do "pretty"/"good looking" get treated different?

[Beanie]

For me, when I was in school, my best friend was a female... but nearly all my other friends were male. After I left school, I had fewer and fewer female friends. Best friends became men. Right now, most of my friends are male - funny enough, the few female friends I have are other women with mostly male friends. I think the same thing that causes us to have primarily male friends also drives us together. Because sometimes you really want a FEMALE friend, not a male friend.

It's not because of my interests. I love makeup. Hair and fashion fascinate me. Pink is my favorite color. Yes, I like sports (a lot) and video games and cars and comic books. But that's not it.
It's because of my personality. How I relate to other people, how I interact with other people.

Let's put it this way: over the course of my life I have had three different gay men tell me they inexplicably find themselves attracted to me even though they absolutely don't want to have sex with a woman. I am apparently THAT MUCH like a guy that even gay men are attracted to my personality.
(Which is, by the way, not a flattering thing to hear.)

When you are "one of the guys" they don't see you as a dating option. Are you somebody they would sleep with? Of course, because men will pretty much sleep with any woman. But you aren't dating material. Because you're a bro. And also at the same time NO OTHER MAN is good enough for you either. So they hate every guy you ever date, but they won't date you either. And meanwhile girls hate you because in their minds you're friends with primarily men as a ploy to get more men to sleep with you.

Yep.
It's awesome.
Definitely something to brag about.
And feel superior about.
Got a big f***in' ego about it.
Might as well have a dick.
At least if I did I could date one of those gay men apparently.

 

[Greenmagick]

Also, want to be clear in that yes, some people just naturally have more male friends for whatever reason. My comments were more when I hear people saying they have nothing in common with females...or that they are not "girly" enough to have female friends...it just confuses me when that is mentioned.

Personally I have gone up and down in my life with regards to male to female ratio of friends.

 

[sillysally]

I think the different treatment comes in very distinct circumstances....before you get to know someone situation or in split second judgments. I do think once personality comes into play, people get to know each other, interactions take place etc yes, that is what actually matters.

I really hate the whole idea of being presentable or put together, or lazy, or not caring about yourself, etc. Am I not caring about myself if I am out in the garden all day so a sweaty and dirty mess in old clothes, when I need a quick trip to the store and my priority is NOT to waste time taking a shower and cleaning up first because its silly? Is someone caring TOO much about themselves because they do? Its all just really ridiculous....

Maybe you still care about yourself, but you don't care enough about how you look to get cleaned up first. I think it's about a person's priorities--if I were dirty from working out in the barn and didn't feel like cleaning up to go to the store (this had happened more times than I can count by the way), it would be because I just didn't care enough about how I looked on that occasion to make cleaning up a priority. My mom, on the other hand, would not be caught dead going to the store makeup less and dirty. She cares enough about how she looks in public that she would clean up first--being "presentable" out in public is a priority for her.

Truthfully, everyone judges to a certain extent, and it's not always a bad thing either. I walk alone at night a lot, and if I see a man-any man-I cross the street to walk on the opposite side of the road. If there is a large group of men I might avoid that block altogether. That is absolutely judgmental-I'm judging them as potential threats based on their gender. I'm sure 99% of them are decent people, but I really don't care. I'd rather be judgy than dead.

Honestly, I tend to judge the clothes people are wearing (as in whether I like or dislike the articles of clothing), but not so much the people that are wearing them.....except to maybe question their decision making skills when they got up that morning and decided to put on their bedazzled hot pink Crocs for a trip to the mall.

Truthfully, the older I get the less I care about how strangers feel about how I look. If I like something, think it looks acceptable on me, and is appropriate for activity I'm doing that day I wear it, and it some random person wants to decide that I'm a certain kind of person based on my clothes I'm not going to lose much sleep over it.

 

[Greenmagick]

Maybe you still care about yourself, but you don't care enough about how you look to get cleaned up first. I think it's about a person's priorities--if I were dirty from working out in the barn and didn't feel like cleaning up to go to the store (this had happened more times than I can count by the way), it would be because I just didn't care enough about how I looked on that occasion to make cleaning up a priority. My mom, on the other hand, would not be caught dead going to the store makeup less and dirty. She cares enough about how she looks in public that she would clean up first--being "presentable" out in public is a priority for her.

.

Well and I guess that was kind of my point...neither one is wrong nor actually says anything about who the person really is, you know?

Yes, every one judges a bit...the key IMO is to investigate those judgments and work on why they exist and trying to change them.

 

[release the hounds]

I'm still patiently waiting for this to get to the swimsuit portion of judging

But to me, there's a difference between I've been working so hard i smell and am dirty, and, I haven't showered in 3 days and am still wearing my PJ's that i've watched 5 movies in during those past 3 days and the only reason i've gotten up is to have a smoke and now i'm out so i'm running to the store, type looks. and I judge accordingly

 

[Sweet72947]

Are you somebody they would sleep with? Of course, because men will pretty much sleep with any woman.

I think this is a little rude. I'm sure there are some men like that just like there are some women like that, but my male friends aren't going to just "sleep with any woman" any more than you want to sleep with "just any man". Women don't want to be lumped together, and we shouldn't lump men together either.

I only had girl friends until after high school, because I was afraid of boys. Boys were always mean to me (and growing up with an emotionally abusive father didn't help either) and so I stayed away from them. But in the last several years I've made some awesome guy friends (two of which I work with) and these positive experiences have pretty much erased what fears I used to have.

 

[sillysally]

I just asked DH if there were any female friend he would NOT sleep with if he were single and she was willing, and his response was, "I would like to think that at my my age I would have some standards, but for the most part I would say no." Lol--I don't know that could be applied to every man ever though...

 

[Sweet72947]

Well, I'm a single bisexual girl and I see people I find attractive and I think "yeah I'd tap that." on a purely physical level. But factor in personalities and such, would I REALLY "tap that" given the chance? No. I bet a lot of people (men included) are like that.

 

[sillysally]

I'd like to amend me previous statement about not making judgments on a person themselves based on their clothes. If you are wearing Green Bay Packers attire, I will judge you as a person, and the judgement will be swift and merciless....

 

[sparks19]

I'd like to amend me previous statement about not making judgments on a person themselves based on their clothes. If you are wearing Green Bay Packers attire, I will judge you as a person, and the judgement will be swift and merciless....

Absolutely! If you wear Bruins attire... We can 't be friends.

 

[crazedACD]

But to me, there's a difference between I've been working so hard i smell and am dirty, and, I haven't showered in 3 days and am still wearing my PJ's that i've watched 5 movies in during those past 3 days and the only reason i've gotten up is to have a smoke and now i'm out so i'm running to the store, type looks. and I judge accordingly

Agreed.

I think this is a little rude. I'm sure there are some men like that just like there are some women like that, but my male friends aren't going to just "sleep with any woman" any more than you want to sleep with "just any man". Women don't want to be lumped together, and we shouldn't lump men together either.

I had a hard time maintaining male friends without the sex factor. One male friend even freaked me out because even though I maintained I wanted to be "just friends", he became very inappropriate, and nearly forceful one night.

Even now I have male "acquaintances", male boyfriends/exes..but not male 'friends'. The only male friends this hasn't been an issue with are ones that are seriously taken, or seriously older than me.

 

[release the hounds]

I'd like to amend me previous statement about not making judgments on a person themselves based on their clothes. If you are wearing Green Bay Packers attire, I will judge you as a person, and the judgement will be swift and merciless....

you mean you'd think that person nothing but awesome

 

[JazzyTheSibe]

I really have no male friends. I talk to them, actually, they talk to me. They say hello,ask how I'm doing, compliment me, & I talk to them . I'm sure some of them would like to become friends with me. Unfortunately, for some reason, I'm terrified to talk,or become friends with them. It's even the same women.

It just sucks, a lot, I want to become friends with them, but I can't.

I do have a good amount of female friends though. I have about three really close friends,& the others are still my friends, but I'm not so close to them. I text them,& talk to them. But I don't hang out with them that much.

I've noticed, How much I judge depends on my mood. If I'm irritable, angry,or depressed, I'm usually more to judge. When I'm happy, I tend to judge less.

I at least like to look "presentable". But, It's rare occasion for me to wear makeup. I do, however like to moderately "dress-up".

Maybe you still care about yourself, but you don't care enough about how you look to get cleaned up first. I think it's about a person's priorities--if I were dirty from working out in the barn and didn't feel like cleaning up to go to the store (this had happened more times than I can count by the way), it would be because I just didn't care enough about how I looked on that occasion to make cleaning up a priority.

This. 100%

 

[Ozfozz]

. My comments were more when I hear people saying they have nothing in common with females...or that they are not "girly" enough to have female friends...it just confuses me when that is mentioned.

To expand on my previous post - I had written it in haste as we were on our way out, so it may have come off different than I intended - I did, and do have female friends. Some of which will likely remain present in someway for the rest of my life.

However, in high school especially, the vast majority of female conversation topics revolved around the aforementioned topics; I didn't, and still often don't relate to many of the major conversation points.As such, the things I had in common with them, while existent, were not plentiful.

Did I hang out with girls? Sure, but I hung out much more frequently with "the guys."
And that's just my personal experience between the way I was raised and the demographic of my schools.

Either way back to the point, I try my best to not judge, at least not based solely on physical appearance. I live in a very run-down area of the city, and have met some of the least physically appealing that have been some of the nicest people I've encountered.

 

[Dogdragoness]

For me, when I was in school, my best friend was a female... but nearly all my other friends were male. After I left school, I had fewer and fewer female friends. Best friends became men. Right now, most of my friends are male - funny enough, the few female friends I have are other women with mostly male friends. I think the same thing that causes us to have primarily male friends also drives us together. Because sometimes you really want a FEMALE friend, not a male friend.

It's not because of my interests. I love makeup. Hair and fashion fascinate me. Pink is my favorite color. Yes, I like sports (a lot) and video games and cars and comic books. But that's not it.
It's because of my personality. How I relate to other people, how I interact with other people.

Let's put it this way: over the course of my life I have had three different gay men tell me they inexplicably find themselves attracted to me even though they absolutely don't want to have sex with a woman. I am apparently THAT MUCH like a guy that even gay men are attracted to my personality.
(Which is, by the way, not a flattering thing to hear.)

When you are "one of the guys" they don't see you as a dating option. Are you somebody they would sleep with? Of course, because men will pretty much sleep with any woman. But you aren't dating material. Because you're a bro. And also at the same time NO OTHER MAN is good enough for you either. So they hate every guy you ever date, but they won't date you either. And meanwhile girls hate you because in their minds you're friends with primarily men as a ploy to get more men to sleep with you.

Yep.
It's awesome.
Definitely something to brag about.
And feel superior about.
Got a big f***in' ego about it.
Might as well have a dick.
At least if I did I could date one of those gay men apparently.

Now I don't think that's fair to guys, they aren't man whores who will bed anything with a pussy. They have "types" and standards too, even for their "casual dates". I have seen men turn down women who weren't their type, yes it is true that "friend zoned" women usually aren't dating material, but to say they will take ANY woman to bed is a little insulting to men.

 

[Dogdragoness]

I'm still patiently waiting for this to get to the swimsuit portion of judging

But to me, there's a difference between I've been working so hard i smell and am dirty, and, I haven't showered in 3 days and am still wearing my PJ's that i've watched 5 movies in during those past 3 days and the only reason i've gotten up is to have a smoke and now i'm out so i'm running to the store, type looks. and I judge accordingly

This, I work in a barn and have gone to the store straight from work, also, when I paddock horses and I hand them off to the pony person for the race, I go to the track level of the grandstand to watch the race on the TVs they have. I encounter patrons/customers and never have I gotten a judgemental or an "ewww gross!" Look from anyone. What I HAVE gotten still (in both situations) is men checking me out and making passes at me, even though I am sweaty and dirty and whatever.

I think it's more about attitude than what someone wears.

 

[sparks19]

It's funny about friendships with males or females.

Hannah is the epitome of girly-ness. She loves pink, dresses, frilly, princesses, sparkles, etc etc etc. If you can think of a stereotypical girly thing... she's into it lol.

BUT when she comes with me to work at the preschool, she almost ALWAYS gravitates and forms a friendship with a boy first. Each year that we have been there she's formed a close bond with a boy before any of the other little girls. this year on the first day she and this one boy came together to play almost immediately and they were great friends until the very end of the school year. One day, when she wasn't at school with me, his mom came to drop him off and asked where Hannah was. I told her she wasn't feeling well and she was at home with her dad and she said "awww he'll be sad she's not here. He talks about her ALL the time." apparently he told his mom "I love Hannah but I don't kiss her because the kids would laugh at me" lol awwww.

NOW that being said she does have her very close girlfriends from co op who are more her age and older and they get along amazingly well but in a new environment like the new class coming in for preschool with kids she's never met, she tends to gravitate towards a boy first and tends to have more conflict with the girls. I don't know if it's just because these girls are younger or what lol

 

[Lyzelle]

"Haha, bitch you're bi polar."

OMG I just laughed super hard at this.
I feel like that should be on a greeting card.

Front:
HA HA

Inside:
Bitch you're bi-polar.

LMAO. I'm dying at this. I haven't even completely caught up on the thread, but I love this. I'd totally love that to be my birthday card next week!

 

[Lyzelle]

:rofl1:

Can someone give me that for my birthday, please? It's so fitting.

Great minds think alike!

Seriously - is saying that actually a thing? Because, wow. That seems like a ridiculous phrase to say to someone. I would trade my lows and highs in an instant to be completely fugly. I'd really rather be happy than be "pretty." **** pretty.

And ditto.

I think that women do so much harm to other women... real women wear makeup, real women don't wear makeup, real women have curves, real women are tall and thin, real women should get dirty and work hard, real women should always look their best, etc, etc.

EVERY WOMAN IS A REAL WOMAN... it doesn't matter if you're feminine or tomboyish, or even if you were BORN a women or BECAME one later on (transgendered). If you identify with the female gender, you are a real woman.

Once we stop setting up EVERY woman to fail at being a "real woman," maybe we can move on from this.

Of course we all form first impressions of people... it's hard not to. I notice when someone is physically attractive from the very beginning, but there are SO many other things that make someone more or less attractive. Liking the same books, shows, hobbies... being well spoken, educated, etc, etc, etc... can make the ugliest person attractive!

And this.


As far as the female vs. male friends thing....I really can't comment. I have had tons of friends, and no friends. Male and female, for a variety of reasons. I don't get along well with PEOPLE. Either due to said PEOPLE or because I take relationships with people probably a bit too seriously. If I like you, you're in. You're family. End.

Other people are way too irresponsible with people, even as "just friends", for me.

I'm also bisexual. So that makes my opinion a bit too biased? Unbiased? Biasedly unbiased? What? Something.

 

[Dogdragoness]

Not me, call me superficial, but if I had a choice BTW keeping my looks ... or being fugly but not having the issues I have with ADHD, ODD and anxiety, I will keep my pretty, ****ed up self lol