I don't like bars. I am not into most things people my age are, I've been told I have an old soul pretty much my whole life. I tell everyone I am waiting for my age to catch up to my age ;) but friends and family try to hook me up all the time.

    Best and most recently... I was talked into Christian mingle. A guy from my church (I didn't even know he existed) messages me on there and then asked around at church and learned my real name, added me on Facebook. Long story short, he ended up stalking me and when I broke it off he in a backhanded way threatened me by admitting that he raped someone and I had to block him from my phone, computer, everything and my brother had to tell him to leave and stop coming to my house, and if he did again I'd call the cops. Because he kept showing up at my work and would pull in the driveway behind me, blocking me in 10 secs after I pulled in the driveway getting home from work. He was watching me. :p



    I guess triplets would be out of the question? lol
    My mom and your mom must be twins! She is so desperate to hook me up with someone it's so embarrassing and annoying. She chased down a mainentence guy at my work I nearly died of embarrassment
    This. We'll be out somewhere and the guy that I "click" with will be engaged or something. Thanks a lot jerk keep your eyes and hands to yourself I am not "THAT girl"
    i also attract seniors and lesbians ;) LOL
    but I am sooo with you, when/if it happens, it happens. I don't understand family's fixation with making it happen for me.

    Can I one up your one up? I've had some random guy calling my phone (I don't typically answer numbers I don't recognize) and it was some guy she gave my number to :mad: and it was AWFUL
     
  4. puppydog

    puppydog Tru evil has no pantyline

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    I met my husband online. Its not weird at all.
     
  5. Eryday

    Eryday Guest

    Bravo, the excellent message
     
  6. Pops2

    Pops2 New Member

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    Forget bars & dance clubs. Guys go there to get laid so they will play what ever role they have to. You'll find more honesty in guys you meet at events/activities you enjoy. If you're not finding what you're looking for, start exploring more activities that interest you.
     
  7. Equinox

    Equinox Active Member

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    I'm in the same boat as well. I'm meeting all the wrong guys but am actually interested in getting into a long term relationship. I do really like what Fran said about working on pursuing your own interests, and I should make an effort to join more clubs and groups around campus. If I only go to frat parties, it's a small wonder why I'm only running into drunk frat boys :lol-sign:

    I'm pretty sure that I'll end up alone with a bunch of Shepherds, though. I'm 19 years old and already well on my way of becoming a crazy dog lady.

    So you guys DID meet on the forum first!! I've always wondered if you two met on the GSD forum first or if you were already together by the time you joined up. All I knew was that one moment I was enjoying your photos of your dogs, and Jason's photos of his dogs, and suddenly there was a thread where you were recording a video of Ike and being referred to as his "Mommy" xD

    So much awesome, though. I want to meet a dog guy too, please.
     
  8. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    No one really meets people in bars and pubs these days..... Maybe when you're in your late teens for a fling... But not a serious partner. Most people meet through acquaintances, or work, or online. Yes online!
     
  9. joce

    joce Active Member

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    This is how I acquired my husband. But it was what, fourteen years ago we started dating? I was like fifteen?! Girls still mad. She wasn't really dating him though, just telling people that, got fun calls for a while after that.

    Meet guys where you would want to go. I never suggest bars. Join some volunteer groups, if your in college where are people between classes? Go there. Dog parks, walking etc. maybe we are just surrounded by guys here but there is no shortage.

    Maybe we should do a push for new single male Chazhound members for you girls!

    I really think it will happen when it should and just sit back and relax. You may want to smack me for saying it but work on you and be confident in you and men are drawn to that, doesn't matter if your in line at a store or Internet dating.
     
  10. Jenne

    Jenne Ball Thrower

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    The last guy who hit on me was a hobbit who never actually talked to me, but to my new co-workers who barely know me. Actually, he didn't even hit on me, just did a drive-by, "Here's my number, call me."

    I am no help. I am incredibly introverted and besides work and shopping barely leave my apartment/yard. Add in the fact that I moved 10 hours away from my friends and family, I'm also pretty isolated. Now that I'm working I'll probably meet more people, but I doubt anyone who comes to the ER is in the mood for romance, lol.
     
  11. ~Dixie's_Mom~

    ~Dixie's_Mom~ ♥Chloe & Violet♥

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    Exact same boat! I am 21, my best friends are my sister and a friend from church. My church is tiny (like way under 100 people) and there are no guys my age (besides my friends brothers hahaha) and there are only two guys at my work and one is cute but the other is like 40. The cute one is moving soon, and only works with us occasionally. And those are the only places I go. Church and work. I don't drink nor do I intend to ever go to a bar or meet someone there. Soooo yeah. Haha! I didn't even date in high school with hot guys around every corner so idk how I'm supposed to date now! Every once in a while it'll seem like someone will flirt with me while I'm out and about (Petsmart, the mall, etc) but I'm completely inept so nothing ever comes of it, plus I'm usually with my 16 year old sister and our 13 year old friend or my parents so people probably assume I'm under 18 all the time hahaha!
     
  12. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    I think people need to get it out of their heads that a bar is where you go to meet people. Of all the people I know my age (mid to late 20's) who have spouses or significant others, not one met in a bar. They met at work, at networking events (DC young entrepreneurs, lawyer functions, etc), on sports teams (we have really active kickball and softball leagues around here), at weddings of mutual friends, at parties thrown by mutual friends, online (several), while volunteering, etc.

    Not going to bars or not going clubbing is not going to hinder your ability to meet people who are relationship material.
     
  13. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I've not only never met a guy at a bar, I've never made a friend at a bar or club, and don't know a single person who has. The exception might be something like trivia night or a non-profit event, where people might have similar interests.

    I do, however, know a few people who dated or even married their ER nurse, doctor, or EMT...
     
  14. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    I've met lots of friends and guys at bars and clubs but I went to college in Las Vegas and people from every walk of life in that age bracket attended parties at such places so my experience may be skewed. I don't use it as my ideal advice but I'd not sign off parties, bars, and clubs as places you absolutely cannot meet anyone of substance.

    The best advice is to just do what makes you happy, have fun, get out there, and take chances. You may find a new passion and in the process you may find a guy. :)
     
  15. Tortilla

    Tortilla Blonde Raccoon

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    I know it's so much easier said than done, but like others have said, focus on other things and it will happen! I think volunteer groups and signing up for activities are a great idea.

    I actually met my boyfriend at a club a couple years ago so it does happen (and I know a few people who have met their significant others the same way). But then again, I am a 'going out' person. :p

    This. I've met both guys and some of my best friends this way. :)
     
  16. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Parties seem way different than bars and clubs to me. I met probably most of my friends at parties. At parties you probably have mutual friends or some similar interests, you can talk, and it's not as brazen to start hanging out with people you don't know. If you have the ability, throwing a party and telling friends to bring friends is a really good way to branch out socially.

    I also met a couple of my best friends at laser tag and pick up frisbee games
     
  17. Kilter

    Kilter New Member

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    There is a group here that does volunteer stuff and it's for singles. They set it up for volunteers to go do something for a few hours, and send four guys, four girls, then there's dinner or something afterwards. So it's not a lot of pressure like a one on one date. Just a thought.

    Or take classes - home depot to learn how to do home improvements, sports, cooking, whatever.

    I'd suggest animal stuff but it's usually older married women, gay men and younger women that are a bit extreme in the AR areas. Here anyway. The one I volunteer with, it's almost a given that the meal provided will be all vegan, the only two guys there are together and the women are all there to complain about their husbands.:rofl1:
     
  18. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    I used to be in the same boat. So know there is hope! :)

    I was single, not very out going in terms of having a fun time hanging out around a bunch of strangers I'd never met, I don't dance, I don't club, I don't drink in public, tiny church, in a predominantly female major at college, worked full time so social time was limited, etc.

    I met Mike through a friend of mine. Best thing that ever happened.

    Honestly, at that point I had come to two conclusions: a.) I needed to stop worrying about whether or not I'd ever find "the one" and just be happy with who I was and where I was going and b.) that even though I had social anxieties, I needed to get over myself, just be me, and have a good time. I think it was both those points combined that let me interact with Mike when I first met him, which led to where I am now, a year and a half later.

    Now, if any of you ladies are in the Midwest and enjoy gaming and anime, Mike's best friend (and good guy, just a bit of an anime nerd) is currently looking for a relationship after finally getting himself out of the God-awful one he was in. :p
     
  19. AussieLove

    AussieLove Radical.

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    I actually don't want a dog-dog guy. I mean yes I want a guy that likes dogs and is good with dogs; but not one involved with dog sports. It would just be weird to be involved with the same stuff. I can just imagine snide comments about how the other handled the dog on the agility course :p
     
  20. Southpaw

    Southpaw orange iguanas.

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    I don't really want someone that is "into" dogs like I am either. I mean, I don't do sports or anything. But I'm still a little more involved than the average person and... yeah I just want a guy that likes dogs and will play and go for walks. Leave all the weird stuff to me. Although maybe it would be nice to find a real dog person, and then I could be lazy. :p
     

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