The Venting Thread
- Thread starter *blackrose
- Start date
Yeah, I don't want kidlets but I feel like wanting to be married is very important to me so I'm not sure our priorities line up ..but is a ring& commitment that big of a deal breaker? It's a very strange spot to be in.
We haven't seen a counsellor, mostly because our actual relationship is good ..and I'm fairly certain he genuinely loves me, I'm just confused as to why he won't take the next step and that makes me angry. It used to be that he didn't want to be married before he lived with someone so I broke MY rule on that& moved in with him. Now, it's that he wants to own land& property first ..and he talks about buying a new motorcycle and various other things that put off marriage indefinitely. He never, however, talks about NOT having me there when he does things. Just we'd still be not married.
This post pretty much sums up my situation EXACTLY. If I bring it up, we both just end up angry because he says I'm giving him ultimatums ..and you know what? **** it. I pretty much am. Marry me or leave but make up your **** mind!! If I knew what he was waiting for, I'd gladly try to point him to look in that direction.
And your last paragraph is actually pretty much my feelings most of the time. I'm still here because I love him ..and I want him to change so I figured the timeframe of 'this is the time you have to decide what you want, then it's no longer your decision' was a good way to let him feel like he had options. I also told him I could easily pack up& leave. It's overwhelming to be with someone so long& then suddenly have to have your world turned upside down in a not-pleasant way.
I also think I could live happily sans- boyfriend/ SO. If we broke up, it's not like I'd be banging down doors looking for a husband. I'd just chill with my dog& go on vacations with my girlfriends. I swear I'm not a crazy marriage lady!!
Edit- I'm so sorry I took over the venting thread :/ Feel free to not respond aha
We haven't seen a counsellor, mostly because our actual relationship is good ..and I'm fairly certain he genuinely loves me, I'm just confused as to why he won't take the next step and that makes me angry. It used to be that he didn't want to be married before he lived with someone so I broke MY rule on that& moved in with him. Now, it's that he wants to own land& property first ..and he talks about buying a new motorcycle and various other things that put off marriage indefinitely. He never, however, talks about NOT having me there when he does things. Just we'd still be not married.
This post pretty much sums up my situation EXACTLY. If I bring it up, we both just end up angry because he says I'm giving him ultimatums ..and you know what? **** it. I pretty much am. Marry me or leave but make up your **** mind!! If I knew what he was waiting for, I'd gladly try to point him to look in that direction.
And your last paragraph is actually pretty much my feelings most of the time. I'm still here because I love him ..and I want him to change so I figured the timeframe of 'this is the time you have to decide what you want, then it's no longer your decision' was a good way to let him feel like he had options. I also told him I could easily pack up& leave. It's overwhelming to be with someone so long& then suddenly have to have your world turned upside down in a not-pleasant way.
I also think I could live happily sans- boyfriend/ SO. If we broke up, it's not like I'd be banging down doors looking for a husband. I'd just chill with my dog& go on vacations with my girlfriends. I swear I'm not a crazy marriage lady!!
Edit- I'm so sorry I took over the venting thread :/ Feel free to not respond aha
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you. 
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you.
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
I know that it must sound like I don't love my OH at all and that I don't appreciate him ... Nothing could be further from the truth. I know it doesn't sound that way but our relationship really is quite good (I refrain from saying perfect, because nothing is perfect) we have our moments but we are happy with each other.
Ah, Halloween. This is a tough time of year for me. Halloween (and, oddly, to a lesser extent [Cdn] Thanksgiving) was always a big event in my house growing up. My dad died 2 years + 2 days ago and my mom died ~6 years before that around this time of year. As a result, Halloween depresses the heck out of me. I've just ignored it for the most part to date. No candy. No pumpkins. No treat or treating.
But my husband and I just bought a house, and the neighbourhood is really neighbourly. He said that it'd probably be wise to participate our first year out here, and he has a point. So we bought a bag of candy (but no pumpkin!!!) and will see who comes to our door tonight.
It's raining now. I hope it continues until tonight. I hope no one comes knocking.
Plus, the Chihuahua barks at the doorbell, which is a pain in the ass.
But my husband and I just bought a house, and the neighbourhood is really neighbourly. He said that it'd probably be wise to participate our first year out here, and he has a point. So we bought a bag of candy (but no pumpkin!!!) and will see who comes to our door tonight.
It's raining now. I hope it continues until tonight. I hope no one comes knocking.
Plus, the Chihuahua barks at the doorbell, which is a pain in the ass.
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you.
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.
"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"
"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"
"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."
"You don't deserve a hug."
So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
I started to believe that I didn't deserve it, and would stop asking and just curl into a pit of my own anxiety night after night. It was brutal. Current BF, bless his heart, has to deal with some of that blowback. But he is exactly as many of you describe: He's a great guy, but needs layman's terms to know what I need from him a lot of the time. If I feel vulnerable and need a cuddle, I need to tell him or else his engineer-mind goes into problem solving mode. 
I'm so sorry Sekah, I can't imagine all the feelings wrapped up like that in a holiday. Just sounds very emotionally hard and sad. I hope you get through today and that it's easier and less painful than you're imagining. But either way, lots of hugs!
So I don't normally post in this thread but today I just needed to.
Yesterday the family run independent pharmacy I've worked at for near 8 years completely closed it's doors after 34 years of being there. We had been told in June that the pharmacy part of it was closing in a few days but that the front was going to stay open for the last few months of the rent. That way we could clear out stock.
The last few months since we were told were bad but the last few weeks were just awful. My mother also worked there for over 9 years so it was just her and I working the front the last month and then mostly just me the last few weeks.
It wasn't the hours as much as it's just so emotionally hard to do all this stuff when the end result is closing. It sounds so silly but that place was way more than a job. I loved so much about it and I'm going to miss it like crazy. My boss was someone that I bickered with, got in so many arguments with and we drove each other nuts, but that was all allowed to happen. We had a great relationship and he always called me the daughter he never had.
Yesterday was just hard. Getting up and going there knowing it was the last day I would ever do that, taking all the last stuff out we had, seeing what was left of this place that so many people loved. It was just painful and sad.
And then in the middle of the day my face had to become intimate with a hammer and my boss and I had to leave to go get me stitches. Which hurt quite a bit. But, did make the day more memorable.
It did end as well as it could though. We all sat around on the floor in the empty space eating pizza and drinking champagne, sparkling grape juice and beer while reminiscing, laughing and talking about the future. But it was very bittersweet.
And today I just feel very sad, it's hitting me and I know it's so hard for a lot of other people to understand but I'm going to miss that place like crazy, I feel so sad for the community that lost it's old time pharmacy where we all knew everyone by name, what was going on in their life and would spend hours helping them or just listening. I feel so sad I'm not going to be seeing these people I worked with on any type of regular schedule and I'm just so sad to see it end this way.
And my head hurts.
So I don't normally post in this thread but today I just needed to.
Yesterday the family run independent pharmacy I've worked at for near 8 years completely closed it's doors after 34 years of being there. We had been told in June that the pharmacy part of it was closing in a few days but that the front was going to stay open for the last few months of the rent. That way we could clear out stock.
The last few months since we were told were bad but the last few weeks were just awful. My mother also worked there for over 9 years so it was just her and I working the front the last month and then mostly just me the last few weeks.
It wasn't the hours as much as it's just so emotionally hard to do all this stuff when the end result is closing. It sounds so silly but that place was way more than a job. I loved so much about it and I'm going to miss it like crazy. My boss was someone that I bickered with, got in so many arguments with and we drove each other nuts, but that was all allowed to happen. We had a great relationship and he always called me the daughter he never had.
Yesterday was just hard. Getting up and going there knowing it was the last day I would ever do that, taking all the last stuff out we had, seeing what was left of this place that so many people loved. It was just painful and sad.
And then in the middle of the day my face had to become intimate with a hammer and my boss and I had to leave to go get me stitches. Which hurt quite a bit. But, did make the day more memorable.
It did end as well as it could though. We all sat around on the floor in the empty space eating pizza and drinking champagne, sparkling grape juice and beer while reminiscing, laughing and talking about the future. But it was very bittersweet.
And today I just feel very sad, it's hitting me and I know it's so hard for a lot of other people to understand but I'm going to miss that place like crazy, I feel so sad for the community that lost it's old time pharmacy where we all knew everyone by name, what was going on in their life and would spend hours helping them or just listening. I feel so sad I'm not going to be seeing these people I worked with on any type of regular schedule and I'm just so sad to see it end this way.
And my head hurts.
And today I just feel very sad, it's hitting me and I know it's so hard for a lot of other people to understand but I'm going to miss that place like crazy, I feel so sad for the community that lost it's old time pharmacy where we all knew everyone by name, what was going on in their life and would spend hours helping them or just listening. I feel so sad I'm not going to be seeing these people I worked with on any type of regular schedule and I'm just so sad to see it end this way.
And my head hurts.
And my head hurts.
I think your attitude towards your job and customers is a trait that not many people have. And I think it's a huge strength. I hate when people view their job as only a job. My workplace is my family. I spend 40 hours a week with these people. I can't help but get close to them and feel protective of them and my customers. It's refreshing to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
(Side rant but... We just had someone quit and they were bitching about how much money they were losing by giving a two week's notice. This person has been at this pharmacy for like 4 years. And he's 'almost' been a doctor for just as long. You are NOT doing us a favor by giving a two week's notice. That's common ****ing courtesy. I'm happy that he's leaving, not only because he's a dick but because he's unhappy here but he doesn't have to bash us until he leaves. It is not our fault he is nearing 40 and doesn't have his **** together. Maybe he shouldn't have told everyone he was a doctor all this time. Now our customers are starting to ask when his residency is. And he STILL lies and says "Oh... soon. June, I think. Unofficially." He is too old to be acting like this! )
I'm sorry your pharmacy closed. I hope you can move on to better and brighter things. Good luck
Do you plan to stay in the field or venture out? I'm sure your knowledge would be appreciated in any pharmacy.
I completely understand that. I haven't worked at my pharmacy for long but we're small enough (although a chain) that we know most of our customers. I love hearing about the grandkids and their trips and their spouses. I've already become so attached to these people. I can't imagine how I'd feel after 8 years.
I think your attitude towards your job and customers is a trait that not many people have. And I think it's a huge strength. I hate when people view their job as only a job. My workplace is my family. I spend 40 hours a week with these people. I can't help but get close to them and feel protective of them and my customers. It's refreshing to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
(Side rant but... We just had someone quit and they were bitching about how much money they were losing by giving a two week's notice. This person has been at this pharmacy for like 4 years. And he's 'almost' been a doctor for just as long. You are NOT doing us a favor by giving a two week's notice. That's common ****ing courtesy. I'm happy that he's leaving, not only because he's a dick but because he's unhappy here but he doesn't have to bash us until he leaves. It is not our fault he is nearing 40 and doesn't have his **** together. Maybe he shouldn't have told everyone he was a doctor all this time. Now our customers are starting to ask when his residency is. And he STILL lies and says "Oh... soon. June, I think. Unofficially." He is too old to be acting like this! )
I'm sorry your pharmacy closed. I hope you can move on to better and brighter things. Good luck Do you plan to stay in the field or venture out? I'm sure your knowledge would be appreciated in any pharmacy.
I think your attitude towards your job and customers is a trait that not many people have. And I think it's a huge strength. I hate when people view their job as only a job. My workplace is my family. I spend 40 hours a week with these people. I can't help but get close to them and feel protective of them and my customers. It's refreshing to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
(Side rant but... We just had someone quit and they were bitching about how much money they were losing by giving a two week's notice. This person has been at this pharmacy for like 4 years. And he's 'almost' been a doctor for just as long. You are NOT doing us a favor by giving a two week's notice. That's common ****ing courtesy. I'm happy that he's leaving, not only because he's a dick but because he's unhappy here but he doesn't have to bash us until he leaves. It is not our fault he is nearing 40 and doesn't have his **** together. Maybe he shouldn't have told everyone he was a doctor all this time. Now our customers are starting to ask when his residency is. And he STILL lies and says "Oh... soon. June, I think. Unofficially." He is too old to be acting like this! )
I'm sorry your pharmacy closed. I hope you can move on to better and brighter things. Good luck
Do you plan to stay in the field or venture out? I'm sure your knowledge would be appreciated in any pharmacy.
I'm also glad to hear you have that at your place and your attitude towards it, especially with it being a chain because the chain that bought our people has been anything but good to them.
I had a few offers from other independent pharmacies but I kinda fell into the tech stuff. Started working there in High School and just moved up. I don't really like the tech part, I liked the people part and the learning part and the HME/DME part a lot more.
I'm going to hopefully use this as a push to really figure out what I want to do rather than be comfortable as pharmacy tech. But, I'm going to miss the safety net of always knowing I had that place to fall back to if needed.
In some ways it is just a job, but often for women, our jobs become part of our identity. I still have pangs over not working in radio anymore. This morning I saw an exchange between some radio co-workers on Facebook and at first I smiled, then I remembered I'm not part of that anymore... so it sort of sucks. The other day I had another of those "I miss it so bad it physically hurts" moments. It's been over a year now. You'd think I would just get over it. I hated it. I'm laughing because they've hired THREE people to do my job since I've left and are currently looking for another because they can't keep people (gee, I wonder why.) And yet I miss it. If they called me and asked me to come back I would have a hell of a time saying no.
ETA: I just realized that sounds super gloomy and depressing and not very encouraging... oops. Uhhhh WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER DOOR OPENS.
My vent... my friend just got engaged. I'm super super happy for her because they've been dating FOREVER and we've been expecting him to propose for like AT LEAST a year. They've been on a long vacation together and he proposed yesterday. I'm thrilled for her, I really am.
But dammit she's younger than me! Like 25!!
I'm so old and nobody will want to marry me now. Except 50 year old creepers.
ETA: I just realized that sounds super gloomy and depressing and not very encouraging... oops. Uhhhh WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER DOOR OPENS.
My vent... my friend just got engaged. I'm super super happy for her because they've been dating FOREVER and we've been expecting him to propose for like AT LEAST a year. They've been on a long vacation together and he proposed yesterday. I'm thrilled for her, I really am.
But dammit she's younger than me! Like 25!!
I'm so old and nobody will want to marry me now. Except 50 year old creepers.
My dad called one of the guys he had come out to look at my foundation and approved his quote to fix my house. I told my dad this morning I thought he was going to call the block guy and see if he would still fix it for the $800, and he said "He will, but it won't stabilize the foundation like really needs to be done." He knows I don't have $800 let alone the quote the foundation guy gave him. He told me they would just pay for it and I told him I didn't want them to pay for it. He's going to just pay for it anyway.
So now I owe my parents even more money and I have nothing to even start paying them back because it's enough of a trick just to pay my mortgage. He claims I "shouldn't worry about it" and "if you have money later you can pay us back later, if not, it doesn't matter." I call bullshit. Until I pay them back this is going to be Yet Another Thing for them to hold over my head and that is exactly why I did NOT want them to pay for it.
There's a job posted, I've applied with the company before. Low end salary is $12k more than I'm making right now. That would go a LONG way in helping. I'm giving it a shot, maybe since I'm "web content manager" now they'll give me a closer look than before.
So now I owe my parents even more money and I have nothing to even start paying them back because it's enough of a trick just to pay my mortgage. He claims I "shouldn't worry about it" and "if you have money later you can pay us back later, if not, it doesn't matter." I call bullshit. Until I pay them back this is going to be Yet Another Thing for them to hold over my head and that is exactly why I did NOT want them to pay for it.
There's a job posted, I've applied with the company before. Low end salary is $12k more than I'm making right now. That would go a LONG way in helping. I'm giving it a shot, maybe since I'm "web content manager" now they'll give me a closer look than before.