I may not be on for a while after today... please keep me in your thoughts

I have been fooling myself thinking Gretta is not in pain. Anyone who saw her tumors and how big that one on her leg is now would know she has to be in pain every moment. I guess it has been my selfishness that has forced her to live being miserable. I was looking for any shred of life left in her. But I think her light went out several weeks ago.

As I layed on the couch with my arm draped over the side petting her... it was then looking at her sad face that I knew she was truly suffering. She doesn't want to live like this and if she could talk she'd beg me to let her go.

I have been agonizing over this for weeks now and I knew the outcome would be the same despite when the day would come... and I knew it was coming soon. I have been dreading it so bad. I am so heart broken I can't stand it. My eyes are so swollen from all the tears I have shed.

My daughter made the comment not too long ago she wanted us to let her know when we were gonna take Gretta to be put to sleep because she wanted to be able to say goodbye to her. The last dog we had to put to sleep we did while she was at school and when she came home she was rather upset that we did not let her know before we did it. She is almost 16 so I know she is mature enough to make the decision to want to say goodbye to a pet that has been part of her life for the past 11 years. But I know she has a big history test tomorrow and if we tell her in the morning before she goes to school she's gonna be thinking about it all day and not only will it ruin her day, it may cause her not to be able to concentrate and do badly on a test that she desperately needs to get a good grade on. Part of me doen't want to tell her at all and let her come home and find out... but then part of me feels like I would have let her down and been sneaky. I have such mixed feelings about it. I know how it felt for me when my parents did that to me and didn't tell me about my dog being put to sleep until after the fact and I had so much anger toward them because I really felt like I had no closure because I never got to say goodbye.

And my biggest dilema now is can I pull myself together long enough to be by her side when she takes her last breath?? Part of me doen't want to be there when she takes her last breath but then again... how can I not be there. I was the one who carried her home from the breeder in my lap and I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was me who spent the most time with her these past 11 years. I loved her, played with her, took care of her every need... she is like a child of mine. I want it to be my face and voice she sees and hears last as she passes away. I want her to know that I love her and will greatly miss her. I want her to feel my arms around her hugging her and saying goodbye.

I have cried and cried so much that my chest hurts... maybe part of it's anxiety. I am so distraught right now. I know I am depressed and I am finding myself having tremendous guilt if I crack a smile about something or have a happy thought. I know it is just my grief I am experiencing... and I know it will pass. But for right now it is real, and it is terrible. I know many of you have experienced losing a pet. And I have too... but for some reason this has been the hardest for me.

What I hate the most is knowing I will be laying my head down to go to sleep soon with Gretta at my side and it will be her last night with me. The last night I will hear her snore or her muffled growls and barks in her sleep because she's probably dreaming she's chasing down a rabbit or something. It will be the last time I will say "come on Gretta bum... you gotta go pee" The thought of making an appointment to kill my dog just tears me up inside. I know it's the right thing to do... I've known it for a while now.... but it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm sorry for sounding like such a stick in the mud..I am just so sad right now and needed to get this off my chest. And I knew there would be no other people that would understand more than fellow animal lovers like yourselves. Thank you for all your previous posts of support. And I look forward to posting in the future to let you know about my puppy I have been neglecting (she hasn't really been neglected.... just not been spending as much time with her) while I focused on caring for Gretta these past few weeks. I just will need some time to heal and make it through a day without crying.

I know this is a stupid question... but when you put a dog to sleep and they inject them with the medication. I know it stops their respirations and their heart. I know the vet tells you it is not painful for them... but I often wonder if they just say that to make you feel better. I think what goes through my mind is that they struggle to breath and the medication makes it so they can't use their muscles to breath and essentially they die from lack of oxygen. And to me that is a horrible way to die. I hope it is just my brain running crazy in my head thinking that. I hope it is just as if they were putting them under anestesia for surgery only they never wake up. I pray to God it will be peaceful and not leave haunting memories in my mind. Well, I am gonna try and go to sleep now. If I can stop the tears from flowing down my face.

Here is my favorite picture of Gretta. She has the happiest look on her face.

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You sure do have a beautiful dog with you, and we all know that you have spent MANY years tending to her every need. She definately loves you for evreything you have done for her, but what you are about to do for her right now will definately be the best thing you could have done for her; leave her free of pain.

She will always be with you, and will definately be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge.

As I was reading your post, I couldn't help but think of the previous dogs and horses i've had to loose and i'm shedding some tears right now..

But, all you can think of are all the happy times that you've have with her. Little things that she used to do that were unique to her and reminse about them with loved ones that knew her as well.
I think what I would do, is try and get an extension on the test for your daughter and tell her before Gretta goes in. I know that if my parents had ever done that to me, I'd be depressed about my dog and pissed at my parents.. there are two downsides to it, when there should only be one. you need each other right now and having her mad at you would make things worse.

I remember when my dog fell unconcious during the night and had a stroke, my parents woke me up at 4am in the morning to let me know that they were rushing him to the vet to be put down(nothing would have saved him). I did go to school that day, but definately spent most of it crying in the washroom with the little "girl group" everyone has in highschool... That was a long time ago, but little things like that are worth much more. If you write a note to the teacher, I'm sure they will understand and perhaps give your daughter another day for the test. Usually they will do that. Or even go in and speak with the teacher.

Now, i'm not 100% sure with euthanatia in dogs, but with horses when they give them the shot it basically shuts down their system, the horses don't understand whats going on and either go with it, or fight it because they are scared.

Dogs, being easier to cuddle and sooth will take it much better. Especially your girl Gretta, who would more then likely welcome it.
Just be there for her. I know that I wouldn't want to leave my dog on a cold table, alone with people she didn't know for her last minutes. I would be there, have her in my arms and be talking to her.

Your in my thoughts today. I hope everything goes well for you!

No, there is no suffering with what they use these days, the dog's heart stops as soon as the liquid hits the heart. My Kelly dropped like a stone. If I had known it would be so fast and easy I would have taken her in a few weeks before I did. My jaw dropped when I saw how immediate it was.

Do not hesitate to free her from her pain.

I'm sooooo sorry for your sadness. your post just broke my heart and made me cry...believe me, we all understand how difficult this is. I just had to put my cat to sleep...she was 16. even tho she was always mean, she was still family...I thought of nothing else for a week. it made me sick and gave me migraines...but it still had to be done. everyone at the vet's office realizes how traumatic this is, and they are very compassionate. you can be right there. this is the hard part...try very hard not to get too upset, it keeps your pet from getting scared...then it is very quick and peaceful. I think you should let your daughter say good-bye. I remember when I had to put our little Cairn to sleep years ago...he was also 16, and in horrible pain. I couldn't bear to tell my kids, so we did it while they were in school. I still have never told them the truth...they came home and I just said he passed away. my son was only 10, and he asked so many questions (altho we discussed many times how sick our dog was..poor little pup couldn't even get up anymore). my son was more sad because he wished he could have said that last good-bye...I really denied them something important thinking I was sparing them more grief. just know you are doing the very best thing...it is a blessing for them to be free of pain. I send you my biggest (((HUGS))). this is the hardest, but kindest and most loving thing you can do for your dog. don't torture yourself feeling guilt.....just remember the great life together.

I'm so, so sorry. I had to make a similar decision for my dog a few months ago and I know how hard it is. I want you to know it was not painful for him at all - it was exactly like giving him anesthesia for an operation. They gave 2 injections - the first caused him to go to sleep and the vet said it was the same thing they would use for surgical anesthesia. Then she let me spend a little time with him before giving the second injection, which stopped his heart. It was very peaceful and he didn't feel a thing - he fell asleep in my arms. if you can, I would encourage you to stay with Gretta. It may seem like a hard thing to do, but later you'll be glad you did.

i am so so sorry...i was tearing up when i was reading your post...you are gretta will be in my thoughts

I know exactly how you feel. We had to make that final decision on Wednesday for my 13 year old GSD Lacey. We gave her a little meal and took her for a ride in the country and had a little wander then went to the vets. He injected her in the car and I held her head in my hands talking to her all the time while she slipped peacefully away. I can honestly say I didn't even know when she took her last breath.
Everyone is different about wanting to be with them or not, it is up to the induividual.
I wanted to be with her and I was so glad I was.
Whatever decision you make and my thoughts are with you.
It is such a hard time but later you will think of the good times you had and you will always have your memories

I don't want to judge or anything, but I want to give my opinion. I feel just the same way, I don't think I would be able to stand seeing them dead. To give you an idea, I never went to see my dad's corpse at his funeral, I just couldn't. My sister said I would regret it, I haven't, and I don't think I will. I'd much rather remember them alive than dead.

But, for pets, I really think that they would like to spend their last minutes with us. We had a cat euthanized last December, my husband held him (it was his cat for 18 years), and he died in his arms. I will always remember it, I liked the cat too, although not as much as my husband, and it was hard. But I know he was happy for his last moments. He suffered a lot at home, and I had to wait for my husband to call me to tell him to come home (I couldn't reach him that day), I would have taken him if he hadn't called at noon, but I would have felt terrible to have the cat PTS without my husband to hold him (it was obvious that it was the only thing to do, he couldn't move and was crying in pain).

I'm really dreading the day I have to do it to the dogs, or my beloved cat, but I know I will stay with them, because I know that it's the only way they will go peacefully. It will be hard, but I think we owe it to them after all the happiness they've given us.

I to had to make that decision this spring and it was a hard decision, but to keep an animal alive for my benefit isnt worth it. He was a 13 yr old boxer, beautiful soul and animal. Brought all of us yrs and yrs of love and joy, but to look into his eyes to see the struggles he was going through all day every day I couldnt do it. good luck in what ever you choose, but if you choose to lay your animal to rest dont leave the forum, there are alot of wonderful people here that will help you through it.

I am so sorry for your pain. This is truly the most horrible part of pet ownership. I had to put my Lab down some months ago and I wanted to be with her, to ease her last moments on the vet's table, just to let her know I was with her. He gave her a sedative first to relax her and she looked peaceful and then the final shot and it was instantaneous. I said my good byes and she was finished with feeling lousy and sick.

It takes time for the sharpness of the pain to dissapate but you will feel better in time and know that you did right by ending her discomfort. I'd wait till after your daughter's history test and let her say her good byes. It will give her closure and make her feel better in the long run.

My heart goes out to you.

(((hugs)))

My heart aches for you !!! I hope you decide to be with Gretta ....it's a bitter sweet experience. When I took EliN's Yogi in about a year ago...we were on the floor with him...the tech and I were hugging him standing up...the vet gave one shot and in 4 sec. he just collaspsed and was gone. As I had my arms around him , I know he felt nothing...the was no twitch or any sign of pain. Bless you all and Gretta....she'll have fun with all my Goldens at the Rainbow Bridge while waiting for us. ( HUG )

I feel so bad for what you are going through. I know how much you are going to miss Gretta. She's a beautiful girl. She will be in your heart forever and will be watching over you from doggie heaven. I somehow think she knows you are doing what is best for her. Take each day as they come remembering the good times you had together. Hugs to you and your family.

You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers! I am so sorry for your loss!

I am so sorry. I do think that being there with your beloved dog will be the best for both of you. I had 2 of my dogs PTS and I never regretted being there with them. They do not feel any pain, they simply go to sleep. Seeing that, will help ease your pain. My most heartfelt condolences to you.