Honestly if she insists on meeting you I am almost positive she knew you guys had a sexual relationship. Regardless if you were serious or just *$%& buddies that puts you in the "ex-girlfriend" quadrant and while I have no issues with my SO maintaining friendships with ex-girlfriends I would have a SERIOUS issue with him moving in with one, just the two of them (and even more of an issue with him telling me he was doing it and it wasn't even a point of discussion no matter how I felt, but obviously I have issues with men telling their ladies "this is what's happening regardless of your feelings.")
I know you think this won't be drama between the two of you, but it already is and you haven't even moved in yet. He's BRINGING you the drama by showing/reading you her texts - and oh boy, I can't wait until he accidentally brings that up or she somehow finds out by a slip of the tongue in conversation that he's been reading her text messages to you. She really won't like you then.
If you think you won't have to deal with her just because she won't be staying overnight and lives a few cities away, you're kidding yourself, unless you are counting on them breaking up - which by your argument that they are great together doesn't sound like you are.
If she wants to MAKE this a big deal, it can certainly be a big deal.
This needs to be reined in before this blows up even more but THERE REALLY ISN'T THAT MUCH DRAMA. I mean honestly there was more drama over carpet vs hardwood (I won that battle, carpet is ick) He told her he was moving, she expressed reservations and asked to have dinner with me, I freaked out because I don't want to. This is probably 85% on my end. While this is going on she is helping him pick out bed spread and we are planning to go look at more places. It's not like there is this huge battle. I don't think it was appropriate for him to show me the texts, but I don't think he did it to be a douche either.. he wanted me to understand what she was feeling.
She isn't too secure about the whole thing, she wants to meet. This is hardly Jerry Springer make.
I made the mistake of being a drama queen about it and acting like she is out for blood but really the invitation and us meeting isn't that big of a deal.
I mean, is it that bad of an idea for us to know eachother/get along?
I'm not exactly trying to talk you out of it but I think instead of saying it's already a done deal - which it's not since you don't have a place picked out yet - you should both reconsider if this is really the best solution for everybody involved.
It is, we both agree on that much. Honestly in the large scale, of cost, personality match up, ideal locations due to work and school, someone who likes Merlin etc.. it works. This is ideal. This girlfriend thing isn't a huge problem, she is uneasy, she wants to meet, it's not like she is 100% against it and throwing a hissy fit.
Fwiw, I didn't make any references for singular, broken up, events but more over repeated exposure and patterning of companionship (which can then more easily cross a line with the influence of what have you).
I don't think protecting ones relationship with intelligent choices is by any means an act of jealousy nor possessiveness nor an attempt to surgically attach at the hip. We do live in a world of grey areas.
I do agree with different strokes, but please don't presume the alternative to a come what may attitude, should that be your ideal, is an insecure control monster.
I do not think there is anything wrong with her wanting to meet me. I mean, I was against it at first, the whole idea made me uncomfortable
but now I get it.
I also don't think there is anything wrong with being jealous, insecure, protecting ones relationships, being ok with this kind of thing, or any combination of those things. They are feelings.
I don't think she is WRONG for feeling the way she does.
I just didn't want to have dinner with her lol if that makes sense. I think she has every right to feel the way she feels and want to put her mind at ease and "know me"
The drama lied in me feeling like by wanting to meet me she thought I was like a home wrecking crazy person.. which in reality it is not.
For the record I do not think there is anything wrong with her feeling the way she does. This thread is about my weird anxieties about going to dinner with her.. she hasn't been hateful or mean or even dramatic about it at all.. just a bit uncomfortable.