The Venting Thread

I swear guinea pig people are some of the most closed minded people regarding things. Almost every thread I go against an opinion on gets closed on the forums.

Reminds me of a certain fancy mouse forum. Man they're like a cult.

We are in Nebraska. This is sad because we are no longer in Colorado. Such an awesome vacation. Three days just flew by!

Oh well, I enjoy shocking people by not being against taxidermy and being an abusive breeder since every pregnancy equals the death of all guinea pigs and the end of life as we may know it among other things.

There is one person on the UK forum (Aka, the worst bunch about anything if you ask me. No offense to anyone from there, but every UK based forum I have been on has been just silly with the closed-mindedness. Of course it's not an everyone way of thinking.) who I always have an opinion against, and as soon as I post on one of their threads, seems to have it closed right after. This person also posts the birthday threads, and I didn't get one of the 31st, lol! It's no big deal, as I don't care about that, but it's just the point I find it amusing I'm terrible for stating against the person's comment on "how could someone how breeds animals or not rescue ever care about animals" (not exact comment, but too lazy to go look for it) and posting on a thread for people on Etsy to go report guinea pig taxidermy about how I am not against it and stating how most, if not all, users on Etsy who do taxidermy or provide wet specimens get the leftovers that would otherwise be thrown in the trash from science and industry. While it is an anti-breeding & showing forum (can't talk about either), I do sometimes have to comment on ignorant comments. I just can't help it. And I never do it in a rude manner, but it is what it is. I know I'm beating a dead horse.

I feel very blah. I mean I know I should feel all is well and happy rainbows because I have food and a roof and a cuddly cat but I feel very empty as well. Not indignant or angry enough for this to be a vent, just hollow and unsatisfied, like, yeah empty.

Partly because I go to work and even the other youngest coworkers, 19, 20, 21 years old, have horses and dogs and they show their animals and they're teams! and they have titles and actually accomplish things. And they have friends and their parents don't have irrational anger issues about their pets and they even have nice significant others and all that. Plus because most of them have horses, they get to do most of the really exciting stuff before I can and I just feel uber replaceable.

I just feel like I get so close to what I want, and always have to concede and listen and watch everyone else do so great. Reminds me of my senior year. Working so hard in my classes, staying up all night, running track, going through so much fatigue, getting depressed again, and showing up in class to listen to the other AP Bio students talk about "but why are you so tired? i could do another 6 pages for my neuroscience thesis!" and no matter how hard i worked i was starting to fail and for many of them it was effortless.

Meanwhile the one guy, the one friend I've ever been really close to and able to tell anything, is MIA because of drama an ex-friend caused last year that has legally messed up his life and he's around my age. Knows me and my deep-inside issues better than anyone else but now it's so complicated because of that, he's not around to laugh with or fall asleep with on the really hard nights and I'm wondering if I can even keep up what we have. Similarly to with my dogs, because of someone's irrationality. If a relationship will really work after LDR, it will be nearly impossible it seems, but I don't want to concede what we've taken four years to build.

I don't feel depressed the same really bad way I did last summer, but just in a sense of being resigned. Like, to the point it doesn't quite hurt anymore, just numb and thinking "this is it. this is where i always am. it is my place." To be honest I'm so used to it I "like it" in the sense that it's comfortable from familiarity. But I don't even really know I'm just kind of living the motions like a solitary little urban badger. Doot do doot. Trundle along.

Trying to get car insurance is a pain in the butt. I knew I should have immediately started it up again and not let it run out and expire. Uggggh. Life choices. Also, I didn't even know that the place you get an auto loan from could charge you for insurance. Mind blown.

These are life lessons here.

In other news, my life is being completely ruled by Lexapro and I am not sure how I feel about it. The manic episodes are not as extreme, and I seem to be hitting hills and gulches as opposed to mountains and valleys. I switched from taking it in the morning to closer to noon. Sleeping through the mania part was a bad idea. The nausea is killing me the dizziness is worse. But I have at least finally hit the "drowsy" part of this, so I am sleeping better, which might have helped the mania. One week today. I do notice a difference though, and that helps a lot.

It has really been BeAu and close friends helping me through this transition period. They are simply fantastic.

Yep, because when you finance a car and don't outright pay it off, the bank/finance company is the one who "technically" owns the vehicle and they require full coverage in many cases until its paid for. I know I had to wait before I could drive my truck home until they heard back from the insurance company (via fax)saying they had added the truck covered.

I feel very blah. I mean I know I should feel all is well and happy rainbows because I have food and a roof and a cuddly cat but I feel very empty as well. Not indignant or angry enough for this to be a vent, just hollow and unsatisfied, like, yeah empty.

Partly because I go to work and even the other youngest coworkers, 19, 20, 21 years old, have horses and dogs and they show their animals and they're teams! and they have titles and actually accomplish things. And they have friends and their parents don't have irrational anger issues about their pets and they even have nice significant others and all that. Plus because most of them have horses, they get to do most of the really exciting stuff before I can and I just feel uber replaceable.

I just feel like I get so close to what I want, and always have to concede and listen and watch everyone else do so great. Reminds me of my senior year. Working so hard in my classes, staying up all night, running track, going through so much fatigue, getting depressed again, and showing up in class to listen to the other AP Bio students talk about "but why are you so tired? i could do another 6 pages for my neuroscience thesis!" and no matter how hard i worked i was starting to fail and for many of them it was effortless.

Meanwhile the one guy, the one friend I've ever been really close to and able to tell anything, is MIA because of drama an ex-friend caused last year that has legally messed up his life and he's around my age. Knows me and my deep-inside issues better than anyone else but now it's so complicated because of that, he's not around to laugh with or fall asleep with on the really hard nights and I'm wondering if I can even keep up what we have. Similarly to with my dogs, because of someone's irrationality. If a relationship will really work after LDR, it will be nearly impossible it seems, but I don't want to concede what we've taken four years to build.

I don't feel depressed the same really bad way I did last summer, but just in a sense of being resigned. Like, to the point it doesn't quite hurt anymore, just numb and thinking "this is it. this is where i always am. it is my place." To be honest I'm so used to it I "like it" in the sense that it's comfortable from familiarity. But I don't even really know I'm just kind of living the motions like a solitary little urban badger. Doot do doot. Trundle along.

There's some little tumblr quote that says "don't judge your beginning to someone else's middle". If you're sappy like I am, maybe this will make you feel better. If you're not, try to take it to heart anyway. Your life is yours, not someone else's. You have your own journey, your own story. And if you don't like your life, change it. You can do that. It may take a lot if patience, hardwork, and strength, but you can make your life whatever you want it to be.

My rabbit died unexpectedly this morning, I have had 4 hours of sleep the past 2 nights, and tonight I discovered Feist cracked an incisor. Uhhh, I would like a do-over.