do you find being called Ma'am annoying?

MericoX

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#41
I don't ever remember calling anyone Aunt/Uncle, though they really didn't visit much.
I have my niece and nephews call me by my first name... I don't want to be called Aunt or Auntie. LOL
 
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#42
I completely agree with Dekka, I'm not sure how it's respectful to call someone Ma'am or Sir when they have asked you not to. Seems to be going against their wishes and would border on rudeness in my eyes.

I also am not sure in of itself calling someone Ma'am or Sir is respectful. It's ingrained in some kids and people for sure, but that doesn't mean it's a sign of respect. Respect to me goes way farther than a....I wouldn't call it a title but I'm not sure what exactly to call it.

Can it be meant respectfully? Sure. But when I use it's it's not because it's respectful, it's because I don't know how else to get someone's attention when I don't know their name. I alsodon't really see it as a sign of respect when someone uses it unless they see it as a sign of respect. If it's just something ingrained in them from toddlerhood and means nothing then it really is neither respectful nor disrespectful in my eyes, it's just something they have been taught to say without much thought behind it.

Does that make any sense?
 

Doberluv

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#43
I completely agree with Dekka, I'm not sure how it's respectful to call someone Ma'am or Sir when they have asked you not to. Seems to be going against their wishes and would border on rudeness in my eyes.

I also am not sure in of itself calling someone Ma'am or Sir is respectful. It's ingrained in some kids and people for sure, but that doesn't mean it's a sign of respect. Respect to me goes way farther than a....I wouldn't call it a title but I'm not sure what exactly to call it.

Can it be meant respectfully? Sure. But when I use it's it's not because it's respectful, it's because I don't know how else to get someone's attention when I don't know their name. I alsodon't really see it as a sign of respect when someone uses it unless they see it as a sign of respect. If it's just something ingrained in them from toddlerhood and means nothing then it really is neither respectful nor disrespectful in my eyes, it's just something they have been taught to say without much thought behind it.

Does that make any sense?
No. :rofl1: You could say that about anything at all...that such and such is only a sign of respect because someone was taught that. Holding a door for someone is thought of as polite and helpful. But that's because we were taught that it was. Saying "thank you" is respectful and polite because we were taught that it was. If you give someone something and they don't say "thank you," do you think that person is being very respectful or polite? I sure wouldn't. Why? Because I was taught that way. :rofl1:

Saying "yes ma'am" is commonly thought of as a respectful thing to say....at least in the south it is. So, to say it isn't respectful is.....well..........disrespectful. :rofl1:
 
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#45
Saying "yes ma'am" is commonly thought of as a respectful thing to say....at least in the south it is. So, to say it isn't respectful is.....well..........disrespectful. :rofl1:
I didn't say it wasn't always respectful, I said it wasn't inherently respectful. And I don't think saying thank you is necessarily polite if it's just lip service.

Holding a door open for someone I put in a different category because it's an action. Not just you miming back words.

I'm not saying just because it was taught makes it disrespectful. Just like I'm saying just because it was taught doesn't make it respectful. I'm saying that the thought behind it is what makes or breaks it.

Example: I tend to tell people to have a great day a lot. Comes with working retail and being a people person. That being said I make a huge effort to mean it if I say it. To not just repeat it like a mantra but rather to have real feeling behind it and truly be wishing them a great day. If that thought, respect and emotion isn't behind it then it means nothing to me. It's just words that hold no value.
 
M

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#46
As Linds stated, I do call everyone ma'am or sir. And I don't understand why some people get so bent out of shape over it. It's a sign of respect, not a reference to age. I use it with my peers just as often as I use it with my elders. I also use Ms/Mrs and Mr. Out of respect.

That being said, if it truly bothers someone, I WILL try to stop. But I can't guarantee that it won't slip out again because it's a habit. Yes, that's right. I said it. It's a habit. But it's only a habit because I was taught to habitually treat everyone with basic respect.

One thing that does slightly bother me is when a peer that I don't even know uses a term of endearment when speaking to me. It gives an air of familiarity that they have not yet earned.
 

sparks19

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#47
I never said anything about refusing to call someone by the name they prefer. Just that I don't have any preference so i just go with what each child is taught to call me. If it really bothered someone (although i really can't understand why a name would bother someone when it clearly is intended to be respectful. Wh we cant just take it that way I have no idea) i would call them whatever they wish and absolutely hannah can do the same

Iguess arOund here it is just the social norm for kids to call adults ms or mr *first name* so it doesn't occur to mOst of us to ask everyone we meet what they want to be called and it doesnt seem that it occurs to mOst people here to be bothered by it.

I don't recall being instructed to call adults anything in particular as a kid i just naturally took to the mr/mrs last name. They did say i could call them by their first name but it made me uncomfortable. To me it was equal to calling my mother by her first name and i would never do that lol. They understood. It didnt bother them to be called mr and mrs

Sorry for typos. Posting from my phone lol
 

zoe08

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#48
I am not sure I understand why anyone gets offended at being called "miss" or "ma'am"? It isn't like reserved for people over 50, so it's not like they are saying you look old because they say yes ma'am. Do men get upset over being called "sir", do they sit around talking about how offensive that is?

It's a word, that is meant to be respectful. Even if it is said as a 2nd nature type thing, saying "thank you" is like that, but I'm still offended if I do hold the door open and people don't say "thank you" even if they only say it out of habit. It is the polite thing to do.

However we are taught that ma'am/sir means respect. Which is why my husband was always in trouble because he would not call his step-father "sir" because he didn't have any respect for him. But he uses ma'am/sir all the time with other people.
 
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#49
I find Sir and Ma'am to be slightly annoying. Just hearing a person say it to someone else makes me cringe. lol Also, please call me by my first name and leave out "mister". lol
 

Dekka

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#50
I am not sure I understand why anyone gets offended at being called "miss" or "ma'am"? It isn't like reserved for people over 50, so it's not like they are saying you look old because they say yes ma'am. Do men get upset over being called "sir", do they sit around talking about how offensive that is?

It's a word, that is meant to be respectful. Even if it is said as a 2nd nature type thing, saying "thank you" is like that, but I'm still offended if I do hold the door open and people don't say "thank you" even if they only say it out of habit. It is the polite thing to do.

However we are taught that ma'am/sir means respect. Which is why my husband was always in trouble because he would not call his step-father "sir" because he didn't have any respect for him. But he uses ma'am/sir all the time with other people.
Because its not normal here. Its sounds strange and.. well not forced, but not natural. Here no one is taught to say it as a polite thing, though obviously some people pick it up. So it grates when I hear it. Ma'am is associated with OLDer women. What woman wants to be told she is old? I agree with the thank you or thanks for holding a door. Or at least eye contact with a smile and nod. Some acknowledgement that the person is doing an active form of politeness.

Here everyone says sorry. Yes that Canadian trope is really real. We do say it, all the time. I was reading an article that said some foreign students found it off putting as they didn't feel it was said sincerely. So same thing, if its not what you are used to it really stands out, particularly when its obvious the person is just saying to say it with no real meaning behind it.
 

CaliTerp07

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#51
Do men get upset over being called "sir", do they sit around talking about how offensive that is?
My husband is weirded out by being called "sir", yes. There is one kid in the middle school small group he leads who says "yes, sir", and I can see Zach visibly cringe when he says it. A few times he's said, "Just call me Zach", the but the kid's parents are adamant that he is "Mr. Zach" and he needs to be addressed as "sir".

Like I said...it's not a big enough deal to throw a fit over, and if it's a stranger, then oh well. But anyone who you're going to spend significant time around, I would think it's polite to ask what they'd like to be called.
 
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#52
particularly when its obvious the person is just saying to say it with no real meaning behind it.
That's what I was trying to get across. Meaning it matters.

When I say "Yes sir" to my boss I'm doing it sarcasticly. Always. And he knows it. It all comes down to the thought behind it to me.

ETA: I'm not speaking bad about people who do use sir and ma'am a lot at all. I'm more just thining outloud. I think the same things about smiles, have a nice day's and how are you's
 

Xandra

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#53
Being called Ma'am is awkward. If someone says it to me I'm not offended, but I usually assume they are not really from here or they're trying a bit too hard. I guess it's because it's too formal and too respectful and too... cliche-respectful, so it comes off a little weird around here.

Sometimes it is necessary to get someone's attention (perhaps it works because it is somewhat unusual).

I think I used a "sir" once when I worked at a fast-food joint because I'd tried some other polite means of getting his attention and they weren't working lol.

When I was 5 I said "yes ma'am" to my kindergarten teacher (don't know why) and she thought I was being sarcastic and got mad.

ETA and when I was 5-ish and got my first real friend (like going over to her house and sleep overs and stuff) my mom instructed me to call her parents by "Mrs" and "Mr" and use "ma'am" and "sir." My parents are kinda older (mom had me at 40) and her parents were normal-aged. Her parents kept telling me to call them by their first names and I think were made uncomfortable by "ma'am" and "sir" and tried to get me to stop lol, my mom insisted I continue.

My solution was to not say anything around them lol and I've actually always found being around other people's parents awkward. I guess that may be why. Ahh Chaz... inspiring reflection on my social awkwardness, of all things...
 
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zoe08

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#56
Because its not normal here. Its sounds strange and.. well not forced, but not natural. Here no one is taught to say it as a polite thing, though obviously some people pick it up. So it grates when I hear it. Ma'am is associated with OLDer women. What woman wants to be told she is old?
Here it is used for respect and politeness. It doesn't mean you're old or older. Someone calling you ma'am, isn't calling you old.

I just can't understand being offended by someone saying yes, ma'am/sir. Now if they have a sarcastic attitude, THAT would be what the problem was, their attitude, not the words they use.

I think that people these days are really lacking in respect, and so I feel like we should encourage parents to teach their kids to be respectful, instead of getting upset because the parents are teaching their kids to show respect by calling someone ma'am/sir or Miss/Mr. I feel like it is more disrespectful to try to undermine the parents, when they are trying to teach their kids to show you respect.

But again I'm from Texas, and I guess we do a lot of things differently here.
 

Puckstop31

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#58
I completely agree with Dekka, I'm not sure how it's respectful to call someone Ma'am or Sir when they have asked you not to. Seems to be going against their wishes and would border on rudeness in my eyes.
Just picking on you, but it could well be anyone who shares this opinion.

I get that you want to be called whatever it is you want to be called. But how about the other person? What if addressing you in the way you want is against their value system? Who's value system matters more?

Better yet, who gets to decide?

---

This thread is really interesting. In a good way. It clearly shows that we do not draw our value systems from a homogeneous source.

I wonder if that has anything to do with why our Republic works? (Or used to? Sorry, had to get that in there.)
 
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#59
I get that you want to be called whatever it is you want to be called. But how about the other person? What if addressing you in the way you want is against their value system? Who's value system matters more?

Better yet, who gets to decide?
Well, to me it would seem since it's supposed to be a mark of respect to the other person then you should respect their wishes. If the person calling them isn't doing it as a sign of respect to the other person but rather for some self serving (not judging here, just the best word I could find) purpose then I say continue on.

But I don't think you can call it a sign of repsect and continue on when someone asks you to stop.
 

Paige

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#60
Lately everything irritates me... but I don't think anyone has ever called me ma'am.
 

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