Disappointment over gifts

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by milos_mommy, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    I have to agree as well..........you can choose what traditions and/or activities you participate in, or DON'T participate in as the case may be.

    *Most* gifts I give are because I want to let that person know I was thinking of them and I care, (no matter the time of year but especially at Christmas or birthdays) but there are a few that I feel I MUST buy to keep peace. But honestly, it's VERY FEW, I try very hard not to complicate my life any more than it has to be.
     
  2. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Except for employers, I have never, ever given a gift I felt obliged to give because it was the social norm. If someone gets me a gift and I haven't reciprocated, I say thank you (and very much mean it) and make a mental note to remember them next time around. If they act like I owe them something or complain about it, I'm sure as heck not going to waste time and energy on them next Christmas...or time and energy maintaining a relationship with such a rude and petty person.
     
  3. GoingNowhere

    GoingNowhere Active Member

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    I think I'm probably somewhere in the middle of the road, but more because I feel bad if someone has given me a gift and I have not reciprocated.

    Am I the only one that feels this way? Right before Christmas, I had a roommate give me a nice little gift. I hadn't gotten anything for her expecting that we wouldn't exchange gifts and sure, I felt like I should have. I ended up giving her a nice little pair of earrings I had made a few weeks earlier (and had yet to have given a purpose) and a piece out of my sister's Christmas gift basket. It made me feel better to know that she wasn't wondering why I hadn't thought about her over Christmas. Maybe I'm being "pressured by social obligations" or whatever, but if it made me feel better, why not? It's the norm of social reciprocity. I'm not opposed to playing my part.

    When I give gifts, I try to put a lot of time and thought into each one because both the gifts that I'm giving and the people that I'm giving them too mean a lot to me. I don't ask that they give me anything in return, but I can't say I don't appreciate appreciation of my gift in whatever form it may be - many times a huge smile and a hug is a nicer "return gift" than anything tangible. Unfortunately for me, while I fully understand this concept when I'm on the "giving" end, it's hard for me not to feel a little guilty when I'm on the receiving end.

    But no, it's nobody's obligation to buy or make a gift.

    On the flip side, I think that there are constraints to this. I did get a bit upset when a secret santa a few years back didn't get me a gift. Granted, the back story needs to be explained. A friend had arranged a secret santa and I ended up with a girl and that same girl had happened to have drawn my name. So essentially that leg of the secret santa was really just a 2 way swap. I didn't know her, she didn't know me. Despite this, I went out and got her a very nice, albeit fairly generic gift (a cute thermos and a bookmark if I remember correctly). She never showed up to the exchange. A friend of hers took my gift home to give to her later, but she never got in touch with me. In my opinion, this was wrong.

    I didn't make a fuss to anyone that knew her, had a good time hanging out with the friends that I knew while I was there, and didn't feel terribly upset at the lack of a gift per se, but in my opinion, if you SIGN UP for a gift exchange, you understand that it is under the premise that you are EXCHANGING gifts. I was more upset at the premise.


    But no, regardless of my opinion on any gift, I am always appreciative of the thought and act appreciative of the gift even if I may regift or return it later.


    I have a friend whose sister and mother are known to cry if they don't get what they want (we're talking a college student and her middle aged mother). I think that's a bit disgusting.
     
  4. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Goingnowhere, I think that's a totally normal and acceptable reaction to your roommate...but if she were to throw a fit about how she spent x amount on a gift for you and you didn't reciprocate, that'd speak poorly of her character. You have her a gift because she kindly acknowledged you at Christmas and you wanted to show appreciation of that, not because if you didn't she'd make you look like a horrible person
     
  5. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    I can understand this. The whole point of a secret santa is to exchange gifts - if you don't want to participate, don't sign up! Even if you want to go but not bring a gift, fine - leave your name out of the drawing.
     
  6. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    Yeah I agree with this. I took part in a forum secret santa once several years ago...to this day I have no idea if the person I sent gifts to ever received it. Radio silence. She also didn't send a gift to her person, but never mentioned anything about it to anyone...just one day she was excited and acknowledged she had gotten her person's name/address, and then nothing happened.

    The person running the secret santa had kept some gifts in reserve and sent something to her person who should have received a gift from the disappearing act, but that's not fair on her either.

    I was all worried about my presents and hoping they would be something the person liked but...well I hope she liked them.

    IMO if you enter a secret santa either hold up your end or let someone know you can't so names can be shuffled around. Not that hard.
     
  7. MinPinOwner

    MinPinOwner Member

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    I can't imagine expressing disappointment about a gift that was given to me. That's rude. I've kept gifts I didn't like much that were given to me years ago. Some are out in the open in my house still. A few gifts I didn't like or think much of when they were given, I now consider priceless because the people who gave them to me are deceased.
     
  8. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    This is worth quoting again.
     
  9. TuffStuff

    TuffStuff Twin 1

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    But are you wiser? :p
     
  10. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    "They say that with age comes wisdom, but in sass's case... age came alone." :p
     
  11. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    I got a present I didn't like this year...... There's no way I'd tell them I didn't like it! Thank god it didn't actually fit me, so had to be returned anyway :D I felt awful not liking it.... I didn't quite know how to react when I opened it... Just grin and say thank you!!
     
  12. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Shoot ... We got some trainer friends of mine (including a really good guy friend of mine) gifts (the husband & wife we got them a house set of candles, each a nice gift set of fine perfume. My guy pal I got him a nice candle also, a dream catcher ... Since he is Indian, & a nice pair of gloves since he gallops race horses in the morning & I have never seen him with gloves. Since I know how it feels to ride in 30 degree weather bare handed, I figured it was a thoughtful gift.)

    In return we got an assortment of home made holiday treats that we throughly enjoyed, now I know that most folks would be like WTH, but to us it was just so thoughtful & sweet of them, we were genuinely touched.
     
  13. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    It's a cliche, but like many cliches there's truth to it: "it's the thought that counts."
     
  14. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    I agree when I get a gift that I really don't like or whatever ... I think "well, at least they thought about me enough to get me SOMETHING even if it wasn't what I "like" or want
     
  15. release the hounds

    release the hounds Active Member

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    When giving gifts becomes about keeping a running tab to keep things "even", I'll quit buying gifts.
     
  16. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    You know I actually like gift giving, maybe that's the "selfish" part for me, I get my "high" from the look on their face when they realize you remembered them & thought about them enough to get them something is all the thanks in the world to me ... I don't care if they didn't even get me something (most of our friends are trainer/ horsemen friends & are strapped for cash ... Which is why a gift from/for them means so much).
     
  17. spiffy

    spiffy New Member

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    Gift giving is a tradition in our family thus all the nieces and the nephews get gifts from the older folks. The kids would holler "gift giving, gift giving" after the Christmas dinner. People loves receiving gifts but in our case, we do not really expect gifts from the kids. Just as Fran says, we give the best gifts to the people we love. But there are cases when you cannot help but be dismayed with the kind of gifts you receive from some people. I volunteered to get my mom a gift she will take to her class reunion. I got her a rather pricey cut glass vase. You know what she got? A dish towel imprinted with the logo of an appliance company...it was a promotional item.:lol-sign: Oh well, that's life. This is one of the situations where you get disappointed with the kind of gift you receive.
     
  18. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    I have also gotten some non age worthy gifts (like gifts you would give a 13 yr old when I was graduating HS lol) but I always accepted them graciously to spare the persons feelings :) the fact they tried means a lot to me ... I got my uncle a few nice things & Ll I got in return was a Starbucks card ... If course I used the heck out of it ;)
     

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