Another Funny Cat Story

Discussion in 'Dog Jokes and Cartoons' started by Renee750il, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Here's another cat story I read:

    "The Best Cat Story Ever"

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.
    No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense
    my boss thinks I am lying.

    On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied
    anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I
    simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury
    and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day.
    By then, I thought, I could think up a doozy to explain
    the bandage on my crown.

    The accident occurred mainly because I conceded
    to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially,
    the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning
    I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
    my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

    "Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and
    reset it."

    "You know where the button is," I protested through
    the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

    "I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going
    and it pulls me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take
    you a second."

    So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping
    to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior
    was not without consequence.

    I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink
    to find the button. It is the last action I remember
    performing.

    It struck without warning, without any respect to my
    circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal
    drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
    new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling
    objects she spied between my legs.

    She had been poised around the corner and stalked
    me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the
    second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys
    I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
    needle-like claws.

    I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
    movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate
    of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
    from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
    flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose
    only the "flight" option.

    Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly
    impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me
    out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood
    over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the
    paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their
    work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

    At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation
    out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
    talk about.

    "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

    If they had only known.


    This one came from http://www.ladyhawk.com
     
  2. chazhound

    chazhound Alpha Dog Staff Member

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    Haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!!!! What a riot!!!!
     
  3. Betty Stohler

    Betty Stohler New Member

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    Dear Renee, I hope the camera was handy, and you got a picture.
     
  4. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Trust me, it wasn't at my house! Charlie's got more sense than that and I can certainly push the reset button by myself! (lol) The story was in first person, so I left it that way; it gives it a certain sense of immediacy, don't you think?

    I did have a big cat (Gonzo) once who liked to mess with my Dad's mind and sneak up on my Dad, leap, and hang by his very long claws in the crotch of my Dad's trousers. Gonzo never touched anything but fabric, though; he was very careful. (g)
     
  5. Betty Stohler

    Betty Stohler New Member

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    A Cat Name Prunes

    I once knew an old man who told me how his cat got her name "Prune's". He
    left it up to me to choose which of his stories were true, and which were not.
    "One way," he told me to tell if it's a lie, is to watch his lips."
    "If they move, he is."
    This funny old man said, "One time it was so hot here in the desert, his cat
    sunk each of her four paw claws in prunes, so she could walk across the
    blazing courtyard and not burn her feet."
    Now, I know cat's are very smart and witty, but I saw the old man's lips move
    and the cat was smiling.
     

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