Sorry I've been a little MIA the past few days. I have just had a lot on my mind lately. I realized yesterday just how depressed I am living here. I moved away from this area in the first place in big part to the stress I feel living in this metropolitan area, yet I chose to pack up and move back to this place. I'm starting to regret that decision... a lot. We moved back here because it was what Josh wanted at the time. I went along with it because I thought it could be good for us at the time and since my family had just moved from California to this area at the time, I thought it might be nice to be closer to my dad and try to have a closer relationship with him. I love having family close. I really do. But... I feel choked living in this area. There is too much traffic. There are too many people. There is just not nearly enough open space and I'm feeling more and more unhappy every day. It's not just me. Josh wanted to move back here because his family was here. Now that we are here he has been feeling a bit amiss as well and says he wants to get away from it all. Another thing is I've just really been missing horses so much. I rode my boss's horse not too long ago and it made me realize just how much I've missed riding. Josh says I can take riding lessons, but finding western lessons within an easy driving distance isn't easy. I grew up riding western and while I have ridden English, I'm much more of a western girl. Everyone here rides English. Is it sad that I keep browsing ranches around the country that are hiring? I'd love to find a full year round ranch job that offers housing on the ranch and I've actually found a few. There's a quarter horse ranch in Cheyenne, OK that needs help and quite a few cattle ranches. Unfortunately not a one of them is in VA so if we did something like that we would be too far from family to visit on days off. I do miss working with horses. I used to be barn manager for a riding stable out here about 5 years ago. I oversaw everything horse related. I did their shots, set up vet appointments and farrier appointments. I fed, groomed, mucked stalls and when we had hay delivered I was at the barn at 3am loading hay off the hay truck and into the hay loft. I fixed fences. I bush-hogged the fields when needed with the tractor and dragged the riding ring when needed. I also took care of all the paperwork on the horses and made sure everything was kept up to date. I miss spending my day outside with horses. I miss it so much. Sure sometimes it got lonely since they didn't want to hire a barn hand to help me out, but I enjoyed it so much. I'm not sure if any of you have seen the show, Heartland. That's the life I want. I want to live on a ranch near a cowboy town and not have to feel out of place like I do out here if I decide I want to wear my cowboy hat. I miss rodeos. The rodeos out this way suck in comparison to the rodeos I grew up going to. I just want the wide open spaces. I want to be able to get my hands dirty and to ride when I want to. I want to actually see the stars at night again. I want to get away from here. Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get what I've been feeling out in the open because I've been holding it inside for a while. anyone else feel out of place in their lives right now?