Disappointment over gifts

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by milos_mommy, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Exactly but what you're saying is totally contradictory. If you give gifts out of obligation (which, let's face it, we all have to do at Christmas, can't exactly go empty handed), then of course it's normal to expect something in return (talking about adults). Because the other people share the same obligation. Then why wouldn't be people be allowed to feel disappointed if they get a crappy gift after giving a good one?

    I'm sure even the people who complain about their gifts had someone they were happy to give to, and really didn't care what they got in return. But nobody's here taking into account the fact that are Christmas people are obligated to give gifts. It throws the whole 'a gift isn't a gift if you expect something in return' theory out of the window, IMO. And I think people are allowed to be disappointed if they got junk.

    Personally I don't really care though. I don't need anything and I'd rather have nothing than something that will just take dust and I'll feel obligated to keep, lol. But I didn't get out of my way to buy gifts either, except for my kids, so I don't think I'm entitled to feel disappointed, lol.
     
  2. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    My kids are adopted. Get it now? Blood isn't everything, and the fact that you even had to mention that she wasn't blood related make me cringe.
     
  3. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Yah its kind of pathetic to complain about a gift. They don't have to give you anything.

    As far as monetary value goes... Rosey didn't cost my parents a dime. Best gift. :D
     
  4. smkie

    smkie pointer/labrador/terrier Staff Member

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    I think that is describing a trade, not a gift. I don't think it is suppose to be about a trade. OUr family give only to the children, no one could afford to do otherwise, and I cannot buy gifts, so I made them. Hyia drew pictures. They children were happy. That's what it is suppose to be about. End of story imho.
     
  5. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    It came across to me like you felt you were doing her a huge favor by including her in family activities even though she wasn't "blood." Honestly, as a stepchild who is part of a family and isn't "blood" I can see what Fran is saying as it rubbed me the wrong way as well.
     
  6. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I thought it was pretty insensitive as well. Especially if you're talking about a kid/teenager....someone's stepdaughter or something, and not someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. If she's unappreciative little brat, it's fine to comment on it, but why do you need to mention whether or not she's related by blood? IMO that's no different than saying "we buy my niece presents and she's unappreciative, and she's gay and we still care about her!" or "all my cousins don't appreciate our gifts, but one's adopted so she really should be more appreciative than her siblings". What does her being blood related or not have to do with it?
     
  7. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    I was annoyed that my dad had the money to spend on beer but not on even a dollar lotto ticket for the few of us in the family. However, this is because DH and I have been paying his rent and buying his groceries for the last two months and his sister has been paying the rest of his bills. We are also paying for his move (dumpster, truck, gas, etc) at great expense to us. So yeah, when I opened the fridge and saw beer I was ticked that with the extra cash he had he bought beer and didn't even consider giving his family even a small gift. It wasn't the lack of gift, it was the principle that bothered me.
     
  8. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    ........ ;)

     
  9. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Ehh, I get what Sael meant. We have a whole side of the family that is not in any way blood related. They are still family! They're still my Nanny/Uncle/cousins. Sometimes, when I was staying with my Uncle, somebody would ask who I was. He'd say I'm his niece. When asked who my patents are, he would at times explain it. Does that mean he treated us any different? Absolutely not! We were invited to the family get togethers, we got cards, gifts and phone calls on holidays and birthdays, etc.
     
  10. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Yes they do. That's the thing. For a lot of people, it's expected to give and receive something at Christmas. Can you imagine going to a Christmas party and not buy anything to anyone, or just not for Uncle Kim because you couldn't think of anything to get? That would be really rude.

    Smkie it's totally different. We've done the 'only give to children' thing. It's fine. Actually I like it so much better because I don't have to think about what to get for others for weeks, lol. But it's not the same situation.
     
  11. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    But she's NOT my niece. My nephew is my nephew because he's my brother's offspring. My brother s not married to my nephew's mother. My nephew's mother is not my sister. My nephew's mother is married to some other random man. Her and this random man had a child. This child is not my niece. She is my nephew's half sister.
     
  12. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    And lol Dizzy. It's not the same though. You can't go to a Christmas party empty handed.

    And yeah.. if someone I totally forgot about sent me a gift at Christmas, you bet I'd be looking for something to send in return. *shrug* Now if someone gives me something at another time of the year, that's different.

    Social conventions are a bitch but it's what it is.
     
  13. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    I still call my nephew's half sister my niece. Or I'd call her my nephew's sister. Either way, she's family... blood related or not. We sure as hell don't make the distinction in my family.
     
  14. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    I made a lot of effort with my presents this year. I can't lie that it would be nice to see the same effort back, but really... Cest la vie!!!


    I don't send Xmas cards, because i don't really like them, they're wasteful.... And you end up having to send more and more and more.


    Every year I have a pang of guilt over the expectation to send them though, as people still give me them.


    There IS expectation at Christmas!!
     
  15. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    People sure can go to a Christmas Party empty handed. You've just moulded to other people's expectations.
     
  16. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    Then again.. my family isn't like that about gifts. Some people buy for some, some not others, I barely bought gifts.. It's really not that big of a deal.

    The party is much bigger than the gifts really.. and you don't bring the gifts TO the party, that would be seen as rude. Different strokes, different folks..

    People buy gifts and then keep them under THEIR tree. The person who the gift is for comes by at some point and takes it home.. so they aren't getting a gift while you are opening yours. So there is no comparison really.

    We all do the family hop from one home to another.. I mean, writing it down it all seems so complicated. But like, everyone KNOWS when to go see certain people lol there is like some weird family schedule
    Aunty X always take the 26th, Uncle Y makes treats all day Dec 30th, the older cousins mail their gifts so expect them late (Jan 3rd ish), My mom OWNS Dec 28th (She always has a tea party!) ..
    They keep their homes open all day and people just..trickle in, and take presents home and say hello lol

    And you NEVER EVER open your present while in that person's home. People who marry into my family don't get this.. but it's like this weird..thing lol the whole gift opening thing is very private lol you do it AT HOME.. and write a thank you note AT HOME.

    I've never experienced the kind of "but I bought you something and you didn't buy me anything!" from my family at all.
    but then again, I guess it's done in a way that there is no way to do that.. you go to see a bunch of relatives for mini parties, you take a gift if it is there, if not..
    there's still a party lol
     
  17. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    Quite frankly I don't care what you do in your family and I don't understand your obsession over what we do in mine. And I DID call her my nephew's sister, but you took offense to that.
     
  18. MilliesMom

    MilliesMom Member

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    I don't know, pretty much agree with what's already said (it's the thought that counts) but next time I get a customer crabbing at me at work, "you're such a whiny ungrateful little douchecanoe" will spring into my head, thanks.

    :rofl1:
     
  19. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    ^This.

    I think I need to join your family.
     
  20. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    No I took offense in the 'she's not blood related but we invited her anyway'. Which is absolutely horrible to read when you've adopted your kids. Can just imagine people saying 'oh they're not blood related but we invited them anyway'. YIKES. I guess I just find it sad that you don't understand why it's insensitive... and no matter how I try to explain, you won't get it.

    But anyway, it's true Fran, all families have different expectations. I just can't really go and judge people who complain that they got bad gifts when I don't know their expectations
     

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