do "pretty"/"good looking" get treated different?
- Thread starter Dogdragoness
- Start date
Yes I know I have noticed that, luckily I work with a bunch of guys, and my fiancee. Even girls who I would deem prettier than me hate me, maybe because I am "real" and they are not (you know, as a man what I am talking about: tons of makeup, revealing clothes etc ...) I don't have to TRY to be good looking and they hate it 
All women are real. What they wear and who they choose to be is their decision.
I think its well documented FACT that humans treat other humans differently dependent on looks. Note I'm not specifying gender here. Or what looks. Its goes ALL WAYS.
What's sad is people perpetuate it. But I know I'm guilty as much as the next person.... its very very hard not to make (often unconscious) judgement.
What's sad is people perpetuate it. But I know I'm guilty as much as the next person.... its very very hard not to make (often unconscious) judgement.
On the flip side... The number of people posting who are not ok with the idea that we should judge women so harshly on their clothing choices is nice.
We are all real girls/women. And I don't care if people are promiscuous, if they are just looking to hook up. Its none of my business and it affects me not in the slightest.
We are all real girls/women. And I don't care if people are promiscuous, if they are just looking to hook up. Its none of my business and it affects me not in the slightest.
Steering clear of the rest of this because everybody else has addressed it spectacularly, but I just wanted to chime in on this with a +1. I was denied a job in the past because I showed up to the interview, a pretty, thin girl. The job was working at a screen printing shop, so it had a physical aspect required - and the owner of the shop interviewed me, then sighed at the end and started telling me "You know, it's a really hard job. It's hot back there and you sweat a lot. You have to lift a lot of heavy things. And you can't have nice nails." As it happens I DON'T have nice nails and I've NEVER had nice nails. But he saw me and made assumptions about me. I'll also mention that at the time of this interview, I worked in a STOCKROOM in retail, and he knew this. But no amount of telling him that I work in a stockroom and I lift heavy things back there all day and I don't have nice nails and I like hot temperatures and on and on could combat what he saw when he looked at me. When the interview was almost finished, I saw a girl come out of the back. She was short, overweight, had her hair cropped really short. She looked butch, for lack of any better way to describe it. And I knew when I walked out of that interview I would never hear from that guy again. Because I didn't fit his image of what a girl who worked running a screenprinting press should look like.
I applied for a job last week where one of the job requirements is lifting 80-100lbs. I can do this. But I know if I show up, they are going to take one look at me and simply not believe I am physically capable of it. Unless I tell them "Look, load up a bar. Watch me." they will NOT in any way shape or form believe I could do it. Because I'm cute, I'm pretty, I'm thin. I don't match their view of what a strong girl "should" look like.
People don't take you seriously. They assume you're stupid. They assume you're weak. They assume you don't, and can't, do anything for yourself.
I also agree with Dizzy that it's not just women. Humans are visual beings and we make assumptions about other people based on their appearance. Two dudes show up for an interview, one wearing sloppy, ill-fitting, stained t-shirt and sweatpants, the other wearing a suit and tie; which one are you going to assume is the more professional of the two?
I applied for a job last week where one of the job requirements is lifting 80-100lbs. I can do this. But I know if I show up, they are going to take one look at me and simply not believe I am physically capable of it. Unless I tell them "Look, load up a bar. Watch me." they will NOT in any way shape or form believe I could do it. Because I'm cute, I'm pretty, I'm thin. I don't match their view of what a strong girl "should" look like.
People don't take you seriously. They assume you're stupid. They assume you're weak. They assume you don't, and can't, do anything for yourself.
I also agree with Dizzy that it's not just women. Humans are visual beings and we make assumptions about other people based on their appearance. Two dudes show up for an interview, one wearing sloppy, ill-fitting, stained t-shirt and sweatpants, the other wearing a suit and tie; which one are you going to assume is the more professional of the two?
I can't find it online right now, but there was once an experiment to see who would be helped on the side of the road faster - a pretty woman or an "average" woman.
A broken-down car was staged. When it was a pretty woman's car, people flocked to help her. The "average" woman didn't get helped at all.
Sad.
A broken-down car was staged. When it was a pretty woman's car, people flocked to help her. The "average" woman didn't get helped at all.
Sad.
Yeah, I like to watch the 'What Would You Do?' show, and there was one where there was a woman that was poorly dressed, banged up car, etc. and a kid as the actors. When the 'mom' started berating the 'kid' over something, who was about 6-7 I think, right outside the car parked next to a sidewalk, people passing by stepped in. When it turned into a mom dressed nicely with a really nice car, no one said anything. Sheesh.
And yes, we all thin slice, we all make assumptions based on how people look. But when we're having a discussion where you have time to think, and it's theoretical...I would hope your viewpoint would not be 'oh those women are fake because they don't look the way I like to look.'
And yes, we all thin slice, we all make assumptions based on how people look. But when we're having a discussion where you have time to think, and it's theoretical...I would hope your viewpoint would not be 'oh those women are fake because they don't look the way I like to look.'
Its been proven over and over that when someone is good looking they get away with a lot more, get more doors opened, etc. Now, that is not to say that it can sometimes be a hindrance too...especially if you have someone who is bitter about something that happened in their past or yes, the bimbo effect.
I know when I gained a lot of weight I noticed a difference in the way I was treated. Not rudely yet (though I am my own harshest critic in that way) and not that I was ever gorgeous or anything, but yeah, when I was younger and thinner people did jump up to help me quicker etc. I also never got the "bimbo" treatment being a. not THAT pretty but also, I think having dark hair and eyes and being short maybe helped that?
Regardless yes, as a society there is no doubt that pretty in general are treated better...but that does not always mean its a positive for them as its fickle and a double edged sword.
As to the other discussion, yeah, a strong confident woman who dresses skimpily and has many partners? More power to her!!! I think its often jealousy from insecure women....and I say this knowing I have had my moments of it. I recognize it and realize it ME with the problem however. Not to say I dont know some women who DO dress for others, who use dress and makeup as a shield etc...but that you can not tell from seeing someone at a club and it still does not make them fake or not a "real" woman...that makes them HUMAN...as in we are all human with faults and struggles.
I know when I gained a lot of weight I noticed a difference in the way I was treated. Not rudely yet (though I am my own harshest critic in that way) and not that I was ever gorgeous or anything, but yeah, when I was younger and thinner people did jump up to help me quicker etc. I also never got the "bimbo" treatment being a. not THAT pretty but also, I think having dark hair and eyes and being short maybe helped that?
Regardless yes, as a society there is no doubt that pretty in general are treated better...but that does not always mean its a positive for them as its fickle and a double edged sword.
As to the other discussion, yeah, a strong confident woman who dresses skimpily and has many partners? More power to her!!! I think its often jealousy from insecure women....and I say this knowing I have had my moments of it. I recognize it and realize it ME with the problem however. Not to say I dont know some women who DO dress for others, who use dress and makeup as a shield etc...but that you can not tell from seeing someone at a club and it still does not make them fake or not a "real" woman...that makes them HUMAN...as in we are all human with faults and struggles.
When I lost 50 lbs YES there was a difference in how well I was treated. It is very obvious if you go from 'ugly' to 'attractive' (or at least more attractive). People help you a lot more, pay more attention to you, and are generally just more friendly. It's strange because I was the same person but yes, there's a distinct difference.
It's not that I'm treated badly now but there is a difference...
It's not that I'm treated badly now but there is a difference...
I wonder though, do you feel more confident or outgoing after weight loss?
The reason I ask is that people always talk to me, I talk to everyone. People help out, people listen, and typically are really friendly. And I am down right fat. I wonder how much of it is other people, and how much of it is how we present ourselves.
Pretty people know they are pretty and fat people tend to assume they are unattractive. Do we use that? I am sure a good portion is the other person, but I also think a good portion is how we interact with others based on how we feel about ourselves.
The reason I ask is that people always talk to me, I talk to everyone. People help out, people listen, and typically are really friendly. And I am down right fat. I wonder how much of it is other people, and how much of it is how we present ourselves.
Pretty people know they are pretty and fat people tend to assume they are unattractive. Do we use that? I am sure a good portion is the other person, but I also think a good portion is how we interact with others based on how we feel about ourselves.
I have to agree that humans in general are VERY judgmental. What I don't agree with is that it's as simple as beauty vs ugly. I know we're all spoon fed what we're supposed to see as beauty via the media, but if you really think about it, deep down it's just not that easy. There was a study done some time ago that showed facial symmetry played into our subconscious definition of beauty. But each of us also judges using our personal experience. It doesn't matter how attractive a man is, if he reminds you of your first boyfriend who cheated on you with your best friend, you will probably judge the attractive man a little less kindly. I certainly wouldn't let him cut in line.
But back to the original question. Yes, beautiful people get noticed first. I might think about that if my car breaks down in the desert next to a supermodel's. But in my world we worry more about superficial vs depth. I'd fix my car and give her a ride. Sometimes we just think too much.
I mean really, this from a person who finds a man baby-talking a dog HUGELY attractive, in a platonic way. I'd even look past one of those odd under-chin beards.
But back to the original question. Yes, beautiful people get noticed first. I might think about that if my car breaks down in the desert next to a supermodel's. But in my world we worry more about superficial vs depth. I'd fix my car and give her a ride. Sometimes we just think too much.
I mean really, this from a person who finds a man baby-talking a dog HUGELY attractive, in a platonic way. I'd even look past one of those odd under-chin beards.
People are nicer to me because I'm cute. I'm not a knockout or anything, but I'm pretty. My first job was retail, and they weren't hiring, but I went in and talked to the manager and got hired. I got into my master's program with grades that just barely, barely made the cut. Strangers smile at me and say hi and are kind to the point where I'm surprised when someone doesn't. I understand that's not how it works for everyone, and it sucks.
I also don't think what someone wears has any bearing on their worth as a person.
Nooo you're so wrong. You're insanely pretty, way good looking.
I also don't think what someone wears has any bearing on their worth as a person.
Nooo you're so wrong. You're insanely pretty, way good looking.
I can sort of speak on both ends a bit I think.... I was never super thin or anything but in highschool etc was at a proper weight even though I always thought I was huge. In hindsight I realize a difference in treatment. Then several years back I lost about 50 lbs and while I still was overweight it was not that much and I felt a hundred times better which also did affect my interactions with others. I have gained most of that back and yes it shows in my confidence and interactions. SO I think it is a bit of both...if you feel really confident and secure it shows BUT when you are good looking or at least average or whatever insecurity is not as much of an issue in how others perceive you in quick interactions if that makes sense?
and yes it shows in my confidence and interactions. SO I think it is a bit of both...if you feel really confident and secure it shows BUT when you are good looking or at least average or whatever insecurity is not as much of an issue in how others perceive you in quick interactions if that makes sense?
I'm a pretty girl... or woman I guess. I'm older than most here, so I guess I'm doing well for being 30. You know what I find makes the biggest impact on how people treat me? Whether I have a smile on my face or not.
We definitely react to people based on their appearance, but that appearance consists of their physical features, their body language and their overall behaviour.
We definitely react to people based on their appearance, but that appearance consists of their physical features, their body language and their overall behaviour.
I do agree with this...BUT in snap decisions and judgments yes, a pretty person is forgiven a LOT more. If you take a really pretty younger woman, throw her hair in a sloppy bun, put her in wrinkled sweats and have her walk around people are going to look at her and think much differently than if they saw an older weight average or below looking woman in the same outfit in most situations I think.
Same as if you take a good looking person and have them cause a scene....being a difficult customer or being a bitch to someone...the adjectives most would use to describe the same situation with a different person would likely be very different
Same as if you take a good looking person and have them cause a scene....being a difficult customer or being a bitch to someone...the adjectives most would use to describe the same situation with a different person would likely be very different
Not really. If anything I am more confident now (weighing more) than then.
People are generally really friendly to me and have been... I'm a pretty non threatening person who tends to be smiley and easy going. I get people talking to me a lot.
But there is a difference in the way I was treated and how many people would go out of their way to be nice to me or something like that.... It's hard to put into words. I would not have noticed it unless I had lost the weight because I generally thought people were friendly beforehand (and they generally were). I can only remember one time in my life where a stranger called me a name for no reason and it was in high school so I think it was probably a douche being a douche.
What you wear also makes a huge difference too. And makeup and all that. I do think it goes both ways as far as confidence affecting your interactions but I don't think the studies and WWYD are wrong in showing that what you look like does GREATLY affect the way you're treated. And that's not just pretty vs unpretty but a 1000 different factors that people judge based on.
And I know I put this on the venting thread but my sister is in a wheelchair at the moment and omg the difference in the way you get treated in a wheelchair is amazing to me too.
People are generally really friendly to me and have been... I'm a pretty non threatening person who tends to be smiley and easy going. I get people talking to me a lot.
But there is a difference in the way I was treated and how many people would go out of their way to be nice to me or something like that.... It's hard to put into words. I would not have noticed it unless I had lost the weight because I generally thought people were friendly beforehand (and they generally were). I can only remember one time in my life where a stranger called me a name for no reason and it was in high school so I think it was probably a douche being a douche.
What you wear also makes a huge difference too. And makeup and all that. I do think it goes both ways as far as confidence affecting your interactions but I don't think the studies and WWYD are wrong in showing that what you look like does GREATLY affect the way you're treated. And that's not just pretty vs unpretty but a 1000 different factors that people judge based on.
And I know I put this on the venting thread but my sister is in a wheelchair at the moment and omg the difference in the way you get treated in a wheelchair is amazing to me too.
And yes, I definitely know that I'm treated differently based on my looks, sex, age, etc. Like in how I went to get on the bus one day, and my pass for whatever reason wasn't working, the guy driving just smiled, said it was no problem, and waved me on. A guy and an older woman both had the same issue, and he made them stay there, reset the processing machine, and made them pay.
Another example, I was at the subway (what is with me and public transportation??? ahaha) and forgot my pass, it's more expensive to pay for a ticket, and I only had the exact amount. I went up to one of the security people working there and explained my problem, and they let me in for free. If I looked different, that wouldn't have happened. And yeah, for all I know they had different reasons because I'm not inside their heads, but I definitely feel my 'pretty, young girl' privilege. A lot.
And Equinox, for goodness' sake, no. Just no. LOL.
Another example, I was at the subway (what is with me and public transportation??? ahaha) and forgot my pass, it's more expensive to pay for a ticket, and I only had the exact amount. I went up to one of the security people working there and explained my problem, and they let me in for free. If I looked different, that wouldn't have happened. And yeah, for all I know they had different reasons because I'm not inside their heads, but I definitely feel my 'pretty, young girl' privilege. A lot.
And Equinox, for goodness' sake, no. Just no. LOL.