We, at this point in my family, probably have more adopted children than genetic children lol
I have about 8 internationally adopted cousins. We like to joke that we are trying to collect them all but here goes..
We've got...
- Russia
- Haiti (2)
- Dominican Republic
- Ukraine
-The Phillippines
- Korea
- Kazakhstan
Ok so first off, you are looking at different requirements, some are stricter than others (married, single, income, weight, healthy etc.. etc..)
other than that, you are looking at in-country stays (for example, the stay for adopting from Phil. is only 1 week. The stay for Kaz. is very long, at about 5 weeks.. my cousin stayed for about 8.
Other odd little things.. For Korea, you and your spouse can't be older than 35. Can't be obese etc.. but it is considered to be the easiest/smoothest country to deal adoption wise.
BUT.. big but here.. regardless, it's a tough process. One that require patience. And when going back to adopt child #2.. I heard that they might be no longer allowing gender selection (girls are more popular adoption wise from the states)
You are also looking at cost. It sucks to think about, it sucks to even put a price on.. but it is what it is. It depends on the country, and in many cases, the child. Some children are written off as "special needs" for things like being cross eyed, very small etc.. and things that are easily fixed in more well developed countries. the wait for "special needs" children is much shorter.
You are also looking at various places where children are kept.
For example, in Haiti..you are looking at bare minimum orphanage conditions (babies with flat heads from being on beds too long.. sick babies. etc.. aren't uncommon)
In Korea, instead of orphanages, in many cases, it's more of a foster mom system, which is where our oldest and first adopted girl came from. Her adoption was very quick and she adapted much faster.
Waiting lists.
China has about a 4 year waiting list. Keep that in mind. BUT they are the best to deal with if you are open to special needs kids.
Haiti's waiting list used to be very short.. but the earthquake halted all adoptions and things are just starting to pick up.
..as for waits in my experience, our boy from Russia I believe took the longest. But, he was a baby, a boy, and a healthy butterball of blond hair and blue eyes.
YOU HAVE TO BE VERY VERY CAREFUL with agencies regardless of country you select. You will need a great one. Corruption is common. Find one with great references and parents to back it up.
-Besides the process.. I would also take a look at your family and how this kid will blend in.
As it is, there are so many different cultures in my huge frikin family that at this point, it's a non-issue. Other than the adopted kids, we are also just huge in general and open and loving to just about everyone. But I have seen cases of adopted kids, sadly, getting the cold shoulder from relatives. Which is heart breaking.
-Keeping their native languages or names. It's a very personal choice. All the kids that came as infants got a name change, all old enough to speak kept their names. All native languages/traditions are kept up around here as much as possible, they are given the choice to learn, we learn lullabies/games from their country, and keep an adoption book of everything for them to look at when they are older.
- Age. Both Haiti adoptions were older (7 and 11), all others were toddlers, except our little boy from Russia and little girl from Korea, who were little babies. All blended in beautifully lol it's a lot but I mean.. it's a loving home. Especially the little ones, they don't remember anything else. The toddlers were my favorites because they are fun almost immediately lol
There is some catch up as far as school systems, social norms, environments and things like that of course, not to mention language.. but kids are little sponges.
-Your child, very likely, won't look like you. This is a problem that we run into CONSTANTLY. People assume I'm the nanny when I take them out. This is something they have grown into, and especially the older ones, accept with grace and sometimes humor.
My little cousin from Korea loves to make people uncomfortable with things like "This is my cousin.. don't we look alike?"
..people are usually like
.. "err..yes.."
- "Real child" ..People will call your children unreal like they are unicorns. Politely correct. I always do. Most people don't mean any harm.
- Meeting parents. With many international adoptions, this isn't possible. but it's something you might want to think about..if the opportunity arrises, how would you feel? Think about medical histories, questions etc..
Now back on track with the process.
Is it expensive? Yes. Very much so. The agencies, going to the country, the fees..it's quite the financial upheaval.
Is it worth it? Lol I guess you can tell from how I talk about my little mottley crew of cousins.. but it certainly is.
Some came from better situations than others, but either way, they are kids who had nothing. They miss out, many times.. on proper food, attention, love, education..so much. and it's so nice to bring them here and see them through all that.