Church advice and work advice

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Laurelin, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    I swear there are too many decisions these days.

    Okay so... I've been going to a church here with a church group here. The people are very nice and the group is very active. But I can't make most of their socials, just class and then bible study. Their socials are on weekdays at 5 or 5:30, which is impossible because I HAVE to go home and let the dogs out and exercise them. I'm also one of the oldest in the group and one of a very few with a full time job (which is probably why they schedule their socials when they do). Most are grad students.

    I like the people a lot and they're fun to hang out with whenever I can. I do often feel out of place though since so many are still in college and still students.

    So I am trying to decide if I'm going to be church hopping again. I know of a church with socials on Tuesday at 7 pm, which I could make. Their singles group is supposed to be huge which is intimidating but could also mean there's more people to potentially make friends with.

    I'm still having trouble really 'connecting' with any social group outside of dog classes and art classes, where I'm by far the youngest (the art classes are all elderly women). At work I get left out because I'm the only single one and am a lot younger. I often find myself being the only one not invited, which sucks and I don't know what to do about it. I try being nice and social but I even though I get along with everyone at work, it isn't going to lead to outside of work friendships, I don't think. I don't know what I do wrong and it's frustrating. I think it's really hard because in my group there was already a group of really close girls who hang out all the time and are really cliqueish. I've kind of given up there even though I do get along with them at work. The people I really enjoy talking to at work are all way older than me or are married.

    There's a new girl this week that briefly mentioned how she and her fiance were church hopping and had no friends since they moved. She seems nice too, and is the same denomination as my family. I might ask her where she's tried going but she's probably looking at young couples groups.

    I'm just really missing my group of college friends and the close friendships we had. I really don't have that with anyone now except my sisters and it sucks. :( Friend making was not this hard while I was in school.

    Then work... it's going well but I found out about a new position from my old boss that is opening up. Don't know what I want to do with it yet. It's a sideways position, not a promotion. Different group and discipline. I like the idea of a more active project and meeting more people. But the job duties are mostly data loading and I would not get to do as much hands on stuff as I do now with presentation/graphics making, etc. The graphics making is my favorite part of my job right now. I think it would be a lot more monotonous. I would also have to learn new software again as they use different programs. But it's in physics, which could be more of an opening with my math degree than what I do now. But maybe not.

    Bah! Been stressing for about 3 days now. I need a beer.:lol-sign:
     
  2. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,985
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Southern California
    I don't have any advice or anything, but you have my e-hugs.
     
  3. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    Thanks, I definitely need a hug today!
     
  4. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,985
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Southern California
    No problem. :]

    I just graduated in March, and I've kinda been going through the same thing. My friends have all either graduated and moved out of the area, or they haven't graduated, and are always doing stuff when I'm at work, so I end up feeling pretty isolated. And then, my job is only through mid-September, so work friends (while lovely) are probably not going to last long term. /whine
     
  5. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2009
    Messages:
    8,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Maryland
    Aww ((hugs))

    I can kind of understand. Sometimes I feel so lonely, like I don't really have a "group" of friends. I have two friends that I've known since I was 4 that I still hang out with semi-often but each of them have different "groups" if you know what I mean (all of us went to different colleges) so it's usually only either the 3 of us, or 2 of us, and we don't really hang out with each other's groups, lol. if that makes sense. Then I have my dog friends. etc.

    And now I am working at this daycare at the gym, and all of the people definitely seem very friendly, but not sure if we'd ever hang out outside of work or not. I guess we'll see about that. And then for the last 3 years, I've been dogsitting so it's just been me and the dogs, lol.

    With someone like me too who doesn't really like to go out to bars, I do wonder how I'm going to ever find a good guy, lol. A church group doesn't sound like a bad idea, but I really don't go to church or enjoy it, lol.

    *sigh* Good luck. I think all of us chazzers should just... move to one street and we'll all have each other.
     
  6. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    My best friends live in south Texas, Minnesota, and California now. :(

    I don't know why I am having so many problems. I have no problem talking to people, holding a conversation, I'm always smiley and such. Always say hi when I see someone I know around.

    I'm not interested in the same stuff as most the girls I know. They all watch the same shows (the Kardashians) and like to talk about fashion designers, gossip, etc. I always feel awkward and out of place.

    I think if I could find a church group where I could actually GO to the socials, that would make a difference. I just don't know. I do like the people I've met at the one church and hate to 'throw that away' by switching churches after going there for 6 months. But I think really getting involved in a different group could be great.
     
  7. BostonBanker

    BostonBanker Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,854
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Environmental Science
    Location:
    Vermont
    I know you mentioned the age difference, but do you have opportunities to hang out socially with your friends from agility? I know I'm a bit older than you, but I have to say, the age issue has disappeared for me. Even the "single vs couple" thing has. Some of my dearest friends are either considerably older than me (10+ years often) or younger than me (8 or so years). Some are married, some are in committed relationships, some change relationships more than I can fathom...but we can all go to dinner and have a great time. I have very few friends who are within a couple of years of my age, but I have fantastic friends in their 20's and 40's.
     
  8. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    Not often, really. I've spectated some trials and talked to people there but the other people in my class don't go to them usually and I don't have a dog to run.
     
  9. SpringerLover

    SpringerLover Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    fiver
    Location:
    B-ville
    Home Page:
    Seriously, my best friends are my dog friends.
     
  10. Kilter

    Kilter New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2012
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    If you like the people in the church group now, why not simply ask if they can make the social events later? Even if it's a few it wouldn't be that bad and more fair. They are after all grad students and not grannies, right? Doesn't hurt to bring it up and mention it and see. I also don't think there's any laws against going to the other church social events if they work better for your schedule either, at our church there's some prayer groups that incorporate different churches, different branches but it works better for people.

    For work, see what happens and go with it, it could work out well for you or not but if it's meant to be...
     
  11. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    6,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Cyberhugs here too. I'm in a similar situation with work -- offered a lateral move and can't decide what to do. Less than 48 hours remaining. Joy.

    Like some of the others many of my friends are dog people, particularly agility people. Which tends to include people of all ages (mostly 10-30 years old than I am but also some younger), married, single, widowed, divorced, etc. Shared passions have a way of bringing people together. But it depends on what you're looking for too...BFFs, simply Good People to hang out with, dating prospects, etc. In any case, good luck. And extra hugs.
     
  12. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    Haha all of the above. I keep waiting for my hot guy with a border collie to show up to an agility event. Still hasn't happened yet. :p

    I like agility a lot but I only go once a week for a few hours. I'm getting to know people better and I know that will continue on as we train. But I need something else, I think.

    I can't decide if tomorrow morning I should go to my usual church or if I should go to try the other church.

    And I don't even know about work.
     
  13. Brattina88

    Brattina88 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2004
    Messages:
    12,953
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    OH
    Oh girl I am in the same boat! Almost exactly!

    In our YA church group, am the oldest, I have stopped going. I work with kids all day long, so I didn't really appreciate the immature-ness of the group and I didn't have fun. Plus, my work schedule conflicts - while I do get off early enough to go, I have to go let the dogs out & exercise them before I go out. And the one guy who is interested, I am sooo not. And he has turned into like... a stalker :rolleyes:

    In my dog training group of friends, I am the youngest. It wasn't a problem until the begining of the summer, when the one lady realized I was actually the same age as her son. Ever since then, I feel like I am exluded because of my age. Whatever.

    I wish I had advice for you, but I really don't. My close friends are WAY older than me, and I don't really have a problem with it, but other people do... But I am just not into what most people in my immeadiate area are into, at my age

    :confused: Ah well, just waiting for my age to catch up to my age, I guess :p


    sympathetic ((((((((hugs))))))
     
  14. Southpaw

    Southpaw orange iguanas.

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2005
    Messages:
    7,788
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    7
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Blah I can relate too. The church I've started going to has a Friday evening service and apparently that's when the younger crowd attends, rather than Sunday mornings. But the Friday service is at 7:15pm and most of the time it's around 6:30 when I get off work... and it takes me 20 minutes to get home... it's just pushing it too much for me to run there straight after work.

    All the people I work with are 30+, married with children... and I just turned 21 and am super single sooo that will never turn into anything. Even when we have outside of work events scheduled I never go because everyone brings their family with so it's just weird to me. I feel like a baby in comparison lol.

    Ideally I don't want to look for more dog friends cuz my life is already consumed enough by animals. But I am having a hard time figuring out how to meet other people unless I strike up a conversation with someone at the dog park lol.
     
  15. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    6,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    We have one or two of those guys...but they are married dammit. With kids no less. Makes me feel old lol.

    Yeah I think that dynamic changes after training together for a long time...or especially when you start trialing. I mean you are basically spending many hours together, a lot of it downtime, and cheering one another through elation and moments of poetry as well as the inevitable disappointments/heartbreak that is competing with your canine partner lol. Some of my best agility friends are also my fiercest competition. I love it.

    NEW ONE!

    No help. I'm just sitting here stressing out over my version of that decision sooo yeah. Good luck.
     
  16. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    30,965
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    a lot
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Home Page:
    Haha okay I think I will try the new one this weekend and just see if it feels like something I should pursue.

    I really do think chaz people all need to move to at least the same state. How fun would that be?

    If work had TOLD me, 'hey we need you to move over here' then it would be fine and I would do it right away but it was left very open ended. I'm leaning towards not doing it though solely because it will amplify my least favorite parts of my job and then I will be doing less graphics work.
     
  17. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    6,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Yeah walking away from your favorite part of your job seems like something to be avoided...

    And all of us in one state would probably cause Armageddon lol. Unless Renee can figure out a way to real-life "Close" a discussion when things heat up. Or maybe that's what the Fila is for? ;)

    *still stewing on the job thing*
     
  18. Puckstop31

    Puckstop31 Super-Genius

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    5,847
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    4 (2 dogs, 1 Guniea Pig, 1 Mouse)
    Location:
    Lancaster, PA, USA
    Home Page:
    Once a thousand times.....

    Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. "

    Pray. Then go were He leads you. The end. :)
     
  19. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2009
    Messages:
    8,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Maryland
    This is me too. :(
     
  20. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2009
    Messages:
    8,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Maryland
    I have to say, I'm glad I am not alone in this!
     

Share This Page