Dad shoots laptop because of FB post

[cloudcandy]

Hmmmmmm so many good points :S I don't know which side I'm on now....
I think what we don't know about him is a big factor here,this one video clip doesn't really sum up his whole parenting style,he seemed warm and honest,I didn't feel it was done in a vicious way.He did rant and vent but what he said made sense.Sometimes when your a teenager and you try and have these conversations the heat of the moment makes it hard for both people to get their POV across.
The young girl sounded quite bratty,I don't think this means she is spoilt and nasty for all we know they have done a really good job as parents and the teenage years have turned her nasty!
I don't see why "public humiliation" is so bad,kids tend to behave very differently at home then in front of other people,my mum always use to threaten me with "What would your teacher say" etc.Its GOOD for children to be aware of how their actions affect their inner circle but also what society will make off them!
As for paying a child to do the chores NO WAY,I was brought up in a household where we were all expected to pull our weight and help out,we didn't even get pocket money.In the long wrong it's the right thing to do,the value isn't on the money,the value is contributing to your family.
I'm sure this girl got a taste of her own medicine and realised what she had done wrong.I think he doesn't seem like someone who is going to hold a grudge against her for that mistake but move on together.I think she's lucky to have him as a dad.

 

[Dizzy]

what would dr. Phil say? Lol. I think he's smart and good at what he does. And i suspect he would say that the father was lowering himself to her level of maturity....stooping to a bratty child's level to deal with a bratty child. How did she get so bratty in the first place? What happened all along during her childhood to leave her with no respect for her parents? I think something like this causes more of a break down of communication. They'll not be able to work out what the trouble is because she'll be so humiliated and angry. Of course, consequences should be made to happen if she doesn't do her chores. And consequences should happen when she does do her chores. Her ranting on fb is not nice, it's disrespectful, but it should be her business. It's an outlet for how she feels and how she feels is what needs to be dealt with, not the symptoms. Reducing himself to her level and then ranting like a child, humiliating and angering her is not setting any good example of how to grow up and become responsible and mature about solving problems or dealing with people who upset or anger her.

A*



Obligatory lower case.

 

[sparks19]

I don't know. I think people need to stop telling other people how to parent. yes the majority of teenagers are annoying or a pain in the butt... HOWEVER there are some who are downright NASTY.

This is something that they should have done with my neice. She was not your average teenager who is just being a brat. I dont' say this often but she was just a BAD kid. She's violent, mouthy beyond what normal mouthy teenagers are and she's basically abusive. She doesn't give a care in the world about how she makes other people feel. It's so bad that my mother (her grandmother) is ready to just walk away because she really is THAT bad. I don't know how to explain it... it's really something you have to see for yourself to understand how bad it really is.

Did her parents do everything right? absolutely not (NO parent does everything right... parenting doesn't come with a manual despite how everyone sees to think it does). Did they handle her blatant disobedience and abuse correctly? No they definitely didn't... but HOW do you "parent" that? it's nice that as outsiders we can sit here and have time to just think the situation over and hum and haw over the pros and cons but parenting is kind of done on the fly and a lot of times you gotta just fly by the seat of your pants and hope you are doing the right thing.

My brother and his wife tried the "we want to be your friend. if you aren't going to be nice we are going to take away your phone" yeah... that doesn't work with the truly difficult ones.

Sometimes you've gotta do something drastic.

Was this effective? I have no idea. maybe it was, maybe it wasn't and he's going to have to try something else to get through to her. But I doubt this was just that one comment on facebook. I think this was an ongoing issue and he was just pushed over the edge.

I'm not about to vilify him. WAs it "father of the year" material... no but parents are humans to. They can be pushed over the edge, at the end of their ropes and OMG they even make mistakes. In the end... She'll get over it. I'm sure it's the worst thing that's ever happened in the History of the World to her right now because she's a teenage girl and drama is the name of the game but I doubt she's going to be sitting on the therapists couch one day saying "my dad shot my laptop and now my life is ruined"

 

[kady05]

Frankly I think this guy is my soul mate. I laughed the whole time and found it very fair. I did laugh at the thought he made it into a video but whatever.

Wasteful? Maybe, those are nice bullets.

Totally agree!

I thought the video was awesome. Good to see a parent who isn't their kids BFF for once. I have two nieces who are almost 10 & 7, and the things they think they're entitled to.. OMG. And they're "tame" compared to their friends.. 10yr. olds walking around with iPads and iPhones, talking about how their jeans were $100.. it's insane!

 

[Dizzy]

Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.

 

[sparks19]

Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.

yes and that all goes back to PARENTING DOESN'T COME WITH A MANUAL.

It's so easy to sit here and say what the parents should have done when you aren't the one parenting.

Sometimes you do what you think is right and it turns out it wasn't and by then you've lost all control. It doesn't make you a bad person and it certainly doesn't mean you should then be subjected to abuse at the hands of your child (not saying that's what this father is enduring)

I remember my neice being three years old and going after her brother with a real golf club and it was not the typical brother/sister fight. she would have beaten him with that club. i know it, I'd seen her go after her brother before (older brother). She did see a child psychologist for a while but that didnt' help. The whole "let her know how loved she is, sit down and talk with her, explain why what she is doing is not ok"... that didn't do anything other than teach her how to manipulate her parents and everyone else. Manipulation is one of her strengths.

by the time she was 10 she was calling childrens aid on her parents whenever they tried to punish her (no they did not hit her or anything like that) but she knew if she called the childrens aid hotline or the police... they would always come out and investigate. (that's actually snowballed to a point now that the last time she called the police they arrested her for wasting their time basically lol... she is over 18 now so at least her actions only affect her now)

and now... she has a baby of her own :O She needs help but she doesn't want it. she's gotten it, they gave her meds, she won't take them.

So I just wonder how as a parent, doing this on the fly... how are you supposed to handle that and know you are doing just right? especially when some of what they tried came from "professionals".

There isn't a manual. parenting isn't clear cut and dry. Kids are very smart and many of them know how to work their parents just right. They are smart... but they aren't always reasonable. Teens aren't always up for a parent trying to "reason" with them.

I h ope I am doing the best I can with Hannah but I won't really know until down the road. They don't really hand out parenting progress reports. you kind of just gotta go with your heart. I will always try to be the best parent I can... even when it's hard but the truth of the matter is... I'm going to make mistakes. We all do. Our parents made mistakes but yet most of us turned out OK lol. I'm sure this girl (from the video) will too

 

[sillysally]

Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I don't think this is entirely true. Both kids and dogs are born with their own tempements, they are not little blank slates. I have one dog with good work ethic, and one dog who has his own agenda when it comes to what he wants to do and they have both been like this since day one. I can do tons of work with Jack, do tons of motivating exercises, and he will still no have the natural work ethic that Sally does.

My mom did a pretty good job and was a very involved parent, but I had my own personality. I felt that I shouldn't have to do chores because I was lazy and stubborn and would rather argue about it than give in and do it. I don't think there was anything that my mom could have done to change that. Heck, even now when I own my own house I have to keep on myself because I procrastinate and can be lazy about housework.

 

[sparks19]

I don't think this is entirely true. Both kids and dogs are born with their own tempements, they are not little blank slates. I have one dog with good work ethic, and one dog who has his own agenda when it comes to what he wants to do and they have both been like this since day one. I can do tons of work with Jack, do tons of motivating exercises, and he will still no have the natural work ethic that Sally does.

My mom did a pretty good job and was a very involved parent, but I had my own personality. I felt that I shouldn't have to do chores because I was lazy and stubborn and would rather argue about it than give in and do it. I don't think there was anything that my mom could have done to change that. Heck, even now when I own my own house I have to keep on myself because I procrastinate and can be lazy about housework.

This

 

[Dizzy]

There's no manual, but common sense must prevail. Shooting your daughters laptop, filming it and posting it on the internet is plain stupid.

Sitting there fag (cigarette to you) in hand no less.

If he wants respect then maybe he should think about the message he portrays.

 

[Doberluv]

There's no manual, but common sense must prevail. Shooting your daughters laptop, filming it and posting it on the internet is plain stupid.

Sitting there fag (cigarette to you) in hand no less.

If he wants respect then maybe he should think about the message he portrays.

Exactly this^

 

[kady05]

Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.

I don't necessarily agree. My older brother (middle child) was a drug addict, addicted to cocaine for years. My oldest brother & I were raised exactly the same as he was, and never touched drugs (I don't even drink!).

Didn't really have anything to do with what my parents "put in", had to do with that my brother was a rebellious teenager (and into his 20's as well) who became addicted to a drug and didn't want to stop til he was good and ready. We were most certainly not badly brought up, had a great, stable home life and all that jazz.

 

[sparks19]

maybe he tried everything else. the reasoning, the taking things away, grounding, being her friend, etc etc. Maybe he tried all that and this was the end of his rope. Was it the best choice? probably not but maybe it was all he had left to try.

and if it worked... whats the problem? if it didn't... he's probably no worse off than they were before.

 

[Dizzy]

I don't necessarily agree. My older brother (middle child) was a drug addict, addicted to cocaine for years. My oldest brother & I were raised exactly the same as he was, and never touched drugs (I don't even drink!).

Didn't really have anything to do with what my parents "put in", had to do with that my brother was a rebellious teenager (and into his 20's as well) who became addicted to a drug and didn't want to stop til he was good and ready. We were most certainly not badly brought up, had a great, stable home life and all that jazz.

Using drugs is not an indicator of being a bad person, and having the same parents isn't an indicator of having the same childhood experience.

There is a large element of personal resilience which varies between individuals. However, I'm pretty sure if your parents had humiliated your brother to try and "help" him it wouldn't have worked....

You can't teach morality by shooting laptops......

 

[sillysally]

How do you teach morality? Have you ever taught morality?

 

[sparks19]

it's all so easy from the outside looking in

 

[Gypsydals]

This is called natural consequences. I'm a fan!

Was the fathers public response to being publicly flogged by his daughter fitting? Yes.
Was the laptop his to do as he pleased? Yes
Were 8 or 9 shots a little overkill? Perhaps, but he gets points for style.
Was his response mature or did it follow the high-road? Probably not, but then again, sometimes to make a point it has to be delivered in a fashion that is understood. I'd say there's a good chance he met that objective....and gave her something to legitmately whine about.

Just my opinion.

I have to agree. As a parent of a teenage girl right about that same age. Some of those girls need drastic measures.
And its not always about you get what you put into parenting. What works for some kids doesn't always work with others. Case in point, what discipline works with my son does not work with my daughter. what works on my teenage niece does not work on my daughter. Sometimes you do have to do something in a way that they will understand. Sounds like they(the parents) had tried other means to solve the problem and that didn't work. As far as shooting the laptop, well it was his to begin with. Was it wasteful, maybe, maybe not. Sounds like it was an older laptop that needed quite a bit of work. Could he have donated it, depends on where they are at. Some places will not accept an old out of date laptop.
And I'm sorry but for some teenage daughters, telling them that its not nice to embarrass the parents or others in public does no good. BUT if they are embarrassed in a similar manner that they did, it gets the point home.

 

[Doberluv]

It's not easy Sparks, there's no manual...no. But we all have our opinions and input. Some of those thoughts may come from experience or education or just plain different angles of view point. You never know. We can say that about anything...that it's easy looking in from the "outside." Does that mean there should be no discussion or attempt at revision or improvement of some idea?

 

[sparks19]

It's not easy Sparks, there's no manual...no. But we all have our opinions and input. Some of those thoughts may come from experience or education or just plain different angles of view point. You never know. We can say that about anything...that it's easy looking in from the "outside." Does that mean there should be no discussion or attempt at revision or improvement of some idea?

discussion absolutey. I was thinking I was participating in the discussion. It just is so easy to sit on the outside looking in and saying what this parent SHOULD have done and painting him as a monster based on one 8 minute snip it of his life.

 

[smkie]

I haven't read all of the posts but this is my two scents to the video.

Dad...wait a few days until your not so angry, and choose your words carefully. 15 and a girl are pia. You are asking her to control and discipline herself while you are barely holding your temper verbally and showing violence as the answer. You could have donated the laptop to any charitable organization and set a better example then your hollow point bullets..that she has to pay you back for.

Teenage girls will break your heart coming and going, and they are not adults and do not see the world as an adult. Teen boys have their own flavor or bad decisions and self actions..it's a part of you you signed on for. As my son told me many times "I am not you" and he was right so stop comparing her life to yours.. You might have gotten further without the bullets, if while you chose your words you remembered the past, and held your breath for the future. This stage too will not last forever but your words and way of dealing with things will set a pattern. I thought the video was the kind of thing he should have done to have gotten it off his chest, and then he should have deleted it. After that he should have removed the laptop, and made whatever home changes necessary. He was embarrassed by her actions, and he fought back by trying to embarrass her. What he did, was embarrass them both. That is not good parenting.

 

[Doberluv]

discussion absolutey. I was thinking I was participating in the discussion. It just is so easy to sit on the outside looking in and saying what this parent SHOULD have done and painting him as a monster based on one 8 minute snip it of his life.

I don't think he's a monster at all Sparks. I don't think I painted him that way either. I think he's a caring parent who wants to prepare his child for life as an adult...now. I think he probably made some mistakes along the way, as most parents do. And I think that his method of showing her how to be respectful, grown up and responsible was not a good way to go about it.

I don't think it's easy necessarily.... or on the other hand, particularly difficult looking in from the outside. I've raised two children to adult hood. I made my share of mistakes too. Oh boy, did I ever. But the way teens are, the variations in children is not exactly a completely foreign concept. Often, mulling over different ways to do things brings about a concept that wasn't thought of before that might work better.