Dad shoots laptop because of FB post
- Thread starter LauraLeigh
- Start date
I just hate to see something like that wasted for any reason. My neighbor threw out a perfectly good wheelchair, almost no wear at all. I got it out of the trash advertised it for a man that came with his wife, barely able to stand, don't know what was wrong with him, but he needed it, and they had no insurance. I can't see destroying something like that as any good even if you think your teaching a lesson.
The shooting of it, imo was horrid and what REALLY was the message there?
The shooting of it, imo was horrid and what REALLY was the message there?
How would you have fixed the problem?
Not trying to be a smartass, it's just that he grounded her before and she did it again. A lot of parents would say "ground her" but he did. And she still didn't listen. He doesn't seem to be abusive (verbal or otherwise) or absent from her life. He provides for her, she sees him everyday, he is willing to spend time doing things for her, etc.
I mean I guess it depends on what you think the heart of the matter is. If you think she is acting out for attention, then she has low self-esteem, then maybe a different course of action should have been taken. But if she did it because she is genuinely ungrateful, then that is different.
Not trying to be a smartass, it's just that he grounded her before and she did it again. A lot of parents would say "ground her" but he did. And she still didn't listen. He doesn't seem to be abusive (verbal or otherwise) or absent from her life. He provides for her, she sees him everyday, he is willing to spend time doing things for her, etc.
I mean I guess it depends on what you think the heart of the matter is. If you think she is acting out for attention, then she has low self-esteem, then maybe a different course of action should have been taken. But if she did it because she is genuinely ungrateful, then that is different.
I don't know. I just don't see it as that dramatic that now it means she'll never come to him and their relationship is damaged and everything else. that could be the case but that's not definitely the case.
My mother kicked my butt out of her house when I was 18. I won't say what I did but I really deserved it.
WAs I angry as hell at her? OH you bet I was. I didn't talk to her for a year probably. but then something happened... I started to GROW UP and realized that what I did was AWFUL and that kicking me out was pretty much her last option.
This girl will GET OVER IT. I would bet money on it. Maybe She'll grow up and realize that she probably deserved the punishment she got and maybe they will laugh about it one day. My mom and I are SO very very close now. We had our rough times when I was growing up but somehow she still maintains that I was a pretty good teen... I think she just has a selective memory lol. SHE should be the one angry at me not me angry at her for punishing me.
In fact I think that because this became such a big deal and everyone is slamming the dad all over the place... it's only going to cause her to want to defend him because I think she loves him and he definitely loves her and while she may be angry at him, she still loves him and while teens are brats they don't usually like strangers bashing their family members. so all this publicity could serve their relationship well lol maybe not... it's all speculation
but yeah I'm just not buying that this is the end of their loving relationship. IN reading things the girl has said and things that dad has said after the fact... they do seem to have a good relationship (if not frustrating at times) and I don't think this one thing is going to ruin it that easily. maybe I'm wrong but I think if my family and I could overcome all the rottenness that has happened in the past and still be close, so can this family.
I also don't buy that not having her very own laptop is going to hurt her education. I'm willing to bet she probably wasn't doing a whole lot of school work on it anyway LOL. There are lots of kids that don't have their very own laptops and they manage. So can this girl
My mother kicked my butt out of her house when I was 18. I won't say what I did but I really deserved it.
WAs I angry as hell at her? OH you bet I was. I didn't talk to her for a year probably. but then something happened... I started to GROW UP and realized that what I did was AWFUL and that kicking me out was pretty much her last option.
This girl will GET OVER IT. I would bet money on it. Maybe She'll grow up and realize that she probably deserved the punishment she got and maybe they will laugh about it one day. My mom and I are SO very very close now. We had our rough times when I was growing up but somehow she still maintains that I was a pretty good teen... I think she just has a selective memory lol. SHE should be the one angry at me not me angry at her for punishing me.
In fact I think that because this became such a big deal and everyone is slamming the dad all over the place... it's only going to cause her to want to defend him because I think she loves him and he definitely loves her and while she may be angry at him, she still loves him and while teens are brats they don't usually like strangers bashing their family members. so all this publicity could serve their relationship well lol maybe not... it's all speculation
but yeah I'm just not buying that this is the end of their loving relationship. IN reading things the girl has said and things that dad has said after the fact... they do seem to have a good relationship (if not frustrating at times) and I don't think this one thing is going to ruin it that easily. maybe I'm wrong but I think if my family and I could overcome all the rottenness that has happened in the past and still be close, so can this family.
I also don't buy that not having her very own laptop is going to hurt her education. I'm willing to bet she probably wasn't doing a whole lot of school work on it anyway LOL. There are lots of kids that don't have their very own laptops and they manage. So can this girl
You know, I guess that's what I keep thinking reading though this thread, there are a whole lot of assumptions.
How do you know it did nothing? Maybe, just maybe that's exactly what she needed and it worked wonderfully. From the updates sure sounds like she hasn't taken this nearly as bad as the public nor is as scarred and traumatized from it like everyone says she should be.
It's not my kid, it's not my family and it's certainly not my place to judge when all of my insight comes from an 8 minute video.
How do you know it did nothing? Maybe, just maybe that's exactly what she needed and it worked wonderfully. From the updates sure sounds like she hasn't taken this nearly as bad as the public nor is as scarred and traumatized from it like everyone says she should be.
It's not my kid, it's not my family and it's certainly not my place to judge when all of my insight comes from an 8 minute video.
I think that is part of raising a 15 yr old girl to understand that there will be a lot of groundings. There will be a lot of privileges taken away, and your going to get a lot of mouth and it's going to happn frequently. They are all cute and sweet and nice when they are babies but no one prepares you for what comes afterward. All I know from my experiences is you have to remember that, and you have to remember that today is not tomorrow, and if it wasnt' for Zits' cartoon I might have worried a whole lot more raising my son, but there he was, right there in the funny paper, doing a lot of the same things, with exactly the same attitude. They can be rude, they can tear out your heart, and you cannot take it personally. You can only be the one constant that they know loves them no matter what they dish out, and will be there to put back the pieces.
I totally agree that she might not come to him when she needs to most if this is his reaction. I would like to know one teenager that hasn't' said a lot of what she wrote, foul language and all. IT doesn't last.
I was in the thrift store complaining to someone about Hyia's room and our ever constant battle over it. An old woman came up to me and said "my daughter was just like that, it was awful and we fought and fought over it. It never changed anything. SHe grew up to be a very responsible woman with a good job and is a good Mother.
Wonder what would have happened if this Mother had taken a gun and shot her stuff in her room?
I totally agree that she might not come to him when she needs to most if this is his reaction. I would like to know one teenager that hasn't' said a lot of what she wrote, foul language and all. IT doesn't last.
I was in the thrift store complaining to someone about Hyia's room and our ever constant battle over it. An old woman came up to me and said "my daughter was just like that, it was awful and we fought and fought over it. It never changed anything. SHe grew up to be a very responsible woman with a good job and is a good Mother.
Wonder what would have happened if this Mother had taken a gun and shot her stuff in her room?
Most likely she will get over it....thats the positive of this. My issue is I dont think this is at all a good example of what to do and I dont know how many seem to think it is.
I liked this response
He reacted to his anger and frustration the exact same way she did...which is what he was so pissed about. he is the adult, its up to him to stop the cycle and not stoop to a teenagers level.
Oh, and I was almost never grounded. The people I knew who were grounded all the time, it was because their parents never really talked to them about what was actually going on and just punished. My mom would sit down and discuss things and I learned actual lessons
I liked this response
He reacted to his anger and frustration the exact same way she did...which is what he was so pissed about. he is the adult, its up to him to stop the cycle and not stoop to a teenagers level.
Oh, and I was almost never grounded. The people I knew who were grounded all the time, it was because their parents never really talked to them about what was actually going on and just punished. My mom would sit down and discuss things and I learned actual lessons
It seems like the only issue between the family and the daughter was how upset she was about the "huge" amount of chores she had to do, and how her dad wanted her to get a job. She wants an iPod and other things that cost a good bit of money. Her message on FB read like something a typical spoiled brat would write. He put $130 and a few hours of his own time into fixing up her laptop, and she had the nerve to complain about having to make her own bed, sweep the floors, wipe the counters, and do her own laundry (oh the horror!).
I also don't see what the big deal is about a 15/16 year old having a job. It's not a matter of her NEEDING a job- it's a matter of working for your wants and not having them fall into your lap. It sounds like she just goes to school and comes home, anyway- there's no mention of sports or any other extracurricular activities. If she wants expensive things that her parents won't buy for her, she can get a job and pay for them herself.
I also don't see what the big deal is about a 15/16 year old having a job. It's not a matter of her NEEDING a job- it's a matter of working for your wants and not having them fall into your lap. It sounds like she just goes to school and comes home, anyway- there's no mention of sports or any other extracurricular activities. If she wants expensive things that her parents won't buy for her, she can get a job and pay for them herself.
And honestly, I dont care whether or not it worked...it may have. Just like stringing a dog up for leash reactivity may "work" (not saying these are the same btw...just an example). For me, for both my children and my animals....its not about IF something works, but about HOW and WHY. That is not to say I dont fail miserably at it at times, I am a human and I know I am impatient for sure. HOwever, when I react instead of changing the situation, I do try to be cognizant of it, I do try and do better the next time
I don't think these are remotely similar situations. Not cleaning your room isn't equivalent to bad mouthing your entire family to 400 people on the internet. And really, shooting the stuff in her room? The guy was outside shooting through the laptop into dirt. That's not the same as going into her room and shooting the computer while she's in front of it. If there's a smart way to shoot a laptop - that guy was doing it.
:hail::hail:
I can say with complete honesty that some of the strongest lessons I learned as a kid/teenager came from having the tables turned on me.
:hail::hail:
I can say with complete honesty that some of the strongest lessons I learned as a kid/teenager came from having the tables turned on me.
I doubt she even learned not to bad mouth him on Facebook. She'll just learn how to hide it better.
When I was younger I had a Livejournal. Somehow my dad found it and decided to bookmark it so he could read everything I posted; after I graduated and posted a "Yeah, I'm done!! F*** you high school!" kind of post he wanted to know where the f*** I learned that kind of language (not kidding.)
So I created a second LJ with a similar username, because I knew he wouldn't have remembered exactly what the username was. Then I deleted it so the "this user has deleted their account" page would show. Changed their bookmark so that was the page it would come up with.
Then I went into my actual LJ and changed the privacy settings on everything so nobody could read it unless they were on my friend's list.
Done.
So what's this girl likely to learn? How to use Facebook's privacy filters.
When I was younger I had a Livejournal. Somehow my dad found it and decided to bookmark it so he could read everything I posted; after I graduated and posted a "Yeah, I'm done!! F*** you high school!" kind of post he wanted to know where the f*** I learned that kind of language (not kidding.)
So I created a second LJ with a similar username, because I knew he wouldn't have remembered exactly what the username was. Then I deleted it so the "this user has deleted their account" page would show. Changed their bookmark so that was the page it would come up with.
Then I went into my actual LJ and changed the privacy settings on everything so nobody could read it unless they were on my friend's list.
Done.
So what's this girl likely to learn? How to use Facebook's privacy filters.
Why do you only try a consequence once? When a kid doesn't turn in their homework, they stay after school. The next day they don't magically have their homework because they've learned their lesson and are walking a straight line now. Rather, they end up staying after school for weeks on end until they finally realize they'd rather have their afternoons back.
When a toddler throws a temper tantrum, they sit in the naughty spot for 3 minutes. Then they throw another tantrum--you don't say, "Oh, guess the naughty spot didn't work", and try something more drastic. Rather, you maintain consistency and continue for a period of time until you see improvements.
When your dog is constantly barking at people on walks, you don't decide that clicker training is faulty and reach for the shock collar--you keep at it until you start making progress.
Why is this girl different than all those examples? Why is grounding or taking away a phone only worth trying once?
As for the job thing, I have no idea where this family is from, but around here it's near impossible to get a job before 17 or 18. Even the baggers in the grocery store are college kids.
And even if shooting a computer and humiliating your daughter online does stop her from writing rude things online, it's not going to stop her from whining to her friends about her parents. It's not going to make her love her father more for helping her better learn to deal with challenges. It's not going to make her a stronger young adult who is better able to handle things when she's frustrated. I don't see a benefit to it other than she can no longer type on the computer. (How many times do we preach "don't hit the dog when it growls, or one day it will snap? This girl's just been "hit" for "growling"...will she one day "snap"?)
When a toddler throws a temper tantrum, they sit in the naughty spot for 3 minutes. Then they throw another tantrum--you don't say, "Oh, guess the naughty spot didn't work", and try something more drastic. Rather, you maintain consistency and continue for a period of time until you see improvements.
When your dog is constantly barking at people on walks, you don't decide that clicker training is faulty and reach for the shock collar--you keep at it until you start making progress.
Why is this girl different than all those examples? Why is grounding or taking away a phone only worth trying once?
As for the job thing, I have no idea where this family is from, but around here it's near impossible to get a job before 17 or 18. Even the baggers in the grocery store are college kids.
And even if shooting a computer and humiliating your daughter online does stop her from writing rude things online, it's not going to stop her from whining to her friends about her parents. It's not going to make her love her father more for helping her better learn to deal with challenges. It's not going to make her a stronger young adult who is better able to handle things when she's frustrated. I don't see a benefit to it other than she can no longer type on the computer. (How many times do we preach "don't hit the dog when it growls, or one day it will snap? This girl's just been "hit" for "growling"...will she one day "snap"?)
Agreed!
There are certain things that, as a parent, you have to expect with teenagers. Not cleaning their rooms, venting to their diaries, venting to their friends over the phone about how "mean" you are for making them do chores, wanting to wear ugly clothes, etc, etc.
However, posting up a huge wall of text on a social networking site about how awful their parents are something I wouldn't deal with. The laptop would be gone. Their Facebook would be deleted. In this day and age, kids need to know that anything said on the internet is PERMANENT. Heck, I made a website when I was in middle school and it's STILL on the Way Back machine. The domain has been gone for a good 15 years, but everything still shows up on there.
There are certain things that, as a parent, you have to expect with teenagers. Not cleaning their rooms, venting to their diaries, venting to their friends over the phone about how "mean" you are for making them do chores, wanting to wear ugly clothes, etc, etc.
However, posting up a huge wall of text on a social networking site about how awful their parents are something I wouldn't deal with. The laptop would be gone. Their Facebook would be deleted. In this day and age, kids need to know that anything said on the internet is PERMANENT. Heck, I made a website when I was in middle school and it's STILL on the Way Back machine. The domain has been gone for a good 15 years, but everything still shows up on there.
I baby sat almost every Friday night for the same family when I was 15-16 years old. I made $50-100 for 6-10 hours of work.
Baggers and busboys are hired here at 14-15 years of age. You can be a cashier at Publix at 16.
My little sister does parties at the bowling alley on the weekends, and has been doing this since she was 15 years old. She makes $15-20 an hour in tips- not bad for a high school kid!
There are a lot of things that teenagers can get jobs doing.
Baggers and busboys are hired here at 14-15 years of age. You can be a cashier at Publix at 16.
My little sister does parties at the bowling alley on the weekends, and has been doing this since she was 15 years old. She makes $15-20 an hour in tips- not bad for a high school kid!
There are a lot of things that teenagers can get jobs doing.
Most restaurants you have to be 16 around here. Other places you can be younger. When I worked at the been there were plenty of people under 16 who worked there.
ETA: I do think that internet at home is very important for educational purposes, but it's the same internet whether it is on a shared family computer or a laptop. Can't be mature enough to use a laptop without bring a tool? Tough skittles, you get to use the family computer. I would say a number if familes have multiple computers these days. We don't even have kids and we have a desktop, I have a personal laptop, and DH has both personal and work laptops.
ETA: I do think that internet at home is very important for educational purposes, but it's the same internet whether it is on a shared family computer or a laptop. Can't be mature enough to use a laptop without bring a tool? Tough skittles, you get to use the family computer. I would say a number if familes have multiple computers these days. We don't even have kids and we have a desktop, I have a personal laptop, and DH has both personal and work laptops.
Actually, having to use the family computer for internet isn't what I think would pose a problem. Its having to use it to write papers . . . of course, for all know, no one does that any more. But as I said, if it were my kid and they did stuff like this, I'd eventually take the wi-fi card out of the laptop and strip all the software down to Microsoft Office. THAT they can take to their room.
I'm fascinated that everyone here seems to think computers=internet. Or is that all anyone uses them for?
I'm fascinated that everyone here seems to think computers=internet. Or is that all anyone uses them for?
They can be. All I've been trying to say is that I wouldn't want to park my teenager in the living room using the family computer to write all of their high school papers. Doesn't matter if its a laptop or a desktop . . . they are in the living room, in the way, with the distractions of being the middle of the house, and preventing ME from using the computer. Therefore, making them use the family computer might be a good punishment, but as a long-term policy, I think its short-sighted and petty and unlikely to improve academic performance.
I'm a little baffled by everyone saying "I won't let my teenager have a computer in their bed room blah blah . . . " even if the hypothetical kid hasn't done anything wrong. So you want a 15-18 year to write papers in the living room? Ok, your kid, your call. Sounds like a strange thing to me if you can afford a second computer.
Its like all everyone can think of is Facebook.
I'm trying to figure out if I'm stuck in the 90s or if people really have forgotten that computers have other purposes.