Chaz Moms and Moms-to-Be Chat (everyone welcome)

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by jenv101, Oct 23, 2012.

  1. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Yes you can definitely extend the learning. The benefit I like the best is if she is really struggling with something... We don't have to move on until she's got it an we can really focus on what she is having difficulty with. That was a big one for me in school. There were things I really had difficulty with but they can't hold up the whole class for my difficulty but then they'd move on and I was totally overwhelmed. My mom tried tutors but by the time I was done school for the day, I was so upset and burned out that I was totally resistant to anymore school.
     
  2. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Changing the subject slightly.........

    How did/will people transition to being a SAHM when they had kids? This is something I'd want to do, at least until the kid was about 4.... Here we can take a years maternity leave. We talk about this a fair bit... I think I'd take the leave, squirrel the cash, and not return to work. If that's possible.

    How do you/will you organise finances? What if you need a hair cut or clothes or money for stuff?! Do you get an allowance or share accounts?!

    What about a pension?!

    The way my job is, I don't think it would be practical for me to commute and be gone so long... And I don't want to. If I have kids, I want to be a mummy :)
     
  3. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

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    I definitely believe that any parent can dig deeper into learning and subjects no matter how their child is schooled. I went to normal school and my parents spent a lot of time on educating me outside the school system as well. I just really like the idea of having more time during the day to do that.

    I was always bored in elementary school. I learned to read when I was 3 and in kindergarten we spent an entire week learning each letter. In 4th grade, I had to take 5th grade math and english classes and was still bored. If my mom had home schooled me, we could've upped the pace and made the materials more difficult.

    I've always wanted to be a SAHM, so I feel very blessed to be able to do so. We're lucky that my husband makes a good salary and can support the three of us.

    We've planned eventually going to one income for the past 6 years. It's meant buying a house that can be afforded easily on one salary, buying cars that are reasonable, etc, etc. We never wanted a long term financial decision to affect my ability to stay home.

    We have one checking account that we share, and we have a budget. A certain amount gets allocated to things right away (for instance, college fund, travel fund, emergency savings, IRAs, etc). The hardest thing for me will be having a set food budget. We normally eat out a ton (almost every day for lunch)but will no longer be able to do that once I'm home. We discuss any "big" purchase that will affect our budget.

    Pensions are so rare in the USA that it's not a concern to me. Our plan has always been for me to stay home for however long I want to (whether it's for 10 years, 18 years, or forever) and we've just always figured we'd stay within our means on one income. Like I said, thankfully my husband makes a great salary and we don't have to cut too many corners for me to stay home. We just won't be able to spend the way we do now. We'll still be able to travel and keep our hobbies, but we will no longer be able to spend $20-30 a day on lunches out.
     
  4. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    We are financially stable and have very few outgoings... I just think it would feel bizarre handing over financial control as I also earn a good wage in my job! I just have no idea what we'd need to consider at the time. My partner is very much "I'm not worried about it, we will just deal with it at the time" lol. I'm a bit more like, "but I need details!! I need to plan!".
     
  5. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

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    I have to admit first off, a huge part of the appeal of having children was learning my DH was supportive of me being a SAHM...I hated working. So that colors my view a little bit as I never had the feelings of giving something up or any desire to work that I had to choose between staying at home or working etc.

    Finances, we handle them the same as when I had a job. We share the account, big purchases by either are discussed, little every day stuff is just done, and it all goes conveniently online where we can look;) (we are both awful and budgeting so are NOT good examples in that regard) but basically, yeah, I am NOT ok with the idea of it being "his" money. Its not...its money he makes to support OUR family. Its our money.
     
  6. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Like Greenmagick, I never really enjoyed working lol. Being a SAHM was my ideal (although I do work two mornigs a week right now).

    Financiay, it was easy
    For us because we had gone such a long amount of time without being legally able to work due to immigration so we were used to one income and had it pretty well figured out

    We have seperate accounts that are linked to the same main account if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to explain it lol. We have the main account that all the bills come out of and Brian uses for stuff he needs like gas for his truck and stuff, then linked to that account I have a checking account. My account is for groceries, my gas, and whatever i need to buy or do or admission to museums, etc. If I find I nee more I just let him know to make sure we don't go over budget. We have the seperate accounts for each of us because it helps us both to allot the funds separately and stay within budget and not accidently over draw the account. He takes care of the bills with his allotment and I take care of our personal needs like groceries and fun stuff with mine. It's not a his money vs my money... It's our money. But having the two separated helps us keep track :)

    As for haircuts, clothes etc... Having the separate accounts helps us with that as well. After all my financial responsibilities I know what I have to work with for clothing, hair cut, etc and vice versa.
     
  7. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    You can practice by living on one salary and putting everything you make in savings for a few months.

    For us it's different I guess because I would never have made enough money to pay for daycare anyway, and my husband found a better paying job when the kids were 1, so it helped (well, except the part where we had to move). And I use swagbucks to pay for most of my entertainment (although I only make about $100 a month now, but it still helps).
     
  8. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

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    Yes, the cost of daycare is a big part of it too. I worked in the dog industry before children lol, managing a local grooming and training salon (and boarding drop off/pick up point). The pay, well, yeah, it was not enough to make paying for daycare worth it.
     
  9. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    It's funny I guess because I just don't get how working couples do it. I'm lucky my kids haven't been sick yet (except some pink eye last year, so they were out of preschool for one day), but still... Teacher conferences, holidays, vacations, half days, that would be a major pain in the butt. I don't think most people get enough vacation days for all those. Plus even after care ends at what, 5pm? My husband doesn't get home until 6pm so it would be on me.

    At the same time it's pretty scary because I have no idea what I'll do with myself once they are big enough not to need me at home anymore. Heck even now it's seriously boring at times, but I keep busy (between housework and cooking and doing groceries and exercising and watching my tv shows I guess). But the idea of finding a job when I'm 50 with no experience is just, well, daunting, considering even 8 years ago it was really hard to find something (I only got two little jobs since I moved here 12 years ago). I just try not to dwell on it for now... but it's something to keep in mind if you want to stop working.
     
  10. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    We can't do one income, so not an option here, at least not where we live now. Cost of living is not high, but educators are not paid well here. (not to mention, if my husband were the only one working and supplying such things, insurance for the three of us would be over $900 a month!:yikes: As it is, mine is covered through my workplace and I pay for Clive's insurance as coverage is pretty similar but it's a little less, cost-wise)

    Right now, my kiddo is in daycare, so we only have to deal with federal holiday closures. That said, because my husband is a teacher, he has those same holidays off. He gets more sick time than I do, so generally, if Clive is ill (thankfully not often) he stays home. But, we do try to alternate if we can.
     
  11. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I am sorry... I just have to bring it back to homeschooling for one
    More moment only because this was posted today and I think it's a good blog post about the endless questions of " socialization" for homeshoolers.

    http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/04...lutely-worst-arguments-against-homeschooling/

    Now this blog post is written as a defense to someone badicaly vilifying homeschooling so the response in turn vilifies public schooling but still has
    Some excellent points about the "socialization" in school that people uphold as the only way.
     
  12. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Oh wow that's a horrible article. No offense. I mean, there might be valid points, but the way it depicts public school socialization doesn't make it very credible, frankly.

    I actually don't like the whole 'socialization guided by parents' thing... I mean, they're kids. We shouldn't be the ones telling them how to be kids. It's like those parents who hover on their kids all the time... they're not going to learn how to be kids. I don't know, I guess that when I see my kids play with their friends on the playground, that they end up a 'well adjusted adult' is the last thing in my mind... I'm just watching them enjoying being kids. Obviously every kid will have different experiences in public school but the author is just totally demonizing it, IMO (although I agree that school has changed a lot since we went there).

    I think most people who doubt about the value of socialization in homeschooled kids just don't know enough about how it works. I'm sure a lot of parents go out of their way to organize playdates with other homeschooled kids, get them involved in sports etc. It's just hard to imagine because for a lot of us, our friendships started in schools, and not at sports, and you don't have the same relationship with someone you are with 7 hours a day than with someone you see twice a week for 2 hours, you know? So yes it's hard for me to imagine as well... although my main worry about homeschooling would be that the kids wouldn't know how to react in the 'real world' from being 'sheltered' so much.

    But at the same time, when you see some schools... I totally get why people do it. But I guess it's really not something I would personally be comfortable in doing, so I'll be the first to admit that I haven't researched it (and heck I couldn't even find play groups for my kids when they were 2, I can't even imagine having to find a homeschooling groups with people I would get along with).
     
  13. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Hence my disclaimer that te blog post was written as a response to a public school teacher vilifying homeschooling so the response does a lot of the same vice versa to make a
    Point.

    But... We say that kids socialize 7 hours a day 5 days a week at public school but they don't really and those kids are forced to be around each other and interact. The MAJORITY of school is spent in silence listening to the teacher and doig worksheets... NOT interacting with other students. The other half is a mix of being with friends and arguing with the people you don't like... And for those who aren't socially savvy, a lot
    Of that time is spent being isolated and tormented by the kids who fit in with some group.

    I can guarantee you that MY homeschooler and the ones I know are NOT sheltered. It's not like homeschoolers never leave the house lol. BUT we also don't throw them to the wolves with no idea
    Of what they are dealing with in their lives. In our co op (where the kids spend plenty of time
    Together ) if there is a bullying issue or a behavioral issue, the parent will know about it because we are all very close and it's mutually serving to deal with a child who is showing struggles either socially
    Or academically, instead of finding out about it once it's gotten out of hand!

    Out of curiousity, how many elementaty school friends are still as close as they were in school, how many high school friends? For me... Only one person that i am still in semi contact with and it's mostly over facebook and she was my BEST friend in highschool bit we grew up and were different people. So forgive me if I don't put a huge emphasis on the highschool friendship. Those friendships are often so volatile and hinge on one disagreement or one perceived "back stabbing"
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2014
  14. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

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    Homeschooled kids in general are not sheltered....in fact the ones I know are the ones out doing adult type activities at earlier ages, running small businesses, clubs, etc. I know there are some parents who do shelter (both in school and in homeschool settings) but that is not the norm in my experience. I have seen it (My one SIL definitely sheltered her children and homeschooled to keep them that way) but most in my circle anyways are very much out there.

    Also, in school, yes, you are there 7 hours a day...you are NOT however socializing 7 hours a day;) I have a friend who just got a call from her daughters principal because her daughter "mingled during lunch to talk to her friends". Class time is no talk, many schools dropped recess, some make lunch no to low talk...so when are they socializing? Just before and after if there is time I guess. NOW, those are NOT things that make public or private school a bad choice...just I dont get how that is considered socialization by the general public. Schools have really changed in many areas.

    My children are with other children usually 3-5 days a week, not counting neighborhood kids (sadly our next door neighbors who we saw every day have moved away, but there are still some kids in the neighborhood we play with off and on on the weekends). We meet other kids just the same as school kids do....we meet children of all ages, races, lifestyles, etc at parks, events, homeschool organized things, etc. My daughter was very shy but has just blossomed as she has grown. Put her one a playground with new kids and within minutes she will have them all together playing some kind of game. She really makes friends wherever she goes but we also have a core group of friends we see 2-3 times a week on average.

    I know its impractical but I wish school children were able to do more on site learning, field trips, and engaging with the general public in a group setting. I think those experiences are just invaluable.

    The article was sensationalized yes.

    I also want to stress....while I am focusing on the pros of homeschooling compared to school, that does NOT mean I am in anyway saying schools are horrible, something is wrong by choosing to use them etc. I went to school and I was just fine there :)
     
  15. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    ^^^ all of that. She puts it more eloquently lol. Mine is emotional and alcohol fueled tonight LOL. Hannah spends many hours a week with kids of all kinds that she is very close to. She has friends that we see multiple times a week that she has known since she was a toddler. With our co op she has "BFF's" LOL it's so cute. They've all been together for three years so far and they are all the cutest little crew and I see the older siblings who grew up in the co op with their friends and it is NO different except there really is no bully culture there.

    And NO i don't think bullying helps prepare them for the world... I thinknit kills their spirit and creates adults who can't cope :(

    And yes, the article was terrible in the view
    Of
    Public schoolers and it was sensationalized and thag was kind of the point. The blog was written as a response to the sensationalism of the view of homeschoolers by the person in the email. It SUCKS to have your education of choicw boiled down to unsubstantiated sensationalism by people.
     
  16. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Euw I wouldn't miss working! I'm not career minded!!!! And I can think of million things I'd like to do with a kiddo during the day, I don't think I'd be bored or feel housebound!!

    I just like having my money :D but I think I'd like having a kiddo more...

    I love the practice on one wage thing. I'm gonna suggest that to him indoors :D
     
  17. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Ok what I meant is that it's not the same thing at all to have friends on your own 7 hours a day than when your parents are here all the time.

    And sorry but socializing with other kids in a school setting doesn't necessarily mean bullying. But sometimes kids won't like you, and yeah sometimes they might 'stab you in the back' or something but it's part of growing up and learning that things don't always work out. I just have a hard time imagining kids learning the same life lessons if their parents are always around and they don't really get a choice in what kids they are spending time with (unless I guess it's a huge homeschooling co-op with 30 kids or something... then the experience is probably pretty similar).

    But again, I don't have any first hand experience on the subject, so...

    For what it's worth, I'm still relatively close to a couple of high school friends (considering I moved to the US, obviously), and my sister is still very close to 3 of them... so yes, it does happen. But mostly for me, it's learning how to interact with others without the presence of your parents (or theirs) that makes a difference.
     
  18. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    See that's te thig... Homeschooling doesn't mean your parents are hovering over you 24/7. Homeschool kids go out and do things just like "regular" kids do. Our homeschool co op has about 100-150 kids in it lol. Just in my class alone last year (animal science grades k-1) I had 20 kids and that wasn't even the entire k-1 group because there were two classes offered that period . We are a large group lol and we are one of the smaller co ops in the area. The teens in that group are totally normal teens other than they aren't all sullen and "yeah whatever" lol like many teens are. Many of these kids go to camps in the summer sans parents with one of te groups they participate in, they go on mission trips without their parents with their groups. One young man (my good friends 17 year old son) is going on a 6 month mission trip starting this summer. He's going to Hawaii for the training portion and then he goes somewhere overseas but won't know where until he completes the training portion.

    They are normal kids who do all the normal kid things with and without their parents. It just happens that their parents take on the role of teacher as well but they aren't attached at the hip 24/7. The teens have part time jobs and go out with friends to movies or where ever teens go these days (in my day it was the mall lol).

    Around here they have Proms and graduation ceremonies and all the "normal" things most kids do.

    Dizzy, I kniw what you mean... If we get pregnant this summer then I will have to leave my job at the preschool when the baby comes... I'm fine with that. I've been a stay at home mom with no PT job for years but now that I've ha that job a while I wonder what the heck I'm gonna do without that whopping $60 paycheck each week LOL. Seriously... It's only $60 and I'm like man, what are we going to do without it? Lol
     
  19. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Ok so it's like school but with parents teaching? that sounds cool (as long as I'm not the one teaching :rofl1:).

    But I think it's not what most people have in mind when they talk about homeschooling. I guess in my mind I see the Duggars' way of homeschooling or something... where kids don't really see other kids apart from the random weekly activities and spend most of their time with their parents.
     
  20. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Everyone does things differently when it comes to homeschooling. For us, co op is one day a week and then we have a variety of other activities during the week. Field trips, bowling, work at the preschool, gymnastics, park days with the co op, etc. I don't even know if I would say most of our schooling is done at home lol. We are out more than we are home these days lol. Most of our school work is one on one "at home but there is more than enough time spent with friends each week.
     

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