Social Anxiety/Depression (whine, but need advice)

RD · May 1, 2007

Blarg. So my parents made me see a psychiatrist today and this was the diagnosis. She thinks I have moderate depression and moderate/severe social anxiety. She wants to treat it and mentioned a few options, one being medication . . . We got to talking about dogs and she mentioned that a dog would help my social anxiety and paranoia a lot, and thinks one of the BCs would be good "support" for me if I decided against meds. (I don't want this to turn into a "dogs shouldn't be in public places unless they're guide dogs/assistance dogs/med-alert dogs" debate so please don't turn it into one.)

Does anyone else have these problems? What have you done to alleviate them? I really want to avoid medication if possible but I don't know what to do. =/ I didn't think I was as messed up as she made me sound! I do admit my life could be better without my issues... I want to make a change.

Zoom · May 1, 2007

well, you've already known that Dakota helps you in public...I guess the best thing I can say is perhaps give the meds a whirl and see how you feel on them. My best friend has social anxiety and never realized how large the extent of it was until she went on meds. Now she's much more comfortable in public. Granted, I think her mother has a large part to do with it (the anxiety to begin with), but that's a different issue.

PixieSticksandTricks · May 1, 2007

Your talking to the queen of mental illness. Manic depressive and and I suffer from sever social anxeity disorder. I am currently on meds (Zoloft is one) and really they do keep me balance. They also keep my temper in check though its never been that bad. I used to suffer from constant panic attacks but with the help of meds and therapy they are far and few between. The dogs of course help as well I am always more confident with them. I also use my music as my outlet for stress, anger, anxeity, depression whatever and it helps ALOT.

I of course can go on stage no problem. For some reason I have always been able to do that with out my anxiety kicking in. My therapist says its because its the one place I am control. And I beleive her.

Not sure if this helps but just wanted to let you know your not alone!

anna84 · May 1, 2007

I have a friend who works with social anxiety cases and yes some people need medication. Others though usually go through desensitization. Really roughly as I am not a psych major this is simply where you do expose yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable. You keep this up until the anxiety starts to fade. Obviously it's far more detailed than this and of course you should talk to your psychiatrist. RD I used to freak at the thought of hanging out with large groups of people especially if I didn't really know them. I don't know if this was anxiety or simply do to the fact that as a kid I was a loner and didn't get a lot of practice in groups. But when I went to college i made myself interact even when I was nearly panicing. And yeah I totally embarassed myself, but you know what, truly your the only one who thinks it's a big deal no one else really even notices. I can go to a party on my own now and strike up a conversation with a group of strangers. And yes sometimes I still get anxious but I remember all the great people I would never have known had I kept running away from social situations. Best of luck with this

RD · May 2, 2007

Anna, that's a good point that I do need to kinda "flood" myself to get it over with. I usually don't like to go places without my friends so I guess this is where the dog would come in. My anxiety is pretty much caused by strangers rather than people I know, so going out in public is kinda daunting for me if I don't have someone else there with me.I don't remember exactly what she said but I think her plan would be for me to bring the dog everywhere when I'm not with other people, and then slowly fade that out as I feel more comfortable. She also wants me to start driving, and talked to my parents about that.. One good thing that came out of it.

Maybe I'll be able to get my license soon.

I'm kinda scared about meds for some reason but it's worth a try, I suppose. She also thinks weight loss will help some of the anxiety and the self image (which is part of the anxiety) so I'm going to start going to the gym too.

Thanks, guys, for the help.

Zoom · May 2, 2007

I just have a drink or two to help lubricate the situation...

Wouldn't recommend making a habit of that, or even starting it as you are not legal yet!

RD · May 2, 2007

Wish I could, lol!

GlassOnion · May 2, 2007

I think I have this too. Talking to people scares the hell out of me yet I force myself to do it anyways and I'm usually nervous when in public in general but most of the time I'm just able to brush it aside and ignore it to an extent. But I hate talking to new people. I do it because I know I should but it always makes me uneasy before, during, and after.

You just kind of have to force yourself to do it anyways. I don't think I've desensitized myself to it like someone else posted as I've been this way for a long time but I can cope with it by forcing myself to talk to people.

Dreeza · May 2, 2007

RD, I obviously do not know you well enough to say this with 100% certainty, but I really dont think you should be going on meds.

I just had my first day of abnormal psych today, and one of the things we talked about was how to define 'abnormal.' One of the ways was if a person sees themselves as abnormal or not, or if a person is unable to deal with life b/c of their issues. It does not sound like you see yourself as abnormal...at least not to the extent your psychiatrist does.

If you dont think you need meds, then please dont take them. There are other ways to deal with them. I have a similar diagnosis, and refused meds.

For one thing, I was seeing a therapist...NOT a psychiatrist. She helped me uncover some issues. A huge one of mine is that I do not like bugging people...which does not seem like an issue, but it is actually a huge one. I never ask for help/tell people my problems/confront people about things that bug me, etc... I have huge issues developing friendships because I am too scared to ask someone to lunch, cause I feel like I am a hassle to them.

I've been trying to ask for help more often. I still suck at it, but I have gotten better. I also have stopped turning down social situations like I often have in the past when I think I have better things to do (like study), cause I have realized that taking an hour or two out of studying is worth it if it means spending time with friends. I am just really trying to start with little things...like asking a friend in the library to come grab food with me....I actually got turned down both times (she had plans with her bf one time, and had to finish something on a deadline another), but hey, I tried. And I knew her 'excuses' were legit, so it wasn't TOO devestating or anything.

Just being aware of what is causing your anxiety helps...I never realized how much I hate bothering people, and how many things it impacts.

I also have huge issues carrying on conversations without proper 'prompting.' I am really scared to say something stupid, and am often left with a completely blank mind. One thing that I have started to do is observe other people having conversations, especially amongst my own friends. I would always get really hurt when I would say something, and no one really responded (cause I feel the need to respond to/acknowledge everything people say). Now I am realizing that they are not just 'ignoring' me, but they do it to everyone, and they aren't actually ignoring me in the first place...they just dont feel the need to respond to everything said. I've started not responding to my friends when unnecessary as well. I dont do this with others, cause I actually think it is a tad rude, but yea...it helps me cope with my own friends.

Practicing with people you know you will never see again helps me a lot, but the blank mind thing is a huge issue that prevents me from doing this as much as I like.

As to my blank mind...I still havent found a solution to that...

well, except alcohol. I've found enough of it pretty much solves all my social problems...but emmm, yeah, that only works on weekend nights, hahaha

RD · May 2, 2007

Dreeza I feel the same way about bugging people. =/ I never really realized how many things worry me but being a pest and getting on people's nerves is a big one . . . Bleh. Making mistakes and looking stupid is another big one. I didn't know how much I cared about what other people think of me. I mean, I knew it bothered me, but not that much . . . >_<

Saje · May 2, 2007

I think you should go with your gut. You don't think you are as bad as she made you out and you probably aren't! It's too easy to label people and put them on drugs these days. Maybe see a herbalist or at least a doctor that beleives in more natural methods? If you think you can't handle your 'issues' then re-evaluate how you want to handle them. I think you will be fine

(((hugs)))

Zoom · May 2, 2007

Now you all know why I never call anyone, even though I have their number.

Renee750il · May 2, 2007

First off, give the gym a try without the meds. Exercise stimulates your brain to produce natural endorphins, which can change a great deal of your outlook.

Okay. Now for the serious observation: You've seen her once? And she's seriously made a diagnosis and wants to medicate you? Time to see someone with ethics.

RD · May 2, 2007

Saje, I'm definitely going to see someone else before any decisions are made about something like medication.

Ditto Zoom.. and the phone makes it 10 times worse, because I over-analyze what to say and I can't see people's reactions to my words. I hate it.

Renee, it was an "initial" diagnosis. Not sure if that makes any difference. I know it's kinda childish but I don't really like her diagnosis . . . I don't think I have "severe" problems. yes they get in the way of life sometimes but.. bleh I don't know. I'm still alive aren't I? lol

Renee750il · May 2, 2007

An ethical shrink would be looking to deal with your "problems" through therapy first. You can't make a real diagnosis on something like that on one visit, and mind-alterning drugs (and don't let anyone blow smoke up your ass, that's what they are or they wouldn't "work") just cover up any real problems from there on out.

But - check out the changes in my sig - you'll get it, Grace

anna84 · May 2, 2007

RD said:

Hehe RD I once ended up walkin 12 miles through sf because I didn't want to call up a guy I was aquaintances with and tell him I'd screwed up and gotten off at the wrong subway stop and needed a ride. 12 miles in a strange city because I was afraid of looking like an idiot or inconviencing him....

I used to say no whenever new people would run or climb with them because I was afraid I'd annoy them by not keeping up....now I know they wouldn't ask if they didn't want me to go and now I'm the one who invites new people to come along. It's all blown up a million times in your head I bet your thinking if you go to the gym people will look or judge you...gaurantee no one will notice or care their to busy worrying about themselves.

BigDog2191 · May 2, 2007

My personal opinion: it's psychobabble BS. You know how easy it is to get diagnosed with "depression"? Everyone and their mothers have it nowadays. I think a lot of it has to do with the mentality that people hold. From what I've read and studied, it's extremely unlikely everyone diagnosed with chronic depression actually have it.

Regarding anxiety disorder, unless you're sweating and looking around feeling extremely uncomfortable in MOST social situations, then I don't think you've got anxiety disorder. This is also something that's nearly always situational and so very, very rarely chronic.

And I would strongly suggest you NOT take the medication. All it will do is turn you into a zombie and will only let the problem fester under the medicated facade.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

Saje · May 2, 2007

I'm sure I could be and could have been (in high school) diagnosed with all kinds of things. It's just too easy. I think your gut is right on the mark Grace. You're fine. Yeah, some things are mostly likely tricky for you but I have no doubt you'll work through them. Just make it easier on yourself and get someone qualified, and ethical like Renee said, to help you through. Make sure you eat well, exercise and don't bottle things up.

I used to be horribly shy. I still have moment but the way I worked through it was putting myself in situations that scared me. At first it was a job where I had to have dinner with a different couple every night (timeshare sales

) and I worked up to going by myself to Japan. That's just me. Now I work in a job where I not only have to approach people every day but I often have to be able to defend myself and be able to stand my ground and defend my actions.

That's a long, long way from where I was in high school.

Life would be boring if we were 'normal' ... whatever that is

tessa_s212 · May 2, 2007

Dreeza said:

Are we clones of eachother?

RD, I honestly don't know if you should or shouldn't be on meds.. but I just don't like the sound of meds all together. I refused them for any kind of "depression" I had... and I would do it again. I really hate the thought of being drugged up. But I know medications can actually really work and help people.

I think you should try to do much like Dreeze and I do, with the help of Dakota. Little, baby steps. Take your dog with you when you can. My dogs and dog shows are probably the ONLY reason I still can function somewhat normally around new people. But around new people that aren't dog people, I still am very quiet, don't talk, don't know what to say, afraid to sound stupid. And actually, before Dustin this kept me locked up in my house, afraid to accept offers to hang out with friends, afraid to ask to hang out, afraid.. well.. .of everything.

I can't self diagnose myself, or even compare any kind of fear I had to what you do and have been diagnosed with, but I was pretty bad off... and with some training, some help, some love, and just taking baby steps at a time to force myself out in public, I've improved. Just last week I went to church with Dustin, and while normally I would have been sweating my butt off, nervous as hell, I was still quiet, but I wasn't sweating and being a nervous wreck!

I think you are amazing, and no matter if you decide to take or don't take the medication, I think you will improve and overcome this if you want to and work for it.

SisMorphine · May 2, 2007

I was on meds for a while and felt . . . dead. I stopped taking the medication, and got worse again, but at least I could feel feelings instead of just being monotone.

I ended up seeing a Homeopath and he prescribed me a remedy that works great. So that's an alternative to medication.

And guess what: if your dogs help you get through the day without having panic attacks THEN THEY CAN BE SERVICE DOGS! Make sure they have fantastic obedience on them and then certify them through one of the groups that does that stuff (there is no national certifying group for service dogs). People can not ask you what your disability is when you have a dog with you in public, nor can they legally ask you to leave a store unless the dog is showing aggressive behaviors. Those are against the Disabilities Act.

So perhaps looking into how to make Dakota a service dog would be a good option for you.

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