do you find being called Ma'am annoying?

[Lilavati]

On the controlling parents thing, I do have to say that usually when a kid is addressing their own parents as sir/ma'am rather than Mom/Dad you're at the least dealing with a very traditional family, and that often does seem to be forced. Not always, but it always seems a little strange to hear children address their parents that way in the course of ordinary conversation.

I think the only time I ever addressed my parents as sir/ma'am was when I was quite small and in very serious trouble. They certainly never asked me to . . . it was too formal. They were always Mom and Dad (still are). Although it was fashionable when I was growing up in certain circles to address one's parents by their first name, and my parents did NOT approve of that.

I was taught to address all adults other than my parents as sir/ma'am or Mr./Ms. depending on whether I knew their name and also how much older/more important they were. And to use other titles if they had them. For example, a close family friend who was a former judge was always Judge or Sir (although not your Honor).

And largely, I did just pick it up from my parents. They didn't force me. I either imitated them, or one of them would say, call them "blank" and I would. And now its just ingrained.

 

[sassafras]

Eh, it's just a word.

I don't use it very commonly myself nor is it used much where I live, but part of why we HAVE words like sir or ma'am is for those "Excuse me ma'am, you dropped this!" or "Why yes, ma'am, the red wines are right over here" moments. Frankly, for stuff like that I'm not interested in finding out how every random stranger I meet (who I'm likely only going to have this one encounter with anyway) prefers to be addressed, nor do I expect every random person who comes across me (and will probably never see me again anyway) to find out how I prefer to be addressed.

And my age is my age regardless of whether someone calls me Miss or Ma'am or my name or Blurblefluff. It ain't going to change because of a word, for me it's just a waste of energy to worry about stuff like that.

 

[sparks19]

On the controlling parents thing, I do have to say that usually when a kid is addressing their own parents as sir/ma'am rather than Mom/Dad you're at the least dealing with a very traditional family, and that often does seem to be forced. Not always, but it always seems a little strange to hear children address their parents that way in the course of ordinary conversation.

I think the only time I ever addressed my parents as sir/ma'am was when I was quite small and in very serious trouble. They certainly never asked me to . . . it was too formal. They were always Mom and Dad (still are). Although it was fashionable when I was growing up in certain circles to address one's parents by their first name, and my parents did NOT approve of that.

I was taught to address all adults other than my parents as sir/ma'am or Mr./Ms. depending on whether I knew their name and also how much older/more important they were. And to use other titles if they had them. For example, a close family friend who was a former judge was always Judge or Sir (although not your Honor).

And largely, I did just pick it up from my parents. They didn't force me. I either imitated them, or one of them would say, call them "blank" and I would. And now its just ingrained.

That's pretty much how Hannah learned most of her manners too (including the sir/ma'am thing). just by watching us. I still have to remind her from time to time when someone says "you have a very pretty dress" to say "Thank you" and not "YES it IS" LOL but for the most part she remembers to use her manners :rofl1:

Yes most families that have their children call them ma'am/sir seem pretty traditional although I can think of one in particular that is so FAR off from traditional but she has her sons call her ma'am. I mean they call her mom too but if she is giving them instructions or something they say YES ma'am. But she definitely is not controlling or over bearing. She's the kind of person that jumps in a pool to catch a possum bare handed and rolls her own cigarettes lol. not really traditional. she's a very interesting lady lol I'm sad she moved back South.

But this thread made me think of something else last night and I posted it on facebook but I'm going to ask it here.

on the subject of being polite....

How exactly do you teach a 4 year old that adults find it rude to be asked how old they are when those adults are CONSTANTLY asking her how old she is lol. "It's not ok for you to ask them but it's ok for EVERYONE to ask you" LOL. We were over for dinner at our pastors house one night and Hannah said "miss Wendy... how old are you" LOL everyone burst out laughing and I said "honey it's not polite to ask people that" and she looked totally confused. WHY... people ask her that all the time so why would she possibly understand that it's rude for her to do it. luckily our pastor and his wife are very easy going people and actually divulged their ages to Hannah lol and proceeded to pick on each other about they were lol. but it just made me think... people ask her ten times a day "how old are you" and hannah is more than thrilled to tell them how old she is, how old she WILL be, when she will turn 5 and what she did for her last birthday lol. (don't ask if you don't want to know lol) so why wouldn't she think it perfectly appropriate to ask the same. she's just trying to learn.

she asked me last night how old I was. I told her "30" and she thought about that a moment and said "THIRTY? :O how old will you be next time?" "next time? my next birthday? I will be 31" "Oh... 31... OK. well I'm going to be 5" and that was that lol

 

[Doberluv]

It's okay to tell Hannah that it's not considered polite to ask adults how old they are. And that it is acceptable for an adult to ask a child how old she is. (if she asks) Not everything goes both ways. What's one way in one context is not always the same way in another. Kids can learn that.

 

[Dekka]

I wouldn't say its a one way thing, if you have a smart kid it could feel unfair if they want to know WHY. I explained it as as people get older some want to hide their age, so its not nice to ask adults in general.

 

[Renee750il]

It's okay to tell Hannah that it's not considered polite to ask adults how old they are. And that it is acceptable for an adult to ask a child how old she is. (if she asks) Not everything goes both ways. What's one way in one context is not always the same way in another. Kids can learn that.

One of life's great lessons: adults are capricious and unfair in their dealings with children and consider themselves superior beings

 

[Linds]

Completely OT but I really do find it sad people are embarrassed by their age. And I love that children and many times the very elderly find pride in their age. I love when a 98 year old and a 3 year old get the same joy out of telling you their age. I think a lot could be learned from that.

 

[Dekka]

lol I totally agree Linds, I personally dont' get why its ok to be ashamed of age. I guess some people judge negatively if you are 'old'? Darien asked why some wanted to hide their age, I said "sorry kiddo, no idea... but they do and we should respect that"

 

[Doberluv]

It was mentioned to me growing up that you just don't ask adults their age. Nothing else said about it. I never sat there and considered the unfairness of it all. I never resented adults because certain things were just not equal...the kids had it one way in some matters and adults had it another way. No one I knew ever gave it two thoughts. I think that kids should be treated kindly and fairly. But it's silly to try and make everything in life equal and the same when kids and adults are not the same. It doesn't mean that you have to be rude or nasty about teaching lessons. But there's nothing wrong imo to teach children some nuances of life that are exclusive to children.

 

[Renee750il]

The majority of the world does categorize according to chronological age though.

 

[Beanie]

Eh, it's just a word.

"Just words" have quite a history of getting people up in arms though. See the Rush Limbaugh thread.

 

[CharlieDog]

Here it good manners to say sir or ma'am. Miss first name or last name is respectful, but just miss isn't quite as respectful. Miss sounds kind of rude to me though and I dislike it a lot. I'm also a Mrs now though, lol. I don't correct people I'm never going to see again though

 

[Dekka]

It was mentioned to me growing up that you just don't ask adults their age. Nothing else said about it. I never sat there and considered the unfairness of it all. I never resented adults because certain things were just not equal...the kids had it one way in some matters and adults had it another way. No one I knew ever gave it two thoughts. I think that kids should be treated kindly and fairly. But it's silly to try and make everything in life equal and the same when kids and adults are not the same. It doesn't mean that you have to be rude or nasty about teaching lessons. But there's nothing wrong imo to teach children some nuances of life that are exclusive to children.

i didn't say it was right or wrong. I WAS the kid that wanted to know WHY all the time. I felt adults were being unfair when they said 'thats just the way it is' when things were one way for them and another for kids. I questioned everything (even things I liked) and still do. LOL likely why I love science..

Question all the things!!! I have taught all my students (riding) to question, to search the why, not to be happy with the 'this is just the way its done'. If there is a reason for the way its done that's great, but if there is no reason then why....? lol

 

[oakash]

I don't think I would be bothered. Funnily enough, even though my moms side of the family is VERRRY southern, we were never told to call anyone ma'm or sir. Sometimes when my dad is mad at me I will say yes sir, but that is just to appease him, because I don't have much respect for him.

But as a child, I just called parents Mrs. V, Mrs. T, or by their first names IF they told me too. I've always called my coaches coach, or Mr (insert last name) except for the coaches who could be my sister's. They get called by their first name.

 

[sparks19]

I wouldn't say its a one way thing, if you have a smart kid it could feel unfair if they want to know WHY. I explained it as as people get older some want to hide their age, so its not nice to ask adults in general.

I think this is more the issue. WHY is it rude to ask adults but it's not rude for them to ask you lol without making it sound like I'm saying "It just is" lol

It's hard because you know they are just trying to learn about the people around them and how different people are different ages and have different roles (like grandparents vs parents... how age applies to that) etc. She wants to know how old a grandmother type person might be. so she asks lol but then it's hard to explain to her without making it sound like I'm saying "Grammy is VERY old" or "Grandma's are VERY old" lol.

my explanations never come out right lol and now I'm worried instead of asking someones age she's just going to say "you're old right?" you know... since it's rude to ask their age LOL

 

[Dekka]

LOL Sparks, Hannah sounds fantastic. I LOVE it when kids are that curious, as hard as it is for us adults at times.

 

[Doberluv]

Oh, I don't see anything wrong with giving them some kind of explanation. Or anything wrong with them asking why. I simply don't think they have to go through life expecting to have equal opportunity as adults about absolutely everything.

 

[Miakoda]

When I was in the south, it was extremely offensive to me. You know they didn't give a flip, they were just doing it to either A) tick you off if you were a northerner or B) follow through their empty "respect". Yeah, sure. "value system". It's about as respectful as "bless your heart". And if you haven't been to the south, it's all "f*ck you!". No one calls me ma'am here. They ask you what you would like to be called. If they are trying to get your attention and it is a stranger, they will say "excuse me".

Meaning DOES go a long way.

Ummm. Wow.

I'm "from the south". I live in southern Louisiana. Just thought I'd clear the air with that first.

With that mentioned, I find it somewhat humorous, and somewhat sad (pathetic even), that you so blantantly assume what us rude southerners are really meaning when we say "ma'am" and "sir". And it kinda angers me that you have the audacity to actually tell us what we truly mean, yet it seems that none of us have actually had any of that cross our minds.

It doesn't take nulear physicist to differentiate a polite/respectful "yes ma'am" from a sarcastic one.

To me, saying "yes/no ma'am" and "yes/no sir" are polite and do imply a level of respect and courtesy, especially when directed at my seniors. And to the general perception of people in the south (yes, I'm making a generalization, but seeing as how I was born and raised here and have lived here for over 30 years as well as have traveled a heckuva lot from Texas to GA, I feel that I have a little bit of qualification to do so), saying "ma'am" and "sir" are considered to be polite and courteous words.

And heaven help you if your momma called out your name and you replied with a loud "WHAT?!"......... :yikes:

Everyone has the right to their own personal beliefs. But the above-quoted post is the kind that irritates the stew outta me because this is putting insinuations behind our words that simply are not true.

As for all us southerners just constantly going around and telling people to "f**k off", well......I just cannot even come back with a response to such an asinine remark.

If people really want a taste of the south, come tailgate before an LSU football game. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, the color of your skin, or even if you dare to wear the colors supporting the opposing team, you will find yourself having a bunch of rude southerners demand that you stop and eat some good food, have a few drinks, and take part in some fun conversation. As far as "f**k you"s go, that's not too bad of one.

 

[Miakoda]

I still call my friends parents "Mr/Mrs. FirstName". Just because we are also adults, it doesn't mean I've somehow erased that level of respect between them and myself.

And I can't imagine having my friends' kids just yell out, "Hey, Staci!". My friends are more than welcome to call me by my first name (I also have a nickname I go by to my closest friends and family). But to have a child just be so nonchalant? Nah. But I don't necessarily want to be called by my last name (especially since it's confusing because I go by my married last name, but never officially changed it from my maiden name). My friends' kids just call me "Mrs. Staci". It's all good in the hood.

 

[Lilavati]

I still call my friends parents "Mr/Mrs. FirstName". Just because we are also adults, it doesn't mean I've somehow erased that level of respect between them and myself.

I actually love the Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss Firstname thing in the South. Its so, well, Southern. I miss hearing it It seems to resolve the "too formal" problem while retaining that aura of respect. Where I grew up was a little far north for that, but down at my grandmother's farm I heard it a lot. Still do.