Need Help For My Son

Hey everybody. I'm calling out to all of you because I need some help. As many of you know our lab Sude was killed a few months back when he was hit by a car after he pulled frr from me. My son and I tried to get him before he reached the highway since he never looked back. The lady that hit him didn't even stop or attempt to avoid him. (I know where she lives. ) Anyways, it turned our lives upside down. My husband got us Gunner to try to help in the healing process. I still miss my baby boy terribly and am crying even as I write this. You would have loved Suede...he was beautiful, and was in training to be a certified therapy dog. Anyways my 10 year old son Trevor warmed up to Gunner after a week or so but has become completely paranoid about dogs he sees outside. When we first got Gunner he would never even sit him on the ground in fear that he would take off. Now Gunner must be on a leash at all times..I'm fine with that because he's a puppy and well he wonders a little now. My parents live on the property behind ours and every morning before I take Trevor to the bus stop he has to call my parents to see if their little dog Harley is outside. If so he makes them put her up or he will wlak to their house and take her inside. If she acts like she is going to walk towards our house he runs up there and puts her in the house. One day Harley went about 20 feet on the southside of my parent's house and Trevor truly believed that she was close to the next neighbors house which is like half a city street block. I understand his fear and blame myself still for Suede's death but I just don't think his obsession is healthy. He freaks out anytime he sees a dog that he doesn't think is on a leash. It is making him miserable and I don't want my son living with fear everyday. I have talked to him several times but I was wondering if you could give any advise or even if you wanted to post a reply directly to Trevor, I would be deeply appreciative.
Thank you...sorry that I rambled I just don't know what to do.

Well I agree with him to be honest. I would never leave a dog offleash, and I think it's pretty responsible for your kids to realize how dangerous it is.

This article pretty much sums up my thoughts :


http://www.delawarepuppyrescue.com/dynapage/display.php?PageID=451

Maybe a councellor or something like that would be able to help. I agree the obsession cannot be healthy and it must be hard for him to worry all the time. Stressing the poor kid out, maybe even a chat with a family councellor. I wish I could give you an answer but I have never dealt with kids and lose yet, my kids are way to young.

I am so sorry for you and your son. What a terrible tragedy you've both been through, or are still going through. I think I would explain to your son that what happened was a terrible accident and the odds of it happening again are pretty slim. Yes, being careful with your dogs is of utmost importance and he is being very wise to do so. But he has to not let his fear of this happening again, interfere with the joys of having a dog. Maybe letting him know that you are taking every precaution will help him ease up a little up. And maybe, time will help him too. As more time goes by and your current dog is still alive and well, it will help your son to see that tragedy is not waiting around the corner. I think Yuckaduck's suggestion of talking with a councelor is a good idea too. Even if you just talk to them and get some professional advice. Again, I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you.

I think it's important to minimize his reasons of being afraid. Keep the puppy on leash at all times when outside, maybe talk with your parents and ask them to make sure that Harley isn't outside offleash either. If your parents talk to him and don't let the dog free outside, he might feel better about it.

Honestly I don't know what much to say, because I'm the same way. I would give my parents h*ll if they had dogs they let loose outside. Even with the cats, they go outside and you can bet that if I saw her get a bit too close to a car I would never let her out again. I just can't see much reason to be worried sorry I think it's responsible from him to make sure the pets are SAFE, because after all being on leash is the best way for dogs to be safe... I'd much rather have a kid obessed with his dog's safety than a kid that doesn't care and lets the dogs loose everywhere.

If he gets worried about other people's dog, he will just need to learn with time that some people just don't care, or don't know. Then his fear will turn to anger perhaps, but it won't last.

And I agree with Irish too, it will get better with time. I think he will still be worried about it, but he won't totally obsess about it.

I am so sorry for your loss. That is a horrible thing to have happen. I agree with what the others said. Irish's words sum up my feeling too.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it. We live out in the country....a very rural area. Between the two properties we have over 15 acres. My parents have 2 other small dogs that have always lived outside and have never been kept up because they have never wondered from the house...well except to come to my house for cookies and then they go right back. Suede was always on a leash outside. I was getting him out of his outside pen when I got home from work. (I never let Trevor get him out because I would put the leash on him before he got out of the pen.) Labs are strong. On the day we lost him I had got a hold of his collar and was trying to put the leash on when he bcuked up and twisted my hand in the collar. (He was just excited you know.) When he twisted my hand up on the collar I lost my grip and couldn't get a hold of him before he took off. I just wanted you to know that I do agree with the leash and I wasn't trying to be unresponsible with Suede I just couldn't get another grip fast enough. Gunner is on a leash at all times now because he wants to run. When he was younger he would stay right at your side. As soon as I noticed him wondering is when I put him on a leash. Again thank you. YuckaDuck I know a Doctor (counselor) from work that is really good and also a lab owner. I think I will ask him what I should do.

Oh sorry I never meant that you were not responsible I know **** happens. I just meant that dogs are just safer on leash anyway.

Please don't apologize I just wanted people to know that I am for leashes. It still doesn't make it easier you know. I can't help but think "If I could have grabbed him sooner.. If I could have held on.... If I could have just ran faster.... If I would have gotten home a few minutes earlier..... Don't get me wrong I love Gunner. I just still wish I had Suede, ya know?

Here is Suede. Beautiful isn't he? That is Trevor with him and Suede poolside during our vacation

A trick that I was taught that may help him is that if your dog happens to be off his leash and wandering towards an area you do not feel is safe for him, is to call his name and run the other way. If he thinks you have found something better than what he may have found, then he will follow you. If you freak out and runs towards him, it is only going to cause him to think it is a game and run from you, especially at a puppy age. Stay calm, and say his name in a high excited voice and run the other way. Maybe take him out and practice it and when he runs toward you, give him a treat when he gets over to you.

Now, I completely agree with him about keeping a dog on a leash, especially at such a young age, but you seem to have quite a bit of land also, so if you can train him and get to the point where there is trust between you, then you may be able to have him off leash when you are with him. It is just that it is so hard to have 100% full trust because there are so many outside factors that tempt dogs, such as other dogs, cats, people, cars, etc. But I do advise you working with him on what I mentioned above and giving him a treat and making a big deal out of when he gets to you, like petting him and telling him how good he is when he comes over to you. But running towards a dog more often will cause him to run from you, so run the opposite way, and it is highly likely he will follow you because he will wonder what you have found. Maybe it will help your son to work on that with him. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Thanks Bogolove. I did try that with Suede....it didn't work. He wouldn't even look back except once that is the only reason we went after him. With Gunner we started as soon as we got him but he will never be off a leash because like you said it is hard to have that 100% trust level especially with labs because they love to track. Can't take the chance on that happening again. I've wondered about the invisible fance products. Do you know anything about those?

You just have to accept the lost, understand you can't go back and grabbed him sooner, or held on, or ran faster. What's done is done, **** happends and you can't go back. Now, I don't mean forget about your loss. I mean to say you care for the dog, and he is in a good place now.

Do you believe in heaven? If you do then he is up there right now, running around and playing.

I do know a lady who has 3 border collies and uses the invisible fence and it works great for them. I also know someone who said their dog was so determined to get out that he ran right through it not caring about the pain. It just depends on the individual dog and how determined they are to get out. Hopefully there are some people on here who have an invisible fence and can let you know about them. The only thing is that they don't stop other animals from coming in to your property and messing with your animals.

We do have a lot of strays and wonderers around here but my girls have their own fenced yard that is bigger than your average "city" yard and I would never have Gunner outside unsupervised. Yeah, I hope somebody will give me their opinions of the invisible fences. Maybe I'll start a thread on it

my friends had a lab that wandered a lot and so they had an invisible fence. it worked for about two weeks then he just started toughing it out and running through.

i live out in the country and i know that a lot of people don't have their dogs on leashes and they're allowed to wander :/

did you talk to the counselor? did he/she give you good adivce? because right now it might just seem like a horrible habit to have. but it could turn out to be worse than you thought if your child tries to help a stray.

I'm going to talk to him tomorrow. Trevor knows about strays and the ones we have around here have been here for years!!!!! My girls (outside dogs) and my moms dogs not only warn me when something is on the property but also run them off. My mom's dogs think my property belongs to them too. They are also very protective of Trevor. Thanks for the info on the invisible fence. I'm going to have to really research it. I wonder if different brands are better than others.

well we found out.. when one of my friends *yeah probably not the smartest in the world* was holding it and crossed it. it does a quick sharp shock. i believe for a while it just scares them. the shock scare keeps them from going further. but after the one shock to him it stopped. so say the dog runs at it and gets accross it. it still gets the shock. but afterward not only is he free from the invisible fence. to go back in would shock him too.

Good point