At odds...do I want another, my loss hurts...

Discussion in 'Dogs - General Dog Chat' started by amymarley, Dec 5, 2005.

  1. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    As some of you know I lost 2 boxers in my life, one a one year 2 months old (cancer) and another on November 6 of this year. I thought my first boxer was my one and only, but Chase found me... he lived a fab. life for over 9 years. I am hurting sooooo bad still. Makes me want to give up having any more dogs, my animal business and etc...But I miss, already the love and everything that goes with having a life long companion.
    My question to you all is....if I aquire another dog, am I doing wrong? In my heart, of couse not. I just don't want Chase looking down at me and wondering, not that he would. If I do decide.;.... it's going to be a rescue of either a French Mastiff or a Borzoi ... I dont know yet...I don't know if I can handle another loss, but I want the love back in my life too. I have different reasons leaning towards both sides, but I think if I did, I would go for the french mastiff.
    Also, I want a "cuddle" dog....like my Chase. so a mastiff it might be
     
  2. AndrewF

    AndrewF MIiA

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    Can't help you decide which one, but you don't gain anything without putting yourself out there. If you're not ready yet though, take a bit of time and see what the future holds.
     
  3. rottiegirl

    rottiegirl Guest

    I agree with andrew. Also, dont think of it as replacing your lost dog/dogs.
     
  4. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

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    No, you can never replace the hole in your heart, but there's always place for another love. When EliN's friend lost her beloved Choc. Lab she couldn't even think of another dog until I was trying to place Kobe.. my foster dog. I e-mailed her and the next morning she felt it was a sign from her Fergus to move on. The day she was ready to get him, she went home from work before she came here and there was a Choc Lab with a white collar in her yard....she had never seen him and lives in a remote area on 50 plus acres. He called him...all kinds of names as he walked off... finally she called " Fergy" and he turned around, looked at her, wagged his tail and disappeared. She is so very happy with Kobe and he with her ....Chase wants you to be happy...he'll send the right one to you. Read the book...My Angels Wear Fur .
     
  5. Mordy

    Mordy Quigleyfied

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    sorry to hear you are hurting, animalbiz. it's always hard when we have to let them go. :(

    i don't think it's wrong to want another dog in your life again when you feel ready for it. of course no other is ever going to replace the one you lost, but i don't think "replace" is the right word, i would rather say finding a new friend to share the next stretch of life's road ahead.

    i've always had the feeling that my pets who have gone don't mind new ones coming into my life, since there will always be a special place in my heart for them and they wouldn't want to see me sad and without a friend to share my life and care for.
     
  6. Ratboy

    Ratboy New Member

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    It's rough to have one go. In 1987 and 88, I had to put dogs down, and it was rough. It was the first time I had to make the decision when Joe went sour. Before that, my parents did it, and my Beagle just dropped dead, saving me that choice, that time.

    When we had to put my dog Gus down due to cancer, we were planning on waiting about 6 months for a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog pup, and probably another pup from the shelter, as regardless of what some people claim, two pups are much , much, much easier than one is, and the bonding to each other thing is total nonsense. The only dog I had really ever actually went out and waited and paid for was my yellow Lab Joe, a nice dog with major health problems his entire life. He was well bred, was raised in the house, but was sick from basically 18 months on. I had better luck getting one at the vet's (Gus was part of a litter dumped at the vet's after being treated for a staff infection), or a rescue place.

    About two weeks after Gus was gone, we ran into a friend who's ex-girlfriend had a "load" (13 would be a load, I guess) of pups to find homes for. There were still eight left when we called her. After all, it wouldn't hurt to "take a look" would it? I knew right then, that unless there was something obviously wrong with them, that we would take two of them. We went over there, and there was skinny Mom, a Dobe/Lab mix that looked like a solid black Dobe more than a mix, and the eight pups bouncing off the walls. A black and white pup came over as soon as we walked in, climbed up on the couch with us, and went to sleep instantly. He was the "enforcer" of the litter, the top pup, who is named Boomer now, did all the work, while King sat and watched, only "working" when needed. One down.

    There was a grey and white female pup, bigger than the rest of the litter, with almost the exact same markings as the black and white one, and she was very friendly, if a little shy, and that was two down. I picked them up the next morning. King is the heathiest dog I have ever had, but Molly has bad hips (don't seem to have bothered her any yet, she just walks funny) and pretty bad skin allergies. Luck of the draw, I guess.

    It's hard to believe they will be seven on the 23'rd. When King started getting really grey about a year ago, I had the thoughts about "In seven years or so, I will be starting all over again!". It's the final days and making the decision that, to me is the worst. When Gus went, I was a mess for a couple of days, as I he had been with us for 14plus years, but I knew it was time. About a year later, I had to put down my 16+ year old cat, and that was bad too, but not nearly as bad as it was with Gus. When King goes, it's going to be the worst, as he is as cuddly as Gus was, but a "character" type who is a once in a lifetime dog, and I'm going to really miss him. Seven years isn't very long, and as he gets grayer and grayer, I have to think about it..even though I don't want to.

    Don't feel guilty, or that you haven't taken enough time to grieve, dogs don't judge you like people do. When one comes along, you'll do what's best for you. I never understood the "too soon" thing, but that's me.

    One really weird thing is that these dogs are my 3rd and 4th dogs born on the same day! My yellow Lab Joe in 77, Pit Mix Gus in 84, and now King and Molly in 98, all have the same birthday, December 23rd. Weird.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2005
  7. Ash47

    Ash47 Taco Dog

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    I agree with Mordy. It's just another friend to share your good and not so good time with. When my heart dog, Bruno passed on after 10 years of solid dedication and pure love from both ends, we got Precious only a month afterwards. It helps ease the pain, and I really think that the deceased are happy that we found another to help us through. After all, they only wanted what was best for us while they were on earth... Why would it change when they arrive at Rainbow Bridge? :)
     
  8. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

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    With Chip being my only Golden now, I'm dreading the day he goes to the Bridge....I've never had to put bowls, toys etc away. I know I'll adopt as soon as I can, but it will take a while for the right one to be sent to me. I can't handle another one now ... maybe I'll go first.
     
  9. Coco Poco

    Coco Poco New Member

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    Think of it this way. Are you going to be more miserable with a dog, or without a dog? I couldn't possibly live long without a dog.
     
  10. Athebeau

    Athebeau New Member

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    It's hard when you lose a friend.:( I lost 2 Newf's within 2 months of each other a few years back. One to cancer the other to old age. It's hard and you never forget your lost friends. New dogs bring new experiences and memories. For myself, with all the dogs I've owned and lost in my past I have so many happy memories and each dog brought out a better side of me and taught me humanity.

    You are never replacing the dog that's lost...memories last forever. You are giving a wonderful life to a new friend. A dog that may never have experienced the love that you can give will be enjoying a new life with you and creating new memories. Dogs don't have many choices of who they get for owners...when you think of the love you have given and will give, it would be a shame that another dog couldn't be blessed with the same wonderful life.;)
     
  11. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

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    People live longer when they have a doggie.
     
  12. casablanca1

    casablanca1 Happy

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    It's so obvious that you're not doing anything wrong if you get another dog, but I know how it feels like you're sort of betraying the lost one. Dogs don't live long enough, but they influence a lot of people. One influence of your dogs has been to make you a dog person. Getting another is a tribute to your past dogs, not an insult. If you want a dog, can care for a dog and miss having a dog, you should get one. I'm pretty sure Chase would be jealous (I always think that somewhere my girls are irritated when I do something with my current dog that I didn't do with them), but it's his own fault for being so great. If he'd been a lousy dog, you'd be out shopping for a cat.

    Good luck, and take your time. There are plenty of dogs in need of a person, find one that makes you happy.
     
  13. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    I just wanted to say thank you to all of you, and of course you are right. I am not about to get another dog tomorrow, but in the (near) future even though I said I would not. It may be one of the two dogs I named or I just may wander into a shelter.... don't know. The choice of pets have always been mine, but when I started (a while back, even before Chase left us) about mastiffs, my hubby really likes them and I know of several rescue organizations, so I feel that I may let him pick this time, haha! Anyway, thank you all for being so supportive and sharing your wonderful stories. I also agree, Mordy, that there are so many out there that need us, its not fair for me to cut off my love because of my heart when I know I can provide a great home. Andrew, yes, I think I will wait a bit, but I just miss his essence and what another would provide. Anyway, thank you guys/gals again for your support, it means a lot.
    Amy
     
  14. Sirius

    Sirius Imagination ROCKS.

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    It's hard. I know. Blue and Angus died so close together, and Tessa died. Dakota died. I think you should give another dog a chance, as you did Chase :)
     
  15. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

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    I only wish Kobe's new Mommy would post here !!! She had no wishes to get another dog when she lost her heart dog Fergus.....When Fergie sent Kobe via me and EliN it was a match made in Heaven.... I get a thank you and up date almost daily. Please read " My Angels wear Fur ".
     
  16. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    Bubbatd: I will read that, thank you, and everyone else.
    Amy
     
  17. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    Just re-read your post and it was spoken (written) beautifully!!!!!
     
  18. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    Also, wanted to add.... I am such a hard-a**, out spoken, kinda (sometimes) unforgiving (towards dumb a**es) and so speak my mind. BUT, if any one here, EVER came to me for comfort regarding any pet, my heart is such a softy. I am very loyal....etc... Anyway, without sounding selfish, I do want to provide a good home for a dog in need, (here is my selfish part), as much as I can do and know about training, some dogs, no matter what the breed, have different personalities... I get that. BUT what I want is another (chase) to put is head on my pillow and let me spoon him, because that gives ME comfort. I hope I am not making this sound "weird", I just love to cuddle with my dog, I want the protectiveness, and etc....

    I posted (several times) that I hate breeding of dogs because there are already too many out there. And in another post, I did say, that part of me wished I bred Chase to keep "a part of him." Although there are no guarantees that I would get what I "got" from Chase, I did understand the people who want to breed their dog to keep the line going. But then again, I don't know what would be worse or better, just getting another dog.... which can be great, or having a reminder of Chase. Honest....just now writing about it, I think "different" would be better than having a constant reminder and always thinking or "comparing" (so not fair for the dog, but I am just human). Such mixed up emotions on every side I turn. I guess...the bottom line is... when it is right, it's just right. If not, wait until it is. Thanks again for letting me blabber on...and on...
    Amy
     
  19. Brattina88

    Brattina88 Active Member

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    You guys are so awesome, I'm glad I read this thread.
    For me losing Nikki (in July) it always feels like forever, and yet like it happened yesterday at the same time [mostly like it happened yesterday :(]
    I feel blessed that I have Maddie and Carly, and that we're helping each there through it. Even though I have 2 dogs, the house seems so incredibly empty without the dogs fearless leader. Its truly effected us all, I can see it on Maddie's face as she's playing the alpha dog roll, and I can feel it in my stomach and my heart. I believe you never forget, and you never get over it, you just learn to deal in your own way. Take your time, and whenever you do make the decision, I'm almost positive you won't regret it :)
     
  20. amymarley

    amymarley New Member

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    I so get you!!! I DOES feel like yesterday.... I still feel that I am going to walk into the house and "he" is there. EVERYTIME! I still have a dog, 3 parrots and a cat (plus a 2 year old daughter and a hubby), but the house is still empty to me. This is the first time in my life that I am really going though depression. But I know how you feel....
     

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