Rant!

Ugh, got into a slight argument with my step-dad tonight.

They're getting a cockapoo puppy on Thursday. They go to a diner every Sun morning for breakfast and one of the women there is a breeder. She honestly doesn't seem all that bad for a mixed breed breeder... she was telling us all about the parents, the vet care and health tests they receive, showing us the pics of parents, she sends us pics of the puppy every few days, etc. So anyway, a cockapoo wouldn't be my #1 choice but but it's probably best for my mom, stepdad and 6 year old sister.

So their last cockapoo, Carmen, ended up being a 'farm dog' more or less. We live on 3 acres with 90 acres of farmland behind us. My step-dad isn't a *horrible* person but he just... doesn't GET the dog thing, like at all. He basically just thinks I'm a crazy dog lady. But literally all I am asking is for very BASIC dog care things. It's not about me being an overly protective dog owner.

So yeah Carmen used to be outside all the time. Loose, free roam, she chased cars and four wheelers, very dangerous. Stepdad thought it was so funny. He ended up running her over by accident when he was going down the driveway. Yes he felt terrible and was crying along with us, etc, but I swear he just... is so dense. He actually had the nerve to say something along the lines of "maybe it happened for a reason... she did have lymes disease and I was always worried about her giving it to Emma (my little sister)"... SERIOUS?! When he said that I about died, like you can not be rationalizing this.

And the reason she never wanted to come inside was because if she was messy, he would just put her in the crate in the garage, instead of, ya know, bathing her or washing her off.

She was allowed in the house basically whenever, but whenever we left, if she was outside, she would go hide under the deck and not want to go in, so he would just leave her out there while they went out etc. I am not trying to say she was a miserably treated dog, she wasn't overall, but just.... we don't want to make the same mistakes again. So you would think.

So tonight in the car, I made it clear that this dog is NOT going to be like Carmen (and my mom agrees) and my little sister is VERY excited for "her own" puppy as she is very good with Jackson. He was like "Well when she gets older, yeah..." or something like that. I of course objected to that.

Tom got very defensive and spouted that "THEY'RE ANIMALS!!! THEY WERE MEANT TO LIVE OUTSIDE!! We wouldn't have dogs if they couldn't have survived outside" I said "leaving a cockapoo outside like that is called animal cruelty" and that really flipped him out. He literally compared it to "horses and cows live outside and they're fine"... I can't even. It was not even worth arguing with him at this point and I did not want to fight in front of my little sister. I did mention "well us humans used to live outside too, why don't you make Emma go live outside?" LOL... :rofl1: A breed like a cockapoo or any other of the smaller companion breeds were MADE by humans, and NOT 'created' for outdoor living. I'm not even againist 'outdoor dogs' if they are the proper breed, have the proper protection, vet care and food etc, but it's just... beside the point.

But HOW DENSE CAN YOU BE?! Sooo you're going to pay $1000 for a puppy, only to decide to leave it outside and be loose all the time?

Anyway, Ugh there was so much more I wanted to rationally talk to him about. But it would probably be pointless anyway.

So this pup is certainly not going to live that way, between my mom and I and my little sister, it won't happen but it just irritates me that he even thinks this way especially after hearing and seeing me with Jackson, I just... almost feel bad for people who just don't GET it.

I've heard that the mentality that "if it was good enough for our previous/childhood dog, it's good enough for this one" is partly rooted in an inability to accept that that previous dog may not have had the best care. Whether out of luck ve for that dog or just stubborn pride, admitting they could have done better is just too hard for some people.

My experience has also been that people can change and accept new ideas, but they need time to do it. My parents always resisted new concepts like eliminating the dog door, tethering the dog to prevent behavior issues, and keeping the cat food out of reach. They did, however, gradually warm up to the new way of doing things while we still lived with them. Ten years ago my father told me that his childhood dog and cat (both free fed) had their bowls on the floor right beside each other, and each knew to only eat their own food. Today I don't think he would even believe me if I repeated that back to him.

Ymmv, but I tend to introduce an idea and then drop the subject for a while and just let it marinate rather than pressing the issue.

Yeah a part of me thinks the reason he gets so defensive is because he was the one who killed her, and I think (hope?) he feels at least slightly guilty over that and is why he tries to rationalize it and such, and got to so snappy so quickly.

I get that not everyone is going to be all dog crazy like me, or heck that some people just plain won't like dogs, but since he is taking on the responsibility of adding a puppy to our lives, I just wish he would open his eyes a bit more. I guess I just don't see how he can see how Carmen ended up and STILL not seem to quite comprehend it.

I definitely have seen some elders that that I know change. Every one makes mistakes and everyone grows and changes, etc. I can only hope once the pup is here, things will be ultimately okay and maybe he will 'see the light'.

I'm not here 24/7 and eventually hopefully won't be living here in another 2 years so it's going to be up to them, so I'm going to try to take a step back with this dog, as I don't want to get too attached and I want them to learn how to do things on their own too lol. Of course I'll help out, etc, but I made it clear this is not going to be my second dog. If it was, I would've chosen a completely different breed and it would be on my own terms. lol

Is he from the south? When I moved down here the first thing people asked about my dogs was "are they inside or outside dogs?" I said they go outside in the fenced yard to play and go potty. They come inside to sleep and relax.

No, grew up here in Maryland. It's not really think he thinks they 'SHOULD' be outside per say. Like he's 100% fine with Jackson being on all the furniture and being in the house at all times. He doesn't bother him. But it's just he doesn't see anything WRONG with how Carmen lived, like at all. And he definitely would do it again if my mom and sister and I didn't have a say.

I think maybe he gets so defensive because of what happened. We told him for years she was going to get hit by a car one day, as he laughed as she chased them down the driveway when they left to go somewhere. She would run all the way down our super long driveway up on a hill and chase them halfway along the main road and then run back up to our house while we were gone. He thought it was soooo funny. It made me sick. Kept waiting for her to be dead one night when we got home. Who would've thought he would've been the one to accidentally kill her. He wasn't even going fast, he was fixing a friends car and testing it out by going down the driveway.

I guess he just won't admit he was wrong lol.

You can't change those mentalities sometimes. I do believe they love their animals but in a different sense than people like us do, and the more you push it the more they stick their heels in it seems. I can't stand it but what can you do? Sometimes you have to let them come around to it like it was their idea other times they don't come around at all. But maybe with the rest of your family against it he will come around.

Usually with those situations it is best to stay back and tell yourself, "Not my dog, not my problem." In my experience leading by example instead of attacking has paid off.