Feeling so out of place lately

[skittledoo]

Sorry I've been a little MIA the past few days. I have just had a lot on my mind lately.

I realized yesterday just how depressed I am living here. I moved away from this area in the first place in big part to the stress I feel living in this metropolitan area, yet I chose to pack up and move back to this place. I'm starting to regret that decision... a lot.

We moved back here because it was what Josh wanted at the time. I went along with it because I thought it could be good for us at the time and since my family had just moved from California to this area at the time, I thought it might be nice to be closer to my dad and try to have a closer relationship with him.

I love having family close. I really do. But... I feel choked living in this area. There is too much traffic. There are too many people. There is just not nearly enough open space and I'm feeling more and more unhappy every day.

It's not just me. Josh wanted to move back here because his family was here. Now that we are here he has been feeling a bit amiss as well and says he wants to get away from it all.

Another thing is I've just really been missing horses so much. I rode my boss's horse not too long ago and it made me realize just how much I've missed riding. Josh says I can take riding lessons, but finding western lessons within an easy driving distance isn't easy. I grew up riding western and while I have ridden English, I'm much more of a western girl. Everyone here rides English.

Is it sad that I keep browsing ranches around the country that are hiring? I'd love to find a full year round ranch job that offers housing on the ranch and I've actually found a few. There's a quarter horse ranch in Cheyenne, OK that needs help and quite a few cattle ranches. Unfortunately not a one of them is in VA so if we did something like that we would be too far from family to visit on days off. I do miss working with horses. I used to be barn manager for a riding stable out here about 5 years ago. I oversaw everything horse related. I did their shots, set up vet appointments and farrier appointments. I fed, groomed, mucked stalls and when we had hay delivered I was at the barn at 3am loading hay off the hay truck and into the hay loft. I fixed fences. I bush-hogged the fields when needed with the tractor and dragged the riding ring when needed. I also took care of all the paperwork on the horses and made sure everything was kept up to date. I miss spending my day outside with horses. I miss it so much. Sure sometimes it got lonely since they didn't want to hire a barn hand to help me out, but I enjoyed it so much.

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the show, Heartland. That's the life I want. I want to live on a ranch near a cowboy town and not have to feel out of place like I do out here if I decide I want to wear my cowboy hat. I miss rodeos. The rodeos out this way suck in comparison to the rodeos I grew up going to.

I just want the wide open spaces. I want to be able to get my hands dirty and to ride when I want to. I want to actually see the stars at night again. I want to get away from here.

Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get what I've been feeling out in the open because I've been holding it inside for a while. anyone else feel out of place in their lives right now?

 

[Jules]

((((HUGS))))

Would Josh we willing to relocate if you guys both could find jobs somewhere else? It's hard to be away from family, but it doesn't mean that you couldn't ever move back in the future. I understand about the hustle in NoVa. I used to live in Herndon and people are just busy. All. The. Time.

I don't feel necessarily out of place right now, but I don't like where we live. I love our house, I just don't care for the Midwest, especially Indianapolis. It's just so blah. I would love to move, but doing so would make no sense whatsoever. I just have to tough it out another few years until we can either move to Europe or the eastern Carolinas or coastal S.C.

 

[skittledoo]

As long as we both could find jobs he said he would be willing to move. It would be nice to find a ranch or something that would be willing to hire both of us. I have the horse and barn management experience. Josh is a handyman, carpenter, electrician and basically can do anything outdoors/labor as well. We would make a good team. The only thing is we would need to have our own housing provided unless we were close enough to a town that we could easily commute. Alas I feel like the ranch job may be a pipe dream we will never find since most of them are just seasonal dude ranches nowadays, but it definitely doesn't hurt to hope right?

 

[k9krazee]

Where I live right now I feel like my life is on hold. I'm working in.the career of my choice, absolutely love my colleagues and want to work here forever. But Rich is in the same position 2 hours away. I thought when we were out of college we'd get married and start our lives together. Sometimes I think it's selfish staying with him when I knew out of college our lives could go different directions and there's no indication right now that either of us will move. I try to take it one day at a time and enjoy the time (4 days a month) we do see each other. But just last night I told him I wanted to run away with him and we could both find jobs in a new area and really begin our life together. Sometimes I'm jealous of the women/families that focused on children instead of careers. But I believe everything happens for a reason and I'm going to continue plodding along in this thing we call life and know that everything will work out in the end.

Sorry for ranting, know that your life is what you make of it and if you aren't happy there are ways to change that

 

[Sweet72947]

I don't feel like I'm at all where I belong in life. Living at the apartment is better than living with my parents, but it still isn't "home". I want a decent job, not a part time kennel job that doesn't pay enough to pay the rent. I want to have my own home where I can have a bunch of dogs and do rescue. I can't even have ONE dog of my own right now because I can't afford it. I feel like I just don't know where to look or what to do or where to go.

 

[Dizzy]

My job is making me unhappy (well... the workload and stress is), my boyfriend lives 2 hours away, and I'm usually too tired on an evening to do anything but nothing.

I am desperate to move in with my other half and start OUR life... we have big plans for our home, adding a new dog, even talk about kids (I'm 31 this year.. not getting any younger).

There are NO jobs though. Like none. At all. I've been looking on and off for over a year now. I wanted to avoid what I'm doing now, but currently I'm having to apply for the same job AND it'll be an hr commute each way.....

Luckily I actually live with a fab person now (as oppose to the other one I did for 2 yrs) which helps a lot. But I just want to go home... its the only place I have EVER wanted to call home (ever) and I've never lived there yet.

le sigh..... I get it.