The Venting Thread

Beanie, I'm sorry.


The weather is so gloomy here today.

I don't know if it's celiac or not. I had a celiac panel done a few years ago and it came back negative, but the test is apparently not that great and false negatives happen quite a bit. At first I was also thinking "It CAN'T be celiac" because in trying to diagnose what was wrong with me I had a colonoscopy done, and they didn't see any damage - but you actually have to have an endoscopy done instead to see the damage from celiac. A colonoscopy doesn't go that far up to see the intestines. So it could certainly still be celiac and I haven't been firmly diagnosed... but gluten intolerance is a spectrum, and at this point I just know for sure I am somewhere on that spectrum. There are other things that have been wrong physiologically with me that have also gone away or improved since removing wheat, including things that are relatively rare to begin with and are often linked to people with gluten intolerance. To me it was like "You know, at some point, 2+2 has to equal 4." So yeah, gluten intolerance somewhere.

My mom suggested I just lie and tell them it IS celiac rather than get into the finer points of where I think I lay on the spectrum... but I've been telling them since Thanksgiving that I don't eat wheat anymore and that I haven't been sick as a result. And another problem is, my grandma is... well, we all think she's kind of declining recently... I could tell her this ten times and she won't remember it. That also means that every time I tell her, it opens up the argument again, and the rest of the family has to get their pot shots in as well. It shouldn't even be a bloody argument is what I really don't get. Why does it affect them if I don't eat wheat? I'm not telling them to not eat wheat anymore. I'm not telling them they have to switch to making all gluten free foods because *I* can't eat wheat. I'm not even telling them they have to make ANYTHING gluten free because I can't eat it. I'm not suggesting they change a **** thing... I'm just the one who has changed what she eats.

I really hate the idea of not going anymore but this is causing me so much stress EVERY time we have a family dinner, I just don't know want to do this anymore. My mom and I have been trying for years to take over the family dinners, and my grandma is being stubborn and refusing. If we were cooking and hosting it would resolve a lot of the problems. =/

I have to write a paper today, and I don't want to. And I have three doctor's appointments in the next three days. Which means I'll have almost no time to hang out with the dogs and I hate that - it makes them annoying and me irritable. I would like this week to be over already.

Aaaaaand our new website at work is supposed to launch next week, we're not close, there's a million things to do, and I just want to run around flailing and screaming.
My stress level will be quite high this week!

I'm sick. Again. Augh.

Fudge was attacked today on our walk. A loose Springer ran out at us and fudge was the first dog It came too. And I feel really guilty because I'm relieved it was Fudge. A friend was walking him and I was walking 4 others including Scamp and Tika.

Luckily fudge is ok but this isn't the 1st time we've had problems with this dog, although it's never been so bold before, and I'm so sick of it!!!!

I'm sick and tired of living on my own. I'm thankful I had the chance to have my own apartment and my own space, even if it was only to realize how much I hate having it. But I'm over it now, and I really wish I wasn't tied into this lease so I could move in with Mike sooner as opposed to later. Ugh. I'm no longer unhappy being here on my own in a I'm-depressed sort of way, but it just feels like I'm away from home when I'm here. I'm comfortable here and I'm surrounded by all of my things, but they aren't the important things to me anymore. These next 5 months are going to be long.

Aaand an over 11 hour shift today as I worked open to close (12 really, but there's an hour lunch in there) . And now I'm on call. Bleh.

I am backward, I am kind of burnt out & my job ends in march when my current boss & OH are going to Houston for three months & i go home to the family ranch to take care off family issues (grandmother not doing well ... mom very busy with all the details of that, family fighting over what will be theirs ... long story, not pretty ) & I have to say that I will be GLAD to be on my own for a while, working & living together is hard. I think when he comes back in june I will take a job somewhere else, it just puts too much stress on our relationship & I love him too much to lose him over job issues.

I'm tired of waiting for everything to fall into place. I want my house and I want my dog and I just want to be able to be independent!!!!!

I've missed too many perfect homes and perfect dogs because "the timing isn't right" or "it's too busy right now". No! No more waiting!!

For example, I think this guy would be a really great fit for us. I realized that as much as I want an active dog, I can't dedicate the time to one at this point. A calm, older dog that still has a good number of years left is pretty ideal, and look how cute he is!

http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/25350575?rvp=1

I ordered something off dawanda (like etsy) like 1,5 weeks ago. Paid most of it with a gift certificate that I had, and the rest ( a whooping 0,59€ lol) I paid over a week ago. It's still showing up as unpaid. It's a really awesome tablet case and I want it NOWH.

This weather seriously sucks, working in the kennels is not fun when it's hovering right around freezing with a mix of rain/snow.

It's doing the same thing here and I am not wanting to go to work in this.

I need to clean all the things... but I don't want to. Boo.

One of the water lines in the barn broke, attempting to shut the valve to cut the water made it worse. Now there is no water at the house because it had to be shut off at the main valve for everything.

I hate my schedule, like a lot, and I see no real change in sight unless i get accepted into a masters program. I should be thankful for it, and I am, but I wish I spent more time with my dogs. I miss them, super lame first world problems, I know.

I despise talking on the phone. So I set up 2 appointments online, since this one company would allow that. That's a main reason I went with them.


Just got an email telling me to call them to set up my appointment.

Ha! Fail.

ugh hat stinks. I hate calling people as well. I wish you could make appointments online for everything.

Need final approval to send out the newsletter.
Have e-mailed three times trying to get approval. Co-worker has also mailed once.

Not getting a response.

*scream*