Dad shoots laptop because of FB post

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by LauraLeigh, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Minnesota
    And honestly if the only thing she takes away from this is to be more savvy about privacy settings on FB, that ain't a bad lesson in this day and age.
     
  2. Lilavati

    Lilavati Arbitrary and Capricious

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    7,644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Way too many!
    Location:
    Alexandria, VA
    Home Page:
    I think its possible she came away with a good lesson . . . but I think its likely she learned the following (This is what I think I would have learned):

    1) Dad is spying on my Facebook conversations with my friends
    2) I need to use privacy settings
    3) If Dad finds I'm doing something he doesn't like, he's going to fly off the handle, so I better make sure he doesn't find out
    4) Dad has no respect for my belongings
    5) I must make all efforts to conceal what I am doing from Dad, see #3.

    Other things learned unconsciously:

    1) Its ok to destroy things, even valuable things that aren't yours, when you are mad. (It might have been legally his, but I doubt anyone treated it as anything but hers until this happened).
    2) If someone you love hurts you, hurt them back.
    3) Mutual public humiliation is an ok way for families to interact.

    Other than use privacy settings, I'm not sure any of that is really the best things to be teaching your kids.
     
  3. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    27,771
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    IN
    But you must understand sparks, most kids (and even tons of adults as we can see on facebook with all the 'private' stuff being posted!) use the internet like their personal diary/journal/venting station the same way you and I turned to our best friends when we were that age. They don't stop and think about it reaching hundreds/thousands/possibly millions of people.........another aspect of immaturity. They just want to get it out/vent.

    And it's not about thinking 'daddy is a big meanie'...........I didn't take the video as him being a meanie........he IS immature. Period. He cannot expect maturity from a 15-16 year old daughter if he can't display a bit of maturity himself ;)

    To the people who've never dealt with teenagers........GOOD LUCK WITH FUTURE ENDEAVORS! LOL Please don't take that condescending, I don't mean it to be. Trust me, before I had them I had very strong ideas on what I would/wouldn't do. Things change when you are here.


    Agreed. Especially the bolded parts.........:(
     
  4. AliciaD

    AliciaD On second thought...

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 2 cats, a rabbit, and hermit crabs.
    I got detention after detention for being tardy to school. It never changed me. I see your point.

    This is odd. Usually I agree with Lilavati and disagree (rescectfully, :) ) with Sparks. Odd.
     
  5. Lilavati

    Lilavati Arbitrary and Capricious

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    7,644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Way too many!
    Location:
    Alexandria, VA
    Home Page:
    We're all different people . . . if you always agreed with me, that would be creepy.
     
  6. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    28,563
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Lancaster, PA
    Home Page:
    yes I realize I haven't raised any teenagers myself but I have been involved with enough of them in my family and I wasn't one so long ago that I can't remember what being a teenager is like. I remember how I was... and now as an adult I can look back and understand why things happened the way they did. I suspect that will be the case here.

    I understand that immature teens don't think about it that way... about it being broadcast to millions of people... but that doesn't mean it is OK.

    When Hannah starts using the computer we will make it abundantly clear that there is NO privacy on the computer. not from people around the world and not from us. She can have a diary, she can rely on her friends, she can have privacy in her room but There will NOT be privacy on the internet. We will have access to her accounts and there will be no hiding it or being better at privacy since her daddy's specialty at work IS this sort of thing. there is nothing she can do on the computer at home that we wouldn't be able to see. We can even know what the dog sitter is doing and has been doing on our computer while we are out of town. We can check in on that at any time from anywhere.

    That's not a threat to her but it will be made clear to her from day one that this is just going to be part of life until she moves out and is responsible for her own actions. This is not because I don't want her having access to the internet or anything like that. it is not only for her safety (there are a lot of sick people on the internet) but also for the safety of our home computer network. Not only are there a lot of sick people looking to lure kids into trouble but there are also a lot of viruses and various other things that can do real damage to our system too.

    I know a lot of people think that is outrageous but I think it's an important lesson better learned early that when it comes to the internet there is NO SUCH THING AS PRIVACY. Not from anyone.

    Again that doesn't mean she won't be allowed to do anything or h ave any fun online. she can participate in social media when it's age appropriate (I'm not giving my 8 year old a facebook page LOL), she can have an email address and participate on forums and such. but she will also be well aware that we can see it. It's not an invasion of privacy since there is no such thing as privacy when it comes to the internet. it will just be a fact of life and there are a few good reasons for it and it won't be because we don't trust HER. I will make that fact perfectly clear. Has nothing to do with not trusting HER.

    I look at my one neices facebook page and OMG the things she puts on there. address, phone number, she posts other peoples photos and tears them apart, and the things she says OY VEY. At this point now she's 18 and moved out so it's too late now but I remember her being 15 and the stuff on her facebook page was outrageous. starting fights with kids at school that usually escalated into something physical, the language, the attitude... everything about what she posted was WRONG but her parents just let her keep on with it. that's NOT RIGHT!!!! I don't think a 15 year old is entitled to that kind of privacy on a public network that could have real life consequences. Look at all the stories about things posted on facebook that resulted in someones death (whether at their own hands or the hands of someone else). The constant bullying on there. Some crazy stuff goes on on facebook. That's not a facebook issue... that's a parenting issue or a lack there of.

    Ok I think I've rambled long enough about nothing.

    but yeah in short... your parents seeing something you posted on a public network is NOT snooping nor is it an invasion of privacy. you put it out there for people to see... well they saw it
     
  7. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2011
    Messages:
    3,199
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    9 not counting ducks, chickens, and fish
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    Was it truly public though? I thought her father said its was closed and he just was able to access it being in IT? you can control your privacy settings.

    Stil think it was a boneheaded move by the daughter...just still think his was just as boneheaded;)
     
  8. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    28,563
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Lancaster, PA
    Home Page:
    I don't disagree that he was just as boneheaded. I don't think he's a hero or anything. I think he's just the average parent doing the best he can and sometimes slipping up. I also don't think this is the tragedy in this girls life that everyone seems to be convinced it is. Not here but some of the comments on different news stories are so ridiculous. claiming that because of this she's probably going to grow up to be a prostitute or a drug addict. WHAAAAAA? really?

    yes... it's always truly public. you put it online... it's public.you can set your settings to private but it still shows over in the ticker bar on the side of facebook to people who are friends of your friends or your friends friends friends... so to speak lol.

    I see people's statuses all the time that I don't have on my friends list and their pages are set to "private". whenever someone on my friends list comments on one of their friends pages... I can see it in the ticker on the side.

    not truly private. nothing online ever is
     
  9. Lilavati

    Lilavati Arbitrary and Capricious

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    7,644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Way too many!
    Location:
    Alexandria, VA
    Home Page:
    I know that. I also know how I would have interpreted it at 15.

    That said, its an important lesson to learn . . . but teaching in this way is more likely to make things worst than teach any real lesson (other than perhaps about privacy settings, but I don't think that's the real lesson to be learned here).

    Of course, I admit that had such a think as FB existed when I was 15, and I ranted about my parents, and one of the read back to me what I wrote I would have been so mortified that they wouldn't have needed to do anything else. But I was a pretty easy kid in some ways.

    Edit: I can't help but wonder what the end result of all this FB stuff will be . . . will people just get used to it? Will they learn to use privacy settings? Will no one care any more? I have no idea . . . its such a strange thing.
     
  10. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2005
    Messages:
    17,761
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Not enough.
    Location:
    Wales
    I suspect she KNEW her dad would see it seeing as this was a 2nd offence.

    Maybe it was some teenage way of telling them how she feels.... Maybe they should have sat down with her and asked her why she felt the way she did.
     
  11. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2006
    Messages:
    19,665
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    5 Dogs
    Location:
    Central Florida
    Home Page:
    She felt the way she did because she totally, like, had too many chores to do! Duh! 10 minutes of chores a day is so unfair!

    And like, her parents are such meanies for not buying her an iPod and wanting her to get, like, a job to pay for it. They should, like, totally pay her for making her own bed and sweeping the floors.

    :rofl1:
     
  12. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    28,563
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Lancaster, PA
    Home Page:
    maybe they did. You don't know that they didn't. maybe she just felt the way she does because she's lazy and ungrateful lol Maybe that's why he lost his cool and made this video. Maybe they tried everything else (more than once). Maybe they tried sitting down and talking with her about her feelings but it didn't change anything
     
  13. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    27,771
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    IN
    Oh I agree with you there.........this 'one incident' shouldn't send her over the edge to drugs or prostitution, etc etc.

    On the other hand, people all over facebook (and other places) are hailing him as some sort of "parenting hero" or "lesson teaching warrior"........THERE is where I'm having a big problem. He is in no way shape or form an example of good parenting or sound lesson teaching. His actions are just as immature as hers were but the only difference is HE is supposed to be the mature one, the parent, the teacher.

    This child, YES child, needed a lesson in internet use, respectful behavior towards her parents, perhaps even how to tell the truth (who knows but them) but his way is DEFINITELY not the answer to any of those things, which of course begs the question: How many of his past 'lessons' were along the same line as the one we've witnessed? *shudders*
     
  14. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2005
    Messages:
    17,761
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Not enough.
    Location:
    Wales
    Bratty dad spawns bratty teen... stop the press...
     
  15. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2011
    Messages:
    3,199
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    9 not counting ducks, chickens, and fish
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO

    exactly!!!!!
     
  16. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2008
    Messages:
    7,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    Just Miss Lucy-fur, my wondermutt!
    Location:
    Alexandria, VA
    Seriously. I have had 20-30 parent conferences this year for my problem students, and in just about every one it's immediately apparent why the child is being a brat. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

    There are the occasional outliers where parents do everything "right" and child is a screw ball, but it's rare.
     
  17. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Messages:
    5,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds, and 1 horse
    Location:
    A hole in the bottom of the sea.
    I'm not this girl obviously, but I had the exact same complaints at her age. I think I might have even nastily informed my mother that I wasn't her slave-lol. My underlying reason? I didn't feel like doing it.....not very deep or earth shattering.
     
  18. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2005
    Messages:
    17,761
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Not enough.
    Location:
    Wales
    I have very, very rarely worked with a family where the problem hasn't been fixable if the PARENTS changed something about their parenting (make that never).

    And that doesn't involve being a brat yourself.....

    I am not saying teenagers don't take the royal p!ss. They do. They need consequences. But....... this? As a consequence?

    Even the WORST teenagers I work with (think violent, damaged kids) respond the best to FIRM boundaries, but if you did this to them they would be lost forever. Seriously forever.
     
  19. AliciaD

    AliciaD On second thought...

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 2 cats, a rabbit, and hermit crabs.
    Didn't he say that she used her privacy settings to block her parents from seeing it, but it came out anyway? In that case, the lesson is, privacy settings aren't secret keepers, so don't put anything on FB that you don't want the world to know.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2012
  20. Lilavati

    Lilavati Arbitrary and Capricious

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    7,644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Way too many!
    Location:
    Alexandria, VA
    Home Page:
    Another good lesson. But not the way to teach it.

    And "parenting hero" . . . yeah, I agree . . what other lessons has he taught . . .and what other lessons will be inspired by this?

    And as for putting the lesson on the internet . . . didn't this start because of putting inappropriate stuff on the internet? Because telling the world about your family dispute is fun for the whole family . . . "PAGING JERRY SPRINGER"

    No, I don't think this ruined her life. But I don't think she'll forgive him for it either. I wouldn't have.
     

Share This Page