Adult children having curfews

Paige

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#1
This was brought up in another forum I post in. If your adult child still lived with you would you make them have a curfew? Why or why not?

I personally think it's insanity. If they can (edited a typo) follow simple rules of no drugs or being high while in my home, no drunken bafoonery and don't wake me up when you're coming in I don't see the issue of them coming in late. At that point I'd hope I would've raised a well adjusted, mindful child and if not they certainly wouldn't be living at my home anymore if they were a disrespectful twat.
 

jess2416

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#2
I lived at home with my parents until I was 31 and after I was out of high school, I NEVER had a curfew, I just made sure that I was always quiet when I came home and they never minded what time I came in or went out!
 

Saeleofu

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#3
I live with my parents at the moment and I'm 23. I don't have a curfew, but I am usually home by the time my mom goes to bed. There have been a few occasions that I was out late (usually doing something with the dogs down by the river...only place to work them at night, really) and it was a non-issue.

I can understand a curfew in some situations, but I think for the most part it's not necessary.
 

Specsy

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#4
I am an adult, nearing 20 years old. I do drink 1 or 2 drinks ON OCCASION, I don't smoke, never have, I have never even thought about doing drugs. I am still cooped at home and have to profusely ask permission to do ANYTHING. If I want to go out with my boyfriend of 2 years I have to ask permission a day or so in advance if we want to go out to watch a movie or if we want to go on a day trip somewhere nice I have to ask a week in advance (we aren't allowed to go out together in the evenings unless it's dinner at his parents home and I have to be back by 9:30pm on those rare occasions). If I want to go out for a party, I have to ask permission a month in advance. I have strict curfew all the time. I am not allowed to be out later than 11pm (and I have to ask in advance for such a late curfew too) on any night unless I ask at least 2 months in advance (there are SOMETIMES exceptions but 1month in advance is as low as they will go). Yes this is my life it does get worse. Please help me? D:

ETA: The legal drinking age in SA is 18 so no I am not doing anything illegal :yikes:
 

Dizzy

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#5
Laugh.

Noooo, you can't give an adult a curfew. You can however have house rules as it is YOUR house.

But you can't TELL someone to be in by X o'clock. Just say for instance - door is locked by 11pm - then it's up to them to make it home or sleep in the gutter ;)

I never had a curfew when I lived back at my folks. I did annoy the hell out of them sometimes coming home smashed and having forgotten my front door key :p
 

mrose_s

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#6
It wouldn't work well here. Often I work till 2am and don't get home till 3-4am.
I've never had a curfew, rules were more "let me know where you are and who your with" so she had a backup if she couldn't get onto me.
 

Dizzy

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#8
So I am the only one with obsessively annoying parents?
My parents would be the same before I turned 20. Not with a curfew, but they were more concerned about it.

There's a world of difference between late teens/early 20's and later life.

My sister is 21, and my parents always have something to say about her going out and drinking. We remind them we were the same at her age. I am only just starting to see her as becoming an adult now, and she's 22 this year.... or 23 actually... feck - how old is my sister???? Darn it - see this is what old age does to you :p

eta - I do think your parents are just strict though ;) But you're still a baby to them :)
 

Specsy

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#9
Well, considering my little brother of 14 get more rope than I do I think its plain discrimination! I swear it
 

Dizzy

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#10
Well, considering my little brother of 14 get more rope than I do I think its plain discrimination! I swear it
Could well be! People wrap girls in cotton wool.

But, you're not 20 yet. Still a teenager, still a baby.... When you move out you get to have a say in how you run your life I suppose.

My folks could hardly tell me when to come in when I left for uni at 18 and didn't move back till I was 24 ;)
 

SarahHound

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#11
I lived at home with my parents until I was 31 and after I was out of high school, I NEVER had a curfew, I just made sure that I was always quiet when I came home and they never minded what time I came in or went out!
This. I don't think its really an issue as long as you are respectful (trying to be quiet, not inviting people in etc).

I don't think I have ever heard of an adult having a curfew! :yikes:
 

Specsy

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#12
Could well be! People wrap girls in cotton wool.

But, you're not 20 yet. Still a teenager, still a baby.... When you move out you get to have a say in how you run your life I suppose.

My folks could hardly tell me when to come in when I left for uni at 18 and didn't move back till I was 24 ;)
Ha funny thing is I wasn't allowed to go to a uni that was too far from home because they wanted me to stay home. 3rd year law student now, still stuck home.:lol-sign: I will be 20 in June and chances are things will not change until I move out, regardless of my age, because that's how my parents are. They would go so far as to keep me staying at home with them until I am married, yes I am really quite serious :popcorn:
 

eddieq

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#13
This is one of those "depends" things. If you're an adult, living in your parents' house, then you should expect to have some house rules. Dizzy noted "door is locked at 11PM", while not really a curfew, it's certainly an effective one.

It also depends on the relationship you have with your parents, too, I suppose. May parents still consider their adult children as children and never let them grow up. Personally, I didn't have a curfew once I reached 16 and could drive on my own. I knew what was expected, though. Home after work/movie/party/etc. and ready to get up for school in the morning. If it was 11, great. 11:15, no worries. Even midnight was fine, depending on why I was out. Of course, at that age, around here your license "expires" between midnight and 5 am, so I had better not have been out driving around at 2 AM.

Now, adult children who live with their parents and pay rent to them - that's a whole different matter. If you're paying rent for your space, that comes with certain rights, IMO, such as coming and going as you please.
 

Laurelin

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#14
Noooo, you can't give an adult a curfew. You can however have house rules as it is YOUR house.
Agreed. I live at my dad's right now and I am expected to abide by the house rules, which I only think is fair considering it's not my house.
 
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#15
I briefly moved back in with my parents in my 20s when I was between roommates/apartments. It was the weirdest living arrangement of my life. I didn't really have "rules" other than what common sense and courtesy would dictate, and I certainly didn't have a curfew.

But I always kind of felt an obligation to act like I did. I would tell them when I was going out where I was going and when I expected to be back and they were sort of like, "whatever, you're a grown up now". I think if they had laid down an actual curfew, though, I would have felt even weirder about THAT.
 

MafiaPrincess

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#16
I had to move home after university. I am quiet if I come home later. I usually let my parents know where I'm going as I know they care. I try to help out when I can, but I am back in school again and am super busy.. but there is no drunken anything I am so busy with school.. My parents don't seem to mind having me back.
 

zoe08

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#17
I think that if you live in someone else's house you need to be respectful and follow house rules, especially if you are getting free rent, or really cheap rent.

I don't think parents should have ridiculous expectations, like a 20 year old needing to be home by 10, and obviously if you work nights they should understand coming in really late.
 

AllieMackie

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#18
I dunno about a curfew per se. It also depends on factors - are you using their car? Are you paying rent? Are you respecting the house rules otherwise? Etc etc.

I lived with my mum until I was 23, and while I didn't have much in the way of strict rules after I turned 19 or so, there were some things. I didn't have a curfew. Her only Big Rule was: if I was out with HER car (and I often was, I didn't have my own) I was expected to call every so often and check in. Fair. I had no problem with that.

I was never the kid who was always out late anyway, sometimes 2am on Saturdays when pubs closed. And then, I would bus or walk, because I'd be drinking, so no check in required. :D
 

*blackrose

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#19
There is no curfew once we graduate highschool (and even while in highschool, it is more of a "is it okay if I get home at this hour, or..." type deal). But, since there are younger children in the house, there is no smoking, drinking, or alcoholic beverages allowed and if we come in late, we are expected to be quiet. Even if we are home, we are expected to be quite when the kids are in bed. Mom doesn't care where we go or when we leave, as long as we let her know where we are going and when we're leaving. She does care where my school aged kids go, who they are with, and when they leave.

I don't party, drink, or smoke. My brother parties, but he's not crazy (and has since moved out, so it doesn't matter). But, I have no doubt that if we ever were out into the wee hours of the morning and came home drunk, my parents would change the locks and not give me keys. LOL
 

Fran101

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#20
My parents don't allow adult children to "return home" lol but if they did, No, I don't think its ok for them to put curfews on.

I think its perfectly acceptable for them to have RULES. but curfews are just a wee bit childish..
 

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