Disappointment over gifts

[smkie]

Wow.

My brother had 3 children. He married a woman that had three children. His brother's father in law one Christmas asked my brother, which were his children, which were hers. HE answered they are all my children. The father in law, asked again. My brother left.Christmas which was the only time I ever did see him, because he never had time for anyone else in the family was something I really looked forward to. The Father in law became an old man, my brother decided to attend One Christmas function, but he would only stay downstairs, not come upstairs where the old man and his wife were. He wanted US to come DOWN there and stay with him.

THat is what this thread makes me think of. Was my brother right..yes they were his children. BUt who paid the price of his absence? How bout the little sister who actually looked toward to seeing her three brothers together, the only time a year it ever happened. Frankly I think the only person that cared, was my brother who's pride was bigger than his family love. I have seen him one time since, and the man that insulted him, is dead,,and so is his wife, who I went back upstairs and played Christmas carols on the piano while she sang, as we had, for years. I had seen my brother, but I didn't think sitting in the basement, avoiding the others was a "family"thing to do.

People are being way to sensitive about way too many things. Picking apart and picking at each other like a flock of chickens. How bout we try some tolerance. Some patience, some kindness. With that..I am done.

 

[sillysally]

Well sh!t, if that was the case we'd all be spending the majority of our lives saying "sorry."

So if you you say something that hurts someone's feelings you don't apologize? I do, and I certainly don't spend my life apologizing-that's just being respectful to other people as far as I'm concerned.

 

[TuffStuff]

The only family I have that's worth mentioning is not related to me by blood. I was not offended by Sael's comment AT ALL, and I see no reason for an apology.

 

[sillysally]

Honestly I think you're being over sensitive because you have adopted kids. I don't think you're owed an apology and were I Sael I probably wouldn't want to.

I don't have adopted kids, nor am I adopted, but I totally see what Fran is saying. I don't need an apology, I just think what Seal said was insensitive. Heck, she has absolutely no problem calling out people who say things that she takes issue with pertaining to certain topics.

 

[SevenSins]

So if you you say something that hurts someone's feelings you don't apologize?

It's happened, but no, not in most cases. Usually I tell them to put on their big girl/boy britches and get over it. I offend people all the time. I'm probably offending someone right now, and that's ok. I'm not a PC person, I hate our overly PC society, and I refuse to spend my life censoring myself around other adults, nor do I throw words like "sorry" around meaninglessly. On the bright side, if you hear/see me apologize to someone, it means I'm actually being sincere about it.

 

[sillysally]

It's happened, but no, not in most cases. Usually I tell them to put on their big girl/boy britches and get over it. I offend people all the time. I'm probably offending someone right now, and that's ok. I'm not a PC person, I hate our overly PC society, and I refuse to spend my life censoring myself around other adults, nor do I throw words like "sorry" around meaninglessly. On the bright side, if you hear/see me apologize to someone, it means I'm actually being sincere about it.

But see I don't look at it as being PC at all, rather being respectful of those around you. I know many abrasive people who just end up burning bridges, making life more difficult for themselves, and looking like jerks in the process. I have several family members like this and they generally are not pleasent to be around, and are more "managed" by the rest of the family than enjoyed. To each his own I guess.

 

[Fran27]

I'm not easily offended, but when someone implies that my kids are lesser than, or don't really count for family, you bet I get offended. But I'm glad I don't have family members who think that way, at least.

 

[TuffStuff]

Yep. That's exactly what Sael meant. Dunno how I missed that.

 

[SevenSins]

I'm not easily offended, but when someone implies that my kids are lesser than, or don't really count for family, you bet I get offended.

Nobody was talking about your kids. Nobody even remotely implied that your kids don't count as family. You took offense to a comment made OUT OF CONTEXT. Given context, the person being referred to is just as much a part of Sael's family as my ex's kid that I didn't father is a part of mine. Or do you think I'm an ass too because I don't consider that child family, because they're not related to me, even though they're directly related to my child?

 

[GipsyQueen]

I like giving gifts - I'm way more excited to see others open their gifts rather than opening my own gifts. It's the thought that counts. Period.

Unfortunatly, that's not always the case, and yes I believe there (unfortunatly) is a social obligation to gift gifts on christmas/birthday.

Now to the blood relative thing:
We had a similar thing in our family, though it was kindof the oposite.
My Aunt married a man (my uncle), who has two children from a pervious marriage (his wife passed away). They were 14 and 16 when my uncle married my aunt. They because part of the family for me - and I call them my cousins, although they are in no way blood related to me. They always came along for christmases, because they are family.
Unfortunatly, this because a big sore spot, because my grandparent did not really gift them, because they felt they were not part of the family and they have no obligation to gift them. Which they don't. No one has the obligation to gift someone if they don't want to.
That doesn't make it Ok though IMO. (esp. children/young adults who won't understand.)

 

[GipsyQueen]

I'm not easily offended, but when someone implies that my kids are lesser than, or don't really count for family, you bet I get offended. But I'm glad I don't have family members who think that way, at least.

Fran, I really don't think it was ment that way. Her wording was a little off - but it really wasn't ment that way. I really don't think this would in any way be directed towards adopted children. They are YOUR children, no matter if blood related or not. Her words were badly phrased and really not ment to be rude.
Like my cousins - they are not blood related to me - but that does not make them any less my cousins, or any less a member of my family.

 

[Danefied]

I offend people all the time.

Lies! All lies!!

You're just misunderstood!

:rofl1::rofl1:

 

[Fran27]

Yep. That's exactly what Sael meant. Dunno how I missed that.

He/she said that the girl is invited, and she's 'not even blood related'. How else do you interpret that? Do you really not see how it is offensive to anyone who has adopted/step kids? That anyone would qualify who is family and who isn't by whether they are blood related or not is offensive. And I'm kinda shocked that it still happens nowadays frankly. It's sad. So yeah, I got offended. Like someone told me... can't help feel what you feel.

Anyway... I've said my piece and totally understand why sometimes people can be disappointed in their gift.

 

[SevenSins]

Lies! All lies!!

You're just misunderstood!

:rofl1::rofl1:

That must be it.

 

[Linds]

He/she said that the girl is invited, and she's 'not even blood related'. How else do you interpret that? Do you really not see how it is offensive to anyone who has adopted/step kids? That anyone would qualify who is family and who isn't by whether they are blood related or not is offensive. And I'm kinda shocked that it still happens nowadays frankly. It's sad.

I think you're really making a mountain out of a mole hill here. Sael said that wasn't how she meant it. This isn't even a case of adoptive children. The main point was the girls bratty behavior.

No one is calling your kids anything less than your kids.

I can maybe see how you took it a little wrong at first but it's been explained. I don't understand why you are STILL being offended by something that wasn't said or meant.

 

[crazedACD]

My brother and sister tend to get gifts from my step-grandmother, and I don't. My siblings are my stepfather's kids. Well maybe not specifically because of that, maybe she simply 'forgot' about me. I DO notice, I've joked about it, but I don't care that much. In the grand scheme of things, I have far more pressing things to be concerned about.

Honestly I'll get someone a gift if I am close to them, spend enough time with them at other points in the year. I put a lot of thought into them and I'm not the most financially secure person, but I manage to get decent things. I would hope someone would appreciate it for what it is.

I do have to laugh at the gift of reciprocity though. There's nothing like being surprised with a gift from that one obscure person...uhh, crap, I didn't get them anything.

 

[TuffStuff]

He/she said that the girl is invited, and she's 'not even blood related'. How else do you interpret that? Do you really not see how it is offensive to anyone who has adopted/step kids?

Umm, no. I don't. Because that's not how it was meant. You're talking about something completely different... Do you really not see how ridiculous you're being?

 

[Danefied]

He/she said that the girl is invited, and she's 'not even blood related'. How else do you interpret that? Do you really not see how it is offensive to anyone who has adopted/step kids? That anyone would qualify who is family and who isn't by whether they are blood related or not is offensive. And I'm kinda shocked that it still happens nowadays frankly. It's sad. So yeah, I got offended. Like someone told me... can't help feel what you feel.

Anyway... I've said my piece and totally understand why sometimes people can be disappointed in their gift.

I see how it can be offensive. I do.

But it's chaz. Not exactly a bastion of unoffensiveness in the the interwebz

 

[LauraLeigh]

And for reference, there were a LOT of people saying they felt their secret Santa wasn't good enough after seeing what other people had sent. Which sorta implies that quality and quantity DO matter to a lot of people.

:-(

That's sad.....

I have spent varying amounts on my SS's over the years, depends where I'm at financially as well as what strikes my fancy for the recipient, it makes me sad that someone may feel "gyped" because others spent more and so on...

For the record I have never, ever felt that way...

 

[Fran101]

:-(

That's sad.....

I have spent varying amounts on my SS's over the years, depends where I'm at financially as well as what strikes my fancy for the recipient, it makes me sad that someone may feel "gyped" because others spent more and so on...

For the record I have never, ever felt that way...

You should've seen the scene that your gift caused lol

My friend came bursting in the room to me sitting on the floor surrounded by Merlin and wrapping paper/your gifts crying and she was like
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?"
and I was this total sobbing bubbling mess like "*Hiccup* Secret santa WAHHHH Canada. And. Toys and LOOKIT THE SHEEP! WAHHHH..Bed. Bowls. and WAHHHHSILLLYYBUUDDDdDDDyyY"
She thought I was nuts
:rofl1:

and I think that's really the beauty of gift giving/getting..I was sooo deeply touched by the thought and caring behind what I received that I barely had an afterthought to what I sent or anything else going on. I mean, I do hope Tortilla enjoyed her gift as much as I did mine but that didn't even cross my mind while I was enjoying the gifts that Lauraleigh gave me.